Yearning for… MYSELF.

Cause I’m not sure who this fat chick is!

Ramblings… May 31, 2011

Filed under: May — jewlz280 @ 2:44 pm

Got in late last night and ended up sleeping in super late this AM.  I will admit to being less than stellar on my diet.  Truth is, I didn’t eat horrid, but I didn’t eat great.  It is what it is.  And normally, Sundays tend to be my high days anyways since that is weigh-in day.  So, I did what I could on Sunday and even did ok Sunday night with only a bite of a gingersnap cookie to the tune of ‘Oh, you HAVE to try this’.  They were made by my cousin who had brought them from out of town with her.  And I will confess, QUITE good!  Then I had one slice of meat lovers pizza on a thin crust.  I was starving and had limited options.  LOL  Monday I TRIED, but my parents just didn’t have a lot in the house.  But when we got home last night, it was a dinner of thin crust pizza with sausage and pineapple, and then soco’s and diet cokes.  I think the alcohol knocked me out!  I am not use to alcohol so a little goes a LONG way.  But today is going to be a better day.  I had LC french toast with sausage for breakfast and a cappuccino.  It would be a lot if it wasn’t after 12!  I slept in LATE and was very hungry.  So, this was really brunch.  And since it is very filling, I more than likely won’t do anything but a protein shake later and then a good dinner.

I just feel worn out.  I have so many things that I need to get done.  But the weekend wiped me out.  The funeral went well and more people showed than what we thought would.  So, it was good.  I think it made my Dad feel better to have so many people there and know that she was so loved.  My oldest wanted to sit with him during the funeral.  It was very sweet and I think it helped him to have his ‘little buddy’ with him.  We gave Granny some hydrangea’s — one of her fave flowers.  And even under the unhappy circumstances, it was good to see some family and old friends.  But I must admit, it really made me think about moving back home closer to family.  I never wanted to move when I was younger.  But when I fell in love with my other half, it felt natural to go wherever we needed to go.  I just thought that if it were meant to be, we would end up there again.  And we did end up close, but it’s been in my mind lately to move back.  I’m not sure if it will happen, but it’s in our mind.  My parents are pretty much alone now with my Granny passing and my Aunt passed a while back.  And then my bro has moved up closer to me.  But not to be close to me.  He’s running from his problems.  Those won’t go away until he faces them and deals with them.  But he won’t listen to me — I’m his ‘little’ sister so he still thinks of me as a kid.  For whatever reason, he also has it stuck in his head that I think I’m better than him.  No IDEA where that came from, but I think because we went different ways in life, he thinks that I think that when in reality, all I think is that he’s my bro and I want to help him and him be happy.  The thing is, that will NEVER happen until he wants it for himself.

Anyways, back to what I was saying… it’s been a long weekend and I am tired.  I know there are things that need to be done, but I would rather just hang out today and take it easy.  We are thinking of going to the pool or going to buy a small one.  Our old one won’t hold air anymore and I’m not sure why.  That’s like, $25 down the tube!  URGH.  But oh well, we would like a slightly bigger one anyways.  I also need to catch up on tons of yardwork and some housework.  But I don’t see that happening today.  One more day won’t matter, I guess.

On to another topic… I did my weigh-in Sunday and was back at 200.5.  Woot Woot!  VERY happy to see that.  Makes me feel like the gain from Vacay was mostly water from my cycle.  I am hoping that means that by next Sunday, I will be under 200 comfortably.  I’d really like to see a 198.?.  THAT would be awesome.  I did a VERY short cycle this time, I guess, so not sure how that will work.  The whole month has been weird!  So, here is to hoping that June will be a good month for weight-loss.

Ok, I feel like I’ve been rambling so I am going to end this now, check a few things, update a few things, and attempt to get going.  Hope all you chicks had a good weekend and I will talk to you again soon!  😀


Crumbled May 28, 2011

Filed under: May — jewlz280 @ 11:38 am

I feel like a crumbled up tissue this morning.  My Mom called earlier this AM to tell me that my Granny had passed away.  She was 99.  I knew it was coming, realistically, but it doesn’t mean I won’t miss her.  Well, not her that had been sick with Alzheimer’s the last few years, but the Granny I use to sit and have coffee with on the weekend.  The one who sewed me so many of my clothes growing up and loved to make me strawberry cakes for my birthday… with real strawberries out of her garden.  It’s just hard to believe her shell is gone because her mind has been gone for a while.  Although, the last time I went to see her, she actually remembered me.  I will always remember her.

So, I am feeling a bit fragile this morning.  I just want to sit and remember her and hug my kids who will never know her.  That just breaks my heart.  She was a wonderful woman who was more like a mother to me than just a grandmother.  I wish I could remember all her stories.  I should’ve been a better granddaughter and written them down.  But I guess we all say that.  Why don’t more of us do it?  *sigh*  I guess it’s just one of those things that we all say we’re going to do but never make the time for.  We all just get so busy with our own lives that we forget to invest the time in other people the way we should.  Especially our extended family.

I don’t really have much else to write about this AM.  I am sad, but I plan on staying on plan and I am having a protein shake as I type.  And then my ‘official’ weigh-in is tomorrow morning.  Not sure what the rest of the weekend will entail now, but I will do my best when I go out of town.  That’s all I got for today, chicks.  Hope you all have a wonderful holiday weekend and are able to stay on-plan.


