Reality. I’m fat.

17 Jan, 2011

New Guy!!!

Posted by: shellydeflores In: Uncategorized

SO I will copy and paste from my previous posting in my 280’s Ladies thread:

Edit: Kinda long post!!! Have some time of your hands for this one!

Ohhhhh ladies! I’m here!! I’m floating on cloud 9. The butterflies are just fluttering in my stomach every minute of every day for the last couple weeks. Those darn things won’t stop and I’m kinda hoping they never do. I’ll get to this in a minute. First I want to address the ladies!!


Ok! I know you are all DYING to hear my lovesick rantings! His name is Bill. We have known of each other for about 3 years now but never had become very close. He is the brother of one of my best friend’s fianc√©e. We pretty much only saw each other at parties that my old roommates and I would throw, or of his and his brother’s. Apparently he has had a thing for me for a while but because of inopportune times (bf’s-gf’s), nothing came of it nor did I even know of his interest. Everything kind of sparked this New Year’s Eve and we’ve been talking (texting) ever since. He is a bit older than me, he will be 32 next month but he still acts like a kid–go figure. He has everything I want and we have a remarkable amount of things in common which surprised the crap out of me. Getting to know him on a new level has really tripped me out considering he has always been my friend’s boyfriend’s goofy brother. Anyway, went to his house last night and didn’t leave until 4….in the MORNING. No funny business though so no raised eyebrows!! We talked and looked at old pictures of ourselves-he even made me hot chocolate that was ready upon my arrival! He taught me how to swing a golf club. We played a couple rounds of beer pong and he talked me into a couple shots. I’m not much of a drinker so it was hitting me pretty hard, especially since I hadn’t really eaten all day–I’ll get to that in a minute. Needless to say, my legs were weak when I got there but by the end of the night, or morning I guess, I was steady enough to balance a grain of rice on a tooth pick. We had a few kissing sessions and we officially said the whole, “I like you, I like you too” banter. Enough cutesy stuff to make any of my single friends want to gag. He was a perfect gentleman. As of this morning, well by the time I got up it was afternoon, he had officially asked me out for next weekend. YAY!

Oh and to address you Phoenix on the dating thing, I am still very insecure of my body. Bill doesn’t seem to mind and he even had an interest in me at my heaviest but in the back of my mind I’m going, “Please God don’t let him feel my back rolls!!” during hugs. Bill is a fit guy and it is a little intimidating when I see his back muscles through his shirt while I’m sitting there trying to suck in my stomach roll. He was/is a MMA champ/kick boxing coach/gymaholic. When he showed me old pictures of himself in high school he was actually a bit thicker–kinda surprised me! My last serious boyfriend really kinda messed with my head about my weight when we were together. He poked me in the stomach once…ahem, during intimate times…and said, “You should stop eating my mom’s food.” Yea. Talk about a mood killer and a serious blow to my ego. Anyway I guess my point is that we are insecure about our bodies; we’re women. We probably always will be but a guy who can actually make you forget about a roll popping out or a double chin pic is one you want to have around. I tried to actually convince myself that he couldn’t possibly like me. I was even telling myself, “Maybe he doesn’t remember what I look like.” “Maybe he thinks he’s talking to another Shelly, not me.” This was my insecurity popping up again and it almost made me call off my night with him. Really glad I didn’t and that I actually took the leap to allow myself to be liked by someone.

Anyway, I wanted to go in to more detail on something I mentioned earlier about not eating all day. Since Bill and I have been talking I have lost about 7 pounds. The butterflies in my stomach have completely distracted me from paying attention to hunger pangs. I didn’t notice it until one day I got on the scale and it said 247. It had jumped from 253 to 248 in a matter of about 3 days…? I didn’t put two and two together until I looked in my fridge and all of my produce was bad and I thought, “WTH! I just bought these” when in reality it had been a week. I’m a little concerned with this. In high school I had begun to develop a bit of an anorexic attitude toward food so much so that I actually enjoyed the feeling of being hungry a little too much. I feel myself slowly noticing that joy again and it scares the crap out of me. Food is becoming a scary thought to me again. The last couple of weeks or so I have been averaging probably 600-800 calories a day. I hate to admit that and I even caught myself being a little depressed when on Friday I had actually hit 1200 calories. I was almost upset with myself. I know that this is a short phase because of recent distracting events (ie Bill) and I will get back on track but I’m almost too scared too. The scale is moving everyday it seems and I am dreading seeing it stall or go back up if I go back to eating normally. I didn’t bother to weigh today after playing beer pong so I’m sure I’m up! Even right now, my stomach is making this horrific growling sound but I don’t want to eat. I mean I do want to eat to make it go away but I don’t WANT to eat. I don’t really know how to describe that thought process but I’m hoping someone can relate or possibly share a similar thought on this. I guess this just goes to show you that the struggle and fight with food is not always about eating too much.

So far today we’ve still been texting back and forth from morning to night. He cracks me up. He has so many great traits and we have so much in common. We both love Mac and Cheese and somewhat the same religious values although he does not believe in God. I don’t know if I believe in the person God but I do believe in a higher entity whether it be family or someone who gave their soul for my¬†existence. You know, I was almost nervous to go see him on Saturday because I wasn’t sure if it was the excitement of a guy that actually likes me or my attraction to him that kept me going, or driving I guess, over there. He lives kind of far. Thats a little unfortunate. He has a surprisingly young boyish charm about him if I can say that. I remember when him and his ex were together. My friends and I would tease him about their relationship since they didn’t have sex very often. I use to think it was because of his jealous rages or his moody moments where he would slam his bedroom door during a party. Now I realize his ex just really messed with his head. She was a bit of a floozy. Anyway, I was thinking while we were together how any women would not want to have sex with this man. He’s cocky, he’s cute, sexy, adorable and fit! I’m hoping I’m not his young rebound or background chick. I just hope he’s not going through all of this with me just to see what he can get out of a 22 year old. I don’t think thats what hes doing considering he hasn’t pushed me into anything I’m not comfortable with and he’s even asked me out on a first official date and is already talking about a second. He could still be talking to other girls too as I remember Mandy telling me he was currently talking to a couple girls. He seems to really like me. He does this sexy thing when he kisses me where he pushes my hair back with his hands and grabs my face to kiss me. So hot!!! I’m hoping this goes somewhere because I could really dig him!

Anyway, this weekend we will be going to the Wildlife Zoo in North Phoenix and he says if I’m good and behave myself around his handsome exterior that he’ll take me to the shooting range for our second date. LOL! He’s so hilarious. I’m just deliriously is lust right now! Oh I’m full of it.

Will update as time goes on.

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January 2011
« Dec   Nov »

  • Saathi: Sure im writing lil bit too late....actually, u may be fine by now, but still i wanted to say something about the things u'd written here. First of al
  • shellydeflores: Oh and weight has hit a new low. 252.6. Although today is Thanksgiving so we'll see how long that laster.
  • shellydeflores: Oh and FYI-i'm on my period so I am not daring to weigh. EFFF that. I don't need the heart ache right now.