Yearning for… MYSELF.

Cause I’m not sure who this fat chick is!

Day 3 and final April 30, 2011

Filed under: April — jewlz280 @ 4:40 pm

Today is the 3rd day that I have so far had no issues.  And it’s almost 1 o’clock!  Sadly, it has to be something in the salad.  I really think it’s the wash and I just happen to be sensitive to it.  I am going to try having a salad at dinner, but I am sure going to wash the heck out of it!  If I still get an upset tummy, then I’ll know it’s some sort of allergy/sensitivity to greens.  But boy will that suck.  I can’t even fathom the suckiness of that.  How ironic would it be for someone who actually LOVES salads to be allergic???  I call B freakin’ S!!!!  But I am hoping that by washing the salad, I will feel ok.  Heck, I may just throw that bag out and buy a head of romaine while I’m out.  The thought of the pre-bagged makes me feel icky now!  But I really hate to be wasteful.  UGH.

Tomorrow is my surprise for the hubbs.  I really hope I can pull this off!  I need to run around a bit this afternoon after he heads off to work.  Hopefully the kiddos will cooperate!  Not going to do anything crazy — just get a couple of DVD’s he’s been wanting, make his German chocolate cake, and a nice card.  I even thought about going shopping for him, but it’s hard to with the kiddies.  I’ll be doing good to get the DVD’s and the cake!  LOL  I am thinking of just going to Target to get it all because they should have the movies, cards, and our Target has grocery.  Easier than trying to make two or three stops.  And I am debating on whether or not I should hand make the German Chocolate or buy the pre-made.  In the end, they’re the same thing!  LOL  I mean, home made from scratch is always good, but really cake is cake and since I don’t recall ever making the ‘icing’ for German Chocolate cake, not sure if I can find a good recipe to make it.  OH Crap.  The baby has gotten up early!!!!  Like, over an HOUR early!!!!  Please go back to sleep!!!  DADGUM!  I’m going to have to finish this later.  🙁

Ok, I’m back.  The hubby is up and has the kiddos, but I am not going to have long because he will need to leave for work here in half an hour.  So, I may have to fly through this and I hope I don’t forget anything.  That, or I will have to finish it tonight after I get them all in bed.  Well, if it’s not too late.  They were in early last night, but I think that might’ve been a fluke!  LOL

Got a phone call this evening from the bride of the wedding I am in come August.  And she says that due to one of the other bridesmaids getting preggo, she is having to make some changes to the dresses and wants us all to meet tomorrow at David’s Bridal.  Then she says we need to all order our dresses or we won’t get the discount.  Crap.  Hadn’t really planned on buying mine until June.  And then she says that instead of us getting to pick the dress we want, now that all 4 dresses have to be ordered that she would rather us match.  Ok……   So, tomorrow will be a busy day.  I have that at noon, then my nails, and then I need to try to find some shorts.  We are thinking of going on vacation to Disney this year in just a couple of weeks and I realized that I have NO shorts that are my current size.  Which would be like, 16 I am thinking or 14W.  I’m not even sure where to look, but I know I don’t want to spend a ton so I am thinking of hitting Ross, Marshalls, and then JCPenney and Kohls as a last resort.  I am only going to buy two pairs.  I think I have 8 pairs of 14’s!  I may try those on just to see where I’m at, but I don’t think any of them will fit.  Hmmm… thinking I may cancel my nails since tomorrow is Sunday and the store hours are already going to be limited.  Yup.  Going to cancel for now.  Ohhh… and don’t think I’ll do salad tonight just in case.  So, guess the title is no longer accurate!  LOL

Did Pilates last night, but only my lower body.  I tried to do the Ab Scissors, but I couldn’t.  I’m either horribly out of shape in that area, or I was doing them wrong.  I tried several times and couldn’t.  So, I ended up only doing one ab exercise.  I think I did 50 of those, but I lost count!  You do increments of 10 to 20 and I am pretty sure I did 5, 10 rep increments.  Blast it, but I couldn’t remember how to do the other ab ones or even the arm ones!  I’m going to look those up and have them ready for tonight.  I didn’t even do the exercises from before.  My memory is lapsing!  LOL

