Vacations aren’t such a bad thing.

So, I went on my Cancun trip, and stuck to my plan. I would start my day with my strict rule to only two cups of coffee with creamer. It would have been too easy to allow that third cup and begin the day going off plan. But I kept the long term goal in mind and did not feel tempted as the two cups was my normal anyway. We ordered room service for breakfast most days. I found the most sensible breakfast item and tried it. Loved it and stuck to that as my no-brainer first meal. It was an egg white omelet with grilled asparagus and zucchini. It also came with one slice of grilled turkey and a little veggie compote. All very delish and satisfying way to meet my nutritional need.  My lunches and dinners were also very sensible as the international portion is much smaller than the american extreme, so I could pretty much eat whatever I wanted for these meals knowing that I would never walk away feeling stuffed or that I’d overeaten. I also enjoyed desserts a few times.

I also saw to it that I got in exercise every day. Most days it was easy to sneak in a 30 min workout at 7am, dance for hours in the dance club, swim, walk everywhere, and just move. My biggest physical goal was to climb the tallest ruin in the Coba complex. It felt very surreal to dream about the day, and then to face the challenge. I got pretty emotional when I rode my bike up to it. The tears forming in my eyes were for the dream realized. I made it to the top in very little time despite the 100 degree weather and mega humidity. I was light-headed and so in love; in love with the view, with the accomplishment, and for the realization.


Because I allowed plenty of drinking in my days, I was super nervous to go to my weigh in last Wednesday. Doing most things right, I was rewarded on the scale. Yes, I went to an all-inclusive resort for 8 days, flew first class, and managed to lose weight. I lost another 1.2 lbs during my week away. Yay for me!

Today, another week later, I was a little nervous again that last week’s loss was a fluke and that I would end up gaining this week. I did everything right. I really had no right to be worried, but those fears just arrive. We have nothing to fear but fear itself. We create them. We conquer them as well.

I thought that climbing the tallest ruin in and of itself would be the goal. But I was wrong, I have an irrational fear of falling and when I started the climb down, I learned that this was where the challenge started. I was shaking. My heart was pounding and I knew I must proceed. I was never so kind to myself before, and I know it was that positive self-talk that enabled me to get down. Its easy to forget how important our words are to ourselves.  

I weighed in today and lost another 2.4 lbs. I am now 309.8 lbs. I am just as determined to continue. That talk, it still exists. Its not talking me down a ruin, but it is encouraging me to love myself more than anything. I don’t need no stinking Mexico trip to lose weight for. And I’m now just 9.8 lbs away from taking up jogging again. Nervous but also excited.

And as promised, me at the top!

Oh yeah!

Just a quickie. I am busy with wrapping up all the last minute details before we leave for Cancun on Saturday, so I figured I’d give a quick update. I weighed in tonight and was down another 3.6 lbs. Oh yeah, that’s 4 lbs in the last two weeks. I love when things work as I wish.

In my meeting tonight, my leader reminded me that my last vacation did not treat me so well, or really, I did not treat me so well. I made all kinds of splurges and did not stick to my exercise plans, so she asked what was I doing different this time. I have already considered this and was prepared to tell her that I intended to maintain. I won’t weigh in again for another two weeks, so if I stay focused and do everything I am committed to do, I should be fine. The only exception will be the cocktails. If I drink like I know I will want to, I will need to step up the movement because I also know I will want to eat good foods and enjoy. So, after walking away from the weigh in counter, I felt somewhat confident. But just a few minutes later, the meetig leader handed me a 5 pound sticker and shared my goal of maintaining with the entire group. UGH! Instantly, the sense of accountability was magnified by 10. I might need to consider that everything drink equals a set amount of exercise, any activity, as long as its movement.

On another quick note – Costco now sells Skinny Cow candy bars…umm, OMG, so good! I am checking a box of things to give to the kids in Mexico, so I decided to also add a few things for my success, like 3 boxes of Crystal Light Pure Lemonade water packets and a ziplock full of Skinny Cow candy. I know this seems old, but the minifridge is packed for of booze and candy bars, so if I arrive with a healthier option I will not feel deprived.

