Help me out here.. I guess what I'm asking for is permission.
Sorry, Dana, but I do not give you permission.
Alright, Dana, I'll be the bad guy. It's an unpopular position, but I can't honestly reply with an answer otherwise. So I could just not reply, right? The thing is, I care about you. I think back to all those PMs we had, and all the support we've given one another back and forth, and I think that a good friend is honest and speaks in the best interests of the person they care about. Here's my tough love:
How long have you been at this? How long have you wanted to lose the weight, whether it's "new" weight (I know you had a baby -- was it last year or 2005?) or the old stuff we've all carried around for years. I think it comes down to priorities, and I think you have it in you to ride it out.
That said, I couldn't agree more with Glory87's feedback on your diet. You've been going low-cal, which is not a bad thing in and of itself -- but when you do low-cal and ALSO eat a lot of processed foods, you're setting yourself up for hunger and vulnerability. 1500 calories of whole foods fill you up to busting and still energetic and motivated; 1500 calories of mostly processed foods leave you wanting more, and with very specific cravings.
I'm not saying you or anyone else should never factor in "off-plan" treats if that's factored into your plan. I followed the same approach as the poster above who talked about ice cream at the hockey game. I factored in the tiny splurge and planned for it so it didn't throw off my daily goals on a weekly average -- even down to fat and carbs ratios (two of my weaknesses!) I just think in your case you need to look seriously at why you need to supplement your calories with "a night of eating." It's that philosophy of food entitlement and reward that got most of us here fat in the first place. If you're hungry, eat!! But choose healthy things first. I think you should revisit this "night of eating" once you've shown yourself that your habits are changed and that you're capable of sustained weight loss and lasting behavioral changes. Otherwise, you've only shown yourself that you're capable of doing time but not really effecting change. And your relationship with food hasn't changed at all.
I don't mean to be harsh, Dana, or piss you off. But you asked for permission and a blessing, and as someone who wants what's best for you, I can't give either of them. Major props to you for coming here and being honest -- and as a friend I'm being honest in return. I'd hope you'd do the same for me.
Whatever you do, I support you. Just hope you give it some thought first.
Last edited by lessofsarahtolove; 03-08-2007 at 08:53 PM.
Well, there's not much more to say, but I'll reiterate a few anyway:
1) If this is for life, then you are making a commitment.
2) If this is for life, then sometimes there will be pizza, or a dessert or whatever. For life doesn't mean always saying no.
3) If you're commited to this, then recognize that it may take a while to find the right balance for YOU about when and how to give yourself a bit of a break.
4) I do think a key is control. Eating when you feel out of control is very different from planning a splurge. I personally have found it easier to get back to basics when I plan something than when I am out of control...
You were much more targetted than I was but I think the idea of balance and figuring out what works for you and control are all really prominent in your message.
Figuring out WHY we want to overindulge, splurge is a big part of this. I do agree that some foods are more satisfying than others and may be contributing to the problem...
HOLY COW.! You all are amazing. Talk about instant support!! You gals are awesome!!
I did give myself permission.. I DID take the night off - AND I did log it on fitday (that was the deal I made with myself - eat it - log it!)
I hate to admit it - but it was gooood. I obviously have some things to work on. The "bad" food really comforted me. I know that's wrong. There have been many good days that I have felt good too - really good. It seems that at times food can take over my life.
I don't feel guilty about tonight. For the rest of the evening it will be water. And my husband says I have to have sex too - you know.. to work it off.... he is soooo funny.
I am overwelmed by the support. Thanks for always being here!
The best advice I've gotten since I started my trip to ONEderland was to keep track of my calories and MEASURE foods so that I record HONEST, LEGIT amounts EVERY time.
That said, I plan in things that will be tasty and yummy AND keep me in my 1500 calorie plan. Sometimes I take home most of a meal from a restaurant in a box, knowing that I can't eat it ALL AT ONE TIME but that I CAN eat it over two or three days. If I want to eat something that's more calories, I adjust my plan to include it.
In my opinion, I don't want to exclude so many things that I will go on a binge because I feel sorry for myself.
How about sitting down with paper and pencil and listing all the reasons why eating is more important to you than losing the weight? Maybe right now isn't the best time for you to try to do this. I know that I definitely had to be in the right frame of mind to do this weight loss thing.
Cheryl, I really agree with you on the frame of mind issue. I tried so many times before, but it wasn't until I was really ready, when losing weight was more important than whatever payoff I'd been getting from the food, that I began to lose weight.
Dana, be sure to get right back on your program of eating and not turn your one night into another day. I only say that because letting myself splurge one meal often turned into many successive meals. *Sigh* Luckily, I've gained a bit more control over that, but I certainly envy people who can make do with one bite, one cookie, one treat meal.
Cheryl, I really agree with you on the frame of mind issue. I tried so many times before, but it wasn't until I was really ready, when losing weight was more important than whatever payoff I'd been getting from the food, that I began to lose weight.
Another one here who is in TOTAL agreement. The proper frame of mind is ESSENTIAL. It's when you finally realize that you love yourself way more then the stupid food. That the benefits of eating well and exercising far outweigh the sacrifice of giving up the "wrong" foods in high quantities. That by giving up the food, you are actually GAINING so very much. A happier and healthier life filled with soooo much more joy and sooo many less struggles and worries. It sure took me a looong time to figure that one out.
you are too funny....
this is bad.. I went to McDonalds and had a big mac and sm fries... ohhh.. then ice cream.
my step son works at mcdonalds.. I drop him off there about 3 times a week... I don't remember the last big mac. Normally I only have a salad.. but today.. it was mine.
Weird thing is .. I don't feel bad. It was good.. it's okay.. back to the regular schedule tomorrow.
I won't ever quit - but I do know myself. If I don't give in once in a while (trust me - I say no to foods all the time.) I will end up going crazy for days.. or worse, weeks. I know I won't do that - I don't want to.
In a way I wish I didn't post - but it's almost like I have to - if I'm not honest with you guys I feel like I'm hiding something, not being real. This is me.. flaws and all
Charbar, I'm glad you're happy with the decision you made and that it worked for you. I was going to advise you to not go off plan. My thought is that it would have been too soon to go off plan, since I believe I read that you started in January. But, If the only options were to quit or to go off plan, then by all means go off plan.
I have had very very few off plans days in the year and a half that I have been losing. My second Christmas, a stressful day in the hospital when we found out my 11 year old daughter needed a second surgery, two vacation days in April, those are the only days I have had. I have had more off plan meals, but they only average about once a month in the last 6 months. They were much less frequent the first year.
You'll have to find what works for you. If I am really craving something, I find a way to get past the craving, usually by substituting something a little healthier in its place. I also eat foods that I love, so it's pretty easy to stay on plan.
I personally am always leery of the offplan foods/meals. Mainly because for me, I find it that much harder to get back on track. Last week I had a planned dinner out at a yummy local chinese/mongolian buffet place. They hve the standard buffet fare, but they also have a grill, with unseasoned/oiled veggies and meats, I loaded up on veggies and lean meats had an alloted slice of cheesecake. Felt great about it, until the next day I found it easier to saying yes for a stop at Hardees, following THAT back up 2 days later with a stop at Arby's. I am now firmly back on plan, but I found for me, the "out to eat" mentality is a big roadblock for me and one I have to watch very very carefully.
As long as you feel in control. You made the thoughout decision to have a food splurge, you did it and now you are back on track. No harm no foul.
No offense, Dana, but ewwwwww on the McDonalds! Though when I used to eat it, it did taste good but an hour later, it was tearing my stomach apart! I have not been able to handle fried foods well in a really long time, so that is a benefit to me...but I'm glad you enjoyed it!
I'm not one to take a "meal off". If I was feeling like a treat, I'd order a normal dinner and then split dessert with the hubby. That way, I don't kill myself with guilt, which I tend to do.
But I've had to relearn eating. There was a time when having a craving for pie meant to eat about half a pie with a couple of scoops of ice cream on the side! Now i'm learning that the same craving can be tackled with half a slice or a couple of bites.
Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed your meal and hope you are well on your way back on plan!
Dana, I am really glad you are happy with your decision. It is YOUR decision after all and you are the one that needs to be happy with it. No one else.
This would have not worked for me, I also would have chosen different fare, It would put me in the wrong frame of mind, but again it doesn't make one bit of diffence what I would have done, this is you.
As for posting it and being honest with everyone here. That's exactly the positon that I took when I started this journey. I post everything here, my failures, successes, doubts, fears and all the other gory stuff. Including my starting weight, and from what I can see since I am only 5 feet tall, I have the HIGHEST starting BMI of ANYBODY currently here. Scary. Yes I truly wanted to be 1000% honest with the people here and this fabulous community, but I also want to be honest with MYSELF. It is a way for me to work through things and figure stuff out. And besides if people here can't read you correctly then how can that possilby benefit you?
I hope you have a good day today Dana and a great week ahead as well. And by the way I love your new avatar, you look so spunky.
You have to do what is right for you.... No one shold tell you not too.....
You just have to change your life eating habits....so try not to consider this a diet.... I was on the cruise, I did well and gained no weight, on the 4 hour drive home, my son wanted McDonalds....I dont do it ever... I had a double cheeseburger....and guess what Now its know as the best cheeeseburger i ever had! Really!!!! So Hang i there and make some cuts on intake next week
sex too - you know.. to work it off.... 
he is soooo funny. 
Though when I used to eat it, it did taste good but an hour later, it was tearing my stomach apart! I have not been able to handle fried foods well in a really long time, so that is a benefit to me...but I'm glad you enjoyed it! 
