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Old 06-09-2007, 08:13 PM   #1  
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Hi everyone...I am Laura...

I am recently divorced and when we separated I moved with our daughter and he stayed in the house.....because of that mostly, and other things, I kind of lost my friends "in the divorce" (my cat too)

I have no family other than my 2 kids (one is 27 the one at home is 17)...and I mean NO FAMILY...no parents, no siblings, no cousins, aunts....no family at all...

so most of the people I know are new neighbors...aquaintances....nobody close....

I am here because I have gained so much weight and I really need to the support and connection with others like me.....this weight makes me feel very isolated....perhaps that's why I gained it (?)

anyway.....I am here to connect and be supportive and feel some comraderie...

so ....just wanted to say that....

nice to (hopefully) meet youall...
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Old 06-09-2007, 08:21 PM   #2  
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Laura,

Hi and welcome! You are very brave to move to a new place on your own. I am so sorry that you do not have any family-I complain constantly about mine, but cannot imagine not having them (I don't mean my husband/son, I'm talking about my mom and sisters)

I totally understand the emotional/comfort eating. I gained the most weight when I moved with my husband to a new town. My family /friends were an hour away and my husband worked nights. I didn't know anyone, and used to bake (and eat of course) most nights for comfort.

I'm sure there will be opportunities to meet new people. Also, have you considered adopting a new cat? I know nothing can replace the love/companionship of the cat you had, but they can help you feel less alone.

Please post often-the people here are wonderfully supportive!

Hugs,
Sherry
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Old 06-09-2007, 08:30 PM   #3  
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thanks Sherry...I have been checking in regularly!

I know it's weird...no family at all!

btw....this is my first apartment too....never had my own place (well with my kid) and I am 46!!!

I moved here with no furniture...nothing.....rebuilding from the ground up!!

sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night in a PANIC!!! (most nights actually)

I have some furniture now....stuff that I like....it's nice....

I had a boyfriend for a while, but I broke it off...I think he was a crutch....he was not right for me.....

and I gained 30 pounds!

a cat would be nice....but I may want to be free to go places...so maybe not....

thanks for your response!!!
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Old 06-09-2007, 09:16 PM   #4  
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Oh, I sure do remember those newly divorced times. It's lonely and scary, I know. BUT, it does get better!!! In fact, for me anyway, it got really, really good. I started to remember who I was, what I loved, what I hated, what I wanted, what I needed....it was VERY empowering. I even took a trip to Ireland and England ALL BY MYSELF because that's exactly what I wanted to do! I hope the same feelings start to happen for you. Don't worry about having a boyfriend right now, I think. It took me over a year to be ready to start dating again. I just needed to develop me....and I think many divorced people skip that part of the process and jump in too quickly with someone new....just so they aren't alone. There are MUCH worse things than being alone!

Cats are pretty easy....you could leave for 3-4 days at a time without worry as long as you left enough food, water, and clean litter. I'm a cat lover, for sure!
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Old 06-09-2007, 09:19 PM   #5  
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I am sorry about you loosing the cat, and your divorce. I have no family to speak of either. I have no real friends in my area( we relocated here 2 yrs ago in August, from the New Orleans area), my kids are at school and I am a SAHM mom, so I know how alone you feel . Welcome to the group, there are great people here, and everyone is so friendly and helpful. I look forward to reading more of your posts .
Cheryl
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Old 06-09-2007, 09:39 PM   #6  
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Welcome Laura!

I just moved as well, and have no real "friends" in my new town yet. It's tough not knowing anyone that I can have as an exercise buddy, but I am fortunate enough to have children who love to walk, play basketball, swim, etc. I am glad you found your way here, as it is a great place to be!
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Old 06-09-2007, 10:57 PM   #7  
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Originally Posted by royalsfan1 View Post
Oh, I sure do remember those newly divorced times. It's lonely and scary, I know. BUT, it does get better!!! In fact, for me anyway, it got really, really good. I started to remember who I was, what I loved, what I hated, what I wanted, what I needed....it was VERY empowering. I even took a trip to Ireland and England ALL BY MYSELF because that's exactly what I wanted to do! I hope the same feelings start to happen for you. Don't worry about having a boyfriend right now, I think. It took me over a year to be ready to start dating again. I just needed to develop me....and I think many divorced people skip that part of the process and jump in too quickly with someone new....just so they aren't alone. There are MUCH worse things than being alone!

Cats are pretty easy....you could leave for 3-4 days at a time without worry as long as you left enough food, water, and clean litter. I'm a cat lover, for sure!

I KNOW!!! I WENT TO GREECE!!!!

I went with my daughter....we went to Athens, Mykonos, and Santorini!! OMG...it was great!

I DO miss my cat....but as with the boyfriend, maybe I don't need to be taking care of anything/one else right now...my daughter is 17 and almost grownup....and really thats enough...I need to take care of ME!!

thanks Lauriedawn...it IS nice having the kids to do stuff with!!! I have a 4 year old grandson as well.

Cheryl...YES, being a SAHM does make it hard....plus sometimes people treat you like you're a dinosaur because you aren't out there doing something else....but I need to be available for her right now...the divorce is was hard on her....

Roylasfan...fuuny you should say that... under personal profiles for what are my hobbies, what do I do...I just had to say "I don't know yet"!!
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Old 06-09-2007, 11:12 PM   #8  
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Hi Laura. What a situation to be in. But I suppose the best way to look at it as is a fresh start. A new and exciting adventure. A time for discovery and finding yourself. Greece is a place I've always wanted to go to. I'm glad you had your daughter there to share it with.

