Yearning for… MYSELF.

Cause I’m not sure who this fat chick is!

ECHO!!!! March 29, 2009

Filed under: 2009 — jewlz280 @ 11:30 pm

I’m starting to think that NO ONE reads these blogs I post.  My very first post back in December got two comments.  Since then, NADA.  Does anyone read this or am I rambling for myself???  Not that I guess it really matters, but I’d sure like to know if someone is reading…

The last few days have gone well, but the scale isn’t moving.  I’m sticking to LC, but I’ve not been getting my shakes in like I should, I guess.  But it’s been kinda hard.  I’m still getting one or two in a day, but I know I should be doing 3 to 4 with one ‘real’ snack and then a lean and green dinner.  I do well with that for a few days, but then when I have to be out running around all day, it’s just impossible!  I am seriously considering buying one of those little electric refrigerators for your car that plugs into your cig lighters.  If I had one of those, I could buy EAS or Atkins shakes to take with me on those days that I have to be out A LOT.  URGH.  I decided today to suck it up and start writing down my food again.  Even if I can’t measure everything, I’m going to eyeball it and write it down.  I hope that I can figure out where I’m going wrong.  I know that I’ve not been doing the shakes, but my food hasn’t been horrible by any stretch.  Well, maybe not last week, but I’ve been on it this week.

Eh, maybe it’s just the natural course of things.  Not going to let it drive me too nutty.  Just going to focus on my intake and sticking to my plan.  If I let every bump deter me, I’ll never reach goal!  So, going to just keep on keeping on knowing that eventually, the scale will have to give.  And besides, my energy level has been good today!  I hope it continues hard and strong for about a week!  We have so much work to do that it would be awesome to knock out an insane amount of work over the next few days and then maybe have one day to just spend together (which we would probably do anyways, but it would be nice to do it without guilt!).  I knocked out what felt like a huge chunk today, and if I can do that and some other major stuff tomorrow, I’ll be well on my way!  I guess my biggest thing is to finish filing all these random papers and then get the stuff cleaned that’s up for sale.  I want to get that posted and out of here.  I can tell you one major thing I’m getting rid of if it can’t be improved upon is our extra side-by-side fridge.  It quit working out of the blue, and we need something reliable.  We buy groceries in bulk a lot, so losing the fridge woulda been a hard hit had it been full and I hadn’t caught it right away.  We ended up only losing a couple of frozen veggie trays that had been at the top next to the blower when it started blowing hot air.  Annoying, but better than a big loss.  So, now I need a new freezer and/or fridge.  I need to store some fridge items, but mostly frozen.  Wish they made a big freezer with a small fridge instead of vice versa!  LOL

Well, I think I’m going to jump off of here.  I’m feeling a bit snacky, so I need to eat something.  Not sure what, but something.  Maybe some yummy almonds.

 

Start of a new week… March 23, 2009

Filed under: 2009 — jewlz280 @ 10:46 am

It is now Monday and the start of a new week!  I’m trying to feel more positive this week as I felt like last week was a flop.  Not that I did horrible, but I didn’t lose!  We ate out — A LOT!  And then I had an off day yesterday just because I felt like it.  And for some reason, I feel better today.  Not really sure why.  Maybe I just needed a zone out day not to think about everything.  I literally sat on my butt on the couch all day reading an awesome book.  And for some reason, my son was perfectly happy to work on little projects, watch a little TV, and then spend some quality time with Daddy.  It really was super nice for me!  And I don’t think I went crazy.  I just had whatever I felt like I wanted that I hadn’t had in a while.  Which was just one serving of ice cream, an apple with PB, some pasta for dinner, and I think I had a sugar cookie at some point, but that’s all.  See, not tons of craziness!  LOL

But today, I feel good and feel like I’m ready to get back down to business after a week that was just not good enough to lose.  So, I’m drinking my big bottle of water right now and will be having a shake momentarily along with my vitamins.  Then I’m going to try to motivate myself to get these tons of dishes cleaned up!  My stupid dishwasher is broken!  And the darn thing is NEW.  URGH.  I’m ready to sell it and buy another one!  I have come to the conclusion that I HATE Maytag products!  Our fridge and dishwasher are both Maytag and have done nothing but give us heartache since we purchased them when we first moved in.  URGH  I am seriously thinking that if I run this load and they come out clean (we used that dishwasher cleaner stuff yesterday) I may put the stupid thing up for sale.  After it’s sold, I’m going to purchase a Kenmore, Fridgidaire, or LG.  I’m just sick of this one!  And I’ve tried to keep up over the last few days, with the dishes.  But let me tell you, it’s hard!  I never realized how much time I had spent on dishes in our old place that didn’t have a dishwasher.  :O  Shocking!  Of course, things are different now with a child, our diets, and even the hubby’s job.  Makes a big difference in the amount of mess!  LOL

