Yearning for… MYSELF.

Cause I’m not sure who this fat chick is!

Tuesday! August 30, 2011

Filed under: August — jewlz280 @ 10:02 am

MEH.  I really, really, REALLY need to go to the store, but I HATE taking the kiddos with me.  Oldest is at school today, but youngest is home and well, he’d have to go with.  It’s not even 9AM right now, so the stores would still be packed with people who went right after school drop off.  Plus I hate going on Tuesdays.  I go to Krogers and typically Krogers gets wiped out on Sundays and Mondays (people trying to get sales).  So, Tuesdays and Wednesdays are kinda gross.  I like going on Thursdays (mark-down day) and Sunday.  Wednesdays aren’t bad because they are re-stocking and marking down that night and I use to go at night a lot.  Not so much now.  I may just wait and go tomorrow.  I think we can stretch one more day.  We’re low, but not out of stuff.  And with the hubby off tomorrow, I could go by myself.  OHHHhhhh!  Sweet bliss!  You know you’re a Mom when going to the grocery store alone is a awesome thing!  LOL  It’s just so much faster, orderly, and I can think.

OH!  I need to post my food from yesterday:

Snack:  2 slices LC toast with SB butter and grape jelly; coffee

Breakfast:  2 eggs with salsa (1-2Tbsp) and sour cream (less than 1Tbsp), raspberries; more coffee and some water

Lunch:  Spinach salad with some carrots and onions, lots of cucumber, greek dressing (1tbsp.) and a light sprinkling of grated parm cheese AND a sweet baked potato with SB butter, cinnamon and Splenda; water

Dinner:  Crust off of son’s sandwich (I love crust and this saved me from having to make separate bread for myself) and spaghetti; Diet Lemon/Lime

Dessert:  Very small glass of milk and 3 vanilla sandwich cookies

Overall, I felt pretty good about yesterday other than I should’ve had more protein.  I did fine at my real breakfast and I did pretty good at lunch, but at dinner I wish I would’ve had some chicken or something but it just didn’t sound great.  I use to buy these great frozen meatballs.  I think I am going to look for them again at the store and check their nutrition.  I have made them before, but well, they take more effort than I am willing to put in on the nights when my hubby is working.  I usually do super simple when it comes to food for just myself.  I am seriously thinking of buying myself some frozen meals just for that!  Or freezing more leftovers on the nights when I cook for the whole family.  Some frozen meals like lasagna or something would be nice, though, so that I could just throw some salad in a bowl and heat that up and eat.  I may look at them when I go to the store and prep to get some so that I have them the next time.  I am DESPERATELY in the need for some variety and ease.  Hopefully my waistline agrees with this!  LOL  Anyways, I should’ve had SOME sort of meat with dinner or maybe another salad because I ate one small serving of the spaghetti with the bread crusts and I was still hungry.  I waited a bit, put the kids down, but still rumbling.  So, I had another small plate.  Believe it or not, I still felt grumbles!  But I didn’t eat anymore.  I waited a couple of hours and then had the milk and cookies.  I wouldn’t have had the milk except I had a bit of heartburn and I was afraid anymore tea or coffee would cause me more issues.  And well, water wasn’t helping.

Whew!  OK, got the tub cleaned out.  I think I will have to use some CLR on the jets — I didn’t realize our water was so hard!  I also need to leave it filled after baths tonight and run some bleach/cleaner through it to make sure the pipes are sanitized.  If I had it to do over, I would NOT have put in a jetted tub!  It’s been a pain!!!  When you have kiddos, jetted tubs are just a nuisance!  We’re putting in a smooth surface tub and shower surround in the downstairs bath.  Not that it will make much of a difference other than I won’t have to clean it much.  I can’t wait to have this house done.  Next up to do on my list today is to sweep and clean the floors really well and then if I have time to do some more paper sorting downstairs.  Yup.  Going to end up putting off groceries.  LOL

Well, guess I should get off of here for now.  I’m just rambling on and well, not on anything of any importance really other than trying to figure out low cal foods again.  It’s been so long, I’m just out of practice.  But I think I’m figuring it out.  I just don’t want to get in the habit of convenience foods.  I want to rely mostly on whole foods.  But I want some convenience foods like the frozen meals for those nights when I just can’t do anything else.  Just have to watch the ingredients — they can be sneaky and slip all kinds of sodium and sugars in there!  Ok, I’m off to eat my real breakfast now!  OH!  Wait!  Checked my weight last night (after dinner but before bed) and I was 201.5.  Pretty happy with that.  I’m hoping that by the time my cycle is over I will be back down and maybe even have a small loss by Sunday if I can stay on track.  🙂


Playing catch up August 29, 2011

Filed under: August — jewlz280 @ 10:03 am

Yesterday was a BUSY day!  We got up quite early — seems the kiddos keep about the same schedule no matter what.  And that was fine with me.  I would rather stay on a schedule myself!  So, we got up early and knew that my parents were coming to visit and we were going out to eat as soon as they got here.  Not knowing how early they would be here, I was afraid to eat too much, so I had a small breakfast.  Well, I’ll just post what I had here.

Breakfast: 2 slices LC toast with SB butter and grape jelly; some coffee and water

Lunch:  1/2 chicken fried steak, 1 egg with cheese, 1 biscuit with honey (no butter), 2 bites of pancake (with butter and syrup), 3 cooked apple slices, small bowl of grits; coffee

Snack:  2 chicken tenders with ranch dip, 1/2 order waffle fries with ketchup; Coke Zero and a Lemonade

Dinner:  Pizza (probably the equivalent of 2 slices); water

Dessert:  Last cupcake.  UGH.

