Weigh in

August 27th, 2008

Surprise! Nothing much has changed.  THIS SUCKS.  I am 148.6.  Oh, and last week?  I didn’t get the numbers right.  Last week I gained!  It was under a pound, but still, just so the record is clear, I GAINED WEIGHT LAST WEEK.  This week I lost .6 of a pound.

I am sticking to my plan of no food logging during this final vacation of the summer.  My goal is to maintain where I am, not gain anything.  I think I can do it.

But after that, I need to get my ass in gear and DIET again.  My original goal was to get to 150 and I’m still proud of myself for getting there, but I need to lose more.

So new goal: lose 13.6 pounds to get to 135 lb BY HALLOWEEN.  October 31.  That’s the goal.  It’s completely doable if I just buckle down an do it.

Weigh in Schmway in

August 13th, 2008

This sucks hard.  I lost one pound.  In two weeks.  After having gained more than one pound.  So I am not even back to my “best” weight of three weeks ago.  WAAAAHAHHHHHH!  So frustrating.  Weight today: 148.4.  Lowest weigh in three weeks ago was I think 148.2.

Also, it was my four-week measurement day.  EXACTLY THE SAME, INCH PER INCH, ON EVERY PART OF MY BODY.  I did not lose so much as 1/16 of an inch over the last four weeks.  So, basically, I have made ZERO progress in a month, a month in which I worked my ass off, though I was not completely on food plan.  BUT STILL!  Shit!

It is hot as balls outside and my retarded family wants brats cooked on the grill for dinner.  My effing legs ache and I am walking like a 90-year-old.  Let me say it again, WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

camp.JPGWe’re home safe and sound from the girl scout camp out.  I enjoyed it for the most part and enjoyed mobile blogging about it on my new blog.  I’m telling you, mobile blogging, you have to give it a try. Too much fun!

So one of the GS moms is camera-happy and snaps about a zillion pics of everything we do and I have been hiding from her camera for the last three years, but lately I’m feeling so good about my fine self that I don’t hide from cameras anymore!  At the end of the camp out, I took her SD card and copied the 200 photos to my computer and I a just now looking through them and, guess what guys?  I’m still fat!  Who knew?  What a kick in the head.

I’m not being too hard on myself.  I fully acknowledge and celebrate the fact that I have lost 35 lbs and look a hell of a lot better in these photos than I looked before but, hello, chubby much?  And why the hell couldn’t I have looked at the photos and had this epiphany BEFORE I spent three days gorging on chips, cheetos, candy, hot dogs, etc. 

Hopefully this little reality check will be the catalyst to getting back on plan. 

Thanks to everyone who emailed re: the other blog.  I wonder why the comments are not working for some?  I am not savvy enough to figure it out, sorry!  We are taking the kids to a giganto water park this coming weekend and I can’t wait to mobile blog about that!  And I will be there hitting the slides in my bathing suit even though I’m still a fatty, so there.

Photos: one is the river that our property is on where we did the camp out.  It’s really lovely.  The other is our campfire (fueled by lighter fluid, thanks DH!).  I’m the chubby one in the grey sweats, standing, probably shoving some kind of food product into my mouth.campfire.JPG

tantrum2.jpgOkay, that may be a slight exaggeration, but I am soooooo NOT in the mood to be the mom today.  DH is off camping, and DD9 has a big! festive! fun! exciting! VBS kick off BBQ today after church.  And I get to take her by myself, in the stupid heat, wearing my big stupid-ass glasses and probably eating BBQ when I was on a quest to stay on my food plan today.  Oh, and while I’m doing that I’ll be NOT doing the proofreading that has to be finished without exception today.  So I’ll get to do that tonight, yipee!