Anyways, back on point, this week is going to be a good week diet and exercise wise!  I am going to be sticking 100% to plan and now that I can get to my treadmill and my living room isn’t a disaster area, I will be able to work out!  Sleep is much better than before and I am trying to remember my vitamins, too.  SO, I think that this week will be good.

Well, I better get off of here.  I wanna go get a shake and read a few blogs before I get started for the day.  I know — late start!  But, I take advantage of sleeping in whenever I can!  But it’s okay, PROGRESS is the name of the game!  OHHHHH!!!  That’s what I was going to say!  I’m going to be getting some stickers to help keep track of my progress on my calendar.  I was just hand writing everything on there, but it was getting too messy.  So, I have a ‘home’ calendar which has all the family stuff including my hubby’s schedule and stuff going on at my son’s school and birthdays and now I have my own personal weight-loss calendar to keep up with my ‘on’ days, my weigh-ins, etc.  I also made the decision to blog only about weight loss on here and to keep my MySpace page to overall updates.  And the other forum I’m on, well, I’m still posting there, but not keeping up with much.  I figure I’m doing enough!  OK, NOW that’s all!  Off to catch up!

 

Grumpy March 20, 2009

Filed under: 2009 — jewlz280 @ 5:58 pm

I’m having a super grumpy day.  My son is driving me NUTS!  He just got the butt busting he’s been working toward all day AND two smacks on the leg.  Why you ask?  He kicked the crap outta the dog for NO reason and I was at my wits end.  I’ve tried taking away toys, taking him out of the situation, time out, you name it!  I’ve done it all, and to that end, NOTHING has budged him.  He still kicks the dog every opportunity he gets when they are playing.  URGH.  So, as punishment on top of the spanking, he’s having to lay in bed in his room with no TV and no toys.  At almost 4, you’d think I could reason with him a bit on this, but nope.  He just does it again and again and I’m tired of doing the time out to no avail.  The spanking was the last option.  I told him that after this, if he does it again, he will no longer be allowed to play with them — EVER.  I swear, I will give them both to new homes before I allow him to continue to kick them!  That’s how kids get bitten by nice dogs — they terrorize them to the point where the poor animals have had all they can take.  So, not going to ignore it and be like, oh, it’s just something kids do. BULLSHIT!  It’s terrorizing and I am NOT putting up with it!!!!!!!!!!

As far as diet goes, I’m not doing too hot.  I’ve had 4tbsp. of PB which is about 10g of carbs.  But I had to.  It was that or a cookie!  And seeing as how the cookie (ONE) would’ve been 17g, I saved myself 7 and at least it was ‘healthy’ fat, carbs, and cals.  But since then, I’ve felt better.  All day, I’ve felt grumpy and out of whack.  Not to mention crazy tired.  But after the PB, I felt better and got up to do things.  I got the toilet cleaned and the nightstand prepped and one coat of paint, so I was feeling good.  I sat down to wait for the paint to dry and maybe post on here when my son started his kicking stint.  I went from feeling tired and out of sorts to flat out GRUMPY.  I HATE when I feel like this because I feel like nothing on earth will stop my mood.  Anyways, back to point, other than the PB, I’ve had two shakes, two beef sticks, a diet coke, half a glass of flavored water, and one bottle of water.  I’m about to chug another water, though.  I want to get in at least 3 more tonight if not 4.  I’ve not taken my vitamins, yet, but I will.

Still no exercise.  When my son is home, I just don’t seem to be able to get it in.  And then with being over the top grumpy, I sure haven’t made it a priority to get it in today!  I’ve got to get that back on track.  One thing I am proud to say is that I have finally gotten my sleep on track.  For the last few nights, I’ve been working hard to getting in bed before 1AM.  The last two nights, I’ve started getting ready and have been in bed at about 12:30.  I know that sounds late, but for me it’s early.  It was weird that I woke up yesterday on my own before my son!  I think I was in shock because that hasn’t happened since I don’t know when.  But it was good.  I felt great yesterday and felt like I could take on the world.

