End of the year thoughts and goals (short term) and RANT

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So I withhold my weigh ini until this weekend, because I KNOW I gained weight during the holiday and don’t want to admit it, even though it is only like 1-2 pounds, because it shoves me back out of the 179 I worked so hard to get to. It doesn’t help that I ate like, 1 small and 1 medium bag of peanut butter cups, at least half a bag of peanut butter m&ms, 2 mcdonalds snack wraps, a subway meatball sub with cheese ,pizza, general gau’s chicken, a ton of cheez-its,and bagels with cream cheese, all in like a 4 day time span. Not necessarily in that order, you understand. Oh, and some super healthy clementines. How could I forget??

SOOOO I have decided I have to GET SERIOUS again. The holidays are over I have no excuse. I will eat less, exercise, and have made my goal for Feburary 1st (my b-day) to weigh 169 pounds. I do not think it is unattainable. I was losing 10 lbs a month at the beginning, and with eating piles and limited exercise I have more or less maintained a good old 180 no prob. I think that if I lose these 10 pounds I will FIRMLY be a size 14, not this wierd in-between bullshit I seem to have reached. In pants, anyway.

I also REALLY WANT A FUCKING BATHING SUIT but stores don’t cary my size. I’m only a 14-16 in pants because I have narrow hips and no ass and this low-rise thing helps with that a bit, since my measurements DO NOT EXIST according to the clothes manufacturers. The largest size sporting goods stores have bathing suits is 14, occasionaly a 16, and since my waist actually comes into play for bathingsuits, I really need like an 18 or 20 it seems. I have size 12-14 hips, and a size 22-24 waist. ????? COME ON, not all women have a freaking 10 inch difference between their waist and hips. Expecially not fat women.

I guess I’ll just have to wait until all the bathing suits come back into stores. When is that, anyway? March? I might have lost enough weight by then to buy one anyway. Is there some reason fat people don’t get to buy nice things? Just how much fucking weight do I need to lose to buy clothes? I am AVERAGE SIZE now, but average is a plus size because average is, lets be honest, still fat. And fat people should be encouraged to lose weight by not having any clothes. Feh.

I spent like, 2 hours wandering the mall. I tried on some pants in Tello’s, because my avenue 16’s are too big and they had like, size 15-16s. Which were, like 1-2 sizes too small. And had a rise so low you could probably have seen my c**t if I hadn’t been wearing my granny panties. The zipper was like, 3 inches long! Sheesh. I went to Old Navy, too. The Old Navy in the square one mall carries PLUS SIZES IN THE STORE OMGOMGOMG. 18: wayyyy to big. 16: a little too big. 14: a bit too small. RRRRRRRRR. The mid-rise seem to work well for me. The mid-rise 16 was ALMOST PERFECT, except it was slightly too big and I need a short, which they did not have in the slim cut bootleg which appears to be the best fit for my body type. Like, NO HIPS OR ASS. But at least I will have some pants choices when I do decide to buy pants again.

And then Steve asked me on AIM if I had a sexy new bathing suit. So of course I had to say no, I’m too fat for that sort of thing still. But at least I’ll save 45.75 a month on the YMCA I was going to join, because it was the cheapest gym with a pool in thIf only Modford High’s pool hadn’t been shut down, to reopen when only God knows.

Monday Food

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1 ¼ cup shredded wheat cereal 170

1 cup lite soy milk 70

2 tbsp pb2 60

1 orange 70

Meal Total 370


~1/2 cup rice, maybe? 170

~1.5 cups broccoli, peppers, onions 50

~3oz chicken 100

Ww yogurt 100

2 clementines 60

Meal Total 480


¼ cup part skim ricotta 100

2tbsp pb2 60

Meal Total 160


4 servings noodle soup 200

½ serving ish tofu 30

7 slices turkey breast cold cuts 70

¼ cup part skim ricotta 100

½ cup apple sauce 50

Meal Total 450

Day Total 1460

Not the biggest food day. I ate a lot at dinner with the intention of exercising, and the expectation I would probably eat something else again later, even if I tried not to. But then I was really tired and went to bed. I mean, I spent like 2 hours wandering around the square 1 mall. Shopping is exhausting. I probably need to lose another 90 pounds before anything fits, too.

