Tough time…

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It was a very long weekend with good food. I didn’t bindge as I use to…. but it was bad enough. I hate this. As soon as I get to a point where I know what I am doing and what I am about, I “fall off the wagon”. I had cookies and candy and chips. Arrrgh! It is so frustrating. I gained 2 lbs. the past few days. I know that isn’t a lot and not enough to really freak over, but I am so scared I am going to fall into my old habbits.

Last time I gained 3 lbs. I freaked out. I cried and then went and walked 3 miles at the track. I was so upset and never wanted to feel that way again. I feel a little of it now but not enought to cry and freak out.

I did go to the gym tonight and am ready to get back into my routine. The only question I have for myself now is this… If this happens with Halloween… How am I going to handle Christmas and New Years Eve???

I am feeling a little disappointed in myself today…

exciting news…

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I found out  yesterday my place of employment will be a doing a small article on my weight loss and success of using the Biometric screening that is offered. WOW! I work at a large medical facility that gives us great tools to help us become healthy. The screening was my first real step to becoming healthy. I am excited and nervous at the same time.

I was e-mailed the questions yesterday and took my time filling them out. To some this may not seem important but for me it is. Even though I am not fully complete with my weight loss journey, I am on the right track. If I could inspire just one person… that would be amazing.

I have had a few close family and friends tell me that I am motivating them to make changes in their life. I get teary eyed sometimes when I am told that. Yes I am doing this for me but if I can help someone else? the benefits of doing this keeps getting better and better. The people who tell me that I inspire them motivate me. I need to keep on the right track and continue and show others that it can be done. Going from over 300 lbs. to a healthy weight in my BMI… it can be done.

 On a side note… 1 lb. away from losing 70 lbs.!!!!

My brain is still in fat mode

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When I started losing weight, I could see the number going down on the scale. I could see my face getting thinner and my ankles getting smaller. However, in my mind, I am still over 300 lbs..

When I go shopping I still reach for the 3x or size 24 pants. I am now in size 18 pants and 1-2x tops. I look in the mirror some days and think “I don’t look like I have lost much” (67 lbs. is nothing to sneeze at) but in my mind… 300 lbs.

Another example is when a friend of mine gave me some of her old clothes. She gave me size 14-16. I told her that I wouldn’t be able to wear any of this stuff YET,  I will work on it. All my friend said was: “You will be surprised”. Needless to say… I was. I tried on a size 16 and I got them buttoned and zipped! I think I was a size 16 back in my freshman year of HS.

I can’t wear them in public yet (way too tight) b ut I got them zipped. That was a huge motivation for me to keep working on it. The brands she gave me…  I have never been able to wear.

My thoughts of “I won’t be able to get these pants past my hips” is that fat mode my brain is still on. Hopefully some day soon I will realize that the number matches the body.

Motivational tip: Use sentences like “WHEN I lose the weight…” not “IF I lose the weight…” You can and will finish your weight loss journey on a good note.

I am doing this for me.

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Since starting on my journey I have had multiple people ask to do it with me. No problem I would say… unfortunatly it is a problem sometimes. When people try to join you that are not all that motivated, what is in it for you? I know that sounds harsh but it is a honest question. I find myself being the only one making work out times or even eating right. They are not pushing me or being there to support me like I am them. That is the whole point of working out with a partner.

I have heard the line “YOU need to make me work out.”. No, I don’t. I am responisble for my own health. I don’t want the responsibility of someone else. It is bad enough on my own.

So when articles tell you to get a work out partner, make sure they are on the same level as you. They need to help support you as well as you supporting them. It is the only way you, yourself, will succeed.

Under 250 lbs.!

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The day has finally come. I am finally under 250 lbs.! Yeah so, it is only by 2 lbs., but still! It is one of the “small victories” I am always talking about. I have made it this far and am ready to keep going.

I started going to the gym. Not as scary as I first thought. The last time I was there was bad enough. I don’t understand why others have to stare or make comments about plus size people working out! We are there to get our fitness on too. The only thing I have to say about it is, finally I am ready to move forward from that feeling of being insecure at the gym. I had one little panic moment when others walked in, but otherwise I have been good.

Now I am trying to work on my “self image”. I look in the mirror and still see the 300 lb. girl I was before. When I go clothes shopping, I still inistictivly go to the 3x. Baby steps though. I will get there. Positive out look on things!