Obviously it was a day of eating out.  We took my parents out to ‘lunch’ for their anniversary.  They wanted simple and suggested Cracker Barrel, so that’s where we went.  After, we dropped off the guys and kids and headed out for the day — just my Mom and I!  It was nice to spend the day with her!  We went to the Market and did some shopping.  Of course we ate out!  But it is only one day and I didn’t do horrid.  I only ate until I was full, but I know I went over my cals due to lunch.  However, I literally walked for HOURS.  The Public Market here is HUGE and we walked almost all of it.  Then we went to the garden dept of Home Depot AND walked all over Target.  I was POOPED!  LOL

However, most of the day I battled an upset stomach.  Well, not really upset, but GASSY.  I don’t know what is going on, but it sure was unhappy with me.  My cycle started and it’s been hard and heavy and not to mention, painful.  Today isn’t much better.  As I sit here and type this, my stomach is hugely swollen and bloated and I’m having not only cramps, but those lovely gas pains as well.  The hubby seems somewhat off, too.  He said he FELT fine, but he is gassy, too.  Not sure if we’ve picked up a bug or if it is something we ate.  Either way, I wish it would go away — I’m tired of feeling really uncomfortable!!!

Well, I guess I am STILL going to be playing catch up!  I never finished this post yesterday.  I was pretty well sick and uncomfortable all day.  I was battling pretty painful cramps of every variety.  I think we had some sort of stomach bug.  It has finally let up this AM, so I hope it is done.  I didn’t eat great yesterday.  I mostly snacked all day and I can’t even really remember what I had.  I know it didn’t involve anything good… Here is what I can remember…

1 slice of LC toast with some turkey and provolone, grapes, 7 cookies (3 at snack, 4 for dessert), fried rice (what was left), Bugles (the entire medium bag), mac-n-cheese (dinner) and at some point, I believe I had a Diet Lemon/Lime.

I felt bad about the Bugles, but considering it was pretty much the only thing I ate all day that made my stomach chill out, I don’t care.  My weight was 203, but I’m not counting that.  I know it was my weigh-in day, but considering I have my period and being sick I was swelled up AND the only thing I could get down was carby stuff…. yeah.  SCREW THAT!  I’m not counting it.  I am trying to get back into routine today.  I NEED to but it will depend on my stomach.  So far, I’ve had some coffee with cream (not my mixture, just straight cream), 2 slices of LC toast with SB butter and regular grape jelly.  If this doesn’t give me any issues, I’ll eat some eggs and maybe some fruit later.  I’ll get on more of a schedule tomorrow.  Today is just to be able to eat normal food!

Not sure what I will be able to do today.  I was VERY tired yesterday and I still feel a bit tired, but I’m not crazy tired.  I know I need to pick the house up, do dishes, and clean the tub really well.  But other than that I’m not sure.  I’m hoping to get all my pute stuff done so all I will need to do is update my food later on tonight.  Heh.  Just did my checkbook and bills real quick.  I do them almost every Monday, so it’s pretty easy to do if I keep it up.  Although, considering the current state of the nation and of banks, we are seriously considering going back to cash and checks for everything that we can.  The fees and things that they are trying to start imposing thanks to this GREAT new bank regulation (FEEL the sarcasm) is making it to the point where I don’t even want to deal with credit or debit cards.  I don’t really see the point in using them anymore unless you pay credit cards off and store points or use it for things you need to be secured.  I know I use my CC for groceries and gas and pay them down every week and pay them off once a month when we get our bonus.  I try to keep it low.  This month due to back to school and winter shopping, it got a little higher (about $150) than I like for it to get, so I just made an extra payment and when we get our monthly bonus, I will pay it off.  I have the money in savings if I need to pay it off.  I just don’t want to unless I need to.  I like our current system really well.  But for everything else, thinking of going back to cash.  Something I can think over today since I don’t have a ton to do and already got the bills in order.

OH!  BTW, still making some tweaks to my food.  I have decided that even though heavy cream is low in carbs, it’s just too high in cals and fat for me.  So, I am either going to start mixing it with 1 or 2% milk or start buying half-n-half.  Going to do some comparisons the next time I go to the store.  I still want as natural as possible and still want to watch my carbs, but the mixture I made with the almond milk just has too much of a twang to it.  Which I don’t get — I love the stuff straight and in cereal, but it tastes weird in my coffee!  Aargh!  I’m sticking with my LC bread.  I just love the whole wheat, it’s low cal, the size is good, no added sugars or preservatives.  Yes, it CAN go bad quickly, but we buy it fresh and on sale and freeze it.  It’s the only bread we’ve bought that you can’t tell it’s been frozen after being defrosted.  I believe my MIL said that was due to no preservatives.  Says they do the OPPOSITE when frozen!  :O  So, I’m loving the bread and I’m going to stick with it.  Also, I’ve gone back to pre-frozen chicken.  In the end, I wasn’t having as much freezing it as the other stuff.  I don’t know WHY!  But it would never defrost the right way.  I think that it’s because with the pre-frozen, they put it in a salt solution and cut it thinner.  Plus, I got the chicken pretty darn cheap frozen this last time and it saved me time and plastic baggies on top of the money.  And did I mention mess?  So, going to stick with that unless the other stuff is so cheap I just can’t pass it up.  Oh, and I am also thinking of making my own cookies instead of buying them.  I buy them for the hubbs and the kiddos and I end up eating them when I want something sweet.  So, I am thinking of only buying the plain cookies for oldest and then making cookies for the rest of us.  He’s a very picky eater and only eats one or two kinds and he’s fine with not having them a ton.  But the rest of us aren’t that picky so I’m thinking I could make healthier versions of our faves.  Like, no bake cookies, oatmeal cookies, and whatnot.  I like the idea of junk cookies with oatmeal, dried cranberries, and dark chocolate chips.  What do you think?  I don’t think I would make them often, but I’d like to make them so that we had the option instead of the junky store bought.  Hmm… I bet I could make some and oldest would even eat them and wouldn’t notice now that I am thinking on it!  Teehee!