A little food, but mostly snow shoveling

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My abs hurt. ALL of them.

Last week I ate like a crazy person. I was absolutely ravenous! Until Sunday! Maybe still, though nt so desperately. There are a few factors I think that made me that way. One, and the most likely culprit, was that I started the 30 day shred. I have never done any strength training, and this has that, and higher intensity cardio than just walking on the treadmill. Even though the whole thing is only about 25 min, it is completely new. Then, it was the week before my period, so I guess that may have had some effect too. And then there was the hours of shoveling. Nothing like a good new england work out, haha.

So yeah, I ate A LOT last week. Aside from the lab party though, I don’t think I ate outrageously any day, just a lot. I didn’t lose or gain any weight, though I think I might this week. I think I was retaining water last week, and I read that muscle training, especially when you start, makes you retain water. And there was all that shoveling. So I’m thinking I might get the 2 lbs I want this week, that will put me a bit more firmly in the 170’s.

I shoveled 6 times, though only 5 counted. (The first was only like an inch). My driveway is a PAIN IN THE ASS to shovel. I live on a narrow street, no sidewalks. The driveway is hemmed in by the house on most of the back, a 3-4 ft high wall all along one side, and a fence on the other. It is wide, not long, so almost 3 car widths wide at the mouth. I part of the left, my roommate with a car on the right. If she actually knows how to wield a shovel, I do not know. I will find out later.

The first (real) two times I shoveled, Steve helped me once and I did it alone the second. The first time the plow drove my street, about 4 feet from my driveway. Then it drove back down, EXACTLY THE SAME DISTANCE FROM MY DRIVEWAY. There is a car-width path down the street and 4 feet of snow between it and my driveway. Fuckers. At any rate, It is difficult to pile up snow on a wall already at hip height, and against a fence with only 1.5 feet of ground. I started shoving snow accross the street and piling it against the wall on the plow drift between the neighbors driveway/garages, carefully not piling it within several feet of eithe,r just in case they complained. Good thing the street is narrow. It also works out that the mound of snow made by the plow is really just a big wide sheet of snow, so less painful to shovel.

Sometime on Sat morning, after I’d done about 90-95 % of the driveway my roommate cam out and started to shovel. About 5 minutes or so and she said her gloves were no good for shoveling and her hands were freezing so she was going in for a while. I was like, huh? But I just finished since I was practically done anyway. Really made me wonder though if she had actually gone out friday night lik she claimed she did to shovel, or for how long, anyway. I had cleared off both our cars on friday night and just mine on sat morning.

Then I helped Steve shovel his parents driveway. Better than hanging around inside witout him 🙁

Then Sunday the snow was all wet and heavy (ugh). I did ~ 2/3 of the driveway, a bit more than half width and a bit in the back so it was possible to get snow to the yard. I wavered over doing my roommate’s half this time but Steve talked me out of it. She wasn’t home and I had no idea where she was. I left around 4 to take Steve home and i took LONG because of the horrible road conditions. I then went to super 88 and the hardware store next door to get sand, then came home. I DID NOT go home to my parents for potato latkes, I value my life.

Then I started shoveling AGAIN. I did what I had done before and did not touch my roommate’s remaining part. I also did the front walk and steps, because even though we had originally decided not to, It occured to me I might like to receive my mail for the rest of the winter. And I did more than a single shovel width path, as the walk is between two walls (ringiehrgin). My 2nd roommate (no car, probably hasn’t held a shovel in ages) asked about it so I explained the mail thing. She will probably shove thel on her own based on that or do it happily if asked, though I dont expect her to do the driveway really.