101 May 27, 2011

Filed under: May — jewlz280 @ 8:49 pm

I had started another post earlier, but decided it wasn’t me and started over.  I had started out the day sort of in a negative mood, and that was NOT what I wanted.  SO, I decided to get up, get a few things done, have a protein shake and GET OVER IT!  It WORKED!  I’m feeling much perkier now and even thinking of taking the kids to the park for a walk.  Mostly just to get us out of the house.  I got the unpacking done except for a handful of things.  I vacuumed again and steamed the floors twice.  I picked up around the house and cleaned the kitchen PLUS the cat’s bathroom downstairs.  Overall, I got a lot of the odds and ends done and I am feeling better.  Now if I could just get rid of the rest of this cold, I’d be one happy camper.  I even remembered to take my vitamins today and went through my ‘stock’ to see what else needed to be re-purchased.  Then when the hubby got up, he got a few things done, too!  So, my day is going much better and I’m glad that I made myself get up and get going.  I wish I’d gotten in a formal workout, but I will be happy if we get to go for a walk.  Maybe Bug can ride his bike — I know he would like that!  I guess I will check the weather here in a bit and see what’s up for the evening.

Other than that, not much has been going on.  The boys have been pretty good other than youngest wouldn’t nap more than like, 30mins.  He usually sleeps for about 2hrs.  Needless to say, that sorta threw a wrench in working out earlier.  I may even try to do my pilates tonight seeing as how I NEED to start making that a habit.  Not sure how I’m going to do it on the days the hubby is home, but I will need to figure it out because I know it works well for me!  I just hate to work out like that in front of him.  I don’t mind doing weights or walking/running, but for some reason I don’t like to do the Pilates!  LOL  I know, weird.  He’s thinking about trying to get in more working out now since school is out for him and some things are getting done around here.  He said he felt relieved to get a rough time-line down, too.  Now if we can only somewhat stick to it!  But he says he would like to get more exercise for stress relief.  I think it would be good for both of us if we could only find the time.

UGH.  Isn’t that always what people use as an excuse?  I know I do.  But really, how do people find the time to work out and work out and work out and STILL have time for everything once they have kids???  My friend said the other day that she works out late at night and finds a way with 3 kids.  BUT, she said she never really had a good run with it until her youngest was older.  You see, all 3 of her kids are in school now but the youngest is part time.  But she says NOW she has dedicated time because she can do it while they are at school.  I couldn’t do that this last year with two at home.  And since one is 5yrs. older than the other, their schedules are very different.  So, I guess having a baby, homeschooling, and all this other stuff was good reason to be busy and it be difficult.  It does give me hope that as the kiddos get older, it might get a bit easier for things like that.  But I do know that other aspects will get harder.  I just don’t know how to fit it all in NOW.  I guess something will just have to give.  The question is what?

You see, I’m not a morning person.  AT ALL.  I’m slow, cranky, and zombie-ish.  I don’t want to really talk, move, or do anything but make breakfast.  The most I do is maybe clean the kitchen since I can stand there and do that while the coffee brews.  And if I do it first thing in the AM, then the kitchen usually stays clean the rest of the day; or at least orderly and easier to clean that evening or the next AM.  After that, I get on FB while drinking my coffee, check email, check here, and if I feel like it I post a new blog.  I don’t usually read until the evening, but it depends on how the kids are, if the hubby is off, etc.  I know that I should probably just have the coffee and then workout.  But by the time I do that, it’s time for the kids snacks.  So, I do that.  Then by the time I do a couple of things, it’s time for naps and that is when I TRY to workout.  I lay youngest down, put on some TV for oldest or start him on some kind of art project (he loves to paint!) and get going.  I try to walk 30mins.  Then 15 of stretching.  Then later if I have the time I try to do the Pilates which is anywhere from 20 to 30mins.  But I’ve not worked out at all for over a month!  UGH.  I just have to find the time.  Afternoon isn’t good — that’s when we do schoolwork, housework, and get everything tied up for the evening.  Then in the evening it’s dinner, time with the kiddos and hubbs, baths, night-time routine, etc.  then kiddos to bed.  At that point, we usually watch a show and then WE go to bed!  And I’ve NEVER been able to workout and go to bed.  I just can’t seem to get calmed down and sleep.  🙁

I know it’s all excuses and I know I should force it in the AM.  Heck, it might even make me more of a morning person!  But so far, I just haven’t been able to bring myself to do it.  I keep thinking that if we had a TV downstairs I would be more apt just because then I know the kiddos would give me at least 30mins. while they watched a little TV in the AM.  Maybe we should just move the TV from up here down there.  Not like we watch it often, so it wouldn’t be too missed!  Or maybe we could move oldests game TV down there.  It is RARELY watched and he needs the storage, so maybe it would do good to move it down there.  Hmmm…. Ideas….

