Feeling Really Guilty...
 

...and it's not because of something I ate or anything like that. It's because I went to a baseball game and the gentleman sitting in front of me was *very* overweight (I would guess over 400 lbs.) and I felt disdain towards him. I don't know why I felt this way, I've never really judged anyone by their weight. I think that I, of all people, should be able to understand a little bit about what he's experiencing because I've gone through it myself! During the game he had nachos, 2 hot dogs, peanuts, popcorn, an italian sausage and 3 beers, and I was disgusted by it all. How could I feel like that? I feel really guilty and ashamed at the thoughts I was having, and I still can't quite figure it out, it's been bothering me that I could ever be that insensitive and closed minded. *sigh*

I hope I don't offend anyone here by confessing this, I'm just angry at myself for feeling that way and I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced odd, conflicting feelings like that.

Wisher, I know what you mean. I have done the same thing. I have absolutely no room to criticize anyone, but have found myself judging other overweight people, too. I don't like it when I have done that and there is absolutely no excuse for it! But, I guess we are human.

Do you think it could be because society looks so unfavorably on obesity? I'm not trying to justify anything, just wondering...

Perhaps you're right, society does seem to pound things into our heads!!

I think we all do the same thing when we see someone really overweight and we are judging them. I think its because we have an issue with our weight and we feel like we are struggling so much to lose it and we know how hard it is to lose. For all we know that person could be perfectly happy with themselves so when we are judging them we are really judging ourselves.

I think I judge a lot of people for a lot of things - in my head. I think there are thoughts people have that just pop in and it's not really the way you would think.

The difference is when you act on your thoughts - like say something to that guy about his eating. ;)

Wisher..... you didnt happen to be at a Phiilies game last week??? That sounds like my husband. J/K..... He isnt that big, but he ate that much.

I know it sucks. I go to the beach and I see all these women that are smaller than me but they have on bikinis and really shouldnt and you can see their fat and rolls and cellulite and I find myself making comments to my husband or my mom (depending on who I am with) about how they shouldnt make bikinis that big. Or that some people have no business wearing a bikini.

I dont know. It is crazy how we as humans funcion

I know I spelled Function wrong. LOL. trying to type to fast. OOPS!!!

Ahhhhh do not feel bad. We are only human...And for some reason, as a species, criticism of others always makes us feel a little better about our selves initially. Then, for those of us with a conscious, there is the aftermath of guilt LOL. You are just being human! I know it's not nice..but as settie said...as long as they are just thoughts and not actions then no one gets hurt :)

It's human nature to judge. I do it as well and not just about people who are overweight. I smoked for 23 years and have been a non-smoker for almost 2 years now and I swear I'm one of those self-righteous people that I used to hate when I smoked. I get so disgusted when I walk out of my class in the morning, which is in the health building, and there are all these nursing students in their scrubs puffing away. I just want to yell at them.

My main judgement is for the really obese who are young. I just want to grab them, shake them, and tell them to get a grip and stop destroying their lives.

Judgment--judging others--judging ourselves. It's such a trap, but we are human, and making judgments is one of the pitfalls. All we can do is notice the judgments and see them for what they are--a comparison that creates distance. "They are bad--I am better." Or "I am bad--I should be better." And how silly that is, yet we all do it.

In reality we are all precious human beings. So hard to see it that way.

Jay

I too have been guilty of this. I'm not sure why I do it either. But like others have said it may just be a part of being human. I'm just glad we cant read eachothers minds.

Amen to that! It would be torture to be able to read everyone's mind!

As strongly as I feel about many "fat acceptance," ideals, I fall into the same trap. I figure, I was raised in the same culture as everyone else, and was taught the same stereotypes as everyone else. And even though now I "know better," it's still very difficult to change "gut reactions."

For example, I was taught to believe (through direct and indirect messages from my mother, television, other people's commments...) that a fat person shouldn't really go out in public, but if he/she does they must always cover as much skin as possible, preferably in dark colors and bullet-broof polyester, no matter how hot it is. A fat person should never be seen in shorts or a tank top even if it's 108 degrees in the shade - and a swimming suit is out of the question, at least not without a huge, knee-length t-shirt covering everything (and that's still sort of obscene). Any physical activity (especially if it's fun, or requires the breaking of the fashion rules), such as bicycling, swimming, dancing... for very fat people is just ridiculous, and should only be done in the privacy of their own homes.

None of these things were taught directily, but by the comments people made when a fat person "broke" any of the fat commandments. Hushed whispers from my mom and her friends about a person being "to fat," to do this or wear that....

I strongly believe that all of these "fat commandments" are bull puckey, but I still catch myself thinking of them when I am going to be "breaking" one, or when I see other fat people doing the same. My first reaction, is "they shouldn't...." and my next is "Yeah!!!!! they're doing it anyway. Good for them.

Not too long ago, I saw some video of people in eastern Europe, on the beach. Most of the men were wearing Speedo type suits, and the women bikinis - even the very old, and very overweight. In fact some of the men, pretty much looked like they were naked (and under- endowed) because their belly hid the speedo. Ewwwwww was my first reaction, and "Cool," was my second. The people were there to enjoy the sun and water, not to look good. (Not that I'll ever wear a bikini, I think that's one "fat commandment" I still can't face breaking).

I hate to admit it, but I do this with my mom. We have the same body shape and general size. It has become pretty clear to me that I am projecting my feelings about myself, my habits, and my body onto her. It is easier in a sense to get angry and disgusted with someone else than ourselves. Disdain for others is more comfortable than self-hatred. Sad, but true.

Some of it can also be a kind of "born again" phenomenon (I mean no offense to anyone who has been born again!). Once we think we've found the answer, we want everyone else in our situation to see the light too. And when they don't, it can be frustrating. Even if we don't know them.

I think it's important when we feel those emotions (and it's human nature to do so) to put yourself in their shoes. In fact, we ALL were in their shoes not too long ago. Some of us are STILL in their shoes. When I think a thought like that, I try to counter it with a comapssionate one like, "I hope they can find their peace with food for the sake of their health. There but for the grace of God, go I..."