Discipline equals reward

Where do I start? Ok, ok, I’ll start with the news that has me in a great mood. The weigh-in scale read 5 whole pounds down. I knew I’d worked hard and practiced excellent eating habits, so I knew it was just a matter of time before my body figured out it was time to cut down with a loss. That’s officially 320.6, and 10.6 away from picking up a little jogging. I guess I better go reintroduce myself to my treadmill which has been severely neglected since crossing that finish line.

In the last couple weeks, I have been maintaining my commitment to exercise daily or have a damn fine excuse for not. I have hiked several times, Zumba on Wednesdays including me starting the class tonight, walking the dogs and weights twice a week.

I love to report about small food victories, because they are modified behaviors that deserve to be rewarded. We went to a wedding on Sunday, April Fool’s day, and without even planning for the points, I decided to fill my plate with 66% salad veggies and minimal dressing, but I also left myself a little spot to have a mini-sandwich and a few other little things to enjoy without overwhelming or heaping the plate. That’s the stuff that tracking and my Weight Watchers program has helped to change. Partake and don’t indulge!

Later that night, I received an email from an estranged family member who informed that my 78 year old grandfather was admitted to the ICU after two strokes and a seizure. He was not doing well, he was unconscious and suffering from the side effects of long-term alcoholism. I had a doctor’s appointment and tax appointment that next morning, both of which were in Portland, so that meant I was already 2 hours closer to him. I decided that I would do my appointments; stop by the grandson’s to celebrate his second birthday and then drive two more hours to the coast where he lives. I got to the hospital one hour before visiting hours ended. This was a heartbreaking visit. He didn’t respond to me and I just held his hand. I wasn’t able to get in any activity and I knew this would mean I’d had to be especially careful on my food. Not to mention, when you’re feeling so sad and you use food to numb, you’ve got to stay hyper alert to that voice that tells you it’s okay to binge. I could have easily binged being alone and in a different city, and with no one but myself to hold me accountable. In those many moments, I relied on the daily meditation that said it was easiest to take care of you in good times, and so much more of a challenge when in times of trouble, but it was those troubled times when it was essential to care most about yourself. My food plan said I could have 3 slices of pizza for dinner, but without a Papa Murphy’s and again in a strange place I knew this would be failure for sure. So I found the Subway on my way to check in to a motel. I spent the rest of my evening in my bed exhausted from the physically and emotionally taxing day. Oh, I forgot to share that while at the doctor appointment, they gave me two shots and annual exam, took blood and urine, and I had my first mammogram. Talk about feeling abused…and then I had the grief to add to the mix. You can see the set-up.

The next day I was at the hospital when visiting hours started. I had planned on getting up a couple hours early to take a nice lone stroll along the promenade, but I woke to pouring down rain and I had only brought one pair of sweats and tennis shoes for the trip. Obviously I was not going to begin my day by being soaked. I opted out. But instead of throwing in the towel entirely, I had an order of scrambled eggs and a dry biscuit. Very points friendly and wisest McDonald’s breakfast choice. I learned that my grandfather is dying of pneumonia and heart failure, and that all the other issues related to the alcoholism were secondary. Very sad to see how our life can end so tragically when we treat it so poorly. Again, it was not easy to make smart and healthy food choices for the remainder of the day, but I headed home and kept in mind that I deserve to be healthy and to treat myself accordingly.      


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