It’s Complicated – 258 lbs

Wishing it was that easy….

So, I went off my reflux meds and relapsed and got back on them but it turns out that my insurance company would only let me have half the strength I had been taking.  I figured this out a week after going back on the pills when they were working intermittently and I finally checked the dosage and discovered it was for 20mgs instead of the 40 I had been taking.  Turns out my insurance company is not going to pay unless I go through a lengthy appeals process and win.  My doc wrote me a script for the name brand, Nexium, but it was fifty frickin’ dollars a pop and it turns out my insurance company will ixnay that after 90 days. All things considered, I figure it would be easier to just quit taking the drugs and make MAJOR diet/lifestyle changes to compensate for their loss than deal with the hassle of trying to get them paid for when I really don’t want to take them anyway.

I have come up with a plan of action which involves careful food choices and not eating past 5ish in the PM.  I have been trying this out for a week and it seems to be working.  I was feeling pretty ill when I started (ate something spicy and cheesy which prompted me to investigate the dosage info on my prescription after I got sick).  A diet to control reflux is a lot more restricted than a diet for someone taking the meds.  No chocolate, caffeine, or mint which relax the LES.  No greasy or spicy foods which ramp up production of stomach acid.

I think I am going to be better off in the long run and it has really helped me manage my eating in general since I am not eating at night.  I actually finish eating for the day before I get home on most days.  I am taking 2 vegan Boca burger sandwiches and that is my basic food when eating away from home.  I have also been eating bananas and had some green beans tonight.  I need to cook some stuff ahead to take but haven’t gotten around to it.

I am eating two scrambled eggs and 2 oz of cheese on two slices of toast for breakfast each day.  My food intake is basically and inverted pyramid and I eat the Boca sandwiches and other stuff in small mini-meals throughout the day.  By the night, I am satisfied and have not felt hungry yet.

Weightwise, my weight shot back up to 262 and then down to 255.5 and back to 258.  Overall, my reflux diet plan is lower in calories and more structured than the way I was eating and I am hoping to get more good results.

I am learning to research food and other stuff that I put into my body carefully.  Did you know that eucalyptus oil and menthol aggravate reflux and so most cold lozenges are off limits.  Halls makes a non-mentholated lozenge (Breezers)  which do the trick.    I am working hard to make lemonade out of this situation… just can’t drink it.  Citrus fruits and juice are a reflux no-no!

Weighing In at 259.5

I weighed on the Wii on Monday and I lost 2.4 pounds.  Feels good to see the numbers coming down.  I went to the gym three time last week and walked over 10 minutes on the tread mill and completed two Nautilus circuits each time.  I was working on a third Nautilus circuit on Sunday but had to stop halfway because it was closing time.

I am noticing a significant decrease in my general arthritis-y  achiness and an increase in my mood.  I quit taking the Omeprazole and just eat four generic Tums before bed (which is elevated 3.5 inches BTW – need another piece of wood to get it up to six).  One med down, two to go (Lisonopril and water pill, both for HBP, are the other two I am hoping to drop).  If I can kick the drugs, I will save $27.00 per month which is more than half of my monthly gym fee.  I figure the gym will pay for itself if it saves me money in medical costs.

I am really encouraged to keep up the good work because I read that one of the latest theories on why obesity is so bad for me is that it triggers inflammation which in turn triggers an array of health issues; cancer, diabetes, etc.  This theory says that exercise actually acts as an anti-inflammatory and that sounds like just what I need. Article on this issue.

So, “Go Me!”  To the gym that is.  Went on Sunday and plan to go tonight and Friday after work and again on next Sunday.

Gym Again

I went back to the gym yesterday. (sound of hearty back-patting)  Good warm-up on treadmill (I burned almost 50 pounds (I wish) I mean calories in a little more than 10 minutes).  The nautilus circuit went much smoothly and I even felt a little sore this morning (not working today and slept in till 9 AM so it might have been that I stayed in bed, too long, but whatever).  I am washing my gym “pants” that I got at Goodwill, my first stop for shopping; a nice roomy pair of heavy-duty, black jersey-knit longish capris.  Still learning my way around the place.   I really appreciate Jen Lancaster’s book, Such a Pretty Fat.  Inspires me not to give in to self-consciousness but to keep plugging away and “get ‘er done.”