We shall see…

I managed to get in another 4 hour hike this past weekend, and plenty of other movement to add up to 40 AP’s. Feels very good to move. You forget that when you’re sedientary and packing on pounds. Its such a mood enhancer and just works so well at keeping all the joints oiled and healthy.

I have also managed to stay totally on track. This was the first week in a while that I decided to use up my weekly points. It was a nice treat to enjoy a dinner out and then splurge on a slice of Raspberry Jello Cake last Friday night.

Knowing my body and the way I rarely drop three weeks in a row, I went in without any expectation. So when I lost .4, it felt like a blessing. It also made me very happy to have chosen to enjoy a long hike and a dessert.

Losing and enjoying, both part of my title and both very important to my healthier lifestyle. This girl aint a 400 pounder anymore and the mindset has completely changed. Soon, I will no longer be a 300 pounder either. So excited for when that milestone finally happens.

Mexico is just 10 days away. I am so ready. I am looking forward to the challenges and moderate splurges. If I can maintain the weight during this vacation, that will be a first, and quite an accomplishment. I am mentally preparing with imagery. We shall see…  

Still droppin…

I’m so grateful that my body has finally leveled out and is giving me the losses that I’ve been working towards. Lost another 3.2 today, yahoo! I’m still working at the exercise and tracking my food. I do not eat my earned access points and I try to work out into the 30-40 per week range. I do use my weekly points for a night out’s dinner as a freebie, but I track it, so its not really a freebie just a meal I don’t cook and something I wouldn’t eat 6 out of the other 7 nights of the week. Also, I will use a couple of those weekly points on a daily basis if I want a sweet treat at night. Or like this past Sunday for Easter, I saved up 5 of my daily points to enjoy a Reese Peanut Butter Egg. Boy, was that delicious!

I don’t expect to have much of a loss next week because I know this is the pattern my body has even though I will have worked as hard. I’m looking forward to the 4 hour hike on Saturday and I’m doing it for the pure enjoyment of outdoor exercise. I feel so rejuvenated afterwards. It really cleanses my soul to get outdoors and breathe the fresh air and listen to the sounds of nature.

Cancun is now three weeks away and I have lost 5% of my new starting weight, so I am pretty proud of that. I am just 7 lbs away from jogging again, and I’ve been contemplating setting that back to 300 instead of 310 , but only because my doctor asked me to work hard at not doing any more damage to the cartilage in my left knee. And waiting for another 10 pounds isn’t going to kill me. If I maintain a couple lbs a week for the next few weeks, I will actually be damn near at my Cancun goal of 310. But I am not going to shoot for that as I dislike the feelings of disappointment from something I can’t control 100%. I guess I am giving grace to my body, and not setting up my mind for failure. Just enjoy the process, Dawna.  

Discipline equals reward

Where do I start? Ok, ok, I’ll start with the news that has me in a great mood. The weigh-in scale read 5 whole pounds down. I knew I’d worked hard and practiced excellent eating habits, so I knew it was just a matter of time before my body figured out it was time to cut down with a loss. That’s officially 320.6, and 10.6 away from picking up a little jogging. I guess I better go reintroduce myself to my treadmill which has been severely neglected since crossing that finish line.

In the last couple weeks, I have been maintaining my commitment to exercise daily or have a damn fine excuse for not. I have hiked several times, Zumba on Wednesdays including me starting the class tonight, walking the dogs and weights twice a week.

I love to report about small food victories, because they are modified behaviors that deserve to be rewarded. We went to a wedding on Sunday, April Fool’s day, and without even planning for the points, I decided to fill my plate with 66% salad veggies and minimal dressing, but I also left myself a little spot to have a mini-sandwich and a few other little things to enjoy without overwhelming or heaping the plate. That’s the stuff that tracking and my Weight Watchers program has helped to change. Partake and don’t indulge!