Well, this entry is more than long enough.  It’s taken all day to write off and on!  According to my tracker, this is my 101st post!  I can’t believe I’ve written that many.  So strange.  Anyways, going to get off of here, eat, get the kiddos in bed, and then try to relax.  I should workout since youngest fell asleep and we never made it to the park, but I’m getting a headache.  Maybe tomorrow?  Ugh.  I do horrid on the exercise front!  :O


Pretty Happy! May 26, 2011

Filed under: May — jewlz280 @ 11:35 am

So, I don’t know why but I got up this AM and decided to weigh.  Nothing official, mind you.  I just wanted to see.  I don’t really know why I wanted to see since I’ve NOT been focusing on that and only been getting on the scale when I had planned to.  So, I was pretty darn happy to see 203.5 this AM.  That’s down 2.5lbs!!!  And yesterday was my first ‘low’ day.  Although, I do think I ate more fruit than I should’ve.  Not a ton, but maybe half a cup over all.  You see, my hubby went to the store and he bought bing cherries.  I don’t normally buy them since they are higher in natural sugar, but they are also higher in fiber, too.  I think it’s about 9g of net carbs  for 1/2c.  Which when you really think about it isn’t bad at all!  But overall, I had felt good about yesterday and the moderate day before that.  So, I really felt rewarded to wake up to 203.5 this morning.  It also made me feel like the vacay weight really was water and not fat!  I know I didn’t eat GREAT down there, but I did make an effort to not eat horridly the whole time and make better decisions.  I DID eat a lot of salad down there!  You chicks know how I love my salad!  And not a singe illness other than this darn cold I picked up!  Aargh.  Thankfully I’m feeling a bit better today.  But I did go to bed earlier than I thought I would.  I had planned on staying up late to watch a movie, but instead watched a TV show and went to bed.

I am VERY happy to feel a bit better today.  I did end up doing a bit of cleaning last night.  Nothing drastic, but some vacuuming and picking up the kitchen.  I didn’t want to over-do, but I am just sick of how it looks already.  LOL  I plan on doing some more later!  I also need to do some more unpacking and maybe get laundry going.  I would LOVE to really clean my floors tonight, but it looks like more rain is rolling in, so I’m not sure how realistic it is to clean them.  I may go ahead and at least do the back half of the house and maybe the kitchen, but leave the dining room since that is where the dogs tend to track in the most yuck.  The kids rooms just need vacuuming and dusting, thankfully.  I also would like to do a quick clean of the downstairs.  I won’t get to it all today for sure, but I need to get back on track with the house so we can get going on some projects.  Believe it or not, we sat down yesterday and went over the schedule to make a rough plan for projects.  It really lightened my head and heart to get it down on the calendar again just so that we had an IDEA of what we were going to do and get done.  If we can just do half, I will be happy!  But we have 3 or 4 big projects down to work on.  And as long as nothing major happens, I am thinking we will finally make some progress that will be REALLY good for us.  I know we will still have a lot to finish, but if we can just make some headway on what was started before, I will feel like we are going towards the finish line.

Another thing we did yesterday was to call about the damage from the storms.  I really don’t see the purpose in using the insurance for the cars — mostly because both are paid off and the deductibles are high.  Not to mention mine is an ’03 and what was damaged on it would be cheaper and easier for us to do ourselves.  I think I can find a hood fairly cheap OR we may have a friend of the hubb’s fill, sand, and paint the one we have.  I think that would be the best option.  The only other things damaged were the vent visors around the windows and I can just buy new ones at the car shop like Advance.  I am think that if we do it ourselves, we’re talking about $300-400.  If the insurance does it they are going to want to take it somewhere to do it and the amount will go up.  And our deductible is 1k, so it just seems pointless.  Not to mention we will lose our no claims status which in the end would make our rates go up.  But as for the house, well, we will just have to wait to see if there is indeed damage and if so, what that number is.  If we end up doing the roof/gutters, we are just going to pay the 1k deductible and the difference for them to go ahead and do the soffits.  I am pretty sure if they do the gutters they will have to do the facia, too.  Even though all of that is fairly new.  That alone would knock several things off of our To-Do list.  We had already planned on doing the roof this Fall — along with the soffit’s.  But if someone is going to be doing the work, might as well do it all and just be done.  If we are able to do our list and then the insurance takes care of the roof stuff, that will only leave us finishing paint outside and then deciding on the backyard.  I am thinking of soliciting a few landscapers to get ideas for the backyard.  I may not hire out for it, but I would love some new ideas.  Our ideas are pretty great, I think!  But maybe they could help with a better layout.  I guess we will see!

All of this talk of work is making me feel productive!  LOL  And it makes me feel good about what is going on in my life right now even if it came on the tail-end of drama.  I don’t know why, but feeling more positive on the house makes me feel more positive even on the weight-loss front.  I mean, I know we are going to be busy but I am still thinking that we will make good progress!  The idea of all that good stuff just makes me want to stick to my diet and see progress, there, too!  I DO know that exercise may be an issue at times, but as long as I am MOVING, I am not going to be too hard on myself.  My Granny is 99 and never exercised a day in her life.  I think she’s 120 now (which is very low), but for the most of her life she was always slim.  Not because she dieted or exercised but because she was always moving.  Every day of her life, she gardened, cleaned, worked on little projects, and stayed busy.  Knowing that life is how it is in modern society, I’m not as busy as she was so I DO need formal exercise, but I am NOT going to consider it defeat if I spend a day of working in the garden or on the house instead of walking on the treadmill and pilates.  Man, I sound so positive right now!  I sure hope this sticks around!

