Good and Bad News! My Husband Didn’t Die!

Hi everybody!  Sorry for the delay in the new blog.  What’s it been?  2 years?  Ouch!  3 years!

Good News – Husband survived 3 years of hospice and is well enough to occasionally be a pain in the butt.  My selective memory has vanished along with his prognosis of 2 weeks to live.  Don’t misunderstand.  I do love him.  He is my miracle ‘baby’ and I am happy he is here — most of the time.  However, I am not thrilled with my renewed duties of cook, maid and CEO of the weekly medicine refills and monthly doctor visits.  He still has his heart, digestive, primary and pulmonary physicians.  Yay.

Bad News – I am now 62 years old; weigh 345 pounds; and am slowly recovering from a year of severe adrenal gland fatigue.  2016 is my year to see results in my weight loss journey.  I am working on the emotional blockades which have kept me spinning in place – going nowhere – as I try to return to a healthier me.  I commit to blogging more frequently and for sharing the good, the bad, and the ugly.  Happy Holidays!

Seriously…

Tonight I’m a bit more somber.  Sorry.  I don’t believe I’ve mentioned that my husband is home under hospice care.  He is getting worse, so it is a bit hard for me to find my humor today.  When I think back over the years, I remember so much laughter.  Humor has been my saving grace.  I had a terrible childhood, miserable young adulthood, struggling single parent, you name it.  In the past, I could always find the humor in the situation – it helped me to survive – it kept my hope alive and, eventually, I saw some of my dreams come to fruition.  I still have dreams – am still working on goals – still believe I can shape my life into what I want and need.  It’s just that I’ve known my husband since I was 13 and he was 17.  We are both hot tempered and stubborn.  I left at 22 and we didn’t see each other again for 30 years.  He found me, asked me to marry him, I said yes and we’ve been happy.  Very happy.  He is my heart.  I’ve been alone a lot in my life – like being alone as a matter of fact – but I’ve never experienced the kind of loneliness I am feeling tonight.  He will be gone soon and I will truly be alone.

Buried Under Boxes and Eating a Snickers!

Last weekend was MOVING DAY! Worked from 6:00 a.m. to 4:00 a.m. the next morning – shifting our STUFF from a perfectly fine old house to a much too small new house.  According to my helpful 🙂 husband, we’re doing our part to stimulate the economy – buy/sell, hired helpers – you name it, we spent it.  Yep, we’re DOWNSIZERS –  we smile at each other and feel pretty good about ourselves.  Aren’t we cool?

A week later… we aren’t DOWNSIZERS I scream!  We’re just SHAPE SHIFTERS!   Boxes tower everywhere – I have to crawl and climb to navigate within the house.  We now have builders erecting “what appears to be a small home but is really a huge space” behind our house for “storage” purposes.  The new building has two 100-year old stained glass windows – what the heck??? Furthermore, NOTHING has been thrown away, recycled or disappeared.  Usually when you hire a moving company, you can count on some things being broken or lost.  Not us – we’re the lucky ones!

The day after our move, I found an old Snickers candy bar – one of my fav chocolates.  Threw it in the wastebasket.  I’m so proud of me until…    I try to pull out a book box from a towering stack of boxes – the books won – clobbered my ass and knocked me to the floor.  I’m still not sure, but… I don’t think any parts are broken – I mean I can still wiggle my fingers – wiggled them right over to that wastebasket and clamped them around that Snickers bar!  Snickers and I bonded.  It was wonderful.  If there is a moral to all of this, it would have to be that  “NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED.”  I did, however, lose 3 pounds!

Lying on a Hill in Split Pants

OMG!  Tried to strut down a slippery hill in my really cool, new and tight, fat-person-who-has-lost-10-pounds jeans; slipped, fell on my back and slid a couple of feet!   Left a cool rut in the wet grass.  Sadly,  Jeans were so tight I couldn’t get back up, so I lay there squirming like a roach on Raid – trying desperately to flip over on my stomach – the hope being I would be able to crawl to a light post and pull myself up.  Not happening.  Couldn’t flip, couldn’t crawl.

Started raining again – yep, I was still writhing on the ground when mother nature decided to shed some tears for me.  Finally, on my feet again.  I would like to thank the 4 children who courageously ventured forth and helped this muddy/wet/still fat in her not-so-cool jeans up from the ground.  However – yep, there’s one of those – 1 of these little angels made off with my wallet which had spilled from my purse during the fall.  Life has its moments.  I lost 10 pounds!  🙂

Its a Dark, Rainy Day in Dallas

Still at work, gnawing on a candy bar and drinking Coca Cola.  Bummed Out.  Tired.  Depressed.  No Energy.  Time to go home; been a long day.  Just checked into bioidentical hormone therapy here in Dallas, Dr. Gorn.  Tests are about $640 up front and initial consult ranges from $395 – $595, depending upon which doctor you select — roughly a $1200 investment just to get started.  Since when did my fat become a rich person’s disease?  All the material I’ve read, researched indicates it is a byproduct of low-income limited food choices, i.e., pasta, carbs, sugars.  I make good money, but darn, why does it cost so much to reach optimum health?  Does anybody have any suggestions or experiences with bioidentical hormone therapy?   Would appreciate hearing about it if you do.

Talk to you soon.

Hanging by my chewed off fingernails!

OMG!  I want a coca cola!  a strawberry shake!  and some really, really chocolate cookies.  BUT…….I am BIGGER and STRONGER than all those yummylicious treats.  I can do this. I really can do this.  I am going to struggle through another week of eating healthy foods and detoxing from my junk food addiction.

NEXT, I am going to tackle, ugh, can I say it, EXERCISE.  I haven’t exercised in 10 years, unless you count running from a mugger, then tackling the mugger who wouldn’t leave well enough alone – he actually chased my fat butt and tackled me!  My only choice was to roll on him and scream for help.  Not sure that really counts as exercise, but…I’d like to think it does.

I might as well get my whine on …. why did this happen to me??! I’m a nice person.   I was thin and sexy.  Why did this fat choose me???  (tears, more tears).  Okay.  I’m better.  Leave the past alone and focus on the present.  I don’t care where this weight came from, I only care about making it permanently go away.

P.S.  I lost 3 pounds this week.

Another Day, Another Start

Hello,

My name is Pat.  I am 59 years old.  I weigh 335 pounds.  I wasn’t always fat – far from it.  I started out as skinny – by the time I was 12, I had blossomed into curvy and sexy  I didn’t start busting at the seams until my early 40’s.

Before I became a fat person, I was a pretty 5′10, blonde with a 38-24-36 figure and a very active social life.  The extra weight slowly crept up on me and eventually courted me into a horrible funk.  I spent 10 years denying the extra weight was important.   ”Well, if they really like me, the weight won’t matter!  If they can’t get past the weight, I don’t need them in my life and I DON”T CARE!”   But,  I DID and I DO care.  I don’t want to be fat, unhealthy, unattractive and constantly fatigued.

I want my life back. THIS TIME I will do it – THIS TIME I will lose the weight.  My blog will detail my journey as I attempt to lose the 200 pounds that moved in, uninvited, and took over my life, robbed me of my health, my self-esteem, my confidence and my joy.   Today I start by vowing to stop my love affair with Coca Cola.  Goodbye my friend.