 Everything is stupid, stupid, stupid and I hate it.  (No, I am not a 4-year-old, I only play one on the Internet.)

lasik.jpgI’ve worn contacts since I was in the sixth grade.  I graduated from high school in 1984, which means I’ve been wearing contacts for something like 100 years, plus or minus.  I had my lasik eval today after having to push it back and push it back and now that I’ve gone in I am still totally on the fence about the whole thing, even though my brother has had it and loves it, my husband has had it and loves it, one brother in law and one sister in law, had it/love it, and a really good friend and her DH, both had it, both love it.

First up, the cost.  It’s about double what I was expecting to hear.  The doc that I went to does not advertise cost, but they do advertise that they are not like the ‘discount lasik chains’ out there, so I knew it would be pricey.  But $2k per eye, I was not prepared for.

Second, I kind of felt like the doc was giving me a sales pitch.  Let me revise that… the doc was giving me a sales pitch, which I guess is OK, it’s his job to get people to have lasik, but still, it felt kind of cheezy. 

Third, I am such a chicken shit.  I came thisclose to having it done three years ago when DH had his, and after watching his procedure I chickened out.  I’ve regreted it ever since, but do I regret it enough to go through with it now?

So, more thinking to do, which is kind of disappointing, because I thought I would go in today and just be totally swept off of my feet and ready to take the plunge with no hesitation, and I’m not, so, crap, back to thinking about it.  I’m really big on the doing, not so much on the thinking.  If I think about something for too long, I eventually just blow it off and nothing happens.

Allegra?

June 15th, 2008

allergies.jpgWhen I first started to feel crummy, I wrote it off as low calories and giving blood in the same day.  But that was Thursday, now it’s Sunday, and I still feel kind of crummy.  I switched from Claritin to Allegra for allergies last week on Tuesday.  I wonder if that’s part of the problem?  I felt really jittery this morning after my run, then really tired, and after a little rest I feel OK again.  Hmmmm…. something to investigate.  Anyone out there have an opinion on the no. 1 best way to deal with seasonal allergies?  I’m dying over here.

Not off to a great start

June 15th, 2008

frustration.jpgThis day is not getting off to a great start.  I just got back from a somewhat puny run.  My goal of 5 miles is feeling very distant to me right now, unachievable.  My mini-goal for tomorrow is just to get back to 3.1 miles of all run, no walk.

DH and DD9 are off camping this weekend.  I couldn’t go because I have too much work to do.  I had a restless night.  Can’t blame that on DH being gone, though, because I haven’t been sleeping very well with him here either.

Woke up to a crying cat.  Got up and made sure she was not locked in the bedroom with me, but no, the door was open, so she was free to go to her food and her box.  Got up and got ready for my run, headed downstairs to be greeted with a giant mound of cat poop on my new shag rug from Ikea.  $&*^%! Cat!!  Went into the bathroom to get cleaning supplies and found a big puddle of cat pee on the brick floor.  Ugh!  Threw the cat outside, but she ran back in when I finally left for my run after cleaning up her messes.  We had this problem a while back, and then it went away, and if it is back now I don’t know what I am going to do because I really cannot deal with an incontinent cat in my life right now.  Not to sound harsh, but I just can’t.  I guess my attachment to the cat isn’t all that strong, because if she’s going to be pooping on rugs and peeing on floors she has got to go.

Went into the kitchen to get a yogurt before I left and the garbage is literally overflowing.  My last words to DS19 before I went to bed were don’t forget to take out the trash.  Don’t worry, mom, I’m on it.  Thank God DH is not home or WWIII would have errupted over this.  DS19 has been extremely lazy lately (lazier than normal, which is saying something) and DH is ready to kill him.

Added to the garbage situation, the kitchen was a complete disaster from DD21 and DS’s girlfriend making smoothies last night.  Yes, they made them with low fat yogurt and they were really good but, hello, clean up your eff-ing mess when you’re done.  Jeez.

Final straw is that I am having huge allergy issues, eyes are just watering like crazy to the point I am having trouble focusing to read.  And I need to be able to read, because I still have work to do.  Not much, thankfully, I am almost done, but it’s still hard to focus and concentrate when you’ve got tears flowing down your face and your eyes itch.

