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Archive for April, 2012

Ready to be rocking my new body, and yet I’m still too far away

So I’ve now been doing this a month and a half (I know, I know, so many others here have been working way harder for way longer and I need to accept it) and I’m a baby and need the instant gratification that I refuse to give myself by starving or going on a fad diet. It’s a catch 22 and I’m hurting for it. I’m so ready to start fitting in my clothes and having nice looking arms (well they never were smoking guns so maybe just thinner or better arms) and legs (see arms comment) again. I’m ready for those zippers to start going all the way up and not mid-way only to travel back down again so I can take the damn dress off.
The pro side is that my jeans fit again. I still have a tiny amount of excess tummy over the edges, but they zip and button comfortably! Which is something I couldn’t do when I first started this blog. And I can now keep them buttoned the entire day. Not just in the morning, while standing on the el for my commute. They can remain buttoned through the day of standing, sitting, walking, eating and digesting. Whoo hoo! The negative part of me is saying “well think about how much you stretched those size 8’s out though, so you are more a 10 than an 8 even though your ‘8’ size fits.” And I am totally acknowledging the negative side and turning it into the realistic side. By doing this I can mentally prep myself when the jeans are loose (hopefully that DOES happen) that when I go shopping I may just fit in the size I thought I was always wearing. But I will be that size and be able to buy new clothes.
And as I started to write this next sentence I realized, I haven’t been binging at all. I’ve been following my plan, writing down my calories and working out and have not had a box of cookies, half a box of cereal, entire bag of chips, pint of ice cream binge! Wow, my head is reeling right now. And now I’m suddenly remembering that pint of Ben and Jerrys fro yo that I attacked, however it was when I was sick weeks ago, and I actually accounted for it in my day’s calories (excuses I know, but when sick you just want the ice cream). 
Gonna step on the scale tomorrow since I didn’t do it last Thursday or Friday due to staying at my scale-less boyfriend’s place. Hoping for a smaller number to be a bonus, but even if the number is higher than I want at least I can focus on getting it down this week with good for you food and trying to stay away from alcohol. I decided recently that my 10 lb goal will be a new pair of crosstrainer shoes since my current 2 old running shoes are running out of support and killing my arches for kickboxing and other jumping activities. Hope everyone is having as good a Monday as they can be!

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Wedding Season Begins with Some Ups and Downs

Another weekend come and gone and I feel not TOO bad. Friday and Saturday I did pretty good with my eating I think. I stayed on track during work and then had a greek pocket from a place called Pockets (like a pita but more breaklike and stuffed with mostly lettuce and toppings). Then we we all went out in Indianapolis my boyfriend and I split a small flatbread pizza, and I had a few chips and 2 beers since I was going to be driving later and wanted to at least have a drink or two before we left several hours later.
The day of the wedding I did pretty good too. Granola bar and Bloody Mary for breakfast, stopped by Meijer after the ceremony for a protein shake (and another Bloody Mary) and then dinner was a buffet. I filled half my place with lettuce, about a fifth with mashed potatoes (which I didn’t eat all of them) and then took one serving of grilled chicken. I snacked on some M&M’s later but not that many. And drinking was vodka sodas which made me feel better too.
I wasn’t feeling well yesterday morning (tummy troubles that just never seem to go away so I made a doctor’s appointment in a few weeks). I’m not sure if I have a gluten intolerance (which runs in the family) or just IBS. Either way I’d like some type of answer! But I stayed home since I didn’t think I’d make it to work and spent the day snacking on various things I should not have been snacking on. And my stomach was too upset to actually work out (connected? probably). Anyways today it was a bit grumbly too even though I’m at work so another workout skipped. Although after my lunch of soup I’m feeling better and wish I could have hit the gym!
Tonight my boyfriend and I are going to the Cubs game. I’m a White Sox fan through and through but like most traitors like up on the north side. I’m actually less than a mile north of Wrigley. And while I really wish my first game of the season was to see the good guys, I’ll settle for a de-stressing night at a ballpark. Luckily since I live so close I can eat dinner at home and save money and calories from the field food. Even though I haven’t been as good with working out, I’m still trying to work toward another loss (if not a small one) on Friday! Which btw I was at 170.6 so getting better! Here’s hoping to be in the 160’s by Friday if I can get my act together and eat cleanly the rest of the week!
Hope everyone is doing well and had a great weekend!

