I just can't live this way anymore - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

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Old 05-19-2007, 09:42 AM   #1  
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Default I just can't live this way anymore

I started a "new diet" yesterday based on Walter Willet's latest book, Eat, Drink and Weigh Less 21 day plan. I spent the whole freakin day entering foods and recipes into fitday, shopping, cooking, etc. I am so pissed. And I still didn't make it through the day sticking to the plan. I just can't stand this anymore. I've been dieting since I was 11 years old, when I wasn't even really fat. My brother started telling me I was fat, but what was really going on is that I was starting to develop. But I just can't do it anymore. I've just gotten bigger and bigger and bigger going on diets. When I go on a diet it just becomes all consuming. I wan't to eat healthfully. I don't want to eat junk anymore. I don't want to be sick anymore. I have a long list of health problems because of my weight and food habits. I don't want to binge anymore, but I don't want to write down every single thing i put in my mouth. Even though it is very interesting to see exactly how many grams of protien, fat, carbohydrates and all of the vitamins and minterals I'm getting, I just can't do it anymore. It becomes my whole life, my whole focus. I don't have time or energy to do anything else.

Why can't i just eat when I"m hungry, stop when I'm full and make healthy choices. I mean, I know how to eat. I know how to eat healthfully. Eat lots of fruits and veggies, avoid saturated fats and trans fats and processed foods, eat beans, nuts, legumes and low saturated fat animal protiens. arggggggg. I just can't stand it. I want to be free from this. This is so hard and so sad.

Even now as I'm writing this I don't want to turn off my fitday. I have the pc version and when I'm "dieting" I keep it open all the time. And I don't want to close it. I just can't do this anymore. But what has always happened in the past is if I'm not controlling my food by dieting, I start binging or just eating all kinds of junk again because I think if I'm not dieting, then I can't eat what ever I want. Nothing is off limits. And I know that is unreasonable, that if I want to be healthy, that just isn't true. But it's what I do.

I've tried therapy and all kinds of self-help stuff. The most recent is Laurell Mellin's The Solution. And when I do the work I do feel better. It has worked better than anything. But I can't seem to do the work consistently. I can't seem to break away from the food enough to do the work. That's why I wan't to do this 21 day plan. It's all whole food, no processed stuff. I thought it would give me the break from food I needed to do the solution work. but it's just not working. It's make me more obsessive. I can't believe I spent my whole day, building up a freakin food data base. I know tracking food and being on a set food plan helps a lot of people, but for some reason it makes me nuts and makes things worse. But i still get pulled into it, because eventually my eating gets to be out of control again and I think that is the only solution. Why does it have to be one way or the other for me? Why can't I just be somewhere in the middle?

Sorry for the long rant. I'm just so frustrated.
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Old 05-19-2007, 09:56 AM   #2  
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Well, think I could have written that.

I am so sorry you are struggling. I know what it is like to become so obsessive that it throws you off base. I was actually just looking at that book yesterday at Barns and Noble! I hope it helps you break this cycle.

Feel free to PM me if you need to rant more
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Old 05-19-2007, 10:04 AM   #3  
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I'm so sorry you are feeling this way.

I can certainly relate. You ask why does it have to be one way or another for you, why can't you just be in the middle. Well I am the same way. I don't do well with "in the middle". I need to set myself strict boundaries. That's what works for me. Intuitive eating was NOT for me. I didn't know limits. I couldn't just "stop" when I was full, couldn't just eat when I was hungry. I need to plan out my every meal and snack.

As far as Fitday goes, I don't even bother with it anymore. Because, and again this isn't for everyone. I stick mostly to the same foods day in and day out. I eat the same breakfast, one of a few different lunches, one of a few different dinners. And the same snacks more or less. So my work has already been done for me. I know the calorie counts in all those things, so there's no need to enter them into Fitday. Perhaps something like that would work for you.

Another thing you mentioned - the dreaded "D" word. Diets don't work for me. It took me many, many years to figure that out. Diets have a beginning and an end. The ending part is where the trouble begins. I needed to completely and totally overhaul my food habits and change them for the better and I now know that it has to be forever and ever if I want to remain losing weight and then of course KEEP IT OFF. It was a tough realization for me. But in order for me to lose the weight, I just had to accept that. This is a lifestyle CHANGE. My past eating ways were making me miserable, unhealthy and unfit.

I know many people around here really like and have benefited from the You on a Diet book, by Drs. Roizen and Oz. It is more about a lifestyle change then a diet. Perhaps you might want to read it.