TODAY, however, as I mentioned, the day is feeling like crap.  Everyone is all happy and chipper about Spring, and I’m just ready for today to be OVER.  I sure hope that tomorrow goes much better.  Just not sure how much more crappiness I can take out of this day.  And this seems to always be the way of it for me.  I’ll have a few productive and wonderful days, and then a totally crapped out day.  I just can’t figure out why my son is being the grouch of the century that would cause him to kick his best friend.  While out running errands yesterday, he was a little grump, too.  Not as bad as he could’ve been, but for sure not good.  Spring Break SUCKS.  At least for a Mom of a 3yr. old who LOVES school.  I really think that’s why he’s mad — I think he doesn’t understand why he’s home from school.  And honestly, I think he’s mad at Mommy!  Why do I think it’s that?  Cause he’s asked me several times why can’t he go to school.  I’ve told him why, but I don’t think he understands why school is out and that it isn’t Mommy just keeping him from it.  It doesn’t help he missed all of last week because of being sick.

OH, the joys of parenthood.  I’m tired and feel like crap, I have a grumpy toddler, and I have two dogs whose feelings are hurt.  URGH.  Can I just go to bed, sleep for a week, and wake up to a happier world?  And yes, I know I’m whining.  Quite frankly, I don’t care!  I needed to whine.  Hope everyone else is enjoying the day.

 

Stuff March 18, 2009

Filed under: 2009 — jewlz280 @ 11:08 pm

Creative title, I know.  But hey, at least I put something there!  LMFAO!  Anyways, I haven’t updated since my last weigh-in and I wanted to let it be known that I finally hit 184!  YAY!  However, as of just an hour ago, I was at 190 – BOO!  But, it’s not a big deal for me.  Tonight was my night off, so I had a lot of salty food and half of an ice cream.  I also had some rice with my dinner, so I’m sure that’s blown me up!  But it didn’t taste all that great so I didn’t eat anymore.  This AM, I think I was 187.5.  I was swollen a bit, too.  AND, not been great on water.  So, hopefully by the time my next weigh-in rolls around, I’ll see 183.  I enjoyed the ice cream and half was actually more than I needed.  I just finished it to finish it and I shouldn’t have.  Next time, if I’m full or satisfied, just going to let it sit.  I don’t know why I can do it with anything else, but not ice cream.  Just makes no sense.

Sleep has been going MUCH better.  After a couple of nights of using the PM meds, I finally have been able to go to sleep at a regular time.  It’s almost 12 now, and I’m feelin’ snoozy.  So, I’m hoping that means that I am getting back in the ‘groove’.  Food (other than today) has been good.  I tried to do my cheat night last night, but just wasn’t into it.  I did have a bit of ice cream, but only like 1/4c regular chocolate chip cookie dough.  I literally ate a few bites and was done.  I was going to have more tonight, but once I was there and ready to order, I just didn’t want it.  Strange.  So, I had my usual drink, my usual food, and then half the dessert.  Oh, and that darn rice that didn’t do it for me so I ended up not eating it.  But my tummy isn’t 100% happy with it.  Maybe it’s good that the food isn’t rocking my socks.  Maybe that means my body really is getting set to not have ‘junk’.  Vitamins — not so good.  Just can’t seem to remember to take them!  Going to try harder tomorrow.  Water — good until the last few days.  Going to REALLY focus on that and flush out the yuckies.  Now, on to exercise.  NOT good at all. 🙁  Although, I am happy to report that I can now reach my equipment and should be able to get back at it soon.  I have been staying busy over the last week, but I really like to get in that ‘planned’ or ‘orgnazied’ workout.  But with the sickness last week (my son had a HORRID cold) and the stuff downstairs not reachable,  AND the hubby being on nights, well, just didn’t do it.  So far this week is a no go, too.  Going to TRY to do some sort of planned thing tomorrow even if it’s something off of DVR!