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Another Day Down

Wow, I have been slacking! Although this new position is killing me, so currently it makes sense. So many meeting have been altering my lunch time workouts and I’m somewhat frustrated I can’t get into the ones I love doing. Although I suppose I should just be glad I can do any workout and don’t have to work through lunch at this point. But lunch time workouts have been going well. I was a bit sick last week, some type of light stomach bug so Wednesday’s workout was pretty light. Friday’s was non-existent due to a work crisis but I was able to get some cardio in on Saturday. 
This weekend marks the first wedding my boyfriend and I will be attending. The first of 5. I went to David’s Bridal last night to look at some dresses since some of them are great to wear to weddings and not all “bridesmaid”-y. I remember thinking that last summer when I was in and out of the stores so I decided to head back. There was a SUPER cute black and white dress I really wanted but they only have a size 8, 12, 18 and 22. Since I can just still fit into the 8 I had for my best friend’s wedding I thought an 8 should be fine, but you never know. Well now I know, nope. This particular dress fits about a size smaller. I was super bummed and though glad I’ve been working hard and VERY grdually dropping weight, I so wished I could have fit into that dress!
Anyways since I have no time left this week to shop I bought a size 10 purple dress that is cute and flow-y. ish. It will do me well with a cardigan and maybe some tights depending on how cold it is. If I’m bare legging it though I need to start sunless tanning my pastey legs! When we were in Mexico in January I had a really bad uneven burn on my legs which is still burned in. The right side of both legs is all discolored and still red compared to the left side so I need to start trying to even it out at least. Yesterday was a decent day of eating. I was so busy I actually didn’t eat for a good portion of the day even though I did a Zumba class. So night was not a binge per say, but knowing I needed some type of fuel I probably ate more than I should have. I think it evened out to 1500 calories in total for the day. Not bad, but I try to be more consistent so my body doesn’t store that food anticipating a starve or something.
Whew, okay well that’s my now weekly updates! I’m crossing my fingers for a better numbe ron the scale than last week (171.6 – back up from my 170.8 the week before). I’ve been pretty good this week (no sweets or refined sugars or carbs). The alochol has been my downfall though. Oh, and with TOM gone my crazy girlfriend hysteria has seemed to pass and I’m dealing again with the mess and situation. Baby steps, you know? Hope everyone has a great rest of the day!

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First World Problems?

Today is a moment of slowness in my otherwise busy and hectic day/week/month. This post isn’t much related to weight as I won’t have anything to say until tomorrow, more of an unloading. And since TOM is rapidly approaching I expect I will not like the number on the scale and won’t really take MUCH heed to it. But like I said last time, it’s a good motivating factor for sure. Life just seems to be much busier lately. And I know most of this is from work. I’m not working a lot of hours outside work, but the hours spent at the office have been crazy, hectic and I feel like I am just treding water in my new job.
When my boss’s boss first offered me this position I initially turned it down. I wanted to get out of this department and do something different. But after a few minutes of him telling me that he thought I would be great for this based on personality and drive I began to think again. It’s good experience for management, if nothing else. I just feel over-whelmed that I am under qualified. Mostly because I beat out a co-worker who has been here much longer and who is older than I. I don’t believe he has any resentment, but he just knows so much more than I do right now. I am constantly worrying since I am always afraid of failure in my life. Although let’s be honest, who isn’t? And while I seem to be at least treding that lets me know that in time after I am able to delegate my day to day work from my old poisition to a new employee and take on more of a management role I should be okay. Emphasize the SHOULD. Gulp.  
I’m also finding myself trying to find the word for what I am experiencing with my boyfriend. Next month is our year anniversairy. While I love him dearly, and I have no doubt in my mind that he is the one for me I find myself getting annoyed at things he does/says/won’t do easily. I’m not sure if this is because the stress at my job is leeching into my outside world or if I not just feel comfortable enough with him to tell him my annoyances not wishing he is going to leave like past relationships. I understand this is a normal thing in healthy relationships – the not thinking the other is perfect and accepting their strengths as well as their weaknesses. His weaknesses however are that he never does what he say he will. I am an avid non-smoker and he is a hardcore smoker. To the point that he smokes in his condo. It’s always bothered me, but it’s his place and I respect that. However he has been saying for MONTHS that he will stop smoking inside not just for me but for his cat who he doesn’t want to harm with smoke. I was initially glad but finidng out that he doesn’t seem so concerned on stopping the indoor smoking is really bothersome. When we talk about it he says he’ll stop and that night he will. But then the next time I come it’s all gone to hell.
He also is a very messy person which annoys me so much. I can take a mess, but his is old pizza boxes and trash and beer cans and clutter. Oh so much clutter. He is still saying the same thing that he’ll clean, but he never does and stuff is laying out for ages until I pick it up because I physically can not look at it anymore. He’s mentioned me moving in, but I feel like if I move in I would never be comfortable and wouldn’t be able to handle his small 1 bedroom 700 squarefoot condo. I’ve never had a serious relationship before this (I’ve had many on and offs going on for years though so it’s not brand new) and I am just having trouble trying to figure out how to compromise this situation. Because keeping the bathroom and kitchen clean is a compromise, but not smoking inside is very black and white. And when I was in a rush this morning to leave his place I tripped over random items on his kitchen floor and banged my knee pretty bad. I have scrape and giant bruise.
Sigh, TOM is not helping me and neither is the fact that work is stressfull. But hey, thus is life right? I’m hoping that this will work itself out. Our communication is going well, it’s the actions that both of us need to take that seems to be the hard part. Here’s hoping everone else is having a stressfree day and able to enjoy some nice weather! Thanks for listening to my unloading!