Well, now that I have done the bills and picked up and fed youngest all while typing and coming back and forth, I think I will go for a bit and attempt to get a few things done so that when nap time rolls around, I can hopefully get a few things done.  Heh.  But I keep getting distracted so it’s taking forever to do just this.  Example:  I just did my Christmas list.  LOL  BLEH!  I will be back later chicks.  Too much to do and think about!  😀


All in one… August 26, 2011

Filed under: August — jewlz280 @ 8:34 pm

I know that I should’ve finished yesterday’s blog before posting, but I just felt so yucky.  So, I will add the rest of my food to todays blog so it’s all in one place.


Breakfast:  LC pita with PB and honey; coffee

Lunch:  Mac-n-cheese, strawberries; water

Snack:  Nectarine and Cheese-Bits; water

Snack:  Doritos; Diet Coke OH!

Dinner:  Egg drop soup, fried rice, 2 crab rangoons; water

There’s all of yesterday’s.  I was just SO hungry, I had Doritos for my SECOND snack.  My stomach was literally growling and I wasn’t sure what else to eat.  I decided to eat whatever sounded good at the time in hopes that it wouldn’t upset my stomach more; and that was the Doritos.  Not the best choice, but nothing else really sounded great at the time.  In retrospect, I could’ve had a small cheese sandwich for the same or maybe less cals.  I ended up doing the soup and rice for dinner.  The soup and the rice finally settled my stomach.  I don’t think I could’ve choked anything else down, but within minutes of eating those, my stomach just stopped hurting.  I am starting to think that the old wives tale of chicken soup for sickness is true!  Except in my case, it’s egg drop.  Similar in that they both have a chicken base.  I know how to make it, so the next time I feel like poop I may just make that and see if it helps.  Would save some moola!  LOL  Although, mine never tastes quite as good as the stuff from the Chinese place.  LOL  And honestly, they are almost as fast!

So far this AM, I’m feeling ok.  Better than ok, really!  I’ve not checked my weight and I don’t plan on checking it until Sunday.  However, I fully don’t expect to see a loss.  Between feeling like crap and about to start my cycle, I know I will be up.  Not to mention the sodium that is always in the Chinese food.  *sigh*  But it’s ok.  Hopefully I will be ok the rest of today, the rest of the week, and next week.  If so, I hope that I will see a loss at the following Sunday’s weigh-in.

As today has worn on, I feel better and better — if not hungry.  I have barely eaten a thing today and I feel good!  I think that the worst of the PMS has passed.  WHEW!  I have to keep remembering that 2 days out of the month, I am just going to be a ravenous, cupcake eating MONSTER.  LOL  At least it wasn’t crazy… just a few cookies and a cupcake.  I TOTALLY could’ve done worse!  LOL  But I felt like a zombie, too.  Just dazed, upset, HUNGRY… bleh.  Sometimes hate all the girly stuff we have to go through!  But I am relieved to be feeling more normal and like my perky self today.  Still don’t have much hunger, but I have heartburn.  Not sure why… maybe the beans?  I’m going to just keep chugging water and if that doesn’t break it up, I am going to eat two Tums.  Could be residual from yesterday, I guess.


Breakfast:  2 LC slices of toast with SB butter and RS jelly; coffee

Snack:  nectarine; water and coffee

Lunch:  1 slice sourdough, mayo, 4 ultra thin slices turkey, 1 sandwich slicer pickle, small bowl of baked beans; Mello Yello Zero and water

Dinner:  Some fried rice, egg drop soup, 1 crab rangoon; the rest of the Mello Yello Zero and more water

Well, it’s almost bedtime here and I am pooped out.  I didn’t do much, but apparently just getting over feeling so yucky took all my energy!  Sorry the last few posts haven’t been deep and insightful — just haven’t had it in me!  Maybe soon.  The ‘rents will be here tomorrow, so no idea if I will be able to post.  But for tonight, I believe I’m done.  G’night chicks!


Stomach ache… August 25, 2011

Filed under: August — jewlz280 @ 3:29 pm

200 this AM, but I have a BAD stomach ache.  It’s burning like the flames of Hades!  Tums, here I come!  I think know that I had too much acid yesterday in the form of coffee, a soda, and more coffee.  UGH.  So, my tummy is hurting as a result.  I chugged water before the Tums in an effort to dilute the acid, but so far, no go.  Hoping that the Tums will help.

I am STILL feeling guilty over last nights cupcake.  I wanted to just stop eating after dinner, but the hubby was insisting on having a cupcake and well, once he brought it over I was weak and ate the damned thing.  I wasn’t hungry.  I didn’t need it.  But I ate the thing anyways.  Aargh!  If he hadn’t gotten them and sat it in front of me, I would’ve just said no.  I’m pretty good at not going to get it, but once it is set in front of me (especially when my will power is feeling weak) I will eat it.  I love my hubby, but I wish he would’ve said no!  I told him no and he got them anyways.  🙁  I won’t lie, he normally gets the worst of my PMS symptoms.  Its SO weird.

But as a result, I KNOW my cals were crazy high yesterday.  No idea of the cals in a regular cupcake, but I’m thinking easily between 300 and 500 cals.  🙁  I honestly should’ve just said no to eating anything after dinner.  I should’ve just drank some water and then gone on to bed.  SO mad at myself right now!!!!

I know it’s just one day and all that jazz, but it’s a lost day even with all the heavy cleaning I got done.  But the hubby noticed when he got in.  Said there was no faint ‘dog smell’ and that the air just smelled ‘clean’.  That’s because I moved and cleaned all the furniture.  All but one corner.  Ironically, the dog corner.  I plan on taking the kennel out here in a bit and scrubbing it out to be moved, washing the bedding, and vacuuming and wiping down that corner.  I need to find a new place to put the dog center.  My youngest won’t stay way from the stuff, so it needs a new location.  I’m spending at least half my day fussing at him to get away from it.  I refuse to keep doing it.  I know it can take 20 something times to learn something — tell that to him.  He wants it and refuses to give up.  So, I’m going to remove it.