Good luck to you finding your way. Don't give up, because I promise you when you do find something, it's so very, very worth it.
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Old 05-19-2007, 10:23 AM   #4  
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Ok...this is my take on it. I've been in and out of diets. And I'm an ALL or NOTHING girl. Meaning I want my 'diet' to be perfect. If I eat one thing off I consider it 'blown' and then i'd go into this well I might as well blow it big. But you have to think of things differently. Success is any small change that you can make. Yes, we ALL know when we are eating something that is going to sabatoge our success. Maybe if you don't obsess over it so much. Think of it as checks and balances. If you eat something you shouldn't have...go for a walk to balance it out. If you get frustrated and your normal reaction in the past was to eat something fattening....go for a walk. And then acknowledge that small success! I don't have all the answers. But for me I don't count calories. I eat the right things. Sometimes I have things that don't help but other times I make great decisions. I allow myself to feel hunger. (didn't used to) I do make sure I eat at least 3 times a day. I drink water like crazy. Sometimes we aren't hungry just thirsty and feels like hunger. I do juicefast (well I did it once, for 2 days) to give myself a kickstart. I am just NOW starting to walk again. It helped me get out some stress last night. ;P But don't count your calories as much as make the right choices I guess is what I'm trying to say. It's working for me. Also I had my hormones and thyroid checked. And he's got me on a program to get me back in balance there. That too has a lot to do with weightgain.
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Old 05-19-2007, 10:32 AM   #5  
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It's hard for me to read your post because I feel like I've been there so many times. I tried so many different things, read so many books, and the whole time I KNEW what to do. I just didn't trust myself, I guess, and I thought I had to follow some "diet" that someone else created.

Here's my advice, for what it's worth: Put down all the books you've been reading. Try to make healthier choices based on what YOU know and what you've already learned. If you're able to, if you know enough about calories and all that, pick a calorie range that you can work with, and try to stay within it for a few days. See how it goes.

We can get so caught up in all the plans out there that we never really start doing what needs to be done. I didn't have success until I gave up on finding a plan and created my own.

This may not be helpful at all, but I just wanted to share my experience and let you know that I've been there and there IS a way out. You can do this.
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Old 05-19-2007, 10:59 AM   #6  
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Okay, Sophie, obviously you have come to the right place - you will find lots of helpful advice and more importantly support!

And, if I may offer my own...I think first of all you need to forgive yourself. Changing the way you eat/dieting is a very difficult process and noone is perfect - we all make mistakes but it is important to recognize that it was a mistake and move on. Fidday to me is incredibly time consuming and like rockinrobin I found it is easier to stick to a few choice items and know the count...and look it up if I want to venture. My weight came on slow...basically the result of four kids (about 25 pounds per kid or so...) and I realize in order for it to stay off it has to come off slowly. I read an article by Bob Greene (Oprah's guy) and he suggests this:
1...start exercising - just get your body used to moving for about 4-6 weeks. Don't change anything else and don't weigh again during this process (you probably wont lose any weight)
2...eliminate certain food from your diet (soda, white processed stuff, trans fat, etc) ~ nothing that is unreasonable and it really shows you what stuff is REALLY bad, again do this for 4-6 weeks and weigh yourself weekly
3...I need to revisit this one but I believe this is where we increase the activity and start counting calories

For me it is a mindset and my mind has to be reset frequently....many, many people have lost a lot of weight and have kept it off for some time so YOU CAN DO IT...YOU CAN DO IT...YOU CAN DO IT....YOU CAN DO IT...

Good luck to you and God Bless
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Old 05-19-2007, 11:16 AM   #7  
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Sophie, I so could have written that. So much good advice was given here, and I can only say what I've done.

For years I hated having food planned for me, following a written out diet (there's that 4-letter word). Then one day last month (seriously, it's been that recently), I wanted to get my finances under control. Like (I suspect) a lot of us here, I spent a ton of money on food. Not just meals out, but binge foods and "treats" and even healthy food that would then go bad in the fridge. So I decided that I needed to plan a week's menu (well, work week, 5 days) of my own choosing.

My instinct is to eat healthier foods, driven by years of reading diet books, trying different diets, etc. So I made meals based on whole grains, beans, and fish (I don't eat fowl or meat). I made sure I added in veggies and fruits (the fruit especially is hard for me). I also made sure I added in lots of snacks so that I wouldn't be hungry mid-afternoon or at night. And I made sure that some of those snacks were salty--my personal binge-monster is the salty crunchy things.

That week, I lost 3 pounds. 3. I never lose that much in a week. Yeah, most of that was probably water weight since I didn't binge. But I didn't binge because I'd listed foods I loved, and made sure that snacks were things I'd actually eat.

