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Old 01-14-2007, 02:41 PM   #1  
Fit by 50!
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Default My Hurdle: Overeating = Being a Hermit

Hi Everybody -

I'm new -- so I thought I'd just jump in, especially since one of my biggest hurdles is being a hermit. Now, if you were to work with me, or be around me, you wouldn't think I was an introvert or a loner--quite the opposite. But, when I overeat and don't take care of me (which is often, lately), I isolate myself.

I want to mention here that this isn't a post about feeling sorry for myself. Quite the opposite! I'm acknowledging my challenges, and I need to come clean to move forward. Secrecy is the weapon of my addiction.

As of late, I've cut myself off more and more from the world. I stay home most of the weekend, shun invitations, go out during off-peak times at the grocery store, etc. I feel uncomfortable in my skin. Unfortunately, this, in turn, encourages me to eat. My home is my own little fortress where I am protected from the eyes of judging strangers and people who might notice I've put on weight. I can pretend for a while that it doesn't matter if I'm eating things that are making me less healthy and causing me to gain weight. In fact, one of the old tapes in my head that inevitably runs when I'm eating blindly is, "I don't care. It doesn't matter."

I'm working now to be done with this. My one wish for myself this year is to begin to believe that I can live as a thin person. And my motto is "Fit by 50." I'm 48 and want to begin the next decade of my life without all the baggage, physical and emotional.

I want to thank you all for being here. I am SO GLAD I found this website, and I am so inspired reading all your posts and looking at your pictures! I look forward to when I can post my own before & after pictures!

Here's to a year of incredible growth and achievement for us all.
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Old 01-14-2007, 02:53 PM   #2  
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I am very introverted also.. I understand where you are coming from.
When you said "I feel uncomfortable in my skin" that is so how I use to feel.
Losing weight does help but I still have to make an real effort to get out and just try to live... I will always be that over weight girl deep down inside.
I make a point to try new things and get more involved in things around me.
If you looked at my life from the outside you would have no idea I was so introverted .. Its a daily process from me. Baby steps ..
Looking forward in getting to know you..
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Old 01-14-2007, 02:57 PM   #3  
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HI Nancy!

I look forward to getting to know you too -- I think we've all, or are, exactly in your shoes. I don't think you have to be at your goal to change your mind about hibernating, even a few small changes and some movement on that scale might be enough to kick us all out the door and rejoin the human race again!

I really liked what you said "secrecy is the weapon of my addiction" and I agree!!!

PS I KNOW this doesn't really matter, but YOU ARE SO DARNED CUTE!!!!
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Old 01-14-2007, 03:52 PM   #4  
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I feel the same way. (I hope that people won't mind that I posted here). This past semester in school were so diffcult for me. I NEVER ate at the dinning hall. I ONLY ate in my school and everytime my old friends would invite me somewhere I would make excuses. I also made excuses why I couldn't go home (I only live an hour away) because I didn't want them to see me. Like Nancy said when there is a one-on-one convo I feel completely relaxed however, when it is new people and new situations it is the complete opposite. I am SOO happy that there is someone that knows how I feel as well and knows that this is something I need to deal with in order to begin my weight loss efforts. Thanks

- my 2 cents
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Old 01-14-2007, 04:32 PM   #5  
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Smile Hi Nancy

I'm a lurker here..I don't post much, but I'm here every day. I'm also a hermit..right now, by circumstance (physically challenged), but in the past, by choice. It was always easier to just hide from the world than to take a chance on being hurt . My biggest problem with being homebound is having the 'food calling to me' . I love your quote 'secrecy is the weapon of my addiction'. I AM an ADDICT! Food is my 'drug of choice'..and I know how you feel. This is an awesome site, and I know that together we can do this!
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Old 01-14-2007, 04:39 PM   #6  
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What a great photo! And you live in the best part of the U.S., IMHO.

Nancy, I began my weight loss journey when I turned 49 and realized that I didn't want to spend my 50s fat, unhealthy, inactive, and withdrawn. Like you, I ate in secret (and even in secret from my family), and never wanted to go out and do anything. It was particularly hard on my adolescent kids (I've since apologized to them).