The first roommate still wasn’t back at that point and I assumed and hoped she wouldn’t be driving in that mess. She got back at 7 in the morning though,. I was leaving to catch the bus and she was stabbing at the ice ridge from the plow (with my shovel, not the one that lived in the house) somewhat ineffectually. She had to go to work and asked if she could park sideways behind me. I had parked at the end of the driveway, partly so I could get out more easily in case of more snow, and to make shoveling the back easier, but also to prevent her from parking behind me and not shoveling, in case she was shirking. I let her do this today, as she will be back before me and shovel to get out. I made it clear I needed to go out later too. So, we shall see if she actually shovels after today. I just can’t tell yet since she wasn’t there yesterday.

I am, however, not going to shovel her side everytime.

It also occured to me as I was leaving that she told me she bought ice melt, why didn’t she use it?


(too much) food

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I don’t feel like updating tues, wed food, so i wont haha. tuesday was a party and nigh uncountable anyway. yesterday involved half a blueberry muffing and who knows what else.

I’ve been so hungry lately. I’m eating like a maniac!


~2 cups shredded wheat 300
~2 tbsp peanut butter 180
1 cup lite soy milk 70
1 clementine 30

Meal Total 580

I actually think it was less cereal than that, but i can’t remember


stew 300
3 clementines 90
~2 1 cup quash+ cinnamon 30
bowl of beef something soup from the cafeteria er, 350?

Meal Total 770

NO ieda about the soup. But everything there is swimming in oil.


orange chocolate from Ioanna 150


1 candy cane 50
2 clementines 60
turkey breast slices 60
mashed potatoes 220
frozen broccooli/pepperse 50
ricotta and applesauce 250

Meal Total 690

Day Total 2190

If I stop here I should be okay. I walked 3 miles today and will do Jillian 30 day shred and walk on the treadmill.

Jillian Michaels 30 day shred

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I just did level 1 for the first time. After the 1st 5 minutes I wanted to die. The last 15 weren’t as terrible. There are MANY jumping jacks and my house rattles a bit.

I hate bicycle crunches. But that probably means I need them.

I ate a bunch of non-pareils before it. That was sort of indulgent of me. It is possible I broke even.

I will do this every day I can over the next 1-2 months, until I hit 30 times or two months, whichever comes SECOND, not first, as I know I wont be doing it 30 days straight. I may stay at level 1 longer than 10 times.

Possible I will wake up a bit early and use the treadmill. It would be good. This video will def help with strength which I DESPERATELY NEED but I need more cardio I think since I’ve pretty much stopped walking during my commute until the

Monday Food

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Would have posted this earlier in the day, but i was too busy! Also, today was a party at work. I’ll post the food tomorrow, but it probably wont have calories counts.

Last night I “cooked” dinner. I made chicken noodle soup, ingredients below. I need to find some sort of thickener. I don’t have a blender or anything. I used spinach to at least give it body, just chipped it up a bunch.

The I went to micro center to buy flash cards for my camera. 2gb for 5.99, damn good I say. I bought two. The last 2 gb lasted about a year-ish, so this should last a while. They are so cheap, anyway. I also picked up a couple USB sticks for Christina.

Then I went to Trader Joe’s cause its right there, but didn’t buy any of the yummy deserts. Then I went to shaws to pick up some stuff to last the next couple weeks but it was like, almost 2x the cost of Market Basket so I left. Outrageous! Then I just went to Stop&Shop, where it is only moderately more pricy than market basket, IE normal.

Then I got home and my Steven came over for a while and we cuddled. Yay!



1 packet oatmeal 130
1 cup lite soy milk 70
1 orange 60
1/2 cup cottage cheese 100

Meal Total 360


Stew 300
2 clementines 60
1/2 cup frozen peppers/onions 20
3 holiday cookies 180

Meal total 560

One of the cookies was a green leaf shaped one with chocolate between two cookies, a lot like a milano cookie from Pepperidge Farm, which are 3 for 180 cal, so I used that to estimate. One was just a sugar cookies with blue sugar crystals on it, shaped like a Star of David (I must be loyal to my people and eat their cookies!) and one was a little log-shaped brownie with I guess sprinkles in it. 180 is probably a tad high, but better to overestimate. Not like a restrict anyway, just sayin’.