One thing to remember, though, is that at our higher weight, we can eat about 2,000 calories and lose weight for a time. The more you weigh, the more you need to eat initially. I think that before, when I was eating other people's food plans, I wasn't eating enough calories, and so it'd lead to a binge.

I notice that when I don't plan my menus, I can gain 3 or more pounds in one week. I did it this past week. Gave into my urges because I wasn't getting the proper nutrition.

The menu thing also helps me not obsess. It's already planned and written out on paper (this helps me more than setting it into a computer program, though I try to log it at the end of the day to keep myself on track). I don't have to think about it.

I don't know. This is what helps me. It's easy to become obsessed about food; to some extent we all are here, or at least were (I have heard from people who lose weight permanently that the obsession over food lessens the longer they're on maintenance, though they're always vigilant).

Keep us posted, ya?

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Old 05-19-2007, 11:27 AM   #8  
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I agree with what Tonia said. Not that I'm that far into this thing, but when I started my "plan". All I did was get out and start walking. I was in really bad shape and I didn't go far. But I did it day by day. I didn't have any big goals. Along with just getting moving, I cut out sodas and watched my portion sizes. But that was it, no fancy diet or anything. Just itty bitty changes. Then after a couple of weeks (may have been 3), I started feeling better and was able to add distance to my walking. I still didn't make any major changes to my food choices, just stayed away from soda, cappuccinos, fast food, etc and watched portion sizes (I wasn't even very good at this part!!). I knew if I started putting pressure on myself and went into that world of feeling guilty, I wouldn't make it. All of this time, by the way, I was reading and posting here at 3FC.
Finally, I felt good enough to start hitting it harder. I have a friend who can walk very fast, so I asked her to walk with me during our lunch hours so that she could push me. I started changing what I was eating and drinking. I started drinking a lot of water.
My point is... finally... I had to ease into it. I had to get used to the idea of being on a plan. Some people have been able to just jump right in, lose massive amounts of weight in a short amount of time, and that's great for them! For me, if I had gone from my old habits immediately into my new habits, I would have failed in a couple of weeks. Maybe that would work for you, too. All I concentrate on is one day at a time. I recently made a goal for myself for Memorial Day. I think that was a mistake. I don't think I'll make that goal partially because I had a setback with a back injury, but I also know what that goal is, I don't think I'll make it, and it causes me a little anxiety. So, I won't do that again!!!

Anyway, hang in there. Keep coming back here for support. As you can see, there's a lot here for you!!
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Old 05-19-2007, 12:13 PM   #9  
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Hi Sophie.
Theres not much else I can say that hasn't already been said. There are many wise women in this group. From reading your post, I get the feeling that you are not ready to quit, (which is great!), but that the process is overwhelming. And it is. I tried to lose weight the way a friend of mine suggested I do it. It lasted 5 months, the longest I've ever made positive changes. The I quit. Plain and simple, I quit. Thats a big mistake. Please continue to try different approaches and find the one that you can work with. It might be a combination of different approaches. You have the knowledge about the foods you want to eat. Use what you know! I started out on WW, and counting points became obsessive. I couldn't eat anything w/o knowing the point value. Now I count calories and I am much more relaxed about my changes and am doing much better. I am no longer on a 'diet', I am making permanant lifestlye changes. These changes are resulting in weight loss and a healthier me. You can do it too!
I became obsessive about Fitday too. Then last weekend, my computer crashed and I panicked! No access to Fitday! Then I realised that I was pretty much eating the same thing every day, with little differences to keep it from being boring. Like Robin, I know the calorie count of the items and thus don't NEED Fitday anymore. I haven't used it all week. And I am still making progress. So if it stresses you, take a break from it. Walk when you can, its great for stress relief. And hang in there! Vent when you need to!
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Old 05-19-2007, 12:33 PM   #10  
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Sophie, like others, I feel exactly the same way. I'm not quite sick of living like this yet -- but I can't count the times I started on "a plan" and decided to be perfect and, of course, failed. I loved this thread -- especially the wise words from those who've managed to live their way to being thin, or at least a great deal thinner, than at the beginning of their journey.