Weighed on the Wi Fit and lost 4 pounds from last time I weighed (24 days ago).  Weight is 262.   Feel like I am at a starting point.  I have been eating a lot of natural, organic foods, and cutting back on eating out and I really want to do this without “Franken Foods” this time.  I lost weight on WW in ’01 but ate a lot of fat-free, fake stuff and I feel like I need to eat “clean” stuff and set a pattern for life-long healthy eating this time.

I am tempted to try WW online.  I did lose on WW before but am not interested in all the prefab food stuff that is a big part of a lot of WW dieters arsenals.  I guess I can poke around the WW boards and see if there are folks trying to lose on this kind of diet.  All those frozen meals and pre-packaged small portions are not environmentally friendly.  I want to be lean and green.  Is that too much to ask?  I don’t think so!


Yesterday I went to the gym (cue dramatic music).  I went last Friday and had one of my free sessions with a personal trainer to get an overview of the machines (Nautilus).  Yesterday, I finally went back for my first real workout.

Started very slow with about 12 minutes on the treadmill to warm up and then did the circuit of machines twice, with eight reps each, as recommended by the trainer, a cool lady, upper 50’s to early 60’s. It was very encouraging that there are a lot of older folks with equally flabby parts using this gym.  It is all about getting fit to live rather than trying to look hot.  I saw an obit in today’s paper for a woman who is 59 and she had a really fat face and an unhappy expression.  I have a co-worker who is now walking with a cane (same age range).  My weight is my one and only health risk.  It is the root of all my other growing problems, escalating BP, arthritis, reflux, etc.

One of the best things about going to the gym last night was that I went there instead of eating a big ole greasy burger at 5 Guys.  For some reason every Friday I have this overwhelming urge to go out and have a big ole burger meal or go to Moe’s for a naked burrito and chips or some other equally calorie-laden indulgence.  It felt good to go to the gym. which is paid for instead of spending money (or getting my husband to spend money) on eating out.

I know it was a baby step cause it was the first time in a long time, but that is what it takes.  Alot of baby steps will get me where I am going better than a sprint and a cop out.  Easy does it.  : )

Still Struggling

I’ve been floundering around with this and trying to get headed in the right direction. Lost a few pounds.  Gained a few back.  Got the old food scale out and am intermittently weighing food.  Not consistently writing down my food.  I went and joined the gym by my job today.  Time to pull it together.  Measure/weigh the food, write it down, keep the calorie count to a reasonable amount and EXERCISE.  Okay.  I love it when a plan comes together.  That’s the A plan.  There is no plan B.  There is only do or not do.  There is no try or something Yoda-ish like that.  Get er done.  End of rant.

On the Eighth Day

I have had a good week mainly focusing on journaling what I eat and watching my daily calorie count come down as the week went on.  It is helping me be more mindful about things like, “If I have this, then I can have more or less of that depending on what “this” is.

I am trying get it down under 2000 cals per day.  That sounds high compared to diets I used to do, but I think it is low enough and not too much of a shock to the system.  I have eaten more vegies and high quality carbs this week.  Feels like I am on the right track.

Much thanks to decemberkitty for the comment on my last post.  I saw it while on on my lunch break just before eating and it was really a nice mood booster.  : )

The journey continues…


Had a serious lapse of judgement last night and ate crap at a McDonald’s drive-thru.  I was hungry and tired and feeling kind of  _________(fill in the blanks with a feeling that is not really all that bad but not all that good) and I just turned in and got some sh!# in a bag and a big ole high fructose-filled drink.  Blahhhhh!  So gross. I think the Imp of the Perverse of dieting came out to poke at my resolve.  Back, back, I say!

Got to admit that when I am stressed I tend to eat and sometimes I eat lousy food.  I have really been working on NOT eating crappy food for the last two years so it is kind of a drag to just have a relapse like that.  But yesterday is now in the past and we are moving forward.  (Later I watched a really good film, [email protected],  about older people in a choral group.  Most of them were not morbidly obese just a little padded in places.  It was very inspiring and also makes me feel I am on the right road, just trying to get healthy rather than trying to get “thin”.)

Bought the 8th Edition of Corine Netzer’s Food Counts today and began a serious tally of my calories.  I picked it up at BN along with some other goodies; Elaine Pagel’s latest, Escape From Freedom by Fromm, and Jenna Jamison’s bio.  What can I say?  My taste is really broad.  : )  So today was a pretty good day.  I ate a piece of my daughter’s birthday cake that put my count up too high for losing but it was a really good cake (from a real bakery) and I ate the 5 veggies including a sweet potato.

