My trek towards healthier living.

Alright, so I have made it to day two.  Not much to report other than I have begun to get my sleep schedule back on track.  I hope that I will be able to remain on a somewhat acceptable sleep schedule when I go back to work next week.  I am in the middle of some much-needed vacation time.   I am dedicating myself to working out the kinks in myself for once and have put all my work on mute for the next few days.

Let’s see how long this lasts.

May 30th, 2019 at 6:59 pm | Comments & Trackbacks (0) | Permalink

It is just after midnight at the end of May and I am wide-awake.  I look down at my body and see flesh that I have grown accustomed to in the past few months.   There is a highway of new stretch-marks across my stomach.   I have switched up my wardrobe to hide my squishy parts.  Apparently, I have done such a good job that several of my coworkers have asked me on different occasions if I have indeed lost weight.   My faux weight-loss is juxtaposed against half of my coworker who did the Keto diet plan and dropped considerable weight during the school year.  Ever suspicious of fad diets, I have stayed away from the newest wonder-diet.  However, I cannot say that I have been tempted to try it out having witnessed the results.

In the past six months, I have yo-yoed from 220 to 230 lbs due to an inconsistent gym routine and a lack of order within my life.  Several times I have looked into different forms of outside help: therapy, meditation, yoga, self-help books, etc., but I have not set myself with a clear plan.  As I approach the end of my twenties I need to get my act together for my own health.

This is my wake-up call.   It is for no-one’s benefit but my own.  What I must do more than anything else is learn to change my relationship with food.  That is the key to all of my food problems.  Even as I type this up, I am hungry, but do not know what to go get.  It isn’t even my parents’ fault.  I grew up in a household where a proper and healthy diet was always maintained.  Somewhere along the lines, my innate nature took-over and I have been chasing the number 150 on my scale ever since.


Here’s to hoping I will actually change.

May 29th, 2019 at 9:32 pm | Comments & Trackbacks (0) | Permalink

Good evening universe,

I greet you from the comfort of the recliner in my front-room.  Due to the sweltering heat and stormy conditions outside, I am embarrassed to admit that I have spent the majority of my day seated on the couch.   This follows yesterday, where I was only able to do the jump-roping portion of my workout.  I could not force myself to finish everything after the sweat had started to roll down my back.  Day two of getting myself back together and I already bailed.  This is not fair to anything I am trying to achieve.

Ok, let’s be real, I need to be a little kinder to myself.  I am completely overhauling my life in a short amount of time and need to understand that it will take time.

I have signed up for the Phit-N-Phat group which is helping me work on my weight loss goals.  Today I am working on my inner voice conversations in regards to my weight.  I am trying to celebrate my small goals.  This is definitely a new thing for me, but here we go.

Today I have finished off two bottles of water, which is more than I normally do.

This was my win for the day and I am ok with this.  Bring on tomorrow, where I achieve something different.

Well, it is time for dinner.    After dinner, I will do my exercise regimen and then I will probably go to sleep.

Signing off until the morrow.  Adios.

July 3rd, 2018 at 5:25 pm | Comments & Trackbacks (0) | Permalink

Good Morning World!

I sit here at my job, two hours prior to when I am supposed to clock in, and feel the need to let you know that once again I am attempting to get my life in order as a whole.  It is finally the summertime and I have a semblance of free time twice a week at least (woot!) which allows me to focus my energy on self-improvement.   The whole package consists of getting my weight in check, managing my stress better, becoming organized, dealing with my mental health, prepping for LSAT I plan to take this upcoming February, and moving on in the work world.  We shall see how all of this actually goes.  Historically, I have not had much of a record of completion on pretty much everything I attempt to do for myself.   The only record of completions I can boast about are the ones you are supposed to do: graduating from high school, graduating from college, joining the workforce, holding two jobs for more than five years each.  Simple things.

My life at the moment is a list of “Never have I evers” that I am embarrassed about.  As of today, I have never in my adult life been smaller than a size 12; I have never liked what I look like in the mirror; I have never done anything to improve myself scholastically; I have never had a job that coincides with what I want in my life; and I have never been organized at all.  Each and every diet and exercise regimen outside of joining a competitive sports team has been dropped after a month or so.  I have done South Beach, Paelo, Zumba, joined and dropped three different gyms in the past seven years and the results never last.  Nothing seems to stick in my brain chemistry as a habit no matter how hard I try.