I have a slightly different take on diets -- this isn't popular! I feel I really do need a diet. With the new Weight Watchers, I have so many points I can, and do, eat junk food. I've never been a vegetable eater, and I won't turn into one overnight. It's hard for me to eat 34 points WITHOUT eating junk -- or butter or rich sauces, or other things that keep me from losing. I lost weight very well on WW a long time ago, many plans ago, when it was a "diet" -- very restrictive, this many servings of proteins, this many of bread, this many of fats. I wasn't tired of diets then and stuck to it with zest. I lost weight -- and, one of my happiest memories was one day in the grocery store when I looked down at my cart and realized that everything in it was good, healthy food. I kept those good habits for a long time -- 5 years -- and then went back to old, bad habits (junk food snacking) when my job changed from about a 5 on the stress scale of 1 to 10 to about a 52. But I still remember that day with the grocery cart A diet had become a way of life.
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Old 05-19-2007, 01:34 PM   #11  
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I just wanted to send big hugs! We all know how you feel-that is why we're here. You need to find out what works well for YOU. I can't stand diet books. I vowed not to buy any more or even borrow them from the library. No one else can tell me what to eat, when to eat, how much to eat except for ME. I know writing down everything you eat is supposed to keep you accountable, but I'm the opposite-I rebel and say "screw this-I"m just going to eat what I want." The more rules I'm given about food, the worse I eat, and the more I gain!

I'm still struggling. I had a big gain last week-some of which was PMS, but I'm sure some of it was unhealthy food choices-it just happens.

Please keep coming here and posting. This time I'm trying not to run away and hide when I'm not doing well. It helps me more to be here and struggle with the help of the wonderful people here than to do it alone.

Take care,
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Old 05-19-2007, 01:37 PM   #12  
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Hi Sophie, I am sorry you are feeling this way, you are not alone , and don't feel bad. I personally don't believe diet's work, I have tried some and they just dont work, and I refuse to give my money to people who don't know anymore than I do, and I can find the information on the computer. Maybe you need to start out slowly, start making small changes, leave out a certain food, soda, ice cream or something, and say "I am worth more than this food, and I am strong enough not to desire it", start exercising, even if it is only walking around the block , when you are ready add 5 minutes to this exercise, until you work yourself up to 30 minutes a day.
I think once you get used to logging in your food and exercise it will become easier, I know sometimes you feel like crying that you can't eat this, you need to go log in your exercise or food, I sometimes feel like giving up and saying , I don't need this anymore, but I am tired of being Fat, I am tired of feeling too big , unhealthy, the extra skin on my body and not fitting into sexier clothes, so I think I am worth the extra effort it takes to do this, and I know you are too Sophie. Forget about other people, Just do it for yourself, because you are worth it,

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Old 05-19-2007, 02:41 PM   #13  
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Sophie, like everyone else, I've been exactly where you are.

You've had some fantastic advice from everything - the only thing I can add is this:

What about making gradual changes rather than doing the all or nothing thing. I've tried dieting more times than I care to remember, and every other time, I've basically just gone at it like a bull at a gate and inevitably ended up going off plan and then telling myself that since I'd blown it there was no point in continuing. Why not making one change at a time to your diet and once you're comfortable with that then changing something else - ie start by snacking on fruit rather than junk food, then when you're comfortable with that, changing one other thing and so on.

The first few days are the most difficult, but you'll get there! I promise.

Like everyone else, I can only reiterate - get that diet word out of your vocabulary. What we're doing is changing our lifestyle for the better and it's going to be worth it.

Sending lots of and happy thoughts.
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Old 05-19-2007, 03:05 PM   #14  
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I'm like you with the "perfectionist" attitude toward diets. I absolutely obsess! However, one thing I learned when I read Dr. Phil's book that has really stuck with me this time is that when I do make a "mistake" that it doesn't have to mean I just throw in the towel. I no longer even wait until tomorrow to get back on plan. I get back on RIGHT THEN. No more waiting until tomorrows, Mondays, next months, Januarys, etc.... I don't know how you feel about that kind of thinking but it sure did click for me.

You will find what clicks for you as long as you keep looking for it. If you quit you will not find it. That's just all there is to it.
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Old 05-19-2007, 03:20 PM   #15  
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Originally Posted by royalsfan1 View Post
I'm like you with the "perfectionist" attitude toward diets. I absolutely obsess! However, one thing I learned when I read Dr. Phil's book that has really stuck with me this time is that when I do make a "mistake" that it doesn't have to mean I just throw in the towel. I no longer even wait until tomorrow to get back on plan. I get back on RIGHT THEN.
It just dawned on me as I was reading this -- kinda late in the day -- that maybe I make the "mistake" so I CAN throw in the towel. Like changing diets so often. Is it wanting to find the one thing I can be perfect on? Or a good excuse to go into the Starting Again on Monday drill! Which I do have down to perfection.

Sophie, I hope it helps to see you have plenty of company!
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