On a side note here…. If you ever want to get motivated to do things, watch that show ‘Hoarders’ on A&E.  I’m telling you, nothing like seeing other people’s mess to make you want to clean your own life up.  I know I don’t have a tendency to hoard, but I’ve seen it in real life and it can be a battle.  So watching this show and seeing how these people live can really make you want to do something NOW before things get out of hand.  Weightloss really is the same.  I know it sounds like a stretch, but it’s not.  ‘Things’ and ‘pounds’ can pile up in the same way.  A few things here, a few things there, and day after day of just sitting something on top of those piles and before you know it, your whole couch is covered.  The same happens with weight.  You gain a few here, you gain a few there and if you keep letting it go, over time you’ve gained 30lbs!  Or MORE!  I guess that is why I keep fighting the fight of weight-loss.  It DOES get tiring and old, but at the same time I guess it’s a lot like housework — you have to keep doing it or it gets out of control.  And anyone that knows me knows that I like a clean and neat house — as much as is possible with kids!  LOL  So, I guess I’m going to keep ‘cleaning’ my diet and exercise.  Knocking out a section at a time like Spring cleaning and then trying to maintain past that.  Little by little.  Knowing that I will always have to keep at it, but as I finish these ‘projects’ it will be easier to maintain.

Ok, ok.  Enough rambling!  I am going to get off of here and decide what to do with this day.  I know it’s cleaning and maybe a project, but I’m not sure what I want to do first.  Have a great day, chicks!



Filed under: May — jewlz280 @ 11:26 am

I am NOT a happy camper this morning.  The youngest was up like, 3 times last night and I feel awful!  On top of that, I am still sick, on my cycle, and already worn out from traveling so I REALLY feel like poop.  I was hoping to get up today and feel great and be able to get a few things done around here.  The house really feels gross to me and I want to clean it so that starting next Monday, we can work on some projects.  I was just telling the hubby that we need to go over the calendar and PLAN on working on certain projects at certain times so that we have some time set aside to knock some of these things out.  Like, the bathroom, foyer, and back door.  Those are all things that need to be done and soon.  Our project list is pretty long and the only way we are going to make progress is if we get organized about it.  It will also help us to stress less if we are getting a plan/budget together.  Most of the budget stuff is done because we already have the supplies.  So, at this point it’s really about budgeting our time!  I would REALLY like to knock out 3 or even 4 projects in the next month.  I feel like I really need June to be productive.  But at this rate, not going to happen because I am so physically exhausted!  The hubbs goes back on nights tonight, so I hope that the kiddos give me a break and SLEEP.

Slowly getting back to eating better.  I had a moderate carb day yesterday.  With being ill, tired, etc., I didn’t want to drop too low and make myself feel worse or shock my system too much.  But I figure I can afford a day or two to drop it down and not have too many issues.  So, going to go even lower today.  Not Atkins low, but still lower.  Then I am thinking tomorrow will be a typical low day.  At least I think that’s how it will go.  I may end up eating lower today than what I planned.  Who knows.  When I’m at home, I just tend to naturally eat lower carb because we just don’t keep the stuff around.  Either way, getting there and making a move to better food.

Not sure what I’m going to do for exercise right now.  I may just try to go down and walk on the treadmill here in a while once youngest goes down for a nap.  Just depends on how I feel since I usually don’t work out if I don’t feel well.  But I think walking would be ok.  Just no jogging or heavy stuff.  But after all that walking in FL, I feel like I might as well keep it up!  I also just read a study that said that walking was the absolute best thing you could do to help skin — as in sag and cellulite.  I don’t have much sag (I’ve not lost enough to see it, yet) but I do have cellulite.  I noticed a difference when I was walking every day for at least 30min.  So, I for sure want to keep that up.  The benefits of walking are just too many to be ignored!  I hope I can do more stretching and pilates.  I enjoy the pilates because it REALLY tones me up and I look back at pics from where I was doing it regularly and WOW did I look GOOD!  Not that I look horrid now, but I looked good for sure then!  lol  Just got to find the time to fit it all in.

Not much else to talk about this AM.  I am still groggy and out of whack.  I LOVE vacation, but it does throw me off.  Not just diet wise, but everything wise.  LOL  I have to admit, though, that I have felt a certain amount of discontent coming home this time.  I’m not sure why that is or what to do about it.  I’ve always tried to be this person who lived in the moment and didn’t always just fantasize about the future.  I like to plan for the future, but with the thought in mind that it’s not guaranteed and that plans can change in any given second.  So, dealing with this discontent is hard.  I do really wonder if it is because there IS so much drama with family in this area that we just haven’t gotten as attached as we could be.  Maybe that means I need to make more of an effort and let the other things slide.  I really wish that the family drama was something I could let go, but no matter how much I try, it always ends up rearing it’s ugly head at some point.  How do you let go of those negative feelings and move on?  I’ve especially tried for my husband, but the hurt is so deep for me that it’s been hard.  I have tried to be forgiving, but the anger is still there.  But I don’t want to carry that anger around with me.  Or the resentment.  But even with telling myself to let it go, it’s there.  And for the sake of others, I can’t do anything else to deal.

Keep in mind, this isn’t something that rears it’s head daily.  It’s randomly when other issues come up and then all these old issues come down with it and it’s like it’s happening all over again.  I guess that’s really what bothers me is that it’s the same crap over and over and OVER again!  I just feel like screaming, GROW UP!!!!  I know, easier said than done.  Okay, that’s enough grumbling for now.  Going to go and attempt to get more awake and make today a good day.  Even though I feel like poop, I’ve got to at least TRY!


