[POOKIE88]

*

[shrinkingchica]

My problem is that I am turning into a 'normal' 22 year old girl and I find myself constantly criticizing my body and saying how fat I am. And I am serious, I do not say this for compliments from my friends and family. I really feel more like a big (insert unflattering word here) now.

I am more focused on losing the weight now then I was 100lbs ago.

I seem to have oddly enough, the exact opposite problem.

[Goddess Jessica]

Charlotte,

I think this is a serious issue because when we become hypercritical, we're more likely to give up because we're not worth it. It's harder for you because people don't know how you've struggled to get where you are because you are no longer fat! But in your mind, you're still a fat girl. Perplexing, yes?

I want you to make a conscious effort to remember that you're worth it! Critizing yourself, hating yourself, picking on yourself is not going to keep you thin, so CUT IT OUT. Be proud of how far you've come. Next time you think about something negative, make a conscious effort to think of something positive.

Jessica

[CLCSC145]

Pookie, I had the same problem about 5 years ago. I went from 299 to 166 in a year and felt terrific, but had about 20 pounds left to lose. It was almost as if the "spark" went out. I felt better, I looked better, and suddenly I forgot I had a goal. I was also really discouraged by the skin as I've been overweight since high school so what's stretched is stretched. I traded one negative body image (fat) for another (skin) and thought that parts of me looked better fatter. Now my regaining was in no way a conscious decision (I'm not stupid!), but as these thoughts were running around my head, I got a promotion and landed square in the most stressful job of my life followed two months later by 9/11. I began to binge again in response to the stress. I lost my focus and forgot why I was doing this - to be healthy. Now that I think about it, I was probably more interested in being thin and looking good than I was in being healthy, so that when I didn't look the way I wanted I lost the spark, which was accelerated by my response to stress.

Sorry for the rambling, but to sum up:

• The reality of my near-goal body did not match my expectations
• I should have been more focused on the reward of good health rather than appearance
• I failed to develop new coping skills that were not food-centric
• I was depending too much on my new body to elevate my self-esteem, so when it still bore the evidence of years of food abuse, I lost some of the steam to continue leaving me open to regaining

This time around, I'm trying to work on these things. But they're big things to change!

[rockinrobin]

Oh boy, this topic really scares me. I know this is going to sound insane, but I for one have never even been in this position before. I started gaining weight after marriage, almost 21 years ago, I'm now 43. I was never a yo-yo dieter. I barely dieted as an adult that is. I just went up and up and up. So I have zero past experience to go by. I have now lost some weight, no where near enough and am experiencing most of the things that pookie lists in her original post, the lack of stares, the feeling lighter, the smallest instead of the largest size....Yes I am feeling better, but I didn't start this to stop in the middle. At this point my motivation is my continued success, the continued health benefits,the increased activity, the even more stores to shop in and of course my children who are even giddier then me about my weightloss. I already have loose skin where from just the 65 lb weightloss, I can't imagine how atrocious it is going to get as I get further towards goal. But for me vanity was not my first or even my second reason for doing this. I will never have the perfect body, not even close. I have abused my body for too long and barring surgery it's just not going to be perfect. I have accepted that fact. But that was not my reason for losing weight. I did this because I was sick and tired of letting life just pass me by. I was not a participant in life. My weight has held me back from so many things. I was sick and tired of being so inactive. Sick of being afraid of heart disease and increased cancer risks. I pray that I can keep this momentum going and indeed make it to goal.. ANd I have every intention to. I will never have a stunning, fabulous body but I most definitely do not have to be overweight. It's all up to me.

[Heather]

This thread really resonates with me. I've lost almost 120 pounds, can fit into size 12s (at least some places!) -- down from a 28/30 -- and am the smallest I've been in my adult life. For the past 2 months I've had a hard time eating to lose -- I seem to eat an extra 100-200 calories/day relatively consistently .

I started all of this so that I would be healthier when I turn 50 than when I turned 40 -- so my focus has been health. That's helpful, because for now I have decided not to worry about the scale so much, but to focus on being healthy.

I've entered a kind of maintenance mode. Perhaps I'll lose a little while I'm here, but I think I need time to adjust to my new body, my new capabilities, without the stress of worrying about whether the scale goes down or not. I think this is a dangerous time, as I seem to be a little more apathetic or ambivalent and seem to be sabotaging my own efforts. I don't have the same control I did a year ago. But that's okay. I need to know I can do this without the motivation of the scale.

My plan is to basically change nothing. Keep logging food, keep going to the gym, keep doing everything that got me here. That's what I hear from the maintainers over and over. (Thank you all!)

