At least that's what the woman who wrote to "Dear Annie" seemed to think. It was so infuriating when I read it! The woman discusses how she is slim and active, and she has a man in her sites who is part of her running group. She asked him why his wife didn't join the group, and he replied that his wife is obese, but he really wishes she were more active. Apparently, the writer interpreted this statement to mean that he no longer had any interest in his wife.
The writer continues by saying that she saw the wife, and believed her to be close to 300 pounds. Seemingly, she thought the wife's obesity made it okay to hunt after this man, apparently because she couldn't fathom that he might be interested in being faithful to a fat woman. She mentioned that he hadn't responded to her flirting, but seemed to believe that it was only because he hadn't realized she was flirting. Her attitude was so dehumanizing and enlightening for me. I know that not all thin women believe they are better than heavy women, but it's interesting to read how completely this woman discounted the wife simply because of weight issues. Annie's response, of course, did not condone this belief (the column writers are not svelte, either). I'm interested to read further responses from people who write in. I'm sure I'm not the only one outraged!
Wow. So going along with that line of thinking.... it is ok for a man to have an affair if his wife isn't pretty...or doesn't play golf... or works outside of the home... or is a stay at home mom... or is a brunette and he's a blond... or is Jewish and he's Protestant...
But somehow, since she is obese, she's invisible and should be shoved out of his life. How stupid!
I am not familiar with this column but have to say that woman is evil, debased, her thinking is off and she has boundary issues. What she put out there is like saying that the spouse of anyone whom you don't PERSONALLY find attractive is to be considered "up for grabs"! What a sick individual!
Okay, so I'm 100 pounds heavier than I was when I met my husband -- well so what!! He's lost most of his hair and gained 30 lbs -- that doesn't make our committment in front of our church and family/friends less important. This woman is a true home wrecker -- she is trying to justify her actions -- I hope she gets exactly what she deserves (many of the options which are not appropriate for me to put into print)
I agree. Sounds like she is just trying to justify what she is doing. Being "attractive" by the world's standard is not so important in a marriage as being a good spouse. Maybe he doesn't respond to her flirting because even though his spouse is heavy, she meets all of his needs. Maybe he doesn't care for a "skinny" wife....man some people have big heads! :P
How sad. This woman has serious issues to be thinking that way. I'm sure the husbands reason for wanting his wife to be more active is out of health concern. That to me would say he loves her and wants the best for her, not that he is unhappy with her!!! This woman is sick to think that he is up for grabs just because his wife is heavy set.
I hope you don't mind, I know I'm not part of the 100 club, but I had to comment. That is just wrong!
Wow I can not believe that anyone would even right in about this! Did she really think that Annie would agree with her? There is definately something wrong with that woman!
Judy
He might wish the wife went running with him not because he cared about her weight, but it was about her health.
Atleast in a perfect world that would be the way it should be. Takes balls to assume that just because the wife is fat and doesn't want to exercise with him that he's up for grabs and pretty irresponsible of the columnist to encourage that man stealing behavior because she's fat-phobic or whatever.
Sadly, in this world when the weight shouldn't matter to the man I've found it often does even if he won't admit it. Yes, there are plenty of exceptions to that, but if you ask me not enough. While I can partially understand it (A 300lb person isn't likely going to be energetic and as happy withherself and therefore it effects the relationship) I still think too much emphasis is placed upon the way one looks.
Awful! Not long ago, I was on a news site where readers could comment on the articles and one of the articles was about the rates of obesity in the US and correlations to health care costs. There must have been about 100 comments, most of which contained some of the cruelest, ignorant, vile comments I have ever read expressing the readers' thoughts about fat people. I was truly shocked and didn't know so many people harbored so much hatred for the obese. Anyway, it sounds like this "lady" would fit right in with those people.
This is something I've often wondered about. My husband is very fit and a lot of women find him attractive. They're pretty open with telling me that, and heck...some of them have no problem telling HIM that either, whether I'm around or not (he's told me). When I was obese, I wondered what these women thought when they met me. There was just such a huge difference between me and him. I wouldn't be surprised at all if some women had the same thoughts that the lady who wrote to Dear Annie had. They probably couldn't understand why my husband didn't return their interest, but he loved me as much at 275 as he did at 145 when we met, or 175 now. It's pretty disgusting that people think obesity would trump everything else and make a man fall out of love. I'm sure it happens with some couples, but to assume it always does is just insane.
But I guess I have no room to talk, since I don't have a husband or even a boyfriend, I can't relate to this all at.
I don't believe that men would fall out of love with their wives just because they are overweight, I know a guy who's very fit, and cute, and his wife is extremely overweight, but that doesn't seem to bother him, and I think its great!
I just wish I could find a guy who'd like me even though I'm fat.
My husband is very obese also, though I think he's gorgeous (in an aging, biker/viking sort of way). He's very tall, with auburn graying hair, and he weighs about 410 (He weighed about 70 lbs less when we met), and now walks with a cane. As biased as I am, I know he's no GQ model, and definitely does not dress in a way that anyone would assume he was wealthy, but that doesn't seem to stop the harpies on the hunt.
Hubby says the wedding ring seems to be a single woman magnet as he never got so much female attention since he put it on. He's very outgoing, and funny, and seems to be a real hit with the grocery shopping single ladies, especially the single moms. He loves kids, and we're not going to be able to have any so he just lights up when he sees kids and babies. I think the mothers think he's lighting up for them. Even with me standing there right next to him, they will flirt with him outrageously, some will even look me over and you can just see they think I'm absolutely no competition.
I trust him, so it's actually kind of funny. Especially since he will act kind of dense (like he doesn't realize the woman is flirting). One lady wanted to give him her phone number on a piece of paper (I was about a half aisle a way pretending not to be aware of the conversation), and he told her he should give it to me, because he'd probably lose it. OMG, I almost peed my pants. For the ones that at least try to be discreet (wait until my back is turned) we'll just laugh about it later (although sometimes loud enough for them to hear), for the idiots that are shameless, we tend to be a little obnoxious (Sometimes I actually feel a little sorry for the bimbos). We make it clear that hubby and I both know that they're no competition for me.
Most women who are willing to go after an attached man, don't seem to realize that if she can get him away from one woman, another woman is likely to get him away from her. They really seem to think it reflects on how hot they are, not how fickle the men are.
I met my husband 12 years and almost 100 lbs ago -- I feel bad for him sometimes actually -- I know I would feel differently about him if he gained 100 lbs. But, there is one thing I know -- he LOVES me -- he may not be as attracted to the extra weight, but I can't blame him. But the thought of finding someone more attractive does not cross his mind -- believe me, my insecurity has brought it up!! My goodness, what is this woman 16? The times of dating for looks are over when you hit like 25???!!! Who gets married for looks? I know we married for who we were inside, not how cute a couple we could make. I hope that crazy woman goes bald when she's 40 and everything sags off her!!!
It's okay to cheat on your wife if she's fat...
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