Last night I started my first 30 day Jump Rope Challenge, which is the first exercise I have done in almost five months.   Stating that fact is jarring.  My life has become pretty much sedentary and my mood has drastically dropped as a result.  My mother commented on my negative outlook recently and the only response I could afford her is that “I am searching for the positive person that I used to be; when I find her, you’ll see her again.”  I am hoping that by getting back into a structured routine, I will be able to elevate my moods again.

My goals are thus:

  • Drop down from 215lbs currently to 150lbs within the next year.   About 5lbs per month from July to July.
  • Maintain a daily exercise regimen.
  • Journal daily until I can afford to seek professional help for my mental heatlh.
  • Improve my soft skills in order to advance in the workplace (I am stuck in the same place that I have been for the past five years with no hope of growth because my current office does not have any place for me to go).
  • Study and pass the LSAT in February.
  • Enter law school in the next year.
  • Maintain a strict budget to keep my life in check.

Here’s hoping!

Any advice for a start-again like me universe?  My ears are clear and my soul is ready for change.

July 2nd, 2018 at 5:23 am | Comments & Trackbacks (0) | Permalink

Hello again world!  SO in the four days since I have last written on here I have been doing a lot of thinking.  I’ve been thinking a lot about my goal to switch jobs and how this affects my weight and stress levels.   As a millennial, though I loathe the term that paints all born between 1977 and 1994 as entitled mouth breathers, it has been droned into my mind that my generation is not loyal to its employers, by those who deem themselves my elders.  Supposedly we flit from one job to the next because we think we know everything and don’t want to do hard work.  This dramatization couldn’t be further from the truth.  The vast majority of my generation are hardworking and goal-oriented, and often working multiple jobs to make ends meet.

However, my own neuroses have led me down a path of constantly striving to prove people wrong and forced me to put up with nonsense and do damage to my health. In an effort to prove that “I was not like those other Millenials” I have stayed at two jobs when most people would have after the first year.  The stress to be the best at both have led me to have irregular eating patterns, atrocious food choices, and horrible sleep schedules.

In my current attempt at a healthier lifestyle, I have successfully worked out twice, been faithfully logging any morsel that enters my body, and have tried to drink at least 60 oz. of water every day this week.  (Shonda Rhimes makes the 61 oz. of water thing seem so easy in her book, “My Year of Saying Yes,” but it is not an easy thing.  Have you ever tried to go from maybe drinking one or at most two 16.9oz bottles of water a day to 60 oz. of water day?  First of all, you pee….A LOT.   No one tells you that you are going to spend triple time in the bathroom when you do this.  Next, no one tells you how daunting the oz. marks on your bottle will mock you. )

Hopefully this will all get easier.

Tomorrow, I have plans for a potluck with friends.  I am expected to bring dessert.  I have made a Hungarian Dobos Torte with alternate layers of caramel and chocolate buttercream.

I am itching to have a piece.  The goal is portion control.


Wish me luck.

February 15th, 2018 at 11:12 pm | Comments & Trackbacks (0) | Permalink

Today is February 11, 2018, and it has been four years since my last attempt to free myself from the excess pounds jiggling around on my 5′ 7″ frame. Suffice it to say, my past four years have not exactly gone the way I had planned them. After graduating from college with a hard-earned degree in Anthropology, I was ready to take on the world and achieve something great. (Cue my intro music *What do you do with a B.A. in Anthropology?* sung to the tune of “What do you do with a B.A. in English?,” sorry Avenue Q people.) However, I was a little stumped as to what that was going to be.

Anyway, I pressed on and did the job hunt thing, but thanks to the economics of the time, no one in the corporate world was hiring. And if they were hiring, they wanted you to have 5 years of experience, a Masters Degree, recommendations out the wazoo, and be able to join their CrossFit/marathon team. *And I’m not kidding about the marathon team. Startups in NYC are interesting when it comes to what they expect out of their “working family,” two different companies dropped this knowledge on me during their interview process. One group was doing a Tough Mudder competition and the other the NYC Half-Marathon. I just wanted an entry-level employee job that paid well for the work I put in. I wasn’t looking for all of these extras just yet.

All the time I was looking for just an opportunity, I was working at a bakery (side note, I started working there my sophomore year of college in an effort to help with commuting and textbook costs.), which had been the bane of my weight-loss journey throughout my college years. I mean, fresh warm bread, patisserie, pies, etc., how is one supposed to resist? I had started out as a cashier, became Front-of-House Staff Manager, and then in an act of complete insanity, I decided to add part-time baker to the mix. I was great at what I did, but not happy. In this place, I was overworked and grossly underpaid.