Later that night, I received an email from an estranged family member who informed that my 78 year old grandfather was admitted to the ICU after two strokes and a seizure. He was not doing well, he was unconscious and suffering from the side effects of long-term alcoholism. I had a doctor’s appointment and tax appointment that next morning, both of which were in Portland, so that meant I was already 2 hours closer to him. I decided that I would do my appointments; stop by the grandson’s to celebrate his second birthday and then drive two more hours to the coast where he lives. I got to the hospital one hour before visiting hours ended. This was a heartbreaking visit. He didn’t respond to me and I just held his hand. I wasn’t able to get in any activity and I knew this would mean I’d had to be especially careful on my food. Not to mention, when you’re feeling so sad and you use food to numb, you’ve got to stay hyper alert to that voice that tells you it’s okay to binge. I could have easily binged being alone and in a different city, and with no one but myself to hold me accountable. In those many moments, I relied on the daily meditation that said it was easiest to take care of you in good times, and so much more of a challenge when in times of trouble, but it was those troubled times when it was essential to care most about yourself. My food plan said I could have 3 slices of pizza for dinner, but without a Papa Murphy’s and again in a strange place I knew this would be failure for sure. So I found the Subway on my way to check in to a motel. I spent the rest of my evening in my bed exhausted from the physically and emotionally taxing day. Oh, I forgot to share that while at the doctor appointment, they gave me two shots and annual exam, took blood and urine, and I had my first mammogram. Talk about feeling abused…and then I had the grief to add to the mix. You can see the set-up.

The next day I was at the hospital when visiting hours started. I had planned on getting up a couple hours early to take a nice lone stroll along the promenade, but I woke to pouring down rain and I had only brought one pair of sweats and tennis shoes for the trip. Obviously I was not going to begin my day by being soaked. I opted out. But instead of throwing in the towel entirely, I had an order of scrambled eggs and a dry biscuit. Very points friendly and wisest McDonald’s breakfast choice. I learned that my grandfather is dying of pneumonia and heart failure, and that all the other issues related to the alcoholism were secondary. Very sad to see how our life can end so tragically when we treat it so poorly. Again, it was not easy to make smart and healthy food choices for the remainder of the day, but I headed home and kept in mind that I deserve to be healthy and to treat myself accordingly.      


Just a quick check-in

Since I didn’t have a weigh-in today due to the Spring Break break, I figured I’d stay true to my weekly committment to check in here.

I’ve been staying on track. I managed to have about 20 weekly points and 47 activity points left over for the week when I started new this morning. No expectation, just stating how hard I continue to work at it.

I had somewhat of a realization this week. I have been on the depo shot for over 5 yrs now, and don’t really have a TOTM like other girls, so I became oblivious to what that’s like anymore. Starting Sunday, I have been experincing a lot of “those” symptoms and bamb there she be. I am within my 12 week timeframe to get my shot next week, but for some reason my body has decided its in control. I have never felt so bloated and crappy. So exhausted…but these symptoms might be a good explanation for the lack of loss in the last couple weeks. It will be interesting to see what happens at weigh-in next week.

I took my hiking group on a great trip on Sunday. Killer cardio because of the elevation. When I was training for a half-marathon, I would use this trail to train. The last time I was there I got to the top in less than 60 mins, which was a pretty amazing accomplishment. Of course, I am not running 3-6 miles a day and my cardio isn’t quite what it was, but we ended up making really good time. We’ve all been working out, so not any one of us were holding anyone back. We got up to the top in just over an hour.

I am going to plan for another solo hike on Saturday just so I can keep my activity points up.

Speaking on AP’s, I just got home from my weekly Zumba class. This was my third one and its getting easier to follow. As long as I’m moving, its a good thing. The lady that starts our class can’t be there next week, so we weren’t going to have class. Now I’m getting used to the added class and I volunteered myself to start the class for her. Not only am I already paid for the class but now I’m starting it for others, so I guess that’s a little push to be sure to attend.

I am at the one month mark until Cancun. I am excited to be planning so many adventures and physical activities while on vacation. I can see the difference the last 15 lbs has made on my body and I sure can feel it. I may be in the 300’s but I am still athletic. I will post a pic of me at the top of the tallest ruin in the Yucatan to prove it.

