I was wondering if anyone else was having a similar problem as me. In the last week or so I’ve had 3 people tell me that they are afraid that I am going to lose too much weight. I still have 16 pounds to go until I’m no longer obese. Then I am not considered a healthy weight until 141. So that is 44 pounds until I reach a healthy weight. I still have a way to go before I reach a healthy weight. I’m not sure how to respond when people say things like this. Granted these people do not know how much I weight instead they are making judgments just on my body size but I’m not sure what to respond.
Do what makes you happy-forget about them! Can't please 'em all! I always use the old cliche " you can never be too rich or too thin!" That shuts 'em up!!!
-Jan
I'm not sure why people feel the need to offer "help" at all. Would it kill them to just say you look great? I think that people put you in a category as the fat girl, or the funny girl, and it upsets their little world when you make a change.
Unless it is somebody close to you, I'd just smile and nod and change the subject. Why go through the trouble of trying to inform people of how far you have till you are at a healthy weight or even what the healthy weight is for your height. It's personal and really none of their business anyway, even if they do think they are helping.
Oh, Robin, I learned about that in a class I took. They say it can seriously mess with people's pereception. Like if they were always the "smart one" or the "successful one" or even the "thin one" and you start losing weight, getting happy, setting goals, and letting your confidence motivate you to do more with other parts of your life-- people can get kinda defensive about it. It's like they have to rethink their role and who they are because you are changing yourself and how you relate to them...
I find that now - most people say how wonderful I look - but some people are very resentful to the point of being almost mean. I have one woman in particular who is the mom of one of my sons friends who has been doing WW for years and has gained weight. She won't even be polite to me !!!! You know you are doing great so ignore it or tell them to mind their own business !!!!!!!!!!
I completely agree with Kae. People are used to you looking and acting a certain way and they are afraid of what your changes mean for them - even if it's subconscious. Several years ago I lost 121 pounds in about a year. I was 20 pounds from my goal and looked great. I heard those same comments at multiple stages on the way down. This was particularly apparent with my fellow fat friends, my eating buddies, and those with whom I could comiserate about not being happy with my life when I was fat. For me, a 20 or 40 pound loss hardly registers visually or clothing size-wise since my weight is spread over a tall frame. I didn't look substanially different at 170 than I did at 190. I used to just smile, take it as a compliment, and tell them "I'm almost there."
Also, it may be that some of them are trying to give you a compliment and it's coming off wrong. They may be trying to tell you that you look terrific now just as you are. But that doesn't mean you can't look MORE terrific and be even healthier at a lower weight!
Hmm, growing up I always got told I needed to eat more and blah blah.. I always had seconds of everything to eat and even second helpings of dessert. The comments I got bordered on offensive and rude lots of times and let's just say that I stood up for myself once and that was really the last time I ever had to do that with my dad's side of the family who are all obese. Now ironically they think I look perfect. I didn't stop my eating habits when I stopped dancing on the drill team in high school and it eventually caught up to me when I was 20. I think what the others have posted have been very true. People get used to you looking a certain way and when you change that and your behavior, well you are going to get comments some of them good and some of them bad and some of them you're not sure what they are! lol. I've been wondering if I am going to have the same problem again as you are now that I'm serious about my weight loss. All I'd say to these people is that you are following the advice of your doctor with your weight loss goals and what a health weight would be for your height.
Maybe a quick but politely delivered retort, like, "Well, my doctor is very pleased with my progress and he set my target weight, but thanks so much for your concern." Follow it with a saccharine smile.
IMO people who say that are either just social clutzes or actually envious of how fabulous you are starting to look. Unless you are becoming emaciated or have stopped eating, really, is it any of their business.
I look at it this way. Many people like sharing their opinions and advice. Heck, I know I do. That doesn't mean it is always needed, wanted, or correct. On most topics, I think we can objectively see it as just a difference of opinion and leave it at that. But on some topics (and which topics are probably different for each of us) we might be sensitive and not appreciate any advice for a host of reasons.
If a friend says to me, I think you'd look good as a brunette, I don't necessarily assume that she is making a negative judgement of my muddy blonde hair. Maybe she is, but I'm not likely to take it personally even if I think so (maybe some people would). I think on subjects WE are confident of, we are less likely to be concerned what others think on the subject. (And not normaly in a "who cares what you think" way, but just a "glad to hear your opinion, but I disagree."
Yes, I've had people tell me I no longer need to lose. I heard some doctor say that as a general rule, Americans have gotten used to fatter people being the norm just like we've gotten used to bigger portions being the norm. Don't know if I totally agree with that given our so-called role models in the entertainment industry. I tend to think as others have said, that the people who know us are used to seeing us in a certain way, and it can be disconcerting, as well as threatening, when we change.
Sometimes I just smile, say thanks (because it can be a compliment) and change the conversation. Sometimes I politely let the person know that I will feel healthier if I lose a bit more. Sometimes I do the "stare" that let's them know they're being rude. It all depends on who is giving me their opinion.
I get these comments too. It's not like I'm not eating, actually I eat quite a bit (just low cal high volume foods.) I stopped the comments at work when I explained that I've been 20lbs under my current goal weight. Yes, at my lowest I was too thin for me, but my goal weight is a weight I've been at before and I know it's healthy. I only explained this because I like the people I work with, otherwise I would have told them to shove it.
I think part of it does stem from jealousy. I've never gotten a comment like that from someone who is naturally thin. Even my best friend wasn't supportive in the begining because she wants to lose weight too. Now, she is using my success as motivation and is not jealous any longer; she is more supportive.
Oh people tell me that ALL the time and they have been for months. Comments like, "Oh you don't want to get too skinny now do you?" and "You're wasting away to nothing" and "Are you eating enough?" and "Watch yourself, it's just as unhealthy to get too thin as it is to be too fat."
It's funny because like I said, I've been getting these comments for months now, even when I was still obese.
But I think it's like what other people have already said. People were just used to me a certain way. Just for an example, let's say someone made a comment to me when I weighed 160 lbs. that I was getting too skinny. Had I been 130 lbs and then GAINED 30 lbs to get to that same exact 160, believe me, no one would think at that point I was too skinny. They'd think I was getting fat. It's all perception.
Don't let it get to you. Take it as a compliment. I do think many people mean it as one and somehow their thoughts get all jumbled up as they try to put it into words.
Losing too much weight?