1 1/4 cup egg noodles 220
1 carrot 20
~4 oz chicken breast 130
~1 cup spinach 7
2 green onion stalks 6
1 tbsp chicken bullion 15
1 orange 60

1/2 cup light ricotta cheese 200
1/2 cup applesauce 50

Meal Total 690

Day Total 1610

Sort of lowish. I’d intended on either doing the 30 day shred and eating again, or just eating again, but neither happened. Steve came over and we just lay around and zonked out for a while and when he went home it was like 11 somethin’ and I didn’t eat again. Probably worked out, considering the party today.

Saturday and Sunday food, and BROKE THROUGH THAT F***ING PLATEAU

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Weighloss is obviously not linear, because I can eat like a saint for a week and stay the same and eat like a damn pig for 2 days straight and lose 4 pounds.

Now, this may be hard to recall, since tw days ago is like, an eternity. And no daily totals because I don’t know for “eating out” sorts of foods

Saturday was the Taiko permormance. I ate a HUGE breakfast, at about 12:40 pm. It had about the same amount of calories as breakfast and lunch combined normally, and thats fine since it was like, two meals in one anyway.  I had to be at the ACAS by 5, the concert was at 7 and there was a reception after so my eating was kind of screwy. I was cleaning my room so I would have enough space to do the 30 day shred when my DVD arrived. It left the Medford facility for belivery at 6:00 AM Saturday morning and hasint made it to my house (in Medford) yet.


When I weighed myself on Saturday morning the scale waid 181.2  . HOLY CRAP THATS A 2 POUND LOSS.  FINALLY. AFTER EATING AT FRIENDLY’S. Then I used the facilities and weighed again (’cause I’m obsessive) and the scale said 179.8. OMG THERE WAS A 7 ON THE SCALE!!!!

So I decided to wait until Sunday and weigh again before counting it.


more like brunch but really i ate it at 12:40

2 servings (almost) shredded wheat cereal 300
1 cup lite soy milk 70
2 tbsp peanut butter 180
1 serving yutkry breast slices 70
orange and spinach ~100

<B>Meal Total 720</B>


There were lots of nice things at the reception! What did I eat?. . . .
a little bit of stuffing
a piece of a calzone with cheese and. . . mushrooms maybe?
a bit of some sort of caserole
some very yellow bean stew
a deviled egg
a few triscuit crackers
a couple spoons of hummus
probably something(s) I’m forgetting

half a brownie
a macaroon
a clementine
a couple bits of some kind of pie that may have been undercooked pumpkin, or some other squash, I coulding tell

<B>Meal Total Unknown</B>

But, it was just little bits of lots of things, so I suspect is wasn’t outrageous. Nothing like Friendly’s on Friday.

Late Night Snack

1/2 cup light ricota cheese  200
1/2 cup applesauce 50
3 clementines that were lying around  90
<B>Meal Total 340</B>

1060 from countable meals plus the reception. So I suspect the day was pretty decent


I weighed myself and the scale still said 179.8! YAYAYAYAYAYAYYAYAYA

Sunday was another somewhat late start but not as late. I had to buy a secret santa gift for the work holiday party tmorrow, and anded up getting amug about I would give up chocolate, but then something witty that I already forgot. I wanted the if I had enough coffee I could rule the world one, but someone bought it during the 20 minutes steve and I shecked out the rest of the malls offerings and coming back. Bastards. The mug I got was brown and pink, but for a guy so I asked a random guy if it would wierd him out to recieve such a mug for a secret santa and he said no, so it passed.

Then we went to Stacey’s hous for thrown weapon’s. Apparantly it’s been like a month and a half since seeing her last, which would explain why her baby is twice the saize she was the last time I say her. She holds her head up all by herself now We got there at ~2:30 and everyone was inside as so few people had sown p and it was cold so we went in too and I ate Barley stew. Then we went out and trew for the last 45 minutes of practice, knives only, because the wood was wet and axes bounced instead of sticking. then we went in again and I ate more stew.

