Reality. I’m fat.

17 Oct, 2010

Finally the 250’s!!

Posted by: shellydeflores In: Uncategorized

So it has been a while since I have posted. My bad. I finally broke into the 250’s. ‘Bout damn time! I bounced back and forth between 259 and 260 for a couple weeks too. I think I have finally found what got me out of my stall. Sticking to South Beach has really made my weight loss easier. Not EASY but EASIER. I got a new low yesterday at 256.6. Which was fantastic. I was happy but not ecstatic. I’m just glad to be closer to 250, thus closer to 250, thus closer to 200 than 300. I’m happy. I messed up last night and had wine and a little bit of pasta which is why today I’m at 257.4 but I know I’ll get it back down. My weight loss partner is struggling and it kills me to see her struggle with it. I just want to be there to tell her what to eat and when to exercise but I know I can’t and each of our weight loss struggles is our own and no one can tell you what to do. I just feel for her, I know her situation and how how it is to watch the scale go down, and then right back up, and up, and up. It’s stressful. I’ve found that the gym has gotten a little easier to commit to. Granted I only went twice last week but the times I went really helped. I’m feeling more positive rather than self loathing. I don’t see much difference in my clothes or my body yet but others can…when I ask them-of course, haha. No boy potential yet. I must really not be attractive overweight. Some times I see myself as somewhat pretty when I look in the mirror in the morning after doing my hair and makeup but later in the day I’ll catch myself in the bathroom mirror at work and I look old and puffy. School has definitely taken a toll. I am on a short break from doubling up right now which is nice but I know I’ll be stressed to no end in another couple weeks when I go back to double  up-with Anatomy and Physiology of ALL things to double up with!! AH! It’ll be stressful. I’ve discovered also that it is almost impossible for me to lose weight without my snacks.

I haven’t made my 40 in four goal considering my mother will be here in 4 more days. Ah, thats crazy to think of. My stomach has been in knots since last weekend over it. I’m hoping to lose another 2 lbs before she comes, that will put me a few lbs short of 40. I have I think 19 more lbs before my second goal of 50 before the end of the year. I figure if I can do 50 from May 24-December 31, a little over 6 months, then I can do another 50 by May or June next year. I’m also hoping to be in an 18 by the end of the year. I am in a 20 now. Finally! 20’s are still a little snug later in the day but in the morning they fit almost perfectly. I’ve cut out a lot of carbs but I still have to have a slice of sourdough with my eggs in the morning, without it it’s impossible to get them down, bleh!!!  But later in the day-around 11:30AM- it is worth it as I have to race home from work to make it to the toilet in time. TMI. Anyway, I can put up with eggs as long as it works for me. My blood pressure was up when I went to see my lady doctor last Friday. 130/84 I think. I don’t remember what I usually am. I’ll have to ask my regular doctor when I see him. Not sure in the spike of my blood pressure but apparently my lady doctor wasn’t concerned although that isn’t really her specialty either. Need to fill my prescription for the pill too. I stopped taking them around the 17th of last month and haven’t have anything since so my weightloss isn’t enough to get me my period again. Must still have those damned cysts on my ovaries. Ef PCOS by the way.

Well I have done a lot of cleaning this week, finally cleaned out my car and my kitchen. Doing a lot of laundry now. My overall goal is to make my house look clean rather than just a mess!! Thought I would have burned enough calories to counteract my dinner last night although apparently not given today’s weigh in.  I want to record what my average day is lately so later on if I Eff up again I can look back on this.


1 sl. sourdough

1oz. cheese

2 eggs

coffee-with SF creamer and Splenda (sometimes milk, was out today though and of course NF milk)

Snacks (both morning and afternoon):

celery w/ PB (or just PB on its own, no more than 2 TBS)

almonds w/ cheese stick (or just the cheese, or just the almonds, although almonds by themselves make me what more food shortly after-fairly high binge influence)


Chicken breast w/ a green vegetable

Although if my day so far is high in calories then I have a verrrrry small dinner. Lately it has been a peanut butter spoon and a glass of milk or a salad with some of the precooked chicken from the store. I have decided to keep my calories within 1500 while doing SB. I think I stalled because I got so use to SB that I let the carbs slip in too much. If I stick to what is above and do at least an hour at the gym doing cardio then I should see a weight loss the next day.

I need to start lotioning up my body more. I have seen that my stretch marks are becoming more visible as things have started to sag a smidge. Not enough that anyone else would notice but I do. The SM’s on the inside of my boobs seem more visible when I wear tank tops now and on the outside of my boobs they are much more visible. Must be because there isn’t as much fat to push them flat. Now they are kinda just sagging. Need to start working on muscle mass now too. I need to start working on my stomach muscles. I would like to begin a washboard stomach!! HAHA!  Yea right!. I have noticed in my gut though that there are indents again that look like they are separating the obese part and the “just fat” part. I was going to take pictures again this morning but my phone was dying.

NSV- I touched my fingers to the ground the other day at the gym when stretching at the waist. Was a nice feeling and I don’t remember whether I was able to do that before or not but none the less exciting. I wasn’t able to stretch any further to get my whole hand on the ground but maybe eventually I will. I have really lost a lot of flexibility. I hate it. I really need to start stretching more. My neck and back are really out of whack. Might just be the stress from work and school too.

While I was at the gym the other night I kept looking into the basketball courts and watching a couple guys shooting hoops. Oh how I wanted to go in there! I miss the ball! I miss the swish of the hoop!! OHHHHHH! I don’t think my body could handle my jumping around right now. Soon enough I will be able to get back on the court.

Well I think thats all for now. Will probably not post again until after my mother leaves. Taking a few days off work, including the day she is here. Will have to do as much homework as possible this week in preparation. I need my weeknights free to go to the gym. I saw a lady there the other night who was still really feminine and cute but realllllly cut. Her arms were so firm and curvy from the muscle. I don’t want to be as muscular as her but she was my inspiration. Feminine but kick ass!

Okay, ’til next time!

PS. Pictures below are from October 6th. Part of our new 280’s Ladies Picture Post once a month.


1 Response to "Finally the 250’s!!"

1 | bet365

October 20th, 2010 at 6:26 pm


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Comment Form

October 2010
« Sep   Nov »

  • Saathi: Sure im writing lil bit too late....actually, u may be fine by now, but still i wanted to say something about the things u'd written here. First of al
  • shellydeflores: Oh and weight has hit a new low. 252.6. Although today is Thanksgiving so we'll see how long that laster.
  • shellydeflores: Oh and FYI-i'm on my period so I am not daring to weigh. EFFF that. I don't need the heart ache right now.