Home May 24, 2011

Filed under: May — jewlz280 @ 12:32 pm

I am indeed finally home!  I am not super happy about it.  LOL  I would much rather be down in sunny FL soaking up the sun, sitting in that big pool, and hangin’ with the fam.  Instead, I’m back home and back to the real world.  Bleh.  Sucks, but it is what it is!  Can you tell we had a good time?  teehee!  We really did have a good time!  And I guess some small part of me is probably happy to be home, but I’m not feeling it.  I guess mostly because good ol’ TN has never really felt like home to me.  Even though middle TN is where I was born and raised.  But is that because TN isn’t right or because I haven’t given it as much of a chance as I should’ve?  I’m not sure anymore.  All I know is, I already miss FL.  I just love the lifestyle down there.  I’m not sure what exactly it is that appeals, but it just felt so good to be down there and away from the drama of here.  Maybe that’s the real appeal!  LOL

SO, as I promised, I weighed in.  I actually weighed in yesterday when I got up from my nap.  The number is…………… 206.  I’m okay with that!  That’s a 5.5lb. gain, but overall I don’t think that is bad since I pretty well ate what I wanted but tried to not be horrid.  I also started my cycle.  So, overall, I am not feeling bad at all with that number with an afternoon weight, after vacay, AND starting my cycle!  😀  And did I mention I’m sick?  UGH.  I got some sort of cold while down there, and I was fine until the night before we were flying home.  I’d run a fever one night, but it had gone as quick as it had come.  But the night before flying home, I was up coughing all darn night!  As a result, I feel like crud today.  I’m sure that has bearing on weight, too.  Either way, I’m not concerned and like I said, I feel pretty good with that number.

So, what’s the plan now?  Well, first and foremost we have to re-stock the entire house.  The fridge is so empty, it looks like a ghostland!  We actually ended up doing take-out last night just because there wasn’t a single thing to eat other than some old sweet potatoes, onions, and condiments.  LOL  And anything the housesitter left.  Which I won’t eat!  Not that she’s gross or anything, just not the type of things I eat.  She’s young and a college kid, but overall her food was good.  Just not what I eat.  I also have a lot of cleaning to do.  Overall, the house isn’t bad but I knew there would be some build up after being gone for two weeks and someone different staying in my house.  She did ok, but it’s just not the same as me being here and doing the cleaning.  I really should do it today, but I just can’t.  I feel like crud.  Maybe tomorrow.

Plan of action?  Get back to better eating and make more time for exercise.  I did a TON of walking in FL and believe it or not, it wasn’t too hard!  I thought I would drop dead but really, it wasn’t bad at all.  But I still feel like I need to be doing more.  I need to have my exercise more focused and more about me.  I just have to find the time.  Hopefully I can make it during nap time.  lol  That was working pretty well for a while and then it all went to crap and it needs to come back.  I am also hoping that now that we’ve conquered FL with youngest, he will be able to ride in the stroller more for park walks.  I’m just not a runner.  Walking is what feels good to me and that’s what I’m going to do.  Just got to find a good time and make it a habit!  Eating should be better once I finally have groceries.  The hubbs is going to the store in a bit, actually, so I should be able to eat better the rest of tonight and tomorrow.  Hopefully I can go back to low tomorrow.  I actually ate pretty low at breakfast!  LOL  But we will be eating leftovers for lunch here in a bit and I know that won’t be very low.  LOL  But dinner should be.

Well, I really should get off of here and do some lunch for me and the boys.  I’m not starving, but I don’t want to get to that point with being sick.  It knocks my whole eating when I’m hungry thing off.  Plus I hate to be wasteful.  So, off I go to feed everyone and try to rest.  I will attempt to start trying to catch up on blogs later today.  But I am behind by almost two weeks so I don’t think I will be able to!  But I will try!  Later chickies.


Vacay — The First Days May 13, 2011

Filed under: May — jewlz280 @ 7:36 pm

WHEW!  It’s been a whirlwind already!  So, today, we decided to attempt to take it easy.  We’re hanging out at the resort, swimming, and you guessed it… EATING!  I am TRYING to be sorta good, but man is it hard with all the nummy stuff here!  I already feel bloaty.  LOL  I am trying to be good for at least the majority of my meals but snack hasn’t been good the last couple of days.  But breakfast and snack have been moderate — which is what I had planned.  I’m just surprised I am even able to write right now!  I guess since we’re having a down day, I’m able to just sit here for a change.  We are worn out from the pool, waiting for food to come, and the boys are playing.  So, I’m getting to just sit for a bit.  NICE!

So, with all this eating and stuff, I fully expect to gain like, 10lbs.!  LOL  I am trying not to be too rough on myself because I knew I would probably gain some on vacay.  And I also know that I’m not being horrid.  And that I don’t want to stress myself out or be worse just because I’m upset over a number.  So, I may not weigh when I get home.  I may not weigh until the end of the month just because I don’t want to psych myself out over just vacation bloat.  Especially since I know that vacation is two weeks out of the year.  The other 50 I’m pretty good.  And heck, I’m not being horrid now.  But I am enjoying myself.  The pool here is just AWESOME.  The kiddos are loving it!  We haven’t been to Disney, yet.  We are thinking of going Monday since we are thinking that the weekday will be less busy AND the launch is that day so we’re hoping that will mean the park is less packed.  Not to mention, most places are still in school.  But we’ll get there eventually!