Breakfast (and a tiny bit lunch)

Candy Cane (Yeo, first thing! hahaha) 50
1/2 cup cottage cheese  100
1 oatmeal packet 130
1 cup lite soy milk 70
1 orange 60
2 slices turkey breast  25
some spinach  25

<B>Meal Total  460</B>


2 bowls beef barley stew  unknown
1 cup hot chocolate  unknown

<B>Meal Total Unknown</B>

Probably not outrageous though. I mean, the stew was beef, barley, tomato based soup and like a zillion vegetables.

Then I REALLY wanted ice cream. We went to the Brigham’s but I really didn’t want any of that, I wanted Ben and Jerry’s Peanut Butter cup ice cream. Steve and I had a long discussion about this. He got a strawberry poundcake sunday which for the money they charged was like a piece of poundcake and a scoop of ice cream, kind of a ripoff i think, considering the peanut butter sunday for the same price s a freaking pint of ice cream, peanut butter and cocolate goo, whipped cream and candy. Then we went to rite aid and I got my ice cream and ate about 1/2 or 2/3 of the tub, and all the peanutbutter cups. Yum.

I weighed myself last night because I’m obsessed and the scale waid 180.2, and I was like, Hoaa?

And this morning it was 178.8. So like, I weigh 179 pounds! YAYAYAYAY. Goodbye, plateau of doom!


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oatmeal packet 130
1 cup lite soy milk 70
1 cup cottage cheese (protein!!)!90
1/2 orange 30

Meal Total 320


Stew 300
Squash 60
3 clementines 100

Meal Total 460

Snack at Work

1 Lindor chocolate 75


Egg Noodles 1 cup 220
Spinach some 30
Turkey breast 70
Miso 50

Ricotta cheese 100
Applesauce 50

Meal Total 520

Subtotal (yeah) 1375


Chicken Quesadilla-Fajita 1100?
Butterfinger Sundae
~2 cups vanilla ice cream 600?
whipped cream 100?
butterfinger and caramel topping 250?

total???? 2050?????


But, it was delicious

And, I’m down like 2-3 pounds. I’ll check again tomorrow for an official weigh in.

Thursday Calories (Sigh) and Friday Breakfast

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Man, this is turning into a food log. Whatever. Guess it ain’t a bad thing.



Miso Soup+Wakame 70
Oatmeal packet 130
1 cup lite soy milk 70
Orange 60

Meal Total 330

See, I can pretty much just cut and paste breakfast. HAHA

Stew 300
Squash 60
3 clementines 100
Meal Total 460

Lunch Too!


2 slices turkey breast 50
Mashed Potatoes (2/3 cup flakes) 160
1/3 cup lie soy milk (in potatoes) 30
1 tbsp margarine 100
~3 cups various frozen veggies (brocolli, cauliflower, squash) 100
2 tsp chicken/beef bullion 10
1 chocolate candy cane 50

Meal Total 500

Look, no oranges!!!!


1 cup shredded wheat cereal 150
1 cup lite soymilk 70
1 tbsp peanut butter 90

Meal Total 290

Day Total 1580

No exercise though. I didn’t even walk during my commute! We decided not to go to contra dance because the weather was horrendous and driving to Concord in horrendous rainy grossness was not very palatable. And then I needed to go to the supermarket which took time, and then Steve like, wanted attention or something. The fool.

The dessert I got from this blog http://www.j3nn.net/ it just looked yummy and filling. Of course, I didn’t buy kashi, I bought market basket brand shredded wheat (cheaper by far). And Steve said I eat all the time and he didn’t understand how I can eat all the time. And that I eat more vegetables than anyone he knows. And why can’t eat pasta? Since I’m always complaining about the cost of food and pasta is cheap. Steve 1) is skinny 2) has always been skinny 3) doesn’t eat a lot 4) eats slowly. So, eating pasta in a normal serving is enough to fill him up. It just doesn’t do it for me. I’m fat, have always been fat, have always eaten a lot, and can’t just turn it off. And pasta doesn’t fill me unless i eat like, a pound of it.

