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Archive for March, 2014

Store Mirrors

This is going to be short and sweet.  I walked past a store mirror today.  Normally I scurry past it not wanting to see myself and how bad I look.  Today I paused…is that me?  Really?  Wearing yoga pants (tasteful ones), my workout hoodie, and my hair pulled back and actually looking…good?  I’m embarrassed to say I stared for a minute.  Could that normal sized girl with hope shining in her eyes really be me?  Yes, yes it was!

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Running Outside

Harder than running indoors for sure!  I didn’t feel like I broke any records, but it’s a start!  Just like walking I’m setting up goals and trying to increase each time.  I’m not sure if I’ll ever be a full time runner, but I won’t know unless I try.

Today I walked over 3 miles at the park.  Each time I circled around I’d come to a certain tree and start sprinting.  I made it my goal to run on that side until I got to a manhole cover a little piece down the trail.  I’d say when it was all said and down out of that 3 mile walk I ran about 1/4 mile (probably less).  But, that doesn’t matter.  I did it!  Next time I’ll push myself a little harder and go a little further.  This is a work in progress, so I’m not setting up unreachable goals that will only frustrate me.

Everyone is talking about spring around the corner and how they are breaking out the shorts.  LOL I’m not quite ready for shorts but maybe if I keep up with my walking and running I will!

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Never ever could  I run.  My throat would be ragged from heavy breathing within SECONDS of starting.  My legs would give out, just too darn weak to carry my weight.  Didn’t matter even when I got down to my lowest weight.  Running was still somehow out of reach.

After my last regain, I decided I wanted to be smarter about my weight loss.  First I had put on 35 lbs (ish) in about a year’s time.  I made a firm decision that it took me a YEAR to put it on, so there was no rush to lose the weight quickly or set unrealistic goals.

Secondly I decided I had to change up my exercising.  Previously I lost a lot of weight simply walking.  It’s amazing when you walk an average 10-15 miles (on some odd days even 20!) how quickly the pounds drop off.  Was this a bad thing?  Well, the weight loss was great.  In hindsight though, maintaining a 10+ mile goal 7 days a week was not reasonable at all!  Sure I was capable of walking that far, but at what cost?  I decided I didn’t want to spend MORE time exercising, I wanted to exercise more efficiently!  I know people who spend HOURS at the gym.  That’s not me!  Don’t get me wrong I love to exercise, but for me the goal is to strengthen my body to do fun activities not spend more time at the gym 🙂

So here I am now.  Got back into walking, but I shoot for 5 miles a day average.  Sometimes more, sometimes less.  I do not beat myself up about it!  I also added strength training to my routine.  Boy was that scary!  My flabby arms,  jelly legs, jiggly belly.  I solved some of those problems…bought a nice workout shirt with long sleeves that keep my arms in check, purchased good walking shoes that eliminated my foot pain, and invested in a nice tummy controller to stop the belly wiggle 🙂  So the firs time of weight training it’s sobering to set the weights and realize 15 # is a struggle for my arms, and in spite of thinking my legs were super duper in shape I struggle with leg strengthening.  I didn’t let it stop me though.  See, when you realize you are physically weak you need to push through those fears and disappointments and see this as a journey.  At 15# I had uncovered the first stone.  As I continue to do this and uncover more stones I will find greater treasures and success.

I set no lofty expectations for what strength training would do for me.  I went into it with the hope I’d simply get a bit stronger and more toned.   You can imagine my surprise when the other day I’m putting on my nightgown and suddenly notice my arms.   Hmmm…not so flabby.  Beach ready?  Probably not, but noticeably tighter and more well defined.  Do I also detect a firmness to my waist?  Slightly more definition?  I don’t think my eyes are deceiving me because my jeans fit better.  Lastly, as I’m walking yesterday I suddenly get inspired to run!  Can I run?  Have I ever ran?  No no only failed attempts that left me too tired and breathless to even walk.  Yesterday I set a goal to run 1 min.  So I’m running, listening to my music, and smiling, as I hit the 1 minute mark and continue to run.  5 Min later I stop, my heart is racing, and I am still smiling.  I can feel my heart pumping and I feel absolutely wonderful!

I don’t know if I’m ready to run a 5K yet, but it’s suddenly a possibility!  What a great feeling!  When I think back at my heaviest weight, 352 lbs, I can’t believe how far I’ve come.  At my highest weight I used to gasp for breath sitting at my desk.  I couldn’t find clothes that fit.  I hated myself…how I looked, how I felt.  It was the saddest loneliest part of my life.  For being so large, I felt so small.  I’m so glad I’m not “her” anymore.  I love being able to do normal things that people take for granted.  Breathing normally, shopping for clothes, running, and most importantly loving myself!  This has been an amazing journey!

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