Tomorrow, we’re going to go see some old military friends.  We haven’t seen them in at least 4yrs.!  So, it will be nice to drive over and see them.  We have some other friends we want to try to see, too, but I know that at least one of them has a wedding this weekend.  So, they will probably be next weekend.  The other friend I haven’t heard from, yet.  I sure hope she’s ok.  Her updates on FB haven’t sounded too happy lately.  I haven’t seen her in so many years.  I sure hope to see her, but I DO understand if she has a lot going on right now and doesn’t have time.  I AM a bit nervous to see them just because it’s been so long.  Not that I’ve changed much.  I think I am a bit heavier for one friend (the one I may not see) but the others have seen me at this weight.  Heck, probably higher!

I do wish I had lost a bit more before vacay, but you know overall I think I’m good.  They’re my friends and love me the way I am.  I am trying to look at myself with my friends eyes more than I use to.  I think I am too hard on myself.  People that know me may look at me and think, oh she’s gained some.  But they aren’t as judgmental as I sometimes think I don’t believe.  And not nearly as hard on me as I am on me.  I know I am not that way to them, so why be to myself?  And I have to be honest, vacation helps with that.  I came here to this nice resort and I see all kinds of women with all kinds of body shapes and weights and in the end, we’re just all different.  Some heavier, some taller, some older.  It’s all about perspective.  And I think for a long time mine has been skewed.  I’ve seen myself as this ugly fat person when that isn’t who I am at all.  I’m only 5’4″, but I have a nice hourglass body shape so I carry my weight well.  I have a nice face shape and nice skin.  My eyes are a nice blue and I have cute toes and a cute nose.  I LOVE my fingernails.  I am diggin’ my current red hair, but I look great with natural black/brown, too.  I have long eyelashes and my hair is usually pretty easy to work with.  I know how to dress… well, most of the time and I’m not afraid to try new things with my hair, make-up, or clothes.  I’m smart.  I really am!  LOL  And I’m creative.  I’m a weird mix of art and brains but with a very conventional side.  Overall, I’m this pretty darn cool chick who just happens to weigh a bit more than I would like.  So, I am going to STOP mentally bashing myself.  I WILL.

I am not saying I’m giving up on weightloss.  Far from it.  I am still going to lose this weight but I have GOT to stop focusing on just a number.  I’m getting there and I realize that.  I really am learning and changing.  And it’s about time since I just turned 31!  HA!  So, my point is I am not going to get down just because I’m having some fun on vacation.  I am going to relax, have a good time, attempt to be pretty good, and then keep working when I get home.  Yup.  That’s the plan and I’m stickin’ to it!

Well chicks, I am SURE the hubbs will be back soon so I am going to go.  Sorry I am going to be so far behind on blogs, but until I have another day of just sitting around, etc., I won’t be able to catch up.  I’m not even sure how often I will be able to blog over the next couple of weeks.  And yes, we’re on vacation for nearly two weeks.  I’m not sure why so many people think that is so strange, but apparently people think it’s weird we take 2 week vacations.  I mean, I just feel like if we’re going to go, go and make it worth it, ya know?  Ok, ok.  Going for real.  G’night chicks!


Almost! May 10, 2011

Filed under: May — jewlz280 @ 2:06 pm

Well, it’s almost time to go!  In less than 24hrs., we will be almost to Orlando.  Woot!  I’m excited to get outta town, go to Disney, see some friends, and just have some fun!  I know I will still have to do some things like dishes and laundry, but not nearly as much!  LOL  And I can’t wait to see the look on oldest’s face when we get to Disney.  I’m thinking he’s going to be blown away!!!

I’m already feeling tired, though.  I spent most of yesterday folding and putting things away, packing, running errands, taking care of kiddos, and working on lists.  I was up until 2:30AM!  :O  And already, I’ve mowed our one acre yard, folded more laundry, washed another couple of loads and been running around like crazy.  I decided after knocking out about half of my list, it was time to sit and drink some water… ok, LOTS of water, eat a snack, and rest.  Then I will fold yet another load of laundry, go down and switch out the last load, do some more dishes, and some more packing.  Then after the kiddos are in bed, all I will have are the last minute things.  YAY!  I hope to get to bed before 2.  That’s my goal.  LOL  Earlier if I can swing it!

My hubby talked me into weighing today.  No loss.  Still 200.5.  But I’m not bummed.  First of all, that means that my weight loss the first cycle was real.  Second, I’ve been doing a TON of stuff over the last few days so I’m sure I’m retaining since many parts of my body are sore.  Third, I believe I’m ovulating, and many people think you tend to retain a bit then.  I am thinking I do, too.  Fourth, I didn’t really get a full cycle and because I was afraid of the shorter cycle, I didn’t have an all out high carb time like I would normally do.  SO, all in all, I’m happy with where I am.  I am just hoping that I can continue to maintain it.  I really don’t see myself losing while on vacation.  I will still weigh-in in the AM, but I’m not going to let it get to me one way or another.  Since I did say before that it would be the official day, I will stick to it, weigh, and record whatever it is.