I am also kinda hoping to work in my office area a bit today.  In the coming months, we hope to move the office, so I was hoping to get to work sorting and throwing away some more stuff.  I know there are boxes of kids clothes that need to be moved, small totes of papers to be sorted, and then just general moving things around.  I just am running out of places to move things around to.  LOL  Really wish our garage was cleaned out more so that we could move the workout equipment out there.  That would make a HUGE difference!

Breakfast:  1 LC pita with PB and honey; coffee

Lunch:  Mac-n-cheese, strawberries; water

Snack:  Cheese-its, nectarine; water

My stomach is STILL achy!  Only bland food is going down, but I’m trying to get at least some fruit in.  I hope my stomach will chill so that I can eat a normal dinner.  If not, it will be something else plain for dinner.  I really wanted chips and salsa, but was afraid the salsa would just tear my tummy up.  Maybe in a day or two.  I don’t know WHAT to eat for dinner if it is still unhappy.  Maybe grilled cheese and soup, rice, or something.  Or just crackers and soup… I don’t know what to eat.  My stomach just ACHES.



Filed under: August — jewlz280 @ 8:51 am

Already my kids are driving me nuts this AM.  Youngest is whining and into everything and oldest is all “Look at me!  Look at me!” every two minutes.  I’m already ready to throw in the towel for the day.  UGH.  I really should have found some time over hubby’s time off to get a break.  I’m paying for it now.  And I don’t even have anything outside of the house to do.  Although, I may attempt a bit of yardwork later.  Well, curb work.  The darn crab grass is coming up on the street side of the curb again and I HATE that.  You’d think the town would be responsible for that and spray or scrape, but they don’t.  And it looks AWFUL and makes a runny mess when it rains because everything from cig butts to dirt gets trapped in it.  So, I may take the rolling grass bin out there and the scraper when youngest goes to sleep so that I can get that looking decent.  We also need to decide on our roofing/gutter contractors so that we can get the flower bed ready for Fall.  I normally don’t do much but weed, put down fresh needles, and maybe set out some Mums, but I may do more this year depending on how things go.

I checked my weight this AM and I was 201.  BOO.  NOT happy with that.  But realistically, it’s what I had expected.  I mean, I did my best over the last few days but I know it wasn’t great.  We ate out quite a bit and what we had was salty.  AND, my cycle should start in the next day of so.  I felt bloaty last night, so I should’ve known to not even get on the scale.  But oh well.  Not as though I don’t always bloat up.  I also didn’t drink as much water yesterday as I should’ve so that is my own fault too.  And of course those sugar cookies probably weren’t a great idea, but I had been wanting something like that for days so I ate those instead of a cupcake.  I was pretty sure the cupcake would’ve been through the roof versus the little cookie with icing.  But still, going to try to be more balanced today.  Hey!  Maybe PMS is why my kiddos are annoying me so much!  Nope.  They are just being MEAN!!!  URGH.  Anyone need two kids???  LOL

I don’t have much planned for today, but I DO need to try to do some more major dusting/cleaning.  Dust tends to accumulate in weird places in my house so I try to go through once in a while and get all those odds and ends places so that it doesn’t keep building up.  Like, behind our couch.  Our house is a split foyer so behind me is the open foyer.  For whatever reason, right between the couch and that railing the dust just piles UP.  So, today, I hope to move the couch out and clean that area really well.  It NEEDS it!  That is if I can get my contrary kids to cooperate.  Youngest will be spending a LOT of time in the playpen today if the shenanigans doesn’t stop!

OK, I am going to go for now and get going with my day.  It isn’t going to get going on it’s own, I guess.  I should also probably clean out my fridge.  bleh.

** OK, so far I’ve gotten two areas of my LR cleaned really well and hope to do the rest when youngest gets up from nap.  Thankfully, he has been asleep for a while, so I REALLY hope he wakes up in a much better mood.  Thinking that if he does and eats a good ‘lunch’ then we may all go outside to play later.  I also got our two accounts balanced and bills paid plus the budget done for the next two months.  I’m feeling really happy about that!  I had meant to do it last month, but just never seemed to have the time.  I think I am all in order now!  Well, as far as finances go, anyways.

UGH.  Just had snack and I KNOW I went over in cals.  But I ate some grapes and still felt hungry so I drank some water and ate some watermelon.  Still not satisfied so I ate the peanuts.  I was still feeling yuck so I ate some icing and the sugar cookie.  *sigh*  I HATE PMS!!!!  It makes me SO much hungrier!  I wonder if your body has to work harder during TOM so it hoards up calories during PMS.  I am very curious… Holey moley!  Turns out that ‘some’ research is saying that the week before you start your cycle, your BMR jumps up and you can burn 200+ more cals a day!  HUH!  Maybe that’s why during PMS you crave.  CRAP.  If I had just known that and been more careful with watching what I ate, I coulda lost a good chunk this week!  LOL  I have NO idea how true this science is, but it would explain the crazy hunger.  But for some reason, that little cookie stopped it.  If I had known it was that simple, I’d have eaten it first!  LOL

Breakfast:  2 slices LC toast with SB butter and RS jelly, 2 eggs with 2tbps. cheese; coffee

Snack:  1/2 medium banana; water

Lunch:  2 slices LC bread with mayo, 6 slices ultra thin turkey, romaine and tomatoes, Doritos; Mello Yello Zero

Snack:  A handful of grapes, lots of watermelon, some honey roasted peanuts, and a sugar cookie with icing; coffee and water

Dinner:  Pan fried chicken, mashed potatoes, steamed broccoli in light cheese sauce; water

Dessert: 1 chocolate cupcake with chocolate chips (in the frosting); coffee

*sigh*  Stupid PMS.


