My husband and I have plans to go out to dinner with two other couples this coming Saturday night. Neither of the other couples have children (we have one son who is seven) My mother in law offered to take care of Matthew.
Anyway, I was really looking forward to actually eating out in a restaurant as a couple-no offense to our lovely child! The last time we went out to dinner alone was nine months ago!
Anyway (sorry to ramble) now it was suggested that we just order pizza and hang out at the couple's house that lives near the restaurant. I was asked my opinion, and I said I would go along with everyone else wanted to do, but I did prefer going to the restaurant. I also told my husband that if we did just order pizza (yes, I know all this food is off plan!) that I want us to go out alone in the very near future. I'm also not comfortable at this couple's house because they have these very small, rickety antique chairs, and a small love seat and I'm honestly afraid of breaking something. The furniture is so fragile and uncomfortable! My dh has said the same thing, actually.
My dh is now acting really pissy, saying this is why he doesn't like to make plans. Hey, don't ask for my opinion if you don't want it! All my life I've been told to speak up because I'm too shy, but whatever I do, this happens. I don't want to be the one to make everyone change their plans, but I want to do what we originally planned.
Am I making a big deal over nothing? I just wanted an adult night out, which happens so rarely.
I don't think you're out of line at all! I would feel the same way if I were you. I hope you get to go out to eat. I know what it's like...I have two kids and going out to eat w/o them is a nice treat. Going to a friend's place for pizza...a place where you can't really relax, isn't!
I don't think you're out of line at all! You agreed and looked forward to the original plan; I think you're perfectly reasonable for expecting that.
I'd tell the couple what you said here: it's so rare that you get to go out to restaurant without a kid and with just adults that you were really looking forward to it, and you hope they want to go out too.
As for your DH, I think he's just frustrated because he agrees with you about their house, about the whole going out thing, and he's disappointed because now all of a sudden those plans changed.
I am with you. Sometimes i just HAVE TO go out. If that was the plan orginally, maybe i am a difficult selfish person (ha ha) but, I wouldnt even want to go out with the neighbors anyway, i would want a date night out with hubby, especially if you havent had one is 9 months, geeze....why so long? Tell the neighbors thanks but no thanks and go out with hubby instead. And ordering Pizza...BLAH, YUCK. I am kind of weird, in that pizza is no special treat for me. My kids love it, my husband loves it so we order it once a week as it is and that would DEFINATELY not be a "couples dinner", for me anyway.
I dont have date night as much as i would like. I am currently a stay at home mom, my husband is a white collar guy, so he goes out to bussiness lunches all week So at the end of the week, i am ready to go somewhere other than the grocery store, and he just wants to stay at home and relax. But we compromise. On the weeks i REALLY have to get out, we go out, just me and him. On the weeks he is exhausted, we stay home. Talk to your husband, find out why there arent more date nights. For me, date night keeps a marriage strong. My kids are great, i love spending time with them, i have "dates" with each kid, individually and together, but you HAVE to make sure you nourish your marriage as well. Make sure you still know each other AFTER the kids are grown. I say, kidnap that husband, forget the neighbors, and go to a quiet romantic resturant.
I'm with Lynn - are you good enough 'friends' with the woman of the couple that you could give her a call and say - Know what? I'd LOVE to do pizza at your house sometime, but if I don't get OUT to a RESTAURANT - and NOT Pizza Hut!! - I can't be responsible for my actions - LOL! Keep it light and friendly, but say you haven't had a meal out in months, and it would be so nice for a change...
I would be disappointed too if I was given the opportunity to go to a "sit down" restaurant without kids and then be told "hey let's just hang out at the house instead." I hope I don't offend those without children but if you've got kids and are given the chance to go do adult things, you don't want to just hang out at someone's house IMO. Yes it's a night away but it just isn't the same when you can get all dressed up and go out.
I agree with Stacy. When you have kids, pizza is just an ordinary meal. They would eat it every day if they could, so having a "special" night of ordering pizza isn't all that special. I don't think you're out of line at all. With the cost of pizza now, it isn't all that much cheaper to stay in and eat it!
OMG!!! I really really understand! An opportunity to dress up and have an adult night is a very rare event in my life and I really look forward to the opportunity when it comes along. Pizza at a friend's house is just not the same at all. This is important to you, so stand up for yourself. There is no reason that you an Hubby cant go out by yourselves.
I agree. Tell your friends that you and DH are going out as originally planned and would love if they wanted to join you but if not you'll catch them next time. I can never get over how rude people are becoming. Plans are made. I'm one of those OCD people who thinks that should be that! I hate those last minuters who come up with changes to everything!
Thank you all so much for your support-I really needed it today!
Laura and Barby, the pictures of your children are adorable!
I don't know why we hardly ever go out alone. Well, babysitting is a problem. My mother in law will gladly do it-she has never said no-but she lives almost an hour away and has an old, undependable car. My mother is out of the question. I can't trust her to babysit (will not bore you, but let's just say both my sisters have told me not to let her babysit because of their bad experiences with my mom taking care of their kids) My sisters are both overwhelmed already, and my sister in law is not dependable. I know we should find someone local, but how do you know who to trust?
I'd love to try to help you out on the babysitter issue... I've been babysitting for 5 years, and I have always been complimented by parents on how much they trust me, etc. My advice to finding a good, responsible babysitter:
1) Ask around, see if someone will refer you to their trusted babysitter
2) When you get the name, snoop around a little. I live in a very small town so people are always saying "Oh, how is so-and-so's daughter? Oh I hear she's on the track team, getting straight A's, and going to college" or "I hear she got picked up by the cops last weekend"
3) The first time she babysits, either stick around the house doing chores/yardwork, or don't be gone too long and arrive home a little earlier than you planned. You can snoop a bit that way. Then, ask Matthew what he thought of her, if she broke any rules, if he likes her, etc. I'm sure you know, kids are *so* honest. I really hope I helped a little good luck.
OT, but on the babysitting note: if you have a local girl scout troop that includes teenagers, a lot of them will want to get a babysitting patch. Part of that is learning first aid and such, and most of these young women love kids. It might be a place to look. Also ask your son's teacher if they know anyone, or his friends' parents.
I used to babysit a TON as a teenager, and it was all word-of-mouth.
Can I just vent-not weight related
Pizza...BLAH, YUCK. I am kind of weird, in that pizza is no special treat for me. My kids love it, my husband loves it so we order it once a week as it is and that would DEFINATELY not be a "couples dinner", for me anyway. 
For me, date night keeps a marriage strong. My kids are great, i love spending time with them, i have "dates" with each kid, individually and together, but you HAVE to make sure you nourish your marriage as well. Make sure you still know each other AFTER the kids are grown. I say, kidnap that husband, forget the neighbors, and go to a quiet romantic resturant. 
Keep it light and friendly, but say you haven't had a meal out in months, and it would be so nice for a change... 