I had the BEST soup last night.  I had some random veggies that were about to go bad so I decided to turn them all into soup.  And anything that didn’t get finished would be frozen.  I only had a few of each thing, so it really worked out!  The bulk of the soup was celery.  I would have never imagined it would be so good and so satisfying!  I even left the leaves of the celery on which was fantastic!!!  I will never waste that stuff again for sure.  I just put them in the pot, sauteed with oil for a bit, threw in some water and bouillon, some garlic/onion seasoning, parsley, and let it cook for about 30mins.  Then I took all of it and pureed it in a blender in batches and put it back in the pot.  Then I added heavy cream and black pepper and let it cook a bit more.  OH NOM NOM NOM!!!!  I had that with some imported bologna.  Normally I wouldn’t have bologna for a meal (I use it for snack plates) but there was a bit left and it would’ve ruined before we got back.  I REALLY hate to waste food, so that is what the last few days have been about.  My fridge REALLY looks barren!  LOL  But at least I won’t come home to sour and rotten food!

Well, I really should get back to work.  Not to mention I am sure the kiddos are hungry since one just came inside and the other just woke up.  So, here I go to feed the troops and finish up my stuff!  Later chickies!


Unbelievable May 9, 2011

Filed under: May — jewlz280 @ 11:16 am

I got and UNBELIEVABLE amount of work done yesterday!  I know it was Mother’s Day and I probably could’ve taken it easy, but what I REALLY wanted was to get some work done.  I did several loads of laundry, including all the blankets and pillows I could find.  I have Pier One pillows, so I was able to take most of the covers off and wash them on gentle.  Now that I’ve done that and they came out good, not sure if I will ever buy cheapo pillows again!  They look like NEW!  Woot!  I also got the entire downstairs REALLY clean.  I even steamed the floors.  I think that is the cleanest our family room/playroom and guest room have been in a while!  I even got the stuff in our storage area cleaned and organized!  :O  AND, my little office.  Craziness.

On top of the wonderful downstairs (lol), I got a lot done upstairs.  I got some of the baby’s things ready for our trip.  I SCRUBBED the kitchen down again and cleaned out a big chunk of the fridge.  Mostly just some odds and ends leftovers and then I decided to go through and check condiments, etc.  I threw out 3 or 4 things.  My fridge is looking really empty!  But that’s good — I’d rather be really empty than come home to rotten stuff.  Bleh!  Then I got my dining room picked up and dusted.  And I vacuumed.  I need to vacuum again today and steam the floors.  Dust the LR.  Put a few more odds and ends that are laying around away.  Do the last bit of laundry and fold/put it away.  I also need to start the process of packing.  I do have a few errands I need to do this afternoon as soon as the hubby gets up.  If I go alone, I can get it all done MUCH faster than dragging the boys.  I may take the oldest with me, but leave youngest here with Dad.  I am going to *try* to hold nap off for youngest as late as I can so that when we leave for oldest’s swim class, we can run around and do our stuff as soon as class is over.  That way his nap time and hubby sleeping overlap.  teehee!

SO busy busy busy!

I finally ate salad!  AND… no issues.  I am VERY glad it isn’t the salad itself!  I kept it simple with a caesar salad, just in case.  So, this was just a head of romaine that we bought, washed, and chopped ourselves.  Now I know that romaine and spinach are fine for me.  It HAD to be something in the way the pre-bagged is made.  I haven’t had the horrible pains since I stopped eating it.  That’s not to say I will never have that happen again, because it could, but for now, I am thankful that I am not having it!  I worry the most about eating at restaurants.  You just never know what they use or how well they clean it!  And since I am sensitive to whatever, well, it makes me nervous to eat a salad at a restaurant now.

Other than the salad worries, things are going well!  I think I ate a bit out of cycle last night, though…. I had some black beans.  I know it isn’t horrid, but after all the cleaning I was ravenous and I knew the hubbs had packed them for his dinner, so I had some with mine.  I had some chicken and a zucchini.  Since it was just me, I threw the chicken in, browned it, and then threw in the zucchini.  MAN was it good!  It seared it really fast and took on this great flavor without being too stir-fry-ish.  I know it probably was only about 5g extra of carbs, but normally I don’t eat any fruit except a bit of berries, NO beans, NO bread, or anything else but meat and veg and a bit of good fat.  So, I am feeling a bit guilty over the beans.  BUT, I am NOT going to beat myself up!  I love beans and I know that once I go to maintenance, they will likely be a good part of my diet.  I also ate one slice of LC bread Sat., but it was that or not eat.  I was in a hurry and the hubby made me eggs.  I needed to go so I threw them on the bread.  The bread is also about 5g so I don’t think it will do too much.  Other than those two items, I’ve not really had even moderate carbs.  Just natural ones!  😀

I am nervous for weigh-in on Weds. morning and ALMOST weighed this morning just to get an idea of where I was at.  But I talked myself out of it because I don’t want to see a low number and then if it goes up a bit on Weds. be disappointed.  Does that make sense?  Not that I think the number will, but we all know how fickle the day to day weighing can be!  So, I told myself to be patient and just wait until Weds. morning.  The other thing is that I worry I won’t see a loss.  I’ve been pretty darn good, but what if it hasn’t budged?  I’m definitely moving a lot and I’m definitely eating when I feel real hunger and I am definitely staying away from most carbs.  But what if it doesn’t move???  I’m not sure what I’ll do.  Well, I know that I will still go on vacay and eat the best I can.  I know I will be doing a lot of walking, swimming and kid chasing.  I just don’t know what I will do when I get home!