Well, I should get going but I also wanted to mention that getting down to 184 helped me to pass the 40lbs. mark which was at 186.5!  I look forward to hitting 45 and then 50.  I just can’t imagine being at 176.5.  Right now, I feel like I’ve changed so much that I just can’t imagine that number.  At that point, I will only have about 20lbs. left!  Or 30.  We’ll see.  But I just can’t imagine what 176.5 looks like much less smaller.  I mean, I know that I’ve been there before, but it was sooooooo long ago that I just don’t remember.  I’m thinking that the lower 170’s will be a 12 for me.  Right now, those 14’s are fitting loose with me in the lower 180’s.  So, that’s what I’m thinking.  My friend is in the 150’s and she’s an 8 and I’m curvier than her, so I’m thinking lower 160’s will be a 10 and then lower 150’s will be an 8.  Not sure if I want to go lower or not or if it will go that way, but kinda thinking that’s how it goes.  I may need like, 5lbs. adjusted up since I’m curvy.  We’ll see.  I’m not stuck on it, so it’s not a big deal.  It is now officially a little past 12 so I need to get to bed soon.  Think I’ll have a little more water, a lil’ protein shake, and take my booty to bed.  G’night!

 

Sleep… the lack there-of March 13, 2009

Filed under: 2009 — jewlz280 @ 11:55 am

SO, I’ve come to the conclusion that a LARGE part of my slowed weight loss is lack of sleep.  I mean it!  I don’t get regular sleep at all.  I use to make it priority to be in bed at 12AM.  Now, for most I know this is late, but for me, that’s early!  I use to stay up much later.  My hubby works odd shifts, and I’ve always just lived whatever schedule he was on.  But now, with a child, that’s just not possible.  But over the last few weeks, the time has slowly but surely creeped later and later — like Insomnia or something.  And THEN, my son got sick and our schedules are off even worse because he’s been falling asleep late in the afternoon and waking up around 10PM.  He stays awake for a few hours and then goes back to sleep and sleeps until about 10AM.  So, my schedule is WAY off.  He went to bed fairly early last night, but I couldn’t fall asleep for anything!!!!  So, now we are are on two nights of laying in bed WIDE awake until about 3AM.  URGH.  So, now when I should be wide awake and up doing things, I’m tired.  And I have SO much to do.  URGH.

Now I’m sitting here writing this blog and looking at my list and thinking, oh lordy I’m never going to get it all done!  But I’ve got to.  I don’t have time to pass it off because there is the chance that for our loan, someone will need to walk through the house and I have to do all these ‘little’ things so I can get to the bigger things.  And I know once I get up and get it done, I’ll feel much better.  Hell, it may even tire me out enough to where I will go to sleep on my own.  Either way, I have decided to take some PM meds tonight.  I NEED to get myself to sleep sooner!  So, I’m not going to eat past 10 and I am going to be laying in my bed very close to 12.  I am taking the sleep aid a little past 11 to give it time to kick in and relax me.  If I get uber desperate, I’ll take Benadryl — that ALWAYS knocks me out!  Thankfully, it relaxes me to sleep, but doesn’t konk me so out that I can’t hear my son if he needs me.  And at almost 4, he’d come and tickle me or something to wake me up if he called for me!  LMAO!  He’s such a ham!  I am SO relieved he’s feeling better today.  Hopefully, he won’t need a nap now that the worst of his sickness is gone and we can get back on a better schedule.

Well, I guess this is all for now.  I think that later on tonight if I’m not exhausted, I may jump on the forums for a bit.  I think that’s why I don’t get a lot of comments on here is because I don’t really do the forums a lot.  I do read them occasionally, but rarely have anything to input.  But I feel like if I DO get out there and get more involved, I’ll make some diet buddies.  😀  Going to run and try to knock out half my list!  Laters!

 

A simple update… March 6, 2009

Filed under: 2009 — jewlz280 @ 12:34 pm

I just realized that I don’t update nearly as much as many of the other bloggers do.  Even though, I feel like I blog all the frickin’ time!  LOL  Maybe it’s because I’m on several sites?  I’m not sure.  All I know is, I feel like I’m writing all the time posting comments or updates for one thing or another.  Oh well, maybe it’s good for me to stay busy and type type type!

Let’s see, what have I been up to?  Well, I’m getting in exercise whenever I can.  Treadmill or ‘organized’ exercise as I call it is hard to come by since I can really only do that on the days when my son has school.  I tried doing it the other day when he was home, but I just couldn’t get in groove.  When my hubby is off, he’s great about helping me out, but it’s far and few between.  I HAVE been staying busy, though, and doing lots of walking.  I have lots to keep me busy these days!  Tons of work needs to be done around here, so we work on it whenever we can.  I could be doing more and I know that, but I think I’m just overwhelmed.  I made myself work through it yesterday and was SO proud that even though I felt a little overwhelmed that I got myself in tunnel vision and just focused on one thing at a time.  I think that is what I am going to have to do with the whole house or it’s never going to get finished.  And I DESPERATELY want to get finished!

