i’m getting frustrated

GRR GRR GRR GRR GRR!!! ok, so NEED to stop being bad with my eating and lack of exercise. I just can’t do it anymore. I know that eating shit food and not working out makes me feel like crap so why do I keep doing it? I wish i knew. Yesterday I ate pretty good at work, I have been bringing my own lunch so I’m not tempted to order anything. I got off work and was so hungry I went home and had a snack and then an hour later I was starving again so I ate some pasta at my parents house. I usually eat dinner later in the day so that after dinner, I dont eat anything more before bed. Well, last night that didn’t work. I was hungry again around 730 so I ate a chocolate cookie. GRR GRR GRR GRR GRR. Then I had to stay up until almost 11, because I have to wait 3 hours after eating to go to sleep. Staying up late gave me a killer headache so when I woke up this morning to go to the gym, my head hurt so bad i couldn’t see straight. I feel better now, but grr. So much for working out. As of today, I am going to keep a strict journal from now until I get in the habit of being good again to keep track of my food intake, my water intake (i dont think i drink near enough) and my physical activity. We will see how it goes!!


still plugging along!

Not much to blog about today, but I feel like I need to post something new!! I measured Sunday and am down 2 1/2 inches. Woo Hoo!! I like to see higher numbers, but some is better than none! I am really learning to cook healthier and this is helping a lot! I make a bunch of food on Sunday’s and then have enough to last 3-4 days during the week. I was craving pasta, so I cooked some whole grain pasta, cut up some cooked turkey sausage, and added some basil/oregano diced tomatoes to it. All in all it wasn’t bad at all!  🙂  I have also learned that I HAVE to pre-package my snacks and meals. I cook, package and then eat the meal, that way there is no leftovers tempting me to go back and eat. I am going to start making myself work out. I keep saying that and then don’t. This last week has really been busy, so now it’s time to kick it in high gear! I am never going to get in shape, feel better and look better if I don’t work out. The hard part is I hate going to the gym with lots of people there. I feel very self conscious and can’t really push myself as hard as I need, therefore I have to go either late at night, or before work. If I go before work, that means getting up at 245 to go to the gym. UGH!! Oh well, no pain, no gain right?!

i need to stop making excuses!!

Ok. So…enough is enough! I’ve looked back at the last couple weeks, and the fact that last week I GAINED half an inch, and am trying to figure out why. Then came the lightbulb! I started out holding myself accountable and being pretty damn hard on myself, and then started to slip. I have been making a lot of excuses lately. I tell myself I dont have time to work out, but then I look back at what I’ve done and honestly, I have plenty of time to work out. I tell my self that I don’t have time to cook super healthy meals, and that is bull! I love to cook and have plenty of time. The only valid excuse is the cost of buying fresh food. It is so much cheaper to eat crap! But I can afford the fresh food, i’m just a cheapskate and don’t like to. So, now that I have admitted to myself that my excuses are nothing but a load of crap, maybe I can stop lying to myself and really step up to lose weight.

The time is ticking for my first goal. My brother’s wedding is less than 3 months away now. If i’m going to look halfway decent in this halter dress that has been chosen for the bridesmaids, then I need to get really serious and get my butt in gear! I haven’t done horrible, i’ve lost about 20 inches total and about 10 pounds since December 27th, but I still don’t feel like it’s good enough. At this rate, i’m not going to lose enough to look decent in the dress. Grr. 

Well Grr!!!

Ok, so I am bummed out. I measured in yesterday (week #5) and I didn’t lose an inch…i GAINED half inch. Granted the half inch was in my bust that I gained, but STILL!! Looking back at last week I can see why I put on some inches though. I wasn’t eating near as much fresh fruit and veggies as I have been. I ate more and more bread, which for me isn’t good. I’m a carb freak, I eat a little bread and it leads to pasta cravings and potato cravings, which I’ve been fighting all week.

OK. So I have proven to myself that eating well and being active makes all the difference, now I just need to change my habits back to being good. My co-worker, AH, uses FitDay and it helped her lost over 6 pounds in her first month. I am going to try to keep track of everything on FitDay and hopefully seeing it actually written down will make me feel more accountable for what I eat. I can already tell where I need to work on, as far as my eating habits. My carbs are really high. I had a “diet” breakfast sandwich for breakfast, but didn’t realize the darn thing had 30 carbs. I think that will be the last one I eat.

I am not going to restrict myself to any “diet” to get back on track, I’m just going to go back to doing what worked for me when I started. I need to train myself to make better choices in general and following a diet will not do that. I love fish and am going to make it a point to eat more of it, especially tilapia. I have been looking at recipes for tilapia, and it is exactly what I’m looking for–low carb, high protein! My old roommate used to make a really good omelet with fish, she used salmon usually, green onions, and some fat free cream cheese. It sounds odd, but it’s delicious, and with the fish and eggs, very high in protein.

As of today, I am going to start a journal. I am going to keep it handy for keeping track of what I eat, what exercise I do, any recipes or food ideas that cross my mind, or if I get a bad craving, I’ll just write. I am also thinking about putting together a “goal” scrap book…I love doing scrap book projects, and if I make a scrap book that I can look at when i start giving into temptation to eat bad or not work out, then it will help me focus on my long term goals.


still pluggin along!