Losing weight was the best thing that I've done for myself and my family. Once the pounds started coming off, I noticed such a difference in my energy level, my social activity, and my willingness to go out and do things. I'm pretty shy so I still find it tough in social situations, but SO much better than it ever was. My 50s are turning out to be pretty darn great!

I wish for you the same amount of joy I feel at being fit and 50.

Last edited by Sheila53; 01-14-2007 at 05:58 PM. Reason: changed "unactive" to "inactive"--I blame it on menopause
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Old 01-14-2007, 05:25 PM   #7  
Fit by 50!
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Thanks for the comments, everyone!

Tracey - I so can relate. I think a lot about that overweight girl and whether or not she'll hang on even after the weight is gone.

Trazey - You are so right. I KNOW I don't have to be thinner to get out and do things--I just need to push past the fear. Oh, and it's amazing what taking a picture with the camera above your head can do for your face -- instant face lift! (Thanks for your kind words...)

Crescendo - Thank YOU for posting. It's always nice to know I'm not alone in how I feel. It's so easy to feel like I am.

homebound - I tend to lurk, as well. I'm so happy to have heard from you. I also see this as my addiction. Food is definitely the glue in my life. I hope to change that over time.

Sheila - You've inspired me!!! I want what you've achieved. Hopefully, being here is the push I needed to stay straight.
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Old 01-14-2007, 05:30 PM   #8  
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I've struggled with thinking about this thread since I first saw it. You probably wouldn't believe how many times I've read it and thought I want to post.
My problem is that I don't want anyone to think I'm being flippant. I'm not, I perfectly serious.
Let me first begin by saying that I have a social anxiety disorder (which is managed) but I think that might make a difference as to how you view my opinion.
Let me also say that I love my DH, my children, my job ... but ...

If I lived alone, I'd have the world by the tail!
Every day that I'm home alone ... everything goes according to me. I eat whatever I want. I exercise whenever and whereever I want ...
If I lived alone ...
I'd only buy my food. I could buy the expensive, off-season fruits because I'd only need one. I could buy one whole wheat bagel! I'd eat it whenever I wanted. I'd eat it off fine china in the bathtub if I wanted!
There would be no cookies in the cupboard nor white sugar in the pot. It'd be no fat soy milk in the fridge. There'd be heaps of chicken breast and awesome fish in the freezer.
I'd but soy bits in the chili.
I'd fill four one liter bottles with distilled water and put them in the fridge and drink one at any time during the day, knowing that the other three would still be there.
I'd be the only one responsible for the last green tea bag.
I could walk morning, noon or night!
I could jump up and do lunges in the middle of a movie.
I could subscribe to FitTV and watch it all day long.
My magazines would be on the coffee table.
I'd walk around in running tights, a cropped tank and running shoes all day.

Before this gets to sounding like the tirade of a middle-aged wife .... I'd better stop. I'd better say again that I love my family dearly and would never in a million years trade them for anything but .... that's the side where I see the grass greener.
I sincerely hope that perhaps I have helped a bit.
We want you to stay with us here at 3FC. We want to help. Really we do. Grow where you're planted Nancy and we'll help.
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Old 01-14-2007, 05:55 PM   #9  
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i know the feeling so well !!!!


im sooo much more comfortable on my couch, in my sweats watching tv and along with that comes a quick swing by the grocery store to pick up chips, candy, soda.... - sometimes so much that i want to fib to the cashier so it doesnt look like i am the only one eating it.

and i sit at home, fat and happy and eat and watch tv. push the ignore button when the phone rings and leave it at that.

i wish i had an answer for you or help for you, but i dont. i'd be inside for days if it wasnt for my dog jumping on me everytime he wanted to go out to play!

its so much of a mind over matter thing, i think. i force myself to walk, i force myself to not eat bad things...

sigh! you're not alone and the fight against it all is going to be so worth it when we get our results!!
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Old 01-14-2007, 06:36 PM   #10  
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I too know the feeling well. It's so much easier to just sit home then have to deal with the outside world. I always felt so diffrent then everybody, my clothing wasn't as good, my body wasn't as good, my movements wasn't as good, my energy level and so on and so on. So then you sit home and EAT MORE. It is a vicious, vicious cycle.