Food has been good until yesterday.  I think that the hubbs and I were just at the end of our ropes and just needed an off day to be out and do things and have some simple joys — like ice cream!  So, I DID eat somewhat off plan yesterday, but I don’t feel bad about it.  I had a good LC breakfast today and plan on getting in a shake here in a while.  Not sure about snack, but already have dinner food laid out and then will have a half chocolate shake for my ‘dessert’.  I warm it up like hot chocolate and it is OH so GOOOOOD!  hehehe  I won’t be getting in planned exercise, but I am going to be doing a LOT of work around the house tdoay.  We’ve got to get the dining room cleared out to lay the flooring in there and I need to finish some work downstairs so that we can lay flooring down there.  SO, my goal for today is to make it as easy as possible for my hubby to lay down flooring.  I really want all this flooring down!  I’m tired of looking at the mess!  OY!  Forgot to tell the hubbs to get the trim for the house!  Oh well, too late now.  He’s already out the door.  UGH.  Oh well, not like Home Depot is a milion miles away — more like TWO!  LOL

So, all in all trying to stay as positive as I can.  😀  OH!  And for my weekly weigh-in, I was 187.5 as of yesterday morning.  But not really worried seeing as how TOM should be in for a visit soon.  I seem to never really lose around this time.  So, I don’t expect much until next week.  If between now and then I can get in some good exercise and stick with what I’m doing, I hope to see below 185!  THAT would be AWESOME!  I really hope to be in the low 170’s for my SIL’s wedding.  I’m not IN the wedding, but still!  I want to look FAB!  Plus, I want to be able to enjoy the summer not so lardy.  Yes, LARDY!  I think that’s a southern word!  hehehe  Well, off to get started — LOTS to do!  Take care chickies and hope that all your dieting is going well!

 

March 3, 2009

Filed under: 2009 — jewlz280 @ 11:13 am

I don’t feel like I have much to report, but I thought that I would since it seems like a lot of people aren’t posting much lately, OR, they’ve fallen off of the wagon.  I am happy to report my ass is firmly planted on the wagon!  And as of this minute, I have no intentions of falling off anytime soon!!!

The working out is going well — I’m cooling down from one right now!  I am REALLY loving the Flexibility Training!  My back has been SO much better since I started.  I think it keeps those muscles loose and moving instead of tight and knotted up.  Although, today I had some trouble on the treadmill.  My knee was sorta burning out the outside edge and I’m not sure why.  So, after a good hard 17mins., I had to turn it down and take it easy.  But as soon as I turned it down some, it got to feeling a smidge better.  But within just a few minutes, it started to burn again.  So, I went to 1 mile and got off — I don’t want to jack up my knee!  But it didn’t bother me one bit during the Flexibility.  I am thankful for that!  Starting next week, I am going to put some time into finding a workout I can do that will be cardio without the treadmill because many times when my son is home, it’s hard to get on the treadmill.

Food is up and down.  I feel like I’m doing well on food, but since my last post, my weight is up.  BUT, and this is a big but, I’m about to get *duh, duh, DUH!* TOM.  So, I’m thinking that is what is going on.  I’ve been sticking with LC food and getting in a shake or two a day.  Although, lately I feel sick of food and crave my protein shakes.  But it seems like I do that right before TOM.  Maybe I need more protein/iron during that time or something???  I’m not sure.  Either way, I’m not going to let the annoyance of the scale mess up what I’m doing.  And besides that, official weigh-in isn’t until Thursday.  So, I’ll go on that.  That’s another thing with weighing often — you just can’t look at the day to day stuff.  I weigh when I feel like it!  LOL  But I use Thursday as my ‘official’ day.

Life in general seems to be going well other than I am always trying to get organized.  I SO hate remodeling right now.  Everything just feels dirty and scattered.  I really hope we are able to make some great progress over the hubb’s 7 days off.  We NEED to make progress before I go crazy!  I guess that means I should get downstairs and get some stuff sold off, hauled off, donated, and shipped, etc., but I wanted to do this and then I have to run some errands today.  SO, off I go to do some things, pick up my son, do some more things, and hopefully get home without pulling out my hair.  HA!