Ok, so its been a week since i’ve written on here. I measured in again yesterday and lost another 4 1/4 inches total!! I have found myself eating worse and worse though. I am seeing the numbers (I have lost 20 3/4 inches total so far) but can’t see where that is coming off of me at! My clothes do fit a little looser, but not 20 inches looser!! I haven’t been weighing in, just measuring, but I think I need to start doing both once a week to keep myself motivated.

So, with motivation in mind….I am going to follow the lead of my co-worker, and make a list of things that I am going to reward myself with for each milestone I hit. I have’t weighed myself in a few weeks, but the last time I was on the scale it said 323.

For every 15 pounds I lose, I am going to reward my self with a movie. (I love my Law and Order, Bones, NCIS and ER dvd’s so I’ll get a new season for every 15 pounds!)

When I get below 300 pounds I’ll treat myself to a spa facial!

After each milestone, I’ll decide what I want next and set a new goal!!

I have until May 1st to get my body ready for a halter bridesmail dress!! Time to kick it in high gear!!

My introduction!!!

Hmm. Well, this is the first blog I’ve ever had so I’m going to give it a shot! My name is Nikki. I am 24 years old. I work as a 911 dispatcher. I am single with no kids. I started my weightloss journey on November 27, 2009. I have not been weighing in, and an measuring my loss in inches rather than pounds. I have been overweight my entire life and have never been able to get it under control.

Several months ago I went into the doctor for kidney stones and they had me step on the scale. I looked up at the ceiling for awhile, not wanting to see the dreaded number on the scale. I finally looked down and to my horror, the number was even higher than I expected. 325. Wow. How in the hell did I let myself get like this?! I stepped off of the scale, so ashamed I couldn’t even look the nurse in the eyes. I sat on the bed and fought back tears. For the next few weeks after that I did what got me to this point in the first place, I ate because I was sad.

The first part of November 2009 my brother and his fiancee announced their wedding date as May 1st, 2010. And his fiancee asked me to be a bridesmaid. I have never been in a wedding, and feel honored that she would want me in hers, but instead of feeling excited, I feel embarrassed. She has chosen halter top, charcoal gray dresses that are about knee length. The dresses are gorgeous, but I just know that if I put one on now, I would look like a sausage stuffed in some gray shiny material! So, I decided at this point, that I was going to do something about it and try my hardest to lose weight.

My parents have a friend that bought a protein drink that he was taking at nodiet.com. He told my parents that he lost 16 inches in 6 weeks, and didn’t change his lifestyle at all. I decided at this point anything was worth a shot so I ordered a bottle. I have tried numerous diet pills with no success and was somewhat skeptical about this. On 12/27/09 I got the bottle in the mail. The kit came with the protein liquid, a chart and a measuring tape. It says to measure before you start and measure once a week from then on. My mom measured me the first time. I don’t remember what the exact number was, the chart is at home. Basically, I have to not eat anything for 3 hours before bed and drink only water. Right before I am ready to fall asleep, I take a tablespoon of this nasty tasting stuff, followed by a cup of water, close my eyes and sleep. I have taken this every night since I got it in the mail. The first week I lost 6 1/2 inches, the 2nd week 6 inches, and i measured yesterday for the 3rd week and lost 4 inches. 16 1/2 inches seems like a lot but I look at myself in the mirror and wonder where these inches are coming off of, because I still look the same. I have started to notice that my clothes fit a little different though. I have also been eating much better.

So….Now I have my goal and a kinda sorta plan…now I need to figure out WHY I have gotten like this so I can avoid it in the future!!

Hmm. Well, first and foremost I would have to say my eating habits have not helped my weight situation. I was not controlling my portions and was eating terrible food. I work dayshift at a 911 center and we used to order take out EVERY day at lunch time. Not only was this making me fatter than I already was, but it was killing my pocket book!! Since December 27th, my coworkers and I haven’t eaten out once!! Yay us!! I can notice not only in the inches lost, but also just the overall way I fell how much of an impact the food has.

When I was 18, I got into a relationship with a guy and he turned very abusive. This continued for the 3 months we were together. When I was 19 I got pregnant by a guy that I thought I was in love with. I miscarried and since then the weight has just kept piling on. When I was 20 I dated a guy and after about a year he proposed. Two months before the wedding, he broke it off and told me he was going to be a daddy–with another girl. I haven’t dated in 3 years. I think that my weight is a way for me to try and “protect” myself from another bad relationship, I mean, who is going to want to date a fat slob!? If I can’t get a date, I can’t get hurt right?

And the third reason that I have gotten to look like I do is just plain old fashioned laziness. I got into the habit of getting off of work, going home, putting my sweats on, and throwin a movie in. I wasn’t going out walking, hitting the gym, or even socializing anymore.

So! With all of that said, I am now working on my ultimate goal of 140 pound and a final size of 6/8 in pants. I am going to start setting weekly workout goals for myself and continue my healthy eating and my protein drink before bed. I am going to constantly add to this blog, because I think if I hold myself accountable and am brutally honest with myself, that will keep me on track. Encouragement will also keep me on track…nothing helps more sometimes than a good kick in the butt when I start slackin!

The picture on the left was taken about a year and a half ago, the one on the right was more recent.