Unhappiness in this workplace spurred me to look harder for work. It actually made me desperate. Most places I sent an application or resume to would respond to me with their standard, “Thank you for applying for….” form letter and I would hear no further from them. After playing the waiting game following actual interviews there would be the inevitable, “we thank you for applying for XYZ, but we decided to go with someone more qualified,” email in my box. I would trash them and head back to my current job, all the while feeling depressed, cursing the cosmos, and unintentionally eating my feelings.

However, I did not eat my feelings in the expected, “screw the world; I am going to grab a carton of cookie dough ice cream while binge-watching Grey’s Anatomy.” Oh no, that would be too easy. I started experimenting for work. What confection can I create to sell better? How can I fuse two things we already have to be a best-seller? Valentine’s Day/Halloween/Christmas is coming, what new decorations can I put on a cookie/cupcake/cake? I would throw together something on my shift and instead of trying it out on customers, would eat it myself. Come on, how will I know if it actually tastes correct if I don’t taste it? My customers had a rapport with me; they wouldn’t want to hurt my feelings and thus they wouldn’t give me an unbiased answer. I know you are shaking your head at me readers; I am shaking my head at this version of myself all the time these days. But go with it, it made sense in my head at the time. Hindsight is 20/20 after all.

Needless to say, this started my latest physical expansion. I ballooned from a 187lbs to 220lbs, but I didn’t even realize it. My clothes still fit, a bit snug in some places. I was so focused on getting a new job and starting my next chapter in life that I didn’t realize the reason my stomach was itching in the middle of an interview was the appearance of new stretch-marks. Late night tossing and turning, must be a side-effect of job-hunting anxiety right? Wrong, my excess weight was causing stress on my heart which in turn affected my sleep patterns.

During this time, I was sporadically going to the gym with my best-friend from childhood. So this kept my limbs fit and my behind solid and non-jiggly. The stuff in the middle, however, was a completely different story. It all jiggled. My midsection was, is, and has always been a series of rolls cascading into one another. Over the years I have learned to hide it well. I am a level 15-mage when it comes to Spanx, control-top hosiery, and corsets.

Back to the point, I need to let you know readers that my best-friend is the ultimate life coach. Whenever I need straight, unabashed advice, I know to pick up my phone and reach out to her. Discouraged from my lack of call-backs, I asked her what I was doing wrong on my job-hunt. As a hiring manager at her job at the time, she explained to me that I wouldn’t be considered for the jobs I was applying to until I had office working experience. I needed office-work on paper.

Fine. I changed my game-plan and went on a search for an office administrator position. As luck would have it, another friend of mine was leaving her current position as a School Administrative Assistant and reached out to me. Sweet. Perfect. I’ll do it. Went for the interview and got the job. The pay was less than I was hoping for, but I can manage. It was going to get me what I needed, the office-work experience that I could put on a resume. I made myself a promise, I would keep this job for no more than 2 years. Then move on to something much more challenging in a field that I was passionate about. During this time, I would work on my eating habits and lose the poundage that had accumulated over the years. I could do this!

I am here to report that it is now my fifth year, FIFTH, working at the same job and I am once again unhappy. My position has mutated into about 17 different positions over the years. I work 10-hour days with no lunch breaks. Every lunch is a working lunch, not that my employers violate my employee work-rights, but because I allow myself to keep working all day. Like many schools around the country, we are understaffed to face the many problems of the modern-day student. The work never stops and I always feel like I am behind.

As a result of this unhealthy work practice, I have no set eating habits. I do eat breakfast in the morning, but it is usually a ready-made meal. I love the EVOL brand because it helps me count calories, sodium, sugar, etc., but I don’t always have those in the freezer at home. Living with multi-aged, multi-metabolism family members, there are all sorts of things in my refridgerator: healthy food, sort of healthy food, definitely not healthy food, and stuff I shouldn’t even look at. When I’m in a rush, I end up grabbing one of the last two. They are quick, easy, and require the least amount of energy (usually a single-serve pepperoni pizza I can heat up in the employee microwave).

Lunch is another monster entirely. It can range from a nice salad, to whatever the cafeteria is serving, to whatever temptation awaits me on one of our take-out menus, especially the Buffalo Calamari at our local Italian restaurant. I think 1/7 of all of my paychecks has gone to ordering lunch when I have forgotten to bring something from home.

