My back is killing me!  If nothing else gets done this weekend, we’ve got to get the spa fixed.  I’d love to take my coffee out there right now and slide down into a warm, bubbling spa and let the jets work out all the kinks.  The new cover came in over spring break.  In the process of waiting for the new cover, the heating element went out and the new one also came in over spring break.  All the pieces are here and it’s just a matter of getting it all put back together, filled with water, and ready to go!  Can’t say I’m looking forward to working those foam panels back into the vinyl cover.  Last time DS tried it, it ripped again.  We now have two covers.  The one that was repaired and ripped out again when he tried to slide it over the panels and the new one that just came in.  The rep from the spa cover place said, “You have to really work to get those covers on.  It’s not easy!”  I don’t care if it takes all day.  I’m getting the damn thing taken care of TODAY.  I miss my spa bigtime.

Trying to figure out what to fix for Easter dinner tomorrow.  I was going to take summer rolls but I made them for the potluck on Friday and they were good but they just didn’t seem to hit the spot.  I love them in the summer, crunchy little veggie wraps that I can keep in the fridge for dinner or a snack, but they just didn’t seem to work for me yesterday.  I don’t know.  I have lots of recipes that everyone enjoys.  I just need to make a decision.

Now…on with the soul searching…I don’t feel good at all!  My back is killing me.  My ankles and knees are killing me.  I feel sluggish and tired all the time.  I want to keep up with all my blog buddies and feel guilty that I haven’t been doing it very consistently because I really value all you chickies and consider you to be friends but it just seems like I’m being eaten alive these days.  Brandie, you have a point, I need to decide if I’m going to put myself first or wait until summer when things calm down.  I don’t think waiting is an option because I feel terrible.  I felt great when I was eating well and working out like crazy but now I’m caught up in this crazy loop where every day is consuming me and I get home and just want to crash on the couch and eat whatever happens to be handy.  Of course, if I’m going to eat crap in the evening, I can tell myself it doesn’t make much difference what I eat during the day because I already blew it the night before.  It seems like every day is compounding the problem.  Joy, you’re right about all the stuff I do.  I’m a busy lady and I know it but I’ve always been that way.  Type A personality, overachiever, always preferring to do things myself and make sure they’re right than to rely on someone else who doesn’t do the job the way it should be done.  My birthday is next week and I’m running toward 60 faster than I’d like but I’m also thinking it’s a little late in the game to try to change the way I am.  I’ve tried to slow down in the past but it’s just not something I’m very good at. 

The difference now is that I’ve always been able to handle it in the past and I’m finding it more and more difficult to keep juggling.  Not sure I can keep all the balls in the air anymore.  Other friends are noticing it, too.  They keep telling me I’ve got to slow down but I find it sooo difficult.  It just feels like I’m giving up and I don’t want to do that.  I keep dropping the things I enjoy in order to find time for all the things I feel like I have to do.  I don’t know who’s pulling my strings but I don’t feel like it’s me.  I’m giving so much of my time to work, chores, DH, and the twins that I don’t feel like there’s anything left.  This weekend, for example, I’m sitting here thinking about getting the spa fixed, cleaning the house, taking DGD shopping for her birthday and picking up a present for my nephew because we’ll be celebrating his birthday tomorrow. I’ve got to decide what I’m going to fix to take to dinner tomorrow and then go to the store, come home and prepare it.  That means today is totally consumed and we have to get up in the morning and drive an hour to get to my sister’s for Easter.  My brother is here with his family and we rarely get to see them, my nephew will be coming in from Alaska and we never get to see him and my mother is really getting up there in age so I have to spend the day with them.  At the same time, I’m thinking about all the stuff that I need to do here at home and feeling this vague resentment that I’m going to be consumed all weekend with NO time for myself.  A day with all the family should be a wonderful treat but I’m feeling like I just don’t have time for it!  I’m also thinking that I’d like nothing better than to sit here and catch up on everyone’s blog but I’ve already used up all my free time doing my own blog!

soul searching…soul searing…where is Sistah Pat in all this chaos? 

9:45 – Little brother just called.  He, SIL, and DN are coming to town today to meet his two kids from his first marriage and grandkids for a day at the zoo and Chuckie Cheese’s.  Wanted to know if we’d be home this evening so they could drop by.  Love him dearly but SIL has only been to my house once before so that means I have to do a super dooper cleaning today on top of all the other stuff I have to do.  See what I mean?  It just seems like I can’t get a break.  No more time for this…I’ve got to get to work.

10:45 – Every square inch of the downstairs bathroom is white glove clean.  “Company” rugs and towels in place.  Two loads of laundry washed, dried, folded, and put away. 

11:15 – Whoo Hooo!  The panels are in the new spa cover.  Not nearly as difficult as I thought it would be.  I still take issue with the repair they did on the old cover.  It DID NOT fit anymore after they “repaired” it by restitching the seams.  There was absolutely NO play in it like there was in this new one.  Instead of trying to work it in a quarter inch at a time like we had to do with the “repaired” cover, the panels easily slid into the new cover with a minimum of resistance.

1:30 – The living room is clean, the kitchen is clean, my bedroom is clean.  The downstairs guest room that DS has been living in for the past 9 months is a total loss.  No sense in trying.  I’ll just have to barricade the door.  Two more loads of laundry have been washed, dried, folded, and put away.  Now I’ve got to get a shower and get myself cleaned up.  Yes, chickies, it’s 1:30 and I still haven’t had a shower.

5:00 – Potato salad is done, I look totally fab (for a chubby old woman whose back aches, ankles ache, and is tired to the bone!) and I’m going to make apple dumplings in a few minutes.  Haven’t had a chance to eat anything today so I guess it doesn’t matter what I eat for dinner.  Haven’t heard anything from DB or SIL but the house is clean whether they show up or not.  I’ve got another couple loads of laundry that I’d like to get done this evening and I guess I can call it a day.  Oh, yeah, the spa is fixed!  It been filled with water, the cover is back on, and it should be hot by this time tomorrow.  Whoo Hooo!


delitaagain says 11th April @ 11:47

Pat, you reminded me how much I *have* changed – like – a 180 degree change. Seems like even more than that! LOL It is good to hear that you are hanging in there and yes, you will make it to the end of the school year. Enjoy your day! Delita

brseay says 11th April @ 11:48

So glad that the spa situation is resolved. Maybe even that little bit of time to yourself will make life more manageable until you can get things figured out. I know how you like to start your mornings out there and relax at the end of the day.

Here’s another idea I just thought of…yoga DVDs. I was really stressed a couple of weeks ago and then did a yoga/pilates DVD and I was amazed at how much more relaxed I felt afterward. I don’t do them often b/c they don’t burn as many calories as my regular workouts but I like to get at least 1 in every week. Plus, they have lots of DVDs out now that are broken into 10 minute segments, just enough to recharge you but not enough to get you all sweaty or take a big chunk of your day.

I really hope you have a chance to relax this weekend, even if only for a little bit.


susan says 11th April @ 19:34

Whew! I feel out of breath just reading that entry. Please treat yourself to a good long spa session, repeat as needed ~ Rx orders from all your sistah chicks here. You can print this out and give it to your DH.

Gotta say “Amen” to brseay’s yoga comment and add my own plug here. I’m becoming a believer in moving that way. I feel like the other stuff I was doing (elliptical, weights, etc…) was more “surface” stuff; more hurry, hurry, hurry; whereas yoga I can feel deep down in my body.

Please handle our dear Sistah Pat with care! Allow yourself permission to smell the roses, or, er, dandelions, if your yard looks like mine!

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