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Discouragement to Feed the Fire

While I told myself I would only stick to weekly weigh-ins I cheated and stepped on the scale today knowing it would be higher from my Easter weekend eating and that TOM is coming soon. I needed that motivation to stick to working out and eating right. 172.6. Sigh. I know that 1.8 pounds can just be a fluxuation. And some water weight since I wasn’t drinking water all weekend and went back to my intake yesterday at work. But it’s so hard to see any creep in that number. The rational part of me knows it’s okay, but the emotional part thinks it sucks.
Yesterday was a rough eating day after work. My boyfriend instead of making food had bagels and an egg ready to make an egg sandwich for dinner. Not my ideal, but workable. Then I had a vodka soda at my friend’s comedy show which put me at a total calorie count for the day of 1,371. A number I was totally fine with. And then for some reason when I got home I decided to have a FEW mini chocolate Lindt Easter eggs my mom put in a mini Easter basket. Well the 3 I had were so good and I figured they were SO small I could have a few more. Nope – that was a TERRIBLE idea. the 6 I had came out to 600 calories! And I know 6 seems like a lot, but they were maybe the size of a elongated hershey’s kiss. And a kiss is only 23 calories a piece. Even 2 are still like 50 calories. Put next to each other they aren’t even the length of a candy bar!
I know that to change for lifestyle you are supposed to not have to count calories and watch everything you eat and eat in moderation and whatnot, but clearly my version of moderation is skewed and I should know the calorie counts for these things so I can make better choices overall. So I have ot be back to it this week. I feel like I need to really watch what I’m eating and not deviate from things I don’t know the nutritional value of or cannot EASILY guess (like bread, cheese, veggies or light salad dressing). Anyways the class for today will be Kicking Core Ball which is getting easier since the choreography is the same each week and then hopefully a jog after work. I want to start running/jogging again and I know I am so out of shape for it. It’s a great calorie blaster and a good way to free my mind. I just need to be able to do it again!

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Another weekend come and gone

So this weekend was SUPER busy with a bridal shower then birthday party on Saturday and Easter on Sunday. Friday I wasn’t feeling well and went home early to work from home. I actually got a lot done, but ended up splitting half a garden pizza with my friend who came over to work from my place as well. Half a large pizza probably came to 1,000 calories, but since it was about the only thing I had that day (minus my morning protein shake) so I’m not AS bothered as I could have been. I didn’t get a workout in though because my stomach was not feeling it. Yet somehow the pizza was okay. Maybe the easy cheese for my poor digestive system?