Finally, there are the days where I forget altogether to each breakfast and lunch and do not realize it until 4:30 pm. By this time, I am nursing a headache from the gnawing hunger pains in my stomach. These days are by far the worst. You want to know why??? I’ll tell you why. I have to get something to eat from the vending machine. Well, no one is holding a gun to my head or forcing me to get something from the vending machine. Quite the contrary, there is a perfectly useful grocery store down the block from my job. Nevertheless, in my abject laziness which stems from being tired, I find it easier to walk down the stairs from my office to the vending machine than to put on a jacket and walk down the street. Occasionally I will get a granola bar, but only the ‘Nature’s Valley Oats & Honey’ bars. It’s the only option without dried fruit in it. However, they are often out of stock when I forget to eat. My usual order is an apple juice box and a bag of cookies. I know, when you put it to write it out it seems too horrible, but please bear with me reader, if you worked with children ages 3-18 for 10 hours a day you would be right next to me.

My work day ends, night has fallen, I go home. Do I exercise? NO! I’m exhausted. I take a nap. *My $70/month gym membership religiously drains from my bank account during this time.* I am awoken for dinner by a family member. I eat dinner, sit on the couch and watch television with my family, and then go back to sleep. I wake up the next day and repeat that vicious cycle.

So, there you have it. How I got here. Yes, proof-reading this shows that my stream-of-concious writing style is all over the place, but that is the perfect analogy for where I am in life. I AM all over the place. I am hoping that by maintaining this blog, I will take myself down a path of some sort of structure. Only time will tell.

I am fat, exhausted, miserable, and unhealthy. This is the first time I have achieved all four at the same time of my life. I never want to feel this way again.

February 11th, 2018 at 9:21 am | Comments & Trackbacks (0) | Permalink

Good afternoon World!

I’m not going to go on for long in this first post.  Once again I find myself trying to curb my appetite and waist-line because after a good almost year of being content with my progress, I have ballooned once more.  Within the past year that I have been off, I have graduated, gotten a new job, and gone back to my truck-driver eating habits.

That is all I am in the mood for sharing today.

See y’all later.

July 9th, 2014 at 2:45 pm | Comments & Trackbacks (0) | Permalink

Hey there blogosphere world.  I have been AWOL for the past week due to final exams, an abundance of work, and Mother’s Day Shenanigans.  I am proud to say that I am down four pounds to 181lbs in total and am starting to feel some minor changes in my everyday gait.

I have started going back to the gym on a regular basis, doing my cardio and strength training on alternative days.  I am trying to keep doing ab workouts on a daily basis.  In the past my grandmother used to tell me that I need to work on my abs in order to work on my posture and it is beginning to pay off a little.  Although I am still prone to slouching when I am not focusing on my posture (like I am doing at the moment),  I have begun to pay more attention when I am in public or walking around with a backpack on my shoulders to the way I am standing.

On the first day I went back to the gym, I decided to go to my old, intense Zumba class.  Not a particularly great idea on my part, as it led to a lot of cramping the next day which made climbing the numerous stairs at my house and school a bit of a challenge.  However, I do not regret diving head-first into achieving my goals because I am sick of not feeling my best.

On the agenda for today is help work on the cleaning-out of the basement, do laundry, and exercise (weight training at home and Zumba tonight at the gym).   For now, I think I will start with a banana smoothie for breakfast.

Have a wonderful Tuesday everybody!

May 15th, 2012 at 7:43 am | Comments & Trackbacks (5) | Permalink

I feel a little bad because I have already had a minute stumble.  Yesterday I really messed up my eating schedule.  At work I ate a chocolate croissant which ended up being my breakfast and lunch along with a bottle of water.  I had to catch a study group at school afterword which ended up lasting from 4:30pm-10:30pm.  I had a bottle of water and a granola bar with me which was pretty good.  However, I ended up finally getting dinner at 11:30pm from a local diner which consisted of a burger with lettuce, tomato, and feta cheese as well as french fries.  At the same time I am proud of myself because I only ate three french fries and gave the rest to my friends.

Tomorrow I begin my 12-week diet challenge and my old exercising regimen.  Hope things start to look better.

May 7th, 2012 at 1:41 pm | Comments & Trackbacks (3) | Permalink

Hi guys,
These shall be my daily musings and vents as I traverse the world as I change my eating and exercising habits.  Over the past three years I have increased my weight from 150lbs to  185lbs.  I am in the midst of figuring out the root of my issues and working hard to curb them before any health issues arise in my life.  I hope that in the future I will be happier with what I am doing and achieve the goals I set for myself.  If I misstep or fall far from my goals, I shall try even harder to achieve my next goal.

This week I am still 185lbs and hope to be 183lbs this time next week.  I am a commuter college student who works in a bakery, surrounded by a lot of temptations.  This week I shall start to phase breads out of my diet as well as sugar drinks.

I hope I make it.

Have a blessed day all!

May 5th, 2012 at 5:18 pm | Comments & Trackbacks (6) | Permalink