I am thinking of doing intermittent fasting along with the lowered carbs and carb cycling.  My natural rhythm is to not eat breakfast.  But for years, I’ve tried to force it and I am thinking now that instead of doing that, I am going to wait and eat when I am ready.  Many days, that’s not until lunch time.  I guess I would be doing somewhat intuitive eating, too, then!  LOL  Boy am I mixing up a lot.  Anyways, I just feel like here lately I need to not ‘force’ down breakfast.  If I’m not feeling hungry, I don’t know why I should eat.  For years, I’ve heard, well, you’ll mess up your metabolism!  But new studies are showing that may not be true.  Especially if it isn’t something that comes ‘natural’ to you.  So, I am thinking of not eating past a certain time at night and then not eating breakfast until I actually feel hungry.  And when I do, I will eat a breakfast that satisfies without stuffing.  Like some eggs with veggies and cheese and then fresh fruit or maybe bacon.  In other words, I’ll stick to low carb.  That way, I’m listening to my body, eating what is good for it since I know carbs and I don’t do well, and I’m not starving.  Turns out, the process of ‘starvation’ can take MONTHS.  The term really is overused in today’s society.  I still want to do more research, but this feels right and I figure if I am following the natural path of my body, it may kick me back into a path of great weight loss.

I think that over the years (as I am 31 now) I have slowly but surely been getting to the place where I feel like instead of following what ‘diet’ or ‘plan’ people say we SHOULD follow, I’m now trying to LISTEN to what my body is trying to say.  So far, it’s told me that too low carb isn’t realistic long term.  Too high carb makes me ill, makes me fat, makes me MEAN.  That having a ‘cheat’ day now and then (as in carb cycling) helps me stay balanced.  And now I feel like it is telling me to let it follow it’s own path.  I’m not going to lie, this trip has been HARD!  And the lessons slowly learned.  But I feel like I am finally getting to where I need to be and finding what works for my body.  I think for a long time, I was listening to whatever fad was going on or what worked for other people and not just paying attention to what was working for me.  But now, now I am starting to feel like I have found what will work for me for the rest of my life.  I don’t know if these other tweaks will fit, but the only way to know if it is right for me is to try it and see how I feel.  I’m not necessarily going to follow the scale for this — more about how I FEEL.  Doesn’t matter if you lose if you feel like crap.  LOL  So, I am hoping that more than anything I will feel great and I will see some loss because I am feeling so good.

Now, I know the term ‘fasting’ sounds scary.  But really, it isn’t.  I’m not going to go like, days without eating!  I am just not going to get up in the morning and force myself to get an egg down if I just would rather sit and sip my coffee.  I realize that won’t be a true ‘fast’, but it’s what works for me the best.  I actually fasted today without trying.  Got up at 8:30 with the boys and then I got in here, moved a few things, and vacuumed the floor (the dogs brought in mud last night after bedtime!  URGH!).  Then I got both of them set up with cereal and milk (both take cereal in a bowl with milk in a cup) and the TV set up.  After that, I decided to start my coffee.  So, I did that and while that was brewing, I finished cleaning off the island, put up all the clean dishes, reloaded the dishwasher and wiped down the cabinets.  Youngest started fussing so I put him in his chair with the rest of his cereal and some banana.  Did a couple more things and then decided that I wanted to go ahead and get dressed.  So, washed my face, got dressed and did my hair.  Then cleaned up youngest.  By that point, he was ready for a nap.  So, got him laid down and the oldest went to play.  When all was said and done, it was noon before I even had a CHANCE to eat.  I was hungry, but not starving.  And I’d had plenty of energy.  AND, I knew exactly what I wanted:  Greek yogurt, raspberries, pecans, and a drizzle of