The last will and testament of the fat me

Just another weblog

Hurdles July 4, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — spanglemagnet @ 6:12 pm

So I had a binge just now. I ate near enough a half block of cheese, and at least 8 crackers. It’s not the worst thing I could have done; I could have eaten the whole block. But it still makes me feel like crap. Not only is the dairy making me feel nauseous, I feel like I’m pushing myself back to square one. I can’t get to sleep because I feel so guilty, and so angry at myself. It’s going to be the main challenge of being back here with my parents; there is so much food in the cupboards, fridge and freezer, including foods I would never buy myself. What makes it harder is that I am very good at hiding my binges, and I can’t control them. Tonight I had three baked potatoes with my dinner. THREE! That’s just ridiculous! I need someone around me all the damn time, watching what I’m eating, making sure I’m not eating too much… that’s what I got in Lancaster whilst Nathan wasn’t working. It’s what I need.

Someone my mum works with gave her a list of numbers for addiction and eating disorder help lines. I might be going to a eating disorders support group on Thursday; I’ll have to go by myself, which is making me feel very nervous.

I was feeling so great today. I did a turn or two on the exercise bike this morning, and I was feeling motivated. Now I feel like rubbish.


Visualising it. June 27, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — spanglemagnet @ 7:39 pm

I just went to My Virtual Model and had a bit of a play, trying to see what it could look like once I reach my goal. It looks good 🙂

Right nowThe future.

It’ll take a while, but it’ll be worth it.


A beginning. June 26, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — spanglemagnet @ 6:26 pm

I think I’ve been looking for 3FC for my whole life.

I already have so many blogs, but it’s going to be good for me to have a specific place for me to record my trials and tribulations as I get rid of my horrible weight.  Also, I like the idea that I am going to be able to look for support, and support others as we all head towards our goals of health, fitness, and slimness.

I’m currently drawing up a plan. I have one week left in Lancaster, then it’s back home for the summer where I am going to make sure I get out into the garage and onto the treadmill and weight trainers every day, as well as going for walks and bike rides with my mum. I’m also going to make sure I properly commit to my eating plan. It’s far too easy to think ‘screw it, I can’t be bothered to cook’ and order some food online- it’s so bloody cheap around here. I mean, even if I didn’t already suffer from all my other problems, who would be able to resist a pizza for 2-3 quid when they’re hungry late at night, or on the way home from a drunken night out?