I suspect that after a time, I will want to go further. I am at the upper end of overweight for my height right now, and for my long term health it is better to lose more. But I have already given myself an amazing gift -- the loss of about 120 pounds not only makes me more mobile, but I am less at risk of so many ailments.

I don't know when the time will come that I am ready to lose more. But I know that right now, I was feeling a bit like a failure because of my daily sabotages -- despite the great success so far.

So, that's how I'm dealing with this issue for now.

[Cheryl14]

This IS a fantastic topic! Thanks, Pookie, for bringing it to the 100 Pounds group!

I can relate to everyone's comments here! I have spent the last SIX MONTHS at the same weight. I don't go up, and I don't go down. I guess you can say that I am a GREAT maintainer! I have thought about my reasons for the stall in my weight LOSS. Here's what I came up with:

1) I now feel fantastic and have more energy than anyone I know.

2) I've gone down from a 26W to 14/16 tops and 18 jeans in Misses size.

3) I can shop in the Misses department after "vacationing" in the Plus size department for over 25 YEARS. This was HUGE for me!

4) I like to bake and cook AND sample my foods.

5) I like to join my husband for dinners out in restaurants.

6) I can keep up with Turbo Jam and am learning how to be a lot less clutsy with my newly-begun step aerobics. I'm 55, so I feel pretty good about that! I regularly walk between 5-6 miles at a time and HAVE done 10 a couple times.

7) I really DO have big bones! (Did the "reach-your-thumb-and-middle-finger-around-your-opposite-wrist" test, and there's nearly AN INCH gap between my fingers!!!) People do not believe that I weigh what I do.

8) I CONTINUE to get compliments on my weight loss as I can wear increasingly smaller sizes even though I am NOT losing any more POUNDS. Exercise is working wonders to firm me up.

9) Did I mention I LOVE to eat????

10) I look at pictures of myself at my highest weight (275) from Christmas 2000 and compare them with now, six years later (210), and really LIKE what I look like now compared to before.

I guess what frightens me is if I alter my eating and add more exercise and focus JUST on the weight loss to get to the 160 goal that I set, when I finally reach my goal will I be able to MAINTAIN that weight? I do not plan to go UP in weight again if I can help it. 160 MAY just not be realistic for me as a person.

I think if I had any health issues or couldn't DO things that I wanted to do I might feel differently.

Also, what REALLY rings true to me is the SKIN THING that CLCSC145 mentioned as well as the HORRENDOUS varicose veins that I have all over my legs. Not only do I have spider veins; I have the deep bunchy ones (Thanks Mom, Grandma, Great-Grandma etc.!!! ). They stand out more and more as my legs get smaller and the fat recedes to uncover the unsightly ripples made by the bulgy veins! I seriously doubt that I will EVER put on a bathing suit and/or shorts again! Yuk about my ugly legs! Even if I get to be the SIZE that I was at 25 when I was married, my body is NOT the BODY of a 25 year-old!

ANYWAY, that's my thinking on it all. I continue to watch what I eat and exercise. I really would like to reach ONEderland, but am not so sure that I can be a permanent resident there and get to eat the way I WANT to eat. That's the truth, and I'm sticking to it!

Anybody have any thoughts to help me rethink this?

Cheryl

Thanks!

[caseygail21]

Charolette- I am 20 years old, and I just have to say that I think it is amazing that you have lost that much weight. I don't know if you're the same but many of my friends are naturrally skinny, and it is almost disgusting lol. I know what it's like to be the big girl in the group when you're really not even that big. I don't know if that's your reasons for feeling "fat" but those were mine and I can deffinately relate to what your feeling. You just have to remember that you lost 100 lbs!!! That is amazing. Keep your head up, you will get to your goal. And remember people look at you as an inspiration. You should be proud of your new body!

[Lifeguard]

I'm so not there yet & my weightloss is going slowly but I am really optimistic that the path I am on is such a change in lifestyle & habits that I won't reach an "end" point but will just continue on because it is how I am living my life not a daily struggle. For now it is a daily struggle - but it is getting easier.

[boaterswife]

Rockinrobin, you and I are in much the same position. I've never dieted. I was heavy as a child. In high school the weigh fell off, literally. I stayed about 125 through high school and college, then started gaining when I got married. It's been going up steadily since then! I look back now and wonder why I didn't do this before! It seems almost EASY to me, but I believe that I was in the right spot in my life and in the right frame of mind to begin this journey. The skin thing does scare the heck out of me, though!