Buggin’ August 24, 2011

Filed under: August — jewlz280 @ 9:21 am

Breakfast:  2 slices LC toast with SB butter and RS jelly, 2 eggs; coffee

Lunch:  1 slice leftover pizza, whole small pear; coffee

Snack:  Watermelon; water

Dinner:  Some thin steak, large spinach salad with onion, apple, pecans and bleu cheese dressing drizzled with some balsamic vinegar; water

Dessert:  2.5 sugar cookies with icing; coffee

Feeling any number of things today that I am very happy and very UNhappy about.  And honestly, I don’t know where to start.  Just know that they are there and happening.  UGH.  And right at the moment, I don’t have the time (nor the brain power) to think them through.  So, I think I will get to work on housework and projects this morning and then I will try to write later.  If not later, then maybe tomorrow.

OK, I’ve gotten some cleaning and stuff done and I’m about to work on another project — getting all of youngest’s winter stuff out.  FUN.  And I also hope to dust the furniture and maybe the floors.  We will see.  They are SUPPOSE to come today and put my windows in our bedroom in.  PLEASE!  Hubby says we need curtains, but I have NO idea what I want.  But we DO need some sort of curtains or something.  Otherwise, it will be like sitting on the sun in the AM.  LOL  Maybe I will go shop for that later.  We will see.  Right now I just need to get a few more things done after my break.  And maybe slurp some water.  I’ve been lacking in water today and that is BAD.  Need to be better.  I’m just glad I knocked out a lot of cleaning.  Yup.  Now if I can just get motivated to do the dusting.  But I am feeling annoyed still and am hoping that by doing some writing, I will feel better.

What is bugging me you ask?  Well let’s start out at number one.  You see, my bro just went through a nasty divorce.  My whole family decided that it was none of our business and we wanted to stay OUT of it.  It wasn’t our issue.  We wanted to be supportive, but not cause any undue stress on his kiddos.  And really, the only way to do that is to stay out of it and let it go.  We can’t change a thing and fussing and fighting and name calling only makes things worse.  So, no matter what HER family did or said, we would stay mum.  And that is what we’ve done.  We may have bitched back at forth with each other about the situation, but other than that, we’ve not spoken about it really with other people.  Well, suddenly, we started hearing things from other people… not so nice things.  Not only about him, but about our family.  Again, we stayed quiet.  And THEN the emails started from HER family.  They have contacted me repeatedly and I’ve felt like telling them off.  At first, I was cordial because, well, these are my brother’s kids family.  Not mine, obviously, but theirs.  So out of respect to the kids, I was cordial.  But the email I got yesterday was IT!  There was name calling and being ugly AT me.  I turned them into FB for harassment and blocked them.  But the truth is, I wanted to go OFF!  I wanted to tell them EXACTLY what I thought of them if for no other reason than to just make myself feel better.  But I didn’t.  And now, now I am SEETHING mad because I didn’t!!!  How messed up is that?  But I KNOW it would do no good to say anything.  These people are THAT stupid that they wouldn’t get it.  So, my time and thoughts would be wasted.  But I sit here anyways stewing mad.  I just want to explode all over them and it would serve no purpose.  I just DO NOT GET these people who thrive on drama!!!  What purpose does it serve?  Who does it help?  Does it REALLY make them feel good???  Why oh WHY do I let their crap get to me?  Why couldn’t I just block them, report them, and go on with my day?  Why am I letting it eat at my heart?  Aargh.  At least I’m not emotionally stuffing my face.  I AM craving a cupcake, but I’ve wanted that for the last two days so I don’t think that’s too big of a deal.  LOL  I am just angry and wishing that there was some way to open these people’s eyes to their own crap.  You’d think that after catching their own daughter in numerous lies, they wouldn’t believe a THING that POS says. But it’s like it never happened and they are back to believing her.  You know that old saying lie to me once, shame on you, lie to me twice, shame on me?  SHAME THE FUCK ON ALL OF YOU!!!!  DUMBASSES!!!  Yes, that’s how I really feel.  URGH!!!

Number two.  I keep reading blogs about people finding themselves and I read through one about ‘Eat Pray Love’ and they said it was a movie a lot of people didn’t like.  I wanna say it was Lynn’s but for the life of me, I can’t remember.  Anywho’s, I got to thinking about that and how I had seen/heard the opposite.  And as I was reading her blog I kept thinking that I don’t get why people think they have to travel the world to find themselves and do all these things.  You know why I think some people might not have liked the movie?  (I was sorta indifferent about it I might add.)  I think the people who didn’t like it probably thought it silly that she had to travel all over the world to ‘find’ herself.  Now, I’m not saying I agree really.  I’m saying, I understand why someone would think that.  Mostly because it seems anymore that to ‘find’ yourself people keep looking all around… including all over the world.  I’m not saying that some people don’t need that (after all, seeing other cultures and ways of life can be well, life changing), but it makes me wonder WHY is that always so many people’s first idea?  Which in turn got me to thinking about what I want out of life and where I want to end up.  And you know what… I don’t want to travel the world to figure it out.  Having done the military thing, I feel like I’ve done enough traveling for this ol’ gal.  I don’t want to look to external things to please me or discover who I am.  What I REALLY want is contentment.  I want to wake up to each day and feel at peace and feel happy where I am in life.  THAT is what I’m searching for.  I don’t begrudge anyone searching or doing it their way even if it includes traveling all over kingdom come, but for me… yeah, I want to find it right here.  Inside of me.  I want to live each day and feel like I’m right where I’m suppose to be.  I want to wake up and know that each day is just as it is and find the good and happy things in it.  I won’t lie, I KNOW that isn’t going to happen every single day, but that’s what I want to strive for: that happiness in me that goes wherever I go; that warmth that drives me and is a light that anyone who meets me, will see.

