263.4 Re Re Again + Fitbit and Lose It: Never Give Gonna Give [me] Up

I’m baaaaack!  It is official.  I am done with WW.  It does not work for me.  I just haven’t followed through on the online version and I am tired of paying for something I don’t use.  I have been good about weighing myself but tracking points… not so good.

Still I refuse to give up.  I must “health” (not going to use that D word) or die trying… literally.  I started using the Lose It app on my iPad last week and just got a Fitbit.  Using the Lose It app was very easy especially scanning the foods I ate.  Restaurant meals are trickier and I think there is more chance to fudge on calories.  Speaking of calories.  I really like the way it uses calories and not “points” which WW seems to change the calculation formula of periodically.  Calories are calories.

I am going to try using the Fitbit to try to increase my mobility.  Bottom line:  6 months of WW vs price of Fitbit.  I am willing to try it since exercise is such a challenge for me and I know that that is my downfall.  I was going to the gym until various life changes threw me off track (or I let them throw me off track).  Bottom line:  not going to stop trying. : D

Motivation Wax On, Wax Off

254.8  Tottering forward, one baby step at a time.  I don’t have a day that I don’t dip into my Weekly WW Points pool but I have lost 5 lbs in 4 weeks, though it only seems to be about half a pound a week at the moment.

I ate the daily WW points allotment today and was starving by tonight even though I ate vegies, fruits, lean meat, yadda yadda yadda.  I just ate 16 points of homemade popcorn (1/8  cup butter and oil combo and 1/2 cup popcorn) washed down with a NA beer and I feel 100% better.  I am craving carbs and I feel that if I deprive myself I am way more likely to fail in the end.

The big step forward is that  I measured the oil and popcorn and figured out how much I was eating.   Also, it was a minimally processed food made from scratch that did not come in a bag with a long list of ingredients.  I had an air popper at one point but honestly the popcorn tasted like poo (cardboard actually, stale and tasteless).  The old school stove top popcorn tastes pretty awesome but not so greasy that it is really bad like the stuff you get at the movies.

Really the big thing I need to move forward on is the exercise piece.  Making excuses not going to the gym.  Tomorrow. I. Will. Go.

I have been watching the MTV show I Used to Be Fat and it is pretty inspiring.

Gym Again

I went back to the gym yesterday. (sound of hearty back-patting)  Good warm-up on treadmill (I burned almost 50 pounds (I wish) I mean calories in a little more than 10 minutes).  The nautilus circuit went much smoothly and I even felt a little sore this morning (not working today and slept in till 9 AM so it might have been that I stayed in bed, too long, but whatever).  I am washing my gym “pants” that I got at Goodwill, my first stop for shopping; a nice roomy pair of heavy-duty, black jersey-knit longish capris.  Still learning my way around the place.   I really appreciate Jen Lancaster’s book, Such a Pretty Fat.  Inspires me not to give in to self-consciousness but to keep plugging away and “get ‘er done.”

Weighed on the Wi Fit and lost 4 pounds from last time I weighed (24 days ago).  Weight is 262.   Feel like I am at a starting point.  I have been eating a lot of natural, organic foods, and cutting back on eating out and I really want to do this without “Franken Foods” this time.  I lost weight on WW in ’01 but ate a lot of fat-free, fake stuff and I feel like I need to eat “clean” stuff and set a pattern for life-long healthy eating this time.

I am tempted to try WW online.  I did lose on WW before but am not interested in all the prefab food stuff that is a big part of a lot of WW dieters arsenals.  I guess I can poke around the WW boards and see if there are folks trying to lose on this kind of diet.  All those frozen meals and pre-packaged small portions are not environmentally friendly.  I want to be lean and green.  Is that too much to ask?  I don’t think so!

Truly, Morbidly, Obesely: My Wakeup Fall

9 years ago I weighed 260 lbs and I joined a gym and I joined Weight Watchers and I lost almost 50 pounds and was way healthier and then sh!#, excuse me, I mean life happened and I fell off the wagon and stopped exercising and starting eating crap and so on and so and the weight began creep, creep, creeping back up.  I endured 9 months of failures at WW weigh-ins which frequently included the lovely extra of having the staff member weighing me giving me sour, disapproving looks, as she filled out my booklet, which now charted my rising weight gain instead of loss.  I finally got tired of the shame and gave up on WW completely.  At the time I had a lot going on in my life (grad school, full-time employment plus a couple of side jobs, and family commitments including a wayward teenager and two intermittently ailing parents with assorted cancers, heart problems, and other issues).  I figured I would tackle getting healthy when things settled down.  “Things” didn’t ever really settle down and I am now 9 years older and just as overweight as before and noticeably more unhealthy; arthritis in feet, knees, neck, and other places, frequent hip pain, some back pain, high blood pressure, and reflux.  The other day I had a pretty bad fall when I tripped on a broken piece of sidewalk and I can’t help but wonder to myself, “If I was healthier (i.e. stronger and trimmer), would I have been less injured or maybe even avoided the fall?”

So, here I am.  I definitely don’t want to go back to WW, even though I lost weight while OP last time and my doctor has suggested several times that I go back.  I just feel too turned off by WW even if it did work for me when I followed the program and had a nice sense of community (especially in the online forums).  My big issues with WW are that it was a constant financial drain (membership dues and WW swag and foods) and encouraged too much of a “true-believer” mentality.  First off, I think it is a total double-speakin’ lie that WW is not a diet.  Weight Watchers is a diet.  Fact.

Then there are the meetings.  I do not want to go to them again, ever.  When I first joined WW, I tried to be all enthusiastic about them and get in the spirit, clapping for other members “success” and raising my hand to trumpet my own.  In the end it was majorly depressing to listen to the WW newbies’ chirpy tales of a joyous .4 pound loss while on vacation (whoopty freakin’ do) while my weight was going up no matter what I was doing.

Next proverbial bone (or bones) of contention:  the leaders.  They generally had just a leetle too much of gung-ho,  culty vibe for my taste.  I did really like one of my WW leaders who, I think, had been a real fat girl before WW.  She seemed to have an ongoing struggle with food especially peanut butter.   At the time I quit, she was “in trouble” and on some kind of WW “probation” for being over her “Goal” weight. I can easily imagine her being subjected to a WW court martial by the bone leaders who only lost 15 pounds to get to their “Goal” weight and will never really understand how it feels to be truly morbidly obese.

Another issue with trying to redo my previous WW thing is that while doing WW, I ate a lot of low-cal “Frankenfood” in order to stay in my points range.  I have moved away from eating that kind of over-processed stuff in the last 9 years.   I am not even sure if I want to even mess with the points system because  I have gotten rid of all the cookbooks and WW stuff that I bought last time and don’t want to to go backwards.  I think I am going to use the old timey method of counting calories, fat, fiber, etc.

My current dietary thing is to eat food that is as all natural and low-processed as possible.  I eat a lot of organic food and very little meat.  The majority of the meals I fix for my family are vegan.   I think if I just write down what I eat and count calories and EXERCISE (I will rant on that later cause it is my biggest issue) and can do this thing.

I visited 3FC before and I have always liked the site.  I think I can find the support community thing here.   I am going to use My Net Diary to count calories and stuff.  I joined that before Christmas but have been fooling with it on an intermittent basis.  It has an exercise log section, too.  I also plan to join a gym.

Well here’s to the next year!  I hope to chart some success based on my own best efforts to really change my lifestyle for good and not just temporarily while I participate in a “program” that I am pretty sure, based on past experience, that I will eventually lose interest in.