I think focusing on yourself is a great idea. Take some well deserved time for YOU. Just think of the possibilities!!!! You've stepped into a very supportive and encouraging place and we're glad to have you here. Good luck to you - with everything.
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Old 06-09-2007, 11:38 PM   #9  
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Have you thought about maybe talking some college courses, to get you out into the world and to meet some new people.?When I was first divorced I took a community college course in personal psychology. I wanted to see if I was crazy,turns out I wasn't. Do you have a church? Sometimes there a lot of activites available there. I don't mean you should be looking for a new man. just some friends to keep you from being lonely.Go to movie or to dinner . I have been in your shoes, it does get better. Good luck.
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Old 06-09-2007, 11:55 PM   #10  
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Hi, I also really have no family either, just my son who I live with at the moment, ... I find i challange my self more, being alone, I moved 2 years ago from Fort lauderdale, to Ocala.Florida...I just chose a area and moved, not knowing a soul, and my son was in theAirforce at the time....now after living in ft lauderdale all of my life, i feel like i can do anything, and i can!
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Old 06-10-2007, 10:36 AM   #11  
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Welcome, Laura. I look forward to getting to know you. As you can see already, there is a lot of support here. There is usually someone who has experienced what is new to you and they can always be helpful.
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Old 06-10-2007, 01:14 PM   #12  
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Welcome Laura. Those post-divorce blues (plus being pregnant at the same time) added 60-something pounds to my life. I can sympathize with you being alone. I retired early a few years ago to home-care my terminally ill mother. When I retired, I lost all of my friends because the people I worked with were the only people I knew. Then my mom died a year & 1/2 ago, and here I was at 60-something living by myself for the very first time in my whole entire life. No parents, no kids, no husband, no nothing. I gained about 50 pounds in that first year - purely from emotional eating. I still don't have a wide circle of friends, but I am really learning to savor the alone-ness right now. No one to answer to except myself, not having to consider anyone else when making decisions, concentrating on what's important to me. It's taken awhile, but now I almost love it. Which is not to say that I don't get lonely, bored, etc. but all of that is secondary to being able to do what I want without having to think about how to get someone else taken care of. Post often, you are among people who have had the same experiences, so you're never alone when you're here.
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Old 06-10-2007, 01:58 PM   #13  
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Hang in there, chickie . . . and make sure you keep posting here at 3FC . . . it's such a wonderful place for lots of support and comfort as we travel the long and winding road to better health and fitness. . .

But hey . . . don't rule out the cat . . . they give so much and ask so little . . . you can probably tell I'm a cat-persson from my avatar and my forum name . . . . . . I have six.

have a great moving and shaking kind of day . . . see you soon . . .
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Old 06-10-2007, 02:00 PM   #14  
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Have you thought about maybe talking some college courses, to get you out into the world and to meet some new people.?When I was first divorced I took a community college course in personal psychology. I wanted to see if I was crazy,turns out I wasn't. Do you have a church? Sometimes there a lot of activites available there. I don't mean you should be looking for a new man. just some friends to keep you from being lonely.Go to movie or to dinner . I have been in your shoes, it does get better. Good luck.
thanks so much for writing!!

Actually, I have thought about school....I have been in the restaurant business all my life.....I owned my own restaurant, and sold it before the divorce.....the work is VERY VERY hard....very physical and often leaves little energy for anything else...don't get me wrong...I loved it....but I am thinking it's time for something new! I have to pick up a few credits anyway...I may do that this fall....as far as being crazy...in my case I am better off not knowing!! lol!

HA...I have to skip the dinner and movie for now!!! I have NO WILLPoWER!! maybe soon I will...but for now I dispense with the temptation...I DID renew my zoo membership though.....fun and exercise at the same time!!

I really don't want a man right now....sometimes I think that I do...and I consider calling my boyfriend back...but then I realise that I am just avoiding being alone...he really is not the one for me....he needs more than he gives back...and I felt so overshadowed by the exhusband...I don't want to do that again....I just want to be me, by myself for now...

I am considering dance lessons....
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Old 06-10-2007, 02:14 PM   #15  
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Welcome Laura. Those post-divorce blues (plus being pregnant at the same time) added 60-something pounds to my life. I can sympathize with you being alone. I retired early a few years ago to home-care my terminally ill mother. When I retired, I lost all of my friends because the people I worked with were the only people I knew. Then my mom died a year & 1/2 ago, and here I was at 60-something living by myself for the very first time in my whole entire life. No parents, no kids, no husband, no nothing. I gained about 50 pounds in that first year - purely from emotional eating. I still don't have a wide circle of friends, but I am really learning to savor the alone-ness right now. No one to answer to except myself, not having to consider anyone else when making decisions, concentrating on what's important to me. It's taken awhile, but now I almost love it. Which is not to say that I don't get lonely, bored, etc. but all of that is secondary to being able to do what I want without having to think about how to get someone else taken care of. Post often, you are among people who have had the same experiences, so you're never alone when you're here.
I agree about the aloneness...I feel like I am getting to know myself again...or recreating myself...or both...

sorry about your mom...my mom died pretty young and very suddenly during my separation/divorce....a month after my grandson was born......one day she was fine...then she started feeling kinda sick and acouple of months later she died (lung cancer) ironically, I had also chosen that time to quit smoking after 30 years!

it was as though everything that COULD happen, happened in the space of less than 6 months....whew!


eating was probably my way of falling apart.....

but it's time to pull myself together...

thank you so much for writing....just reading these posts and answering them is making me feel more like I CAN DO IT!!!

thank you...
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