Third.  Youngest is driving me NUTS.  Not only are we still doing the up at night thing, but we are also doing the let’s whine and get into EVERYTHING thing.  I am going NUTS.  I swear, I feel like my days are spent saying no a hundred times, hand smackings, and time outs.  UGH.  It is making me in a VERY bad mood.  I can’t seem to find anything that seems to break this pattern.  I have tried everything I know to do, but he keeps going in this almost circle pattern around and around and around doing the things he KNOWS he shouldn’t do!  How do I know he knows?  Because the minute I come towards him he slams the pantry door shut and runs.  Yup.  HE KNOWS.  But he does it anyways.  He has spent a LOT of time in the playpen today!  I just ignore the screaming and do my cleaning or whatnot.  NOT happy with him right now.  I need a break!

On a good note, my bedroom is no longer a black abyss!  The window guys FINALLY came and we now have our new windows installed.  SOOO happy!  We just used the old curtains nailed up on their rings.  So, I will need to figure something out for that eventually.  I’m having a hard time deciding what to do with the windows in the back of the house.  In the front, it was easy — we knew we wanted them all to match from the street to go with our color scheme.  So, the easiest thing was to put up faux wooden blinds so that from the inside, we could use whatever but from the street, they were all the same.  From the back, I want something similar, but I don’t really want to do white.  I want something more casual.  I am thinking of doing those natural blinds — probably matchstick.  But you still don’t get much privacy with those, so we would need to put something behind them.  Maybe those cheap roller shades.  We did that in the last house and it worked really well.  They gave the solid look from the street, but allowed us to use whatever we wanted on the inside.  I’m thinking that is the best option.

Geez… this is long enough.  On to a new day!


08/22/2011 August 23, 2011

Filed under: August — jewlz280 @ 10:37 am

So far, this AM is going pretty well!  I got to sleep in a bit, had a nice breakfast, on my second cup of coffee, and we’re planning the day!  Woot woot!  I believe we are going to be going to the zoo.  Lots of walking!  We do, however, need to pack up some snacks and pre-make as much dinner as possible, so this isn’t going to be a super long post.  I like to pre-make dinner on nights we know we will be coming in late so that all we have to do is pretty much eat when we come in.  We ate out a lot yesterday, but I don’t really want to eat out a ton today.  Breakfast was already at home and we are going to pack lunch.  I guess if we ate dinner out it would be ok, but nothing really sounds all that great so I would rather just Nom out at home.  I am thinking some yummy steaks and salads.  Good stuff!  I love pan fried steak with a big nummy salad.

So far today, here is my food.  I will fill in the rest as the day goes on.

Breakfast:  2 slices LC french toast with SF syrup, 3 slices thin bacon; coffee

Snack:  Fruit and some Bugles; water

Lunch:  1/2 roast beef on sourdough with mayo, Bugles, fruit, carrots with ranch, one bite of chicken nugget (checked it for kiddos); Mello Yello Zero

Dinner:  1/2 veggie tempura, 1 spring roll, sushi (I think I had 4 spicey tuna rolls, 2 salmon nigiri, and 4 TN tornado rolls), small cucumber salad; Diet Coke

We ended up doing dinner out — hubby forgot to lay out the darn steaks!!!  So, steaks will probably be tonight.  We had a GREAT time at the zoo!  We walked a LOT and then played in the indoor and outdoor kids areas.  I even went up the kids tower and down the big slide with oldest!  I couldn’t believe I made it!  It was FUN!  When we left there, youngest fell asleep so we went and did some shopping taking turns switching out so that he could sleep.  Finally finished up oldest’s things for school, so I think we are all set!  Now, if we could only find a few things for hubby.  LOL  I kept finding TONS of cute stuff for myself, but I am TRYING not to shop.  I did buy this cute pink, ruffly cardigan (looks sorta pin-upish) and it looks so HOT with my red hair!  Maybe I’ll keep the red hair a bit longer… I also bought a cute denim ‘bell’ skirt.  My other skirt is very summerish so I had wanted one that was a bit longer for Fall.  I think it will look great with my platforms or boots.  Even flats.  But the skirt was a 14!  I know it was cut big — it fit like a 16.  But still, I’m happy!  But I saw so much more.  *sigh*  But I was good and stayed away.

Anyways, it was a good day and I don’t think food was horrid.  I guess we will see at the end of the week, huh?  LOL


Yay! August 22, 2011

Filed under: August — jewlz280 @ 10:56 am

So, weighed in this AM and got 198 flat!  Yay!  First time I’ve seen my number back below 199 in a while.  So, I’m really happy with that.  I know it’s only 1lb., but that is hopefully one last pound on my behind!  I haven’t ‘officially’ seen that weight since 6/12.  The lowest I’ve seen was the 196.5, but I really think that was a fluke.  I only saw that one day.  But 198 is only 1.5lbs. from that!  So, going to try to stay positive.  Not going to get too hyped, though, until I give this a longer run.  Mostly because I feel like I have bounced around so much in the last month or two.  And like I said, I don’t want to stress on it.  I just want to do the best I can and if I get any kind of results, that’s great.  So, that is why I am pleased with the 1lb.  And like I’ve said before, ESPECIALLY after I didn’t even do a full week.  Friday and Saturday of last week were sorta out of my control, but I did my best.  Then Sun., Mon. and Tues., I just wasn’t on any plan.  I didn’t ‘stuff’ myself, but I wasn’t really thinking of calories.  But on Weds., I started paying attention so I am hoping that I can do that at this point.  I’m hoping this can be my re-set.  Either way, I am just trying to keep going and not give up.  It’s too important that I lose this weight.  I refuse to not try.

Today and tomorrow are going to be errands and Family day.  I’m SURE I won’t do horrid, but it probably won’t be great.  I know it will involve a lot of eating out.  So, without further hesitation:

Breakfast:  Cracker Barrel — 1 pancake, 1 egg with cheese, 1 slice bacon, 1 biscuit with gravy, a couple of bites of grits; coffee    I actually feel I did really well here!  I only ate what I wanted and until I was full.  I DO wish we had ordered some fresh fruit, but the last time I got it, it was only grapes.  I like grapes, but more as a snack and not with breakfast.

