Let’s throw it out there.  Let’s take a long, hard look at it.


Why did I let this happen?  Because I let it get away from me.  I stopped caring and I stopped trying.  I’m a fat girl.  That’s what my natural inclination is.  To be fat.  If I stop trying and just let everything run its course, I’m preconditioned to be a fat chick.  So I have to just accept it or fight it.  There aren’t any other choices.

I’m fighting back.  I’m feeling the repercusions of the treadmill today.  My back hurts and my midsection hurts.  That’s the bad thing.  The good thing is, that little bit of exercise helped me be strong yesterday.  I ate two eggs with a little bit of shredded cheese on them for breakfast.  I felt pretty good about that.  Yesterday afternoon, I walked by a black forest cake that’s a survivor of last Friday’s potluck at school and ate a piece.  While I ate it, I read the nutrition label.  300 calories.  I thought about how that one piece of cake neutralized all the walking I did on the treadmill.  It tasted good but not that good.  I didn’t eat another piece.  Just knowing that I’d made the effort to exercise helped keep me on the straight and narrow the rest of the day.

I’m ready for today.  I have cereal for breakfast and a salad with grilled chicken for lunch.  My treat for my body today is going to be making the effort to find my HRM and figure out how it works.  I bought a new one last year and never could get it to do what I wanted.

Have a great day, ladies.  I’m off to work and I have nothing going on after that bell rings!  No committees, no meeting, no appointments.  Except with my treadmill.

9:00 a.m. – Ate a satsuma mandarin.  An itty bitty one.  35 calories.

9:45 – Ate a biscotti biscuit.  90 calories.

10:00 – 5.5 oz. tomato juice (30 calories)

Salad with romaine, sliced almonds, grape tomatoes, grilled chicken breast meat, Newman’s Lite (200)

Yecchh!  I  have to do better with lunch.  The romaine is bitter, the chicken tastes like it has a slight case of freezer burn, and the dressing is not my favorite.  I guess lunch was closer to 100 calories since I threw most of it out.

4:30 – I have to stay after school tomorrow to sell hot dogs for the National Honor Society.  Their entire treasury consists of $70.00.  We’re going to sell hot dogs in the theatre to the captive kids who ride the second bus runs.  There are around 300 to 400 kids who have to sit there for anywhere from ten to 30 minutes before they can board the buses.  I’m hoping we can raise some cash.

Got off work, went by GFS to pick up those little paper boats for the hot dogs, went by the surplus bakery store and picked up 96 buns.  Ran by Walmart and picked up 124 Bar S hot dogs.  We’re selling hot dogs for three afternoons.  I’ll probably have to make another run later in the week.

It was nice to know that my workout room was ready to go as soon as I got home.  I changed clothes and headed straight upstairs.  I did 30 minutes and my ankle really started hurting.  I kept trying to tell myself that I should quit but I knew that the pain wouldn’t last after I finished walking and iced my ankle down.  I’m pretty proud of myself for keeping at it until I finished.  Now I’m going to get an ice pack and watch some TV.

Oh, I need to cram in a bunch of calories, too.  Looks like I’ve only eaten around 300 so far.

6:00 – Homemade chicken salad with fat free mayo, canned chicken breast, celery, craisens, almonds on 7 grain bread (300 calories)

sugar free pudding (70)

Late snack : Triscuit thins and chicken salad (250), honeybell orange (60)



Joy says 25th January @ 7:25

I am just catching up on your blog and I am so proud of you! You are going to do great today! Good job on finding all that you need to get back on track. Have a good NO GREAT day! 🙂

round says 25th January @ 10:23

When my weight started going up 2 years ago, I pretty much tried to ignore it. Thinking it would “get back under control”. It was really hard for me to admit where I was, that I was back up way above my self-image.

But until I could do that, I couldn’t really make any progress.

Last year I looked 221 in the face. Then I lost 30 pounds. And I didn’t lose my mind doing it (despite some VERY tough personal circumstances).

You can do this. The hardest part is done, admitting where you are.

hardlydunatall says 25th January @ 11:25

You are doing great! Just keep going. Don’t beat yourself up over a little piece of cake. In order to stay on a so called “diet”, you have to have a piece everyone once in a blue moon. Free time is hard, but you can do it. Try doing something like clean your house, or hang with friends.

laurajean64 says 25th January @ 12:30

Cake was once tempting, but you’re so right: it’s not worth the calories. Neither is the pizza I ate last night.

canadianchunky says 25th January @ 20:34

Oddly enough at my WW meeting this week we went totally off the week’s topic and talked about precisely this. How we can lose but do crawl back to where we feel comfortable. We may not like the body we are in, but we know it. Losing weight can be scary because it forces into an “unknown”. Self sabotaging is an old skill we had back in the cave days where you had to worry about eating of drinking fast in case an animal snuck up and attacked you. When I heard that, it all started to make sense…although it may not really make sense the way I described it.

susan says 25th January @ 22:24

We got yer back, Patty!
Have at those pounds and show ’em who’s boss!

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