Things have been pretty crazy the last few days.  Other DIL, the one I don’t mention a lot, had a meltdown and I’ve been dealing with that.  This is Andrew’s and Steven’s mother.  Fairly functional but always very needy and lazy in terms of taking care of her kids and house but pretty good at keeping a job.  Granddaughter, Holly, lives with her.

Holly called me last Monday afternoon and told me she thought Mommy needed to go to the hospital.  I tried to talk to DIL and she just kept crying and sobbing about how she wanted to die and be with her daughter that died 17 years ago.  I lost patience with her because I kept trying to get her to stop talking that way in front of Holly but I couldn’t get through to her so I called the police.  She’s really into drama and I didn’t know if it was her usual meltdown or if she was serious so I decided that the police could handle it a lot better than I could.

I drove over there.  I’d never been inside her house before.  She’s a terrible housekeeper and it always pisses me off to look at it so I’ve just pulled up in the drive a couple of times to let Holly out.  DS and Holly are over here so much, there’s never been a need for me to go over there.  I was shocked.  There were six police cars over there and the inside of the house looked like one of those scenes from Hoarders.  There were two dogs, two cats, the water had been turned off and the place smelled so bad it would make you sick.  The police were trying to deal with DIL who was half-naked and rocking back and forth in a closet and DGD, Holly, was crying and ran up to me the minute I pulled up.  I told her to wait in my car and went to talk to the police.

The police told me she was having “some kind of episode” and they were taking her to the hospital where they could keep her for 72 hours observation.  They were trying to weave their way through piles of dirty clothes, dirty dishes and other filth and DIL had taken everything that belongs to DS and thrown it out in the front yard in the snow.  They told me they were calling CPS and asked me to take Holly and some of her clothes.  Poor Holly (11 years old) was rummaging around in piles of dirty clothes to find something to wear to school and I told her to just forget it.  It was easier to just buy her new ones.

I called DS, who was in Arkansas and told him what was going on.  He was furious.  He’s on the road most of the time and lives with his girlfriend when he isn’t.  He told me he’d paid DIL’s rent at the beginning of the month and given her another $400 just the week before because she said she needed it for her water, electric and gas money to go to work.  So, he’d given her almost $1,000 in a two week period.  Turns out, she just decided to quit her job a month earlier for no apparent reason and had just started a new job the week before.  He said she’d been calling him non-stop for two days and he finally blocked her number.  He said she was calling his girlfriend a “whore” and had been threatening to go over there and make a big scene.

I called DIL’s mother to tell her what was going on and she knew more about it than I did.  Seems that the idiot had been to the house.  Knew that the water had been off for more than a week.  Knew that her daughter was losing it and living in absolute filth with Holly.  And then she gives me this idiotic dialogue about how she’d just talked to her four hours earlier and “she was fine….upset about her boyfriend breaking up with her….upset and jealous about DS and his new girlfriend…house was so filthy she had to stand in the doorway because she couldn’t even breathe…yada, yada”  How can you start a dialogue like that by stating, “I just talked to her four hours earlier and she was fine“???  AND her mother tells me she told her that she was going to have to get a grip because the school already called CPS once and now there’s been two calls.”  Which just goes to reinforce my opinion about CPS.  They’d been called two weeks earlier and hadn’t done anything.  Hadn’t even contacted her.

I stopped on the way home and got Holly what she needed and told DS she wasn’t going back there until I was satisfied that things were okay.  If I have to, I’ll keep her and raise her like I did with the twins.

I made arrangements for youngest DS to take Holly to school the next day and was shocked when I called DIL’s mother to see what was going on and she told me she’d gone to the hospital and had DIL released into her care and had her at her house.  Are you kidding me????  The woman was acting psycho!  She needed to be in the hospital!  Her mother said, “You know she quit her job because she got into an argument with a co-worker.  She doesn’t have insurance and she can’t afford a big hospital bill.”  I told her I was not sending Holly back there until things were resolved and I’d call CPS myself if it comes to it.  She agreed with me and I told her I wanted to talk to DIL and to have her call me when I got home.