Snack:  Large caramel Iced Latte; no sweetener as the caramel is already sweet.  Oh!  And two powdered munchkins.  I wouldn’t have eaten them but I was so hungry!

Lunch:  Target Deli — 1/2 spinach/turkey club wrap, fruit (strawberries, grapes, pineapple), a couple of potato wedges with ranch; more of my iced latte

Dinner:  Mangia — Two whole slices (medium sized), the crust of youngest’s; Diet Coke OH!  Yes, that’s the name of our store brand.

Overall, I don’t feel bad.  I didn’t overeat, I didn’t eat unless I was hungry, and I did get in SOME fruit and veg even if it wasn’t as much as I would’ve liked.  And even though I loved the pizza (it’s my FAVE!) I missed the greek salad I normally get.  I think I’d rather have one slice of pizza and my salad.  So, I will make it a point to either get that or make that next time.  I think last night’s lack of salad was due to being tired and we just didn’t think.  We were out, so we bought it ahead of time and ate it later just so we didn’t have to get back out.  Just easier that way.  Oh, and we also did a whole lotta walking!  😀  More to come the next couple of days, too.  🙂


Sooo… August 20, 2011

Filed under: August — jewlz280 @ 10:47 pm

Sooo… apparently the bread isn’t hurting me because I briefly saw 198.5 on the scale.  My scale doesn’t do tenths, only halves, so that means I am in between 198.5 and 199.  I am pretty ok with that!  I am under 200 and apparently bread isn’t having a negative effect.  I am eating pretty good and most of all, I am TRYING to eat balanced with 3 meals and 1 or 2 snacks.  I’ve not wanted dessert much.  Just been too full!  So, I didn’t have it one night.  🙂  Although, I DID end up eating two clementines last night…  I felt snacky and didn’t want to go to bed hungry.  Which means my cals the last two days were closer to 1400-1500 instead of the 1600.  Never thought I would be the sort to pass up dessert anytime!  LOL  But if I’m full, I’m not going to eat it.  Now I wonder, what will tomorrow’s weigh-in be?  Sunday is my official day.  I only got on this AM because the hubby was up and I had the time to linger a bit in the bathroom.  But whatever is there tomorrow will be my ‘official’ weight, I guess.  Maybe I’ll actually be 198.5!  That’s not a huge loss, but after the wedding weekend last weekend and all that travel and stress… well, I’ll take what I can get at this point.

One good thing I just realized from re-reading that last paragraph is that my cravings have been more ‘normal’.  I don’t have any cravings to eat a whole cake or anything.  I had this once before when I was in the ‘zone’.  Not sure if that is what is going on now or if it’s just well, I KNOW I can have a small bit of it so it’s no longer a temptation.  It’s got to be all mental.  That or the quality of the food isn’t making me crave junk.  Not sure.  But I like it!  Makes things smoother.  And I have to admit, having the freedom to have whatever and just watch my portions is awesome!

Breakfast:  2 slices LCWB with SB butter and RS jelly, 1egg, 1 sausage patty; coffee  (I tried to talk myself into veggies, but after that big bowl of veggie soup last night, I just couldn’t do it!)

Lunch:  LARGE spinach salad with onions and tomatoes, 2tbsps. bleu cheese dressing, a drizzle of balsamic vin, a little over one slice of cajun roast beef; water

Snack:  Whole round of watermelon

Dinner:  Bowl of Kashi cereal (about one cup), 1/2c whole milk, blueberries; water

Dessert:  3 vanilla sandwich cookies; hot tea with Splenda/Sweetleaf

I know — cereal for dinner?  YUP.  That’s what sounded good, so that’s what I had.  Also had dessert.  Still eating the last cookie and drinking my tea right now.  Ahhh!  Sorta relaxing, ya know?  However, nervous about tomorrow.  Worried I’ll be back up over 200.  BLEH.  I wish I could stop worrying but my brain niggles at me and gets on my nerves!  Especially since on a day like this where I wanted a completely different meal after breakfast.  I don’t know why that huge salad sounded so good, but it was EXACTLY what I wanted.  And well, watermelon… YUM.  Overall, the food today was nummy and exactly what I wanted.  Tomorrow, I’m thinking pizza.  Not sure if we could make our own or if we will eat out.  Or maybe we will do breakfast out instead of dinner… I guess we will see.

Well, not going to keep running on and on tonight.  I am tired and should head to bed.  Especially since I really have nothing stellar to talk about.  G’night!


The DAY August 19, 2011

Filed under: August — jewlz280 @ 11:05 pm

Well, today was the DAY!  My oldest started K.  Excitement was everywhere!  LOL  I hope it’s a great day.  😀

For me, I am sitting here doing my usual morning thing.  Youngest got up with us at around 6:30AM.  I am thinking it is just about nap time!  I see droopy eyes!  LOL

OK, now, on to other things.  I realized something yesterday… the simple joy of carrots!  It had been SO long since I just sat down and ate a carrot.  Not that I didn’t allow it when low carbing, but it was always on a salad or in something.  Never just as a food by itself.  Yesterday, for snack, I went to get out my celery and realized, CRAP — almost all my veggies were gone or going bad!  I saw those lovely carrots sitting there and thought, you know, I’m not low carbing so I could just eat THOSE!!  So, I had two medium sized, oh so yummy crunchy carrots.  Ok, shoot me.  I love all veggies!  And it had been SO long since I ate just a regular ol’ carrot!  It was pure heaven and kept me really satisfied.  However, I realized that I HAD to do something with all those veggies.  So, I made my garbage soup.  I didn’t use cream this time, though because I took the time to REALLY puree the crap out of the veggies.  I took a bite to test for texture and decided it was SO good, that I would leave it as is.  I had that for dinner last night and will probably do the same for dinner tonight.  However, NOW my poor fridge is starting to look shabby.  I used up ALL the veggies that were usable (only throwing out two small yellow squashes and one zucchini someone had given us).  I checked the fruit and we are low on EVERYTHING and out of a lot.  I do have salad greens, but only romaine.  The kale that is left might not be any good anymore.  Milk for the kiddos is low.  Butter is almost gone.  Less than half of the eggs.  Aargh!  Lookin’ like a desert in my fridge!  I was going to go today, but I had to drop hubby off and when we got here, I was STARVING.   Should go now, but it’s almost nap time.  UGH.  Never enough hours in the day.  But I’ll figure it out.  Hubby is home and sleeping, so may run to the store when nap time arrives.  Just have to tell the hubby to listen.  And I don’t need to grab a ton, but I do need to grab a few things.  Oldest will be tired after school since he’s not been in a whole year.