Anyways the rest of the weekend was a lot of snacking, so I’m sure the scale will reflect that. Since last weekend I thought it wasn’t that bad either but lost only 0.8 lbs. These weekends are killer! I just need to keep reminding myself that since this is my lifetsyle change weekends aren’t a chance to indulge any more than weekdays are not. I just need to keep the portion sizes right and keep eating to lose weight! But I am on track for today and should be good for today. My boyfriend is making me dinner, so who knows what that will be! He’s not much of a chef, so it’s always intresting to see what he “makes.” When we first started dating he was so proud to go to his Italian uncle (the only Italian in a group of Irish) to learn to make eggplant parm. It was sooo good. He took notes so someday he’ll make it again, until then I usually get microwaved eggs and plain oatmeal, but he tries and I love him for it.

I love to cook and bake and make all of those treats that take 5 hours to make and 5 seconds to eat. And my boyfriend’s family aren’t really cooks. My family and extended family are HUGE cooks and bakers so there is always so much good homemade food. So for his family’s Easter party I made deviled eggs (gotta use those dyed eggs somehow), broccoli slaw which is a fav of mine and a surprising calorie buster and then a dessert tray. I bought a Wilton Easter mold from Michaels for chocolate covered oreos. It had little insets of tulips and bunnies so I was able to alternate different colored candy melts for the shapes. My best friend also found on pinterest orange chocolate covered strawberries that look like little carrots, so I did those too with my leftover orange chocolate. It turned out great and was a real pleaser. In the end I probably brought too much, but I love making stuff! I’ll try and fiddle around to include an image.

Easter Treats

Today’s class was another Pi-Yo class. This one a bit more relaxed and more stretching and quad work. Didn’t need to shower which was great to save time, but I still felt like I got good muscle work in. A good amount of the week will be cardio classes and I want to try for a Wednesday night spin class. My friend was looking AMAZING at her bridal shower on Saturday. She lost so much weight and look so much healthier and stronger. I’m trying to stay inspired from how great she looked.

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Slightly Off Balance Weekend

Well the weekend could have gone a lot worse, but it could have gone a lot better too. I was more mindful of what I should be eating, but truffle fries are just soooo delicious! But I was careful about my pasta portions on Friday and then for the bachelorette party I had a lean cuisine in the early afternoon and was fine until dinner. The problem was dinner was at 9 pm (due to a long wait) so I ended up eating more than I should from waiting too long. Luckily all the girls were in the same boat as me! But since dinner left me so full I didn’t even have the stomach for booze calories, so that helped!
Unfortunately I did not work out at all Sat-Mon so I felt a little slack with that. And working out during lunch today I could feel my body being a bit slow and un-stretched. Monday’s calories were good except for sneaking in a few cookies (I didn’t go crazy over my calorie limit, but they didn’t help after my weekend). Today was back on track and I’ll right where I should be food wise. I’m sure my weekend will have affected my weight loss for this week, but I wouldn’t call this weekend a binge weekend by ANY means. No candy bars, boxes of cookies, bags of chips, bottles of wine or bags of chocolate chips were consumed, so I really think it’s an improvement!
Yesterday I took the day off to pretty much clean my room and start to feel like a grown up again and not some college kid with clothes all over the floor and Christmas presents still in bags in my room. My roommate and I keep our common area very clean and we are super respectful of our shared space. And both of us are generally clean people. But we both tend to get a bit messy in our separate bedrooms. She tends to keep her clean close to all of the time and I’m good until my hamper explodes in my room and then it is apparently a free for all.
So yesterday was spent cleaning my room. I got rid of 3 garbage bags, 2 IKEA blue bags filled with Goodwill items and took another bag of Halloween and Christmas decor down to our storage locker. I cleaned from 7:30-5:30 and it felt good. My boyfriend now also has his own hanging organizer for the work shirts, tee shirts, socks, boxers and jeans I washed yesterday. I swear he seemed to have almost as much laundry as I did in my washer! But since I got a promotion for work (yay me!) and with Easter this weekend and the wedding season in full swing I know my room would have gone as it was for a while as it would have made me feel disorganized in life. So now I feel very back on track!
Hope everyone is having a happy Tuesday and back on track if you swayed away a little this past weekend like me!
Oh and incontrol2day – thanks for the encouraging words! I wish I could respond but apparently I can’t comment on my blog. But I want you to know I appreciate it!

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