DIL called me that afternoon and I had a long talk with her.  She told me she was exhausted from trying to deal with everything and just kind of “lost it” for a while.  I jumped on her and told her there was NO excuse for the way she was living.  The filth, the hysteria, quitting her job, etc.  She started crying and saying she knew she’d made a big mistake but she was so angry with DS and she feels like he’s just moving on with his life and leaving her behind.  Well, duh!  They’ve been separated for 7 years.  He stores stuff in her garage and at her house but he also pays the rent and gives her money for Holly.  She doesn’t want a divorce and knows he gives her more than she’d ever get in child support.  I told her I would have her water turned back on and Holly was not coming back to that mess until I was satisfied that she was providing her with what she needs.

DIL’s mother called me that night and said she had a big fight with DIL and told her to “Get the Hell out of my house!”  Isn’t that just peachy?  Since she’s the one who signed her out of the hospital and told them she would take responsibility for her and take her to her house.  She said, “She’s lying to me about everything and she’s so vindictive and angry that I won’t have it!  I told her she couldn’t get on the computer but she went on there anyway and posted a bunch of nasty stuff about DS and his girlfriend.  I told her to delete it and she wouldn’t.  She’s just plain nasty.  So I told her to get out!”

Holly has been here all week.  DIL tells me she has the house “cleaner than its been since she moved in” but I haven’t been over there.  I’m kind of numb about what I’m going to do.  She won’t force the issue because she knows she’ll lose.  I know she loves her daughter and I know Holly loves her but that’s not enough.  She came over a couple of times this week to take Holly out to eat.  She works nights and she came over Thursday night when she got off to “drop off some clothes” for Holly.  DS had gotten back in town and was sleeping downstairs on the couch and he woke up furious because he said he was missing $100 from his wallet.  He called her and she denied taking it but he’s assured me that it’s not the first time she’s stolen money from him and he suspects she’s doing drugs.

Are you kidding me???  I already have one DIL who’s totally psycho and now you’re telling me that the “not quite bright, very needy but good-hearted one” is f*cked up, too???  Do my sons drive women crazy or just really know how to pick em?

In spite of everything, I’ve been feeling pretty good.  I’ve got all my Christmas shopping done.  DS says he’ll take care of Holly’s Christmas.  He’s out of town right now but will be back tonight and then he’s off for vacation the next ten days so I know Holly will be taken care of.  Our holiday celebration will be tomorrow at Mom’s.  I’ll be cooking all day and then we’ll drive to Elizabethtown tomorrow to exchange presents and feast.  Then DH and I will leave early Monday morning for Tunica.  We have a week in Tunica, just the two of us and the two DS’s will both have their kids for Christmas.

Kind of ironic that I received our monthly union newsletter in my mailbox at work Wednesday and the back page had an article that mentioned that we have “free therapy available” for employees who need counseling.  I gave it a very hard look and decided that I’d call them.  Wednesday night, we had an ice storm and school was cancelled Thursday and Friday but I know the article is still there.  Waiting on my desk until I get back to school in January. 

I think it’s time.


Susan says 18th December @ 20:31

Oh my goodness.

At the very LEAST, if you go for therapy, you’ll have an excellent excuse to lie on a couch for an hour.


brseay says 19th December @ 0:10

Geez, you can’t make this stuff up.

You are a living angel for your grandkids. It is so wonderful that amid the chaos of their lives they have you and DH to lean on for stability and support. I know you were never planning to be raising kids again at this age but apparently it was someone’s plan.

And although I’m sad that this happened I’m happy at least that it has gotten you to agree to try therapy. Enjoy the week in Tunica, win a ton of money and come back all refreshed and rested.

beerab says 20th December @ 16:43

I’m sorry you are dealing with this- I hope your other DIL or EX-DIL or whatever gets her act together. I’d tell her to go get counseling as well.

Do the counseling for yourself- my husband and I did it and it did such a world of good- after three sessions we were so happy with the counselor. She helped tremendously.

Good luck! I pray your DIL gets the help she needs, it sounds like she has big depression issues and issues letting go.

Joy says 31st December @ 7:08

How are you holding up Pat? I hope that things improve with DIL very soon. Those wonderful Grandkids are so blessed to have you in their life looking out for them! How have you been feeling? How are YOU doing?
I hope that you have a Happy New Year! HUGS
and God bless!

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