Not much to do today other than more laundry, kitchen stuff, and sort youngest’s clothes.  I want to go through his closet later and get out anything that is too small and start putting in some of the winter clothes.  I may even have to move the shelves around.  It needs to be done.  Probably should look over the bills for next week, too.  I was wondering, what do you ladies do in a typical day?  Like, what is your schedule?  I know my schedule is changing due to school.  Usually, I don’t get up and get too active until around 12.  I’ll be getting up around 6, doing the school thing and then back home with youngest to do the usual routine of breakfast.  When we get up to take oldest to school, there’s only a bottle.  So, we’ll be back home for breakfast for both of us.  Then I usually check my email, FB, and here and do my blog.  I stop in there somewhere to clean youngest and his breakfast mess up and then he gets down to play.  We do odds and ends like playing or whatever until around nap time and then I with the housework I can’t do with youngest up — usually picking up toys and dishes, sorting laundry, taking out trash, etc.  From that point on, I don’t usually sit down until after the kiddos are in bed around 8.  I try to take a shower as soon as I lay them down, but sometimes I don’t get to do that.  Just depends.  Either way, I am up and moving almost a solid 8hrs.  I do sit for about an hour for lunch if I can.  I didn’t use to be up and moving that much.  I use to get up and try to do things in the AM, but by lunchtime I’d be like a blob.  I am NOT a morning person.  But it seems if I take the morning easy, I can pretty easily go go go in the afternoon.  Not sure if that will be true of the new school schedule, but we will see.

Speaking of not being a morning person, I don’t think I’m an exercise person, either.  For months, I’ve been saying I should exercise but I have yet to do it.  I don’t know what my problem is!  I am either lazy or don’t like it.  Either way, I’ve not been doing it and I know I should be.  I’d just much rather get exercise from being up and doing things like going walking with my family in the park, working on the house or doing something in the yard.  But I know that I NEED that extra exercise time.  I just haven’t, so far, done that.  And at this point, I don’t know what I need to do to motivate myself.  Cause here is the truth.  Summer is almost over and it’s no longer a matter of ‘I want to do this to feel and look better for summer!’  It’s now going to be Fall soon and I just can’t seem to find any sort of motivation.  blargh.  I want to, but I must not want to enough.  I guess I need to find something or I won’t be getting anywhere!

Well, it is now 10:30 so I think I should get off of here and do SOMETHING.  Maybe go ahead and do some picking up and cleaning in the kitchen before I pick up oldest.  They are only doing partial half days this week, so he will be out soon.  I really should run to the store but I am worried about trying to fit it all in.  I don’t want to cut it too close.  I know I can go and get back in about an hour, but that is if there are few people there, traffic is light, and I don’t forget anything.  LOL  Maybe I can go later.  Guess we will see.


Breakfast:  2 slices LC whole wheat toast with SB butter and RS jelly, 1 egg, 1 sausage patty; coffee

Lunch:  2 slices LC whole wheat bread with PB and honey, apple slices, Cheeze Bits; water (I only had about half of this entire meal — I shared most with oldest!  LOL)

Snack:  Watermelon

Dinner: ‘Garbage’ soup, 2 slices LC whole wheat bread and provolone cheese (I didn’t finish this sandwich — I got full), roast beef (part of a slice, lunch meat style); water

*Didi*  Thanks for the tomato suggestion!  I love them and already eat a ton of them.  I think I am going to go back to omelettes in the AM with veggies and do less bread.  Not sure why it has sounded so good today.  But I ate 6 slices today!  :O  Not doing that tomorrow.  So, I either have to give up toast or sandwiches.  I think it will probably be either or depending on the day.  I don’t typically eat that much.  So, going to try to add a serving of veg. at breakfast and a serving at lunch.  I do fine for snacks and dinner.  I would use leftovers, but that’s rare in my house!  Everyone here eats lots of fruit and veg.  Glad I stocked up at the store today!  LOL

*Miss Catty*  Thanks for that info!  I’m sure just with running around and stuff, my cals will fluctuate.  Like just yesterday and today, I’ve not had desert.  Just not hungry.  But tomorrow I may want it.  I had it for a day or two so just with that, I’ve had fluctuations.  And then I plan on once every week or week and a half having a down day to have whatever.  I really just want to be balanced.  I HAVE been stalled for a while.  🙁  I had a good loss a few weeks ago, but then immediately went back up.  Not sure what was up with that, but it’s been a big slap in the face for me and part of the reason why I feel burned out with most of the idea of dieting.  That’s why the ‘simple’ and more lenient plan for now.  Not to mention youngest is STILL not sleeping through the night!  Aargh!!!!

I can’t think of much more to write about tonight, ladies.  I’m getting VERY tired and suddenly getting heartburn.  I love my ‘garbage’ soup, but for some reason, it gives me heartburn!  It’s mostly celery with a few carrots, a quarter of a head of cabbage, 2 bell peppers, some onion… wait.  I think it’s all that acid in the peppers and onions!  :O  UGH.  And of COURSE I feel a bit hungry now and I keep thinking, man, a couple of those little oranges would be SO good!  I may have them…  there’s always Tums… LOL

G’night chicks… more tomorrow!


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