Next up:  stop by the gym next to my job and check it out.  I am really trepidatious about joining.  Afraid I won’t follow through.  Time to pull out my inner Yoda cause like he said, “There is no try.”  To quote another master of wisdom, “Git ‘er done!”

Click here to see Young @ Heart sing I Wanna Be Sedated.  So awesome!

Truly, Morbidly, Obesely: My Wakeup Fall

9 years ago I weighed 260 lbs and I joined a gym and I joined Weight Watchers and I lost almost 50 pounds and was way healthier and then sh!#, excuse me, I mean life happened and I fell off the wagon and stopped exercising and starting eating crap and so on and so and the weight began creep, creep, creeping back up.  I endured 9 months of failures at WW weigh-ins which frequently included the lovely extra of having the staff member weighing me giving me sour, disapproving looks, as she filled out my booklet, which now charted my rising weight gain instead of loss.  I finally got tired of the shame and gave up on WW completely.  At the time I had a lot going on in my life (grad school, full-time employment plus a couple of side jobs, and family commitments including a wayward teenager and two intermittently ailing parents with assorted cancers, heart problems, and other issues).  I figured I would tackle getting healthy when things settled down.  “Things” didn’t ever really settle down and I am now 9 years older and just as overweight as before and noticeably more unhealthy; arthritis in feet, knees, neck, and other places, frequent hip pain, some back pain, high blood pressure, and reflux.  The other day I had a pretty bad fall when I tripped on a broken piece of sidewalk and I can’t help but wonder to myself, “If I was healthier (i.e. stronger and trimmer), would I have been less injured or maybe even avoided the fall?”

So, here I am.  I definitely don’t want to go back to WW, even though I lost weight while OP last time and my doctor has suggested several times that I go back.  I just feel too turned off by WW even if it did work for me when I followed the program and had a nice sense of community (especially in the online forums).  My big issues with WW are that it was a constant financial drain (membership dues and WW swag and foods) and encouraged too much of a “true-believer” mentality.  First off, I think it is a total double-speakin’ lie that WW is not a diet.  Weight Watchers is a diet.  Fact.

Then there are the meetings.  I do not want to go to them again, ever.  When I first joined WW, I tried to be all enthusiastic about them and get in the spirit, clapping for other members “success” and raising my hand to trumpet my own.  In the end it was majorly depressing to listen to the WW newbies’ chirpy tales of a joyous .4 pound loss while on vacation (whoopty freakin’ do) while my weight was going up no matter what I was doing.

Next proverbial bone (or bones) of contention:  the leaders.  They generally had just a leetle too much of gung-ho,  culty vibe for my taste.  I did really like one of my WW leaders who, I think, had been a real fat girl before WW.  She seemed to have an ongoing struggle with food especially peanut butter.   At the time I quit, she was “in trouble” and on some kind of WW “probation” for being over her “Goal” weight. I can easily imagine her being subjected to a WW court martial by the bone leaders who only lost 15 pounds to get to their “Goal” weight and will never really understand how it feels to be truly morbidly obese.

Another issue with trying to redo my previous WW thing is that while doing WW, I ate a lot of low-cal “Frankenfood” in order to stay in my points range.  I have moved away from eating that kind of over-processed stuff in the last 9 years.   I am not even sure if I want to even mess with the points system because  I have gotten rid of all the cookbooks and WW stuff that I bought last time and don’t want to to go backwards.  I think I am going to use the old timey method of counting calories, fat, fiber, etc.

My current dietary thing is to eat food that is as all natural and low-processed as possible.  I eat a lot of organic food and very little meat.  The majority of the meals I fix for my family are vegan.   I think if I just write down what I eat and count calories and EXERCISE (I will rant on that later cause it is my biggest issue) and can do this thing.

I visited 3FC before and I have always liked the site.  I think I can find the support community thing here.   I am going to use My Net Diary to count calories and stuff.  I joined that before Christmas but have been fooling with it on an intermittent basis.  It has an exercise log section, too.  I also plan to join a gym.

Well here’s to the next year!  I hope to chart some success based on my own best efforts to really change my lifestyle for good and not just temporarily while I participate in a “program” that I am pretty sure, based on past experience, that I will eventually lose interest in.

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