St. Patties

I’m not planning on going out tonight mainly because I went out over the weekend, all weekend basically. There was enough bad food and drink to last me many weeks. However, I did walk a lot and go bowling and when I came home I had actually lost a couple pounds.
Note to self: this will not always happen, don’t get used to it.

I am tempted to be driven towards losing weight to rekindle an old flame but I am trying very hard to stay on the healthy path for my own health and not let it become something where I want to look pretty to maintain the relationship.

In lieu of going out tonight, I will cook for my lunch the next couple days. Maybe some rice noodle and veggie meat crumbles stuffed peppers.

I need to find some good recipes. I am not necessarily going vegetarian but I do find some of the veg recipes taste better.

We shall see.

Day 1.5.2

So, I’ve stumbled back onto and am hoping to be able to stick with it this time. Hopefully.

Over the past year I have gone through some major changes, graduating college, nearly moving halfway across the states, nearly moving to Seattle, finally finding a job, etc. With these changes my weight fluctuated an insane amount an in very unhealthy ways. Living on a strict budget when one does not have a job definitely hinders foods that you can buy, especially if you frequently don’t have access to a place to cook.

At one point I was nearly back into a size 16, somewhere around the 200 pound mark. However, I can honestly say I am glad that I am back up to 262 because at least I AM eating. Yes, it was great to be dropping pounds and fighting to keep my pants up but deep inside I knew that it wasn’t healthy for me to be this way, eating roughly one meal a day and sometimes a bagel.

Needless to say, I’m starting over. Again. And this time I am sticking to it. No really, I am. I woke up this morning (before eleven even) and took the dogs for a walk. It was going to be a short jaunt around the small park which turned into a lap around the complex, which turned into almost two full laps. I had to stop because Heather, the elder of our Westies, was going to have a heart attack.

I came back to the house and had my lazy breakfast, Carnation instant breakfast powder and skim milk. Some breakfast is better than no breakfast.

Challenges that face me are going to be pretty difficult. I’m working for Amazon, the online retailer, and I am pretty locked in. There are about seven vending machines in the break room, all staring at me saying “EAT ME” and I have to learn to say no while walking past to the refrigerators and my foods I’ve brought with me.
Here is to day 1.5.2.

Day 1.5

Yesterday was only partially day one. Half of the day was spent eating well and the other half I ate whatever I felt like eating. This morning I debated on whether I should go to the Student Union and Recreation Center to weigh in or the gym that the school uses for classes. I chose the gym becaues it was mid class and I knew I would be able to weigh myself more comfortably without other people around.

One thing I never understood is why people judge overweight people at the gym. Instead of sending the stink eye their way, gym bunnies should encourage us to be there and make us feel welcome. At least we are making an effort to do something about out weight whether it is health or personal reasons.

I digress. I weighed in and for the first time in my life I am over the 250 mark. It is not as bad as I thought it would be, I was guessing 260, but I was still slightly dismayed and angry with myself for letting my weight get so out of control. At 254 I have decided this needs to stop. I am not losing my weight for anyone but myself. I am not losing weight to wear the clothes I want to wear or to be sexy. I am losing weight because I know that I use weight as a security blanket so that I don’t have to put myself out there. Being fat allows me space to hide.

I am ready to just be me.

Hi, I’m Susan.

Who says a diet has to start on a specific day

Well, after being intrigued by 3fatchicks for a couple months, I finally signed up. I really don’t see what I am starting as a diet as much as I view it as a lifestyle change. I am not going to deny myself occasional cravings for ice cream or a slice of pizza, I am just not allowing myself to eat an entire pint of Mint Moose Tracks or half of a Pizza Hut Pepperoini Lover’s pizza. I’ll see how things pan out on the site and hopefully I’ll find a couple new friends with whom I can build support!