Til next week.     

Short and sweet

The journey continues…

When motivation wanes, then your determination must take the wheel. I guess I could say I’m still pretty determined. I have been tracking every bite that goes into my mouth, and staying well within my allotted points. I have been taking food pleasures and using most of my weekly points. I have been exercises, a lot, mostly 40+ points each week, and not eating those points. I lost .2 this week and officially feel ripped off of my weekly motivating loss. And I know I’m determiend because as bummed out as it feels to know I went on an 8 mile hike, two power weight classes, Zumba and almost daily dog walks (even in the snow today), I am still going to push past this funk. I left my WW class and instead of feeling sorry for myself and letting that overwhelm my emotions, I went back to my second Zumba class. The cardio movement felt good, and I learned that its not possible to stay in that funk when I did the class.

I am on a journey and although I have no idea what kind of game my body is playing with me, I cannot let it get in the way of all the positive changes I have made for myself. In the long run, they make me better. They make me feel better, both mentally and physically, so that has to be what its worth and all about.

I have another hike planned for this Sunday, and no weigh in next week because its Spring Break. I suppose its just one more week to keep at the journey.

It’s about the journey, not the destination.

Well, I survived my first Zumba class ever. It was actually kind of fun, now granted I am a sloppy mess when it comes to the steps, but I was moving and laughing. Having a good time while exercising can’t be all that bad. I walked a total of 4 hours this past week with the dogs, did two power weights classes, and one of the 30 minute WW Cardio/Yoga DVDs.

I had a few mini-celebrations in the food department this week. During my weekly lunch in town last Thursday, I ordered my favorite Chicken Taco Salad, but instead of grazing on the tortilla chips and salsa while waiting, I told them to hold the chips. I used my taco shell instead of chips and left still very satisfied. The next day, Friday, is our regular date night out for dinner. Now if I knew I was only eating out this night, I would order and eat anything I wanted knowing that I would use my weekly allowance points. I decided to order a dinner salad and split an entree with the hubby. Again, very satisfied, plus I didn’t have to cook or leave the restaurant feeling overly stuffed. Then on Saturday night, we had a local fundraising dinner and auction to attend. I had two pieces of fried chicken thighs, a small portion of potatoes, broccoli salad, fruit salad, a dinner roll, and a brownie ala mode dessert. This was a nice treat. I was pretty comfortable with all my food decisions.

I have continued to use my iphone to track and I totally love it. If you haven’t tried it and have etools, DO IT! I credit my ability to lose to my dedication to my tracking. It makes me very aware of what I’m consuming and if it’s the wisest choice for me at the moment.

At weight-in tonight, I lost another 1.2 lbs and pretty proud of it. One more down…and the journey is not over. I’ve learned that I have to truly enjoy these days because these are the days to live for, not vacations or trips, but the real life.

Our WW leader handed out a positive affirmations bookmark that I will share.

* I am capable of achieving my goal.

* I love the feeling of making progress.

* I am more than a number on the scale.

* I have two choices: Make progress or make excuses.

* I know that nothing tastes as good as being in control feels. (My personal favorite!)

* I will focus on progress, not perfection.

* I am worth what it takes to achieve my goal.

* I will never, never, never, never give up.

* I am a winner!


I have decided that even though I’m not going to train for a marathon at this point of my life, I am going to start jogging again when I get to 310. I remember how much I loved the exhilaration from running and the sense of accomplishment I gained from being able to jog 3 miles. I am putting the weight goal on jogging because I need to be cognizant of my knees and body, and anything over 310 is just too much pounding. Just 15 more lbs to go…

Leaps and bounds

After last week’s disappointment, I went into this week’s meeting without expectation because I knew it could be ugly. Our topic last week was to “move more,” and since I’ve already been moving I decided I would challenge myself to move each day, instead a few days a week, and to step it up. So if I normally walked 3 laps, I would walk 4 or if I normally walk 30 mins., walk 60. I managed to stick to my goal. I earned 31 activity points. I didn’t have to do any extreme or lengthy exercises. I just made sure to fit it in.