[rockinrobin]

Boaterswife, we really do have similar stories, I know this is gonna sound crazy as well, but I'm also not finding this so difficult. Don't shoot me anyone. Although I found the first 2 -3 weeks very hard. But now, not so much. Of course I have some harder days then others, but I've gotten through them. So far, so good. I also wonder why the heck didn't I do this earlier. But like you said it's the right frame of mind and the right place in one's life. For me I just got sick and tired of being fat and like a light bulb went on in my head - Hellloooo you most certainly DO NOT HAVE TO BE FAT.
The extra skin part is quite scary, given my short height and my high weight. But I think it would be even scarier to go through life with the weight on.

[shrinkingchica]

Thanks, Pookie, Jessica and Caseygail.
I appreciate it. And I do try to think positively but like caseygail says, when all of your friends are young thin and pretty, just being a normal size is, well, normal and no big accomplishment. For them, wearing a bikini at the beach is just something they do as a matter of fact, where as for me that would be the biggest nsv in my life!
And as for others mentioning the skin issue, well, it IS an issue and I look 'foward' to my ops but.......I mean they ARE ops and like pookie says, they are something that has to be dealt with and are a bit straining psychologically (if that makes sense).
I think that I have become much more focused on my body and watching how it can change and how I can MAKE it change (when it isn't being stubborn that is) and as a result I have become more critical of it.
I am proud that I have lost this weight but......it is a shame that I even had the problem of having to lose it in the first place. And I KNOW that all of you understand me on this point. I mean, our scale and ns victories are great and fabulous and terrific accomplishments for every single one of us but.......it totally sucks that we even are at the point where we have to lose weight.

[Heather]

I am proud that I have lost this weight but......it is a shame that I even had the problem of having to lose it in the first place. And I KNOW that all of you understand me on this point. I mean, our scale and ns victories are great and fabulous and terrific accomplishments for every single one of us but.......it totally sucks that we even are at the point where we have to lose weight.

Oh yes, yes, I do know what you mean. I have people congratulate me frequently for losing the weight, but I usually think "yes, but I let myself GET to that point, first!"

I mean, I'm proud of myself for losing the weight, but at the same time ashamed of having gained it in the first place!

[caseygail21]

I can completely relate to everything you said charlotte. But, be proud that you did realize you needed to lose the weight and not only that: YOU LOST IT! It is unfortunate that you got there in the first place but you are fortunate that you found the motivation and will power to lose it. All of that unhealthy eating will catch up with our "skinny" friends one day. But, even though we had to struggle at least we are learning at an early age how to eat healthy and exercise. This is somthing that will stick with us for the rest of our lives and I'm so happy that I'm figuring it out at such a young age Be proud of that body girl. I still have a little ways to go but you are almost there!!

[jtammy]

Wow, what a thread for thought. First off, Rockinrobin and boaterswife, WOW! I could have written parts of your posts. I've never really dieted either. I never yo-yo dieted. I just ate and ate and ate. I've just never made much effort to lose weight, but now that I have, it's not as hard as I thought it would be. I get to eat wonderful foods, I don't go around hungry, I feel great after I exercise, etc. Don't get me wrong, some days are harder than others, but it's not the daily struggle I always assumed it would be.


The thought of getting complacent about losing weight bothers me. I'm afraid that becoming complacent may lead back into old habits, which would lead back to weight gain. I feel like I have to be "always on " (always thinking about losing or at least controlling my weight) and that makes me tired, and almost makes me rebellious. And from what I read from the maintainers, the truth of the matter is that I will always have to be conscious of my weight and of what I eat. It concerns me that someday a time will come when I get tired of thinking about losing weight, and I push that to the back of my mind. What will happen then? Will the good habits that I have practiced for the last 16 months carry me through or not? I don't know, but it is something that I worry about.

Right after Thanksgiving, I did have a struggle for a couple of days, where I thought about trying to maintain for a while. In the end I decided to continue trying to lose right now. But I am slowly becoming happier with how I look, and I have occasionally thought, "even if I don't lose anymore....." I've had to buy new clothes again, and the thought occured to me that I could get more use out of them if I maintained for a while. NO. NO. NO. That's not really where I want to be right now. I still need to lose weight. I'm still obese for heaven's sake. Not even overweight.

Heather and Charlotte, I understand what you mean about being ashamed to have gained so much weight in the first place. A lady at church tonight asked how much weight I had lost. I told her, then she asked how much more I wanted to lose. I told her probably 50 more lbs. She made a sound, I don't know what she meant by it. Maybe she meant, wow what an accomplishment that will be, but what went through my head was, wow how does someone get to be so fat that they need to lose 180 lbs. So yeah, I'm proud of having lost 130 lbs, but it sucks that I still need to lose another 50!