The bad part is that I don’t even know what I am expecting.  I know I hope to be under 200 since at the last weigh-in I was 200.5, but other than that, I’m not sure what I’m hoping to see!  Don’t you need to have an idea of what you want to see to feel disappointed?  It would be nice to lose 4, I think.  That would put me at 196.5.  But I guess I just don’t want to hope for too much.  Although 4 would really only be around 2 per week which is good.  But I think after not losing for 3 weeks, that seems somewhat ambitious to me!  Even if the first 2 week cycle was a 4.5lbs. loss.  I keep thinking that maybe it was a fluke!  Or even water!  But I’ve been on LC for so long, not sure how it could be water…  I know, I know, I’m over-thinking.  Eh, it’s what I do!  But I can’t help but think and wonder.  Not to mention I’m a bit worried since my cycle is going to be short 3 days.

OH!  I forgot that I need to change my weigh-in chart!  I am going to do the weigh-in on this Weds (11th) and then I will weigh-in when I come back from vacay (24th).  Then my next ‘official’ weigh-in will be on the following Sunday (29th).  I guess I should go update that now and then get going.  It’s after 11 already and I need to get a bunch done before I go to run errands and do swim.  Plus, I am sure I will get hungry soon so I need to eat, too!  BUSY BUSY!  And I have about one hour.  I think I can do it!  😀  Have a great day, chickies!


8 Hours May 8, 2011

Filed under: May — jewlz280 @ 9:42 am

I know it’s only been about 8 hours since I posted my blog last night, but it was a quickie and not a full detail blog.  LOL  Although, now that I am up and moving, I’m not sure I even remember what I wanted to talk about!  I am just too tired.  Although, the baby only got up the one time last night so I’m not doing too rough.  How are all you ladies doing out there???  Oh, and Happy Mother’s Day to those with little one’s — human and furry!  😀

I went to finish up my shopping yesterday.  I went to JCPenney’s and Kohl’s.  Ended up not buying anything at Penney’s, though.  I did find one shirt, but I kept thinking it didn’t really ‘feel’ like me and it was $30.  But it was this bright lime green plaid top.  I think part of the issue is that it was an XL and *gasp* I think I needed an L.  :O  Yup.  It was HUGE.  I thought it was just the cut until I got to Kohl’s.  Then a couple of the tops THERE seemed way too big.  Not to mention I tried on bras (I’m desperate!) and where the bras use to feel tight and pinch, they felt great!  I got Lilyette.  Seems like those and Maidenform fit me pretty well.  But honestly, I like the Lilyette a bit better.  They’re just more comfy with the wider band, wider straps, and fuller cup.  BUT, the stance is still low so that they don’t show in your shirts.  I just loved it!  I got two — one black and one nude.  And 3 pairs of undies.  I know it cost a small fortune, but it was SO worth it.  I have been chucking my old bras.  I’m sick of falling straps, hard to hook, constantly rolling bras.  And I was tired of feeling like the girls were dragging.  LOL

Other than the bras and undies, I bought two shirts and two pairs of shorts and one set of earrings.  I hadn’t planned on the earrings!  But when I got them home I noticed they were a bit crunched.  So, I may have to take those back.  I like the look on, but I don’t know if I love them enough to put up with the weird bend in them.  So, I may take them back.  The shorts, well, I got the shorts because I am out of time and I need one more pair.  But I don’t LOVE them.  So, I may take them back.  The tops, well, I like them a LOT, but I am thinking one should be a size smaller.  If not both.  That’s always awesome!  Not to mention I am SURE we will probably shop while we are down in Orlando.  The resort we are staying at is very close to shopping and since we are going to be there for so long, I know we’ll go shopping.  Maybe I should take the earrings and the shorts back and just wait on that stuff until I get to FL.  That is sounding more and more like what I want to do.

Speaking of vacation, I’ve been looking over my calendar and I guess I am going to have to weigh-in early.  No other way of doing it.  So, I will be weighing-in Weds. morning before we leave.  I know that cuts my cycle a bit early (like 3 days) but I have no other way to do it other than to take a scale with me.  Andddd…. since we’re flying I’m not willing to do that.  LOL  And what is my plan for vacay?  I plan on eating moderately while we are there.  I have no illusions of losing, but I hope that whatever weight I see on Weds. AM, I am able to maintain.  We are renting a condo, so I am hoping that I will be able to have pretty good food without eating out every meal.  And even then, I am going to try to make good food choices.  BUT, if I don’t have access to something, I’m just going to go with the flow.  Not worth the stress.  My goal really is to be good most of the time.  Yup.  MOST.  LOL

OK, well, I guess now that I’ve told you of shopping and of plans for weigh-in and food, I should go.  I need to get up from here and get started on my day.  I am thinking I really want to get this house cleaned up before we leave so that I don’t come home to dirtiness.  I don’t have a ton to do, but I’d like to get the bedrooms picked up really well, all the laundry done, and maybe even the floors cleaned today.  Then tomorrow maybe dusting and other odds and ends like dishes, etc.  Then Tuesday it will be all about last minute things and maintaining the clean.  LOL  I also need to drag out the suitcases today.  UGH.  I guess I’ll put the stuff back under the stairs if I drag those out.  Might as well knock out as much as I can at once, ya know!?!  I will have to finish organizing all that stuff when we get back from vacay.  I won’t even tell you all the coolness that we are doing to turn our staircase into functional hidden storage.  teehee!

OK, have a great day ladies!!!


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