I also bought some other food. I got applesauce, some splenda ( i would have tried stevia but didn’t see it) ricotta cheese, and cottage cheese, new items to mix up breakfast and desert. And a buunch of other staples. God I spend so much on food. Hopefully this is the last trip I need this month, except maybe for more soy milk and frozen veggies. I will make sure it is the last trip. Oh, and some sweet potatoes too. I may just make them all at once and stick them in the fridge. I also realized just how little protein I’d been getting, especially since I stopped eating tofu for breakfast lately since running out. I need to up the protein I take in, especially since I’m getting the 30 day shred video that I’ve heard so much about. My poor muscles will be starving.

Friday Breakfast

oatmeal packet 130
1 cup lite soy milk 70
1 cup cottage cheese (protein!!)!90
1/2 orange 30

Meal Total 320

Wednesday Calories (AKA OMG I don’t wanna know)

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Well, maybe it wasn’t as bad as ALL that. But it wasn’t great either.


Miso + Wakame 70
Oatmeal packet 130
1 cup lite Soy Milk 70
Orange 60
Meal Total 330


Stew 300
Squash 60
3 clementines 100
Meal Total 460


Birthday cake for Lindan 400

I don’t know! They were like, not cake, but tarts? One was chocolate and one blueberry. They were thin and the total of the two little pieces I had was probably 1/10 or less of a cake. I ALWAYS overestimate cake because of this. 400 is my generic cake estimate


2 oranges 120
some egg noodles 220 (estimated 1 serving)
some chicken 100
spinach and lettuce(pfft) er, 10??
1 candy cane 50
Meal Total 450

After work-out snack/binge/whatever

Hummus,maybe 6 tablespoons? 150
1/6 pumpkin pie +bittie crust 300
1 candy cane 50

Meal Total 500

ouch. but I was HUNGRY. For reasons explained below. . .

Day Total 2140

Well, I guess it was somewhere between a maintenance/slight deficiet. My sedentary BMR is 1,948, and my “light activity” BMR is 2,3323. I consider myself to be lightly active, as I walk regularly and even managed to exercise 3 ENTIRE TIMES this week. So, I was like, 200 cal + exercise off. And I wouldn’t be surprised if I over estimated on the cake a little.

To follow is a frank and straightforward recount of my digestive system’s antics. Don’t read if you are grossed out by, oh, poop.

Dinner was like, chicken noodle soup made by yours truly. I need to tweak this it seams. So, I made 4 cups of broth using my chicken broth powder and used 4 tsp (1/cup as per directions). It was yummy salty I sure love my salt. And then, brilliant individual that I am, I decided I sure liked that and would make some beef broth to drink, so 2.5 cups h20 and 2.5 tsp of beef broth! Yum!

So like, an our later I was finally starting to need to pee, and then I was off to treadmill. I got out of my room just as I started to REALLY need to use the tilet. For a poop no less! It’s extremely rare that I go twice in a day, as sometimes I don’t even manage 1 bm now that I’m on this diet, but off I went. And the first bit was normal (f explosive) followed by this liquid shit that was at least brown and pooplike in appearance, if liquidy. So diarhhea was out, just wierd wet poop. And then it kept comng. And coming. Becoming less poop and more just water shooting out of my ass. This went on for like, 15 minutes. I even got to the treadmill once before running away again to ass-piss more. And when I finally got on the treadmill, I felt I had to again, but it wasnt urgent so I walked for about 35 minutes before giving in. Poor Steve, he came about then thinking I was almost done, when really I was like, 15 minutes behind. And at the beginning, when I was wondering what the fuck, I thought, well, I DID drink 6.5 cups of EXTREMELY salty water. Ooops. And yesterday )Tuesday) I ate 5 oranges and 5 clementines, which I’m sure helped contribute to the BURNING IN MY ANUS (well, and the 15 minutes of liquid shit) and I said Ooops again. So I drank twice as much water as usual during exercise and such, because, my god, I must have been dehydrated by then. And I weighed MORE this morning than wednesday! Though after all that salt I guess it’s possible I didn’t shit it all out and am still retaining water. who knows.

So I vow, on my honor as a lab manager, that I wont drink so much salt at once because hypernatremia is bad and I NEED my kidneys. And liquid fire shit also sucks.

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