I lost 2.2 lbs this week. I am very pleased with this loss. I could have easily demanded better results of my body, but that gets me nowhere fast. Also, I have to remember that I’m not a 20 year old anymore and losing is not what it used to be.

With this positive attitude, I have agreed to start a Women’s Weights class and a Zumba class. Each of these classes is offered in my small town by the community. I rushed home from my meeting to find my weights. Done.  I will be there tomorrow at 9am. I’m kind of excited to be motivated. And as far as Zumba goes, this will be my first ever and I am seriously nervous. I am not very coordinated, so I’m scared to embarrass myself. It’s the fear that I must confront.

I bought the new WW workout DVD set, so I hope to get that in a couple times this week, maybe in addition to a dog walk.

Today, I feel like I’m growing. It feels good.

Daily Intake


2 cups coffee with creamer – 6pts (I was too busy to think about eating breakfast this morning.)


Homemade Edemame Salad – 9pts (knowing I missed breakfast, I intentionally ate a normal meal so not to overeat)

1/2 cantaloupe – 0pts

Hot Link Sausage Wrap (left over from a previous night’s dinner) – 7pts


10 oz cooked chicken breast with Jamaican Jerk sauce – 11pts

Oven fries – 8 pts

Ranch dressing – 4pts

I have 7 pts left for the day. If you know me, you know I will reserve at least 3 of those for an ice cream bar with Survivor. And maybe I’ll go to bed with 4 pts left over…we will see how I feel later.

Simple pleasures!

I was on a pity train in the last post, so I decided that its best not only to post when I’m elated from weight loss, or pissed off at the scale, but at other highs and lows of my life. What I find interesting is I posted about my weight loss disappointments literally two years ago. I stated that I know I set myself up for the disappointment only because I have expectations. This remains true. I cannot try hard enough to rid life of these expectations. I can be so aware or unaware that it just hits me upside the head. I received a comment that I strongly agree with which made me rethink the idea of placing specific weight loss goals on my body. The commenter said that I needed to make WW a lifetime program and to live life. I know this. I do this. But what’s so different this time that had me so devestated? Well, I set this damn 2 lb per week goal because we are going to Mexico in a couple months with a large group of friends. This kind of shortterm deadline is not congruent with a lifetime program. This can’t be a temporary change that serves its purpose only for a vacation. My head has been set straight again.

I have stuck to my points, tracking, and exercising.

Today was a blessed day. Yesterday was my second grandson’s first birthday, so I traveled back to Portland today for his birthday party. My grandson’s bring me such joy. They are growing so quickly. It excites me because of all that we can do together, but it also scares me because the time goes by so fast. SO DOWN babies!

After a Costco run and stop for a manicure, I spent the entire day with one-on-one time with my boys. Easton will be two next month, and he is just so precious. He knows who I am and he calls me Nawna. So cute. We shared apple bite snacks with each other. We played trucks. We read. We tooks pictures and videos.

Riley was enamoured with his birthday decorations. He loves Sponge Bob right now, so his house was loaded with everything Sponge Bob. At one, they play, but not quite as much interaction as a two year old. Nonetheless, we enjoyed our playtime together.


Reflecting back on the day, made me realize that I have the simple pleasures to fill my life. Not only did I get to play like a two year old and be present for my family, I stayed within plan and planned so well that I could enjoy a small slice of birthday cake and have a glass of wine after my long drive home.

Life is sweet like a glass of Sangria.

Today’s Intake


2 Cups Coffee with peppermint mocha creamer – 6pts

1 Slice Banana Blueberry bread – 6pts


2 Homemade Chicken Enchiladas with salsa – 12 pts

1 Apple and Kiwi (shared with the two year old) – 0pts

1 Slice birthday cake – 6pts


6 oz Sirloin Steak – 9 pts

Mac and Broccoli – 6pts

8 oz wine – 7pts