I guess that wasn’t the final straw.  Sorry!  Actually, the big underlying issue to all my bad karma I think has to do with DD21 and her upcoming move.  I am having a really hard time dealing with her.  She lives here in my house for another couple of weeks, and I can’t be nice to her.  I am trying, but I can’t.  I am angry.  I am angry at her choices and her lifestyle choices and it makes me snarky and mean, and snarky and mean is not how I want to spend my last few weeks with her before she is 2,000+ miles away.  But I am being snarky and I am being mean and I don’t know how to stop.

Time to hit the shower and then go to church, then back home again to finish up the last of the hearing that I am transcribing.  Then a late lunch/early supper @ 3 pm with two girlfriends, halleluiah!

images.jpgI am really angry with myself.  I screwed around this week here and there when I should have been working, and as a result I have deadlines to meet by Monday morning which means working over the weekend.  DD9 has a track meet Saturday 9 am to 4 pm.  I have a church volunteer commitment Saturday 5-7 pm and Sunday 9-noon.  Then I am sure there’s going to be some kind of lunch for Mother’s Day (of course, shame on me for assuming, knowing my kids, haha).  And through all of this, I have several hours of work to do, I mean, seriously, like 10 hours at my computer.  Why do I do this to myself!  ARGH!  And what am I doing right now?  Watching this week’s episodes of General Hospital on Tivo and reading blogs and posting.  I SHOULD BE WORKING RIGHT NOW but I’m all sweaty from the gym and need a shower and need dinner and am “on break.”  Problem is, I took way too many breaks this week and now I’m screwed for the weekend.

 I keep thinking that some day I’ll learn my lesson, but at age 42 and many years of this bad pattern under my belt, I don’t know if this old dog has any new tricks up her sleeve.  My destiny is going to be to be continuously behind schedule.  ARRRGGHHH!

Positive… not so much

March 22nd, 2008

gs.jpgOMFG… I was a mom ‘helper’ at my daughters monthly girl scout meeting tonight.  The girls met from 4 to 9 pm.  By 5:30 I was praying for nuclear holocaust to end the meeting.

The only positive things I can come up with for today are:

1.  THANK YOU JESUS, the meeting is over.

2.  Seeing my third grader in a group of her peers does help me appreciate her.  She is a nut job, don’t get me wrong, but she is by FAR the least annoying of the 14 who were in attendance tonight.  And I swear, that’s a wholly objective opinion.

Slippery Slope… and weigh in

February 13th, 2008

bell.jpgI had my weigh in today.  Only down .6 of a pound this week, for a total of 18.6 pounds total loss in 13 weeks.  I would like to be making faster progress, but I do own up to the fact that my exercise is not where it should be.

After the weigh in, I went to Taco Bell today.  My fast food has been really, really limited for the last 13 weeks, which is when I started Jenny Craig.  Before that, it was out of control, as in fast food pretty much every day for lunch and then sometimes even for dinner too.  Since starting JC I have been avoiding it, and doing really well.  But for some reason today, I could not drive past the Bell.  I had two chicken soft tacos and an order of cheesy fiesta potatoes.  I listed the damage in my food log, and when I factor in that I had not had breakfast and then had a really “good” dinner and avoided snacks pretty much, I still stayed pretty much within my 1200 cal/day goal.  Plus I did 20-minutes of cardio where I really kept my heart rate of for a good 15 minutes of the time, so that’s a plus.

I’m just worried that it’s the start of something ugly.  That “urge” it from out of nowhere after 12 weeks of being quiet.  I don’t want to go down that road again.  I’ll admit that I was a little disappointed in my measley .6 loss, but I wasn’t in my “fuck it, I’ll just binge” mode either.  I’m going to have to keep the fast food in check or I know the weight I’ve lost will come right back.