I also hid my social anxities very well. I'm still not sure how, but I think my friends, acquaintances and everybody that came in contact with me would be shocked to hear just how uncomfortable and how difficult a time I had being with people.

I am 43 and one of my big motivations was the big five oh lurking ahead of me. And I was terrified. I just didn't see many people my size at age 50. And I so want to be there for my kids and my as of yet unborn grandchildren. I was just sick and tired of settling for second best. Every day more torturous then the one before. So it was time to make a change, and though I've got a looong way to go, I already have much, much improvement in each and every aspect of my life, including socially. It's amazing what a little, all right a lot of weight can do to someone's mind. It's almost as damaging as what happens to the physical self.

Nancy I am sooo glad that you've found 3FC - you will love it here. And your motto is wonderful and just know that you ABSOLUTELY CAN BE FIT BY 50. It is so very doable. The best is yet to come for you. I'm really looking forward to getting to know you. Good luck!!!!
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Old 01-14-2007, 06:44 PM   #11  
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Oh, Nancy, I could have written your post. I won't go in to all my details, but we are so similar!! A lot of my issues I attribute to low self-esteem due to my weight and as I've been losing, it's getting easier, albeit slowly. I also have to convince myself to accept invitations -- something inside me thinks that they are just being nice by inviting me and won't miss me. The logical side of myself knows that's dumb and that I usually have a great time when I do go, but it's like I'm starting from scratch for each one I receive.

I've lost so many years to this kind of wrong thinking and I don't want to live like this anymore. Congrats to us for deciding to make a big change! Life is too precious to waste and that includes interacting with the world.
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Old 01-14-2007, 07:02 PM   #12  
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Nancy, Welcome! I'm glad you found us. It's surprising to me that so many of us feel that same way. Somedays I feel like I would be content to stay in my house forever (or at least until the food and the books ran out), away from the real world. The heavier I was, the more I felt that way. It still is such a burden sometimes to have to be "sociable", and unlike some of you, I don't think people in my 3-D world would be surprised to hear that I feel that way.

Too bad we can't have a 3FC party and force ourselves to get out together more.
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Old 01-14-2007, 07:40 PM   #13  
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I think a lot of us feel that way too. Thank goodness for 3fc!! I had one of those "if I had been home, this wouldn't have happened" issues just an hour or so ago on my daily walk......a car drove by and a young boy stuck his head out the window and yelled "FAT A$$" at me. Yeah, your a nice kid, thanks - I needed that. You know, it just made me walk that much brisker. One of these days I won't be that person he hollered out the window at.
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Old 01-14-2007, 07:55 PM   #14  
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Originally Posted by Mrs Quadcrew View Post
a car drove by and a young boy stuck his head out the window and yelled "FAT A$$" at me. Yeah, your a nice kid, thanks - I needed that. You know, it just made me walk that much brisker. One of these days I won't be that person he hollered out the window at.
I'm sorry you had to go through that. I remember in elementary school walking in a huge lineup of kids, and someone behind me saying "thunderbutt". I've mostly repressed that experience or I felt emotionally numb to my weight by then, but it hurts when I think about it now. Sometimes people can be mean. Thank goodness for 3fc

Crescendo - I feel the same! Sometimes I have trouble with one-on-one conversations still.. .. but it's gotten better. New people, new situations, and GROUPS - oh goodness... that's still so difficult for me. Welcome to 3FC - I hope you find what you are looking for here, this place is amazing

Last edited by beautifulone; 01-14-2007 at 08:03 PM.
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Old 01-14-2007, 08:02 PM   #15  
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Nancy, ! These forums are so wonderful, it's great to have you. There are so many people who have achieved their unique weight loss goals at many different ages, it's so inspiring. It's great to know that people have lost weight and kept it off at different weights, ages, and life situations. And then seeing the pictures just blows me away - for me, they are the total motivator. Recently I had my own pictures taken so that I have "Before" pictures as I continue losing weight along the weight, I am so excited for my next round of pictures and then the round after that and after that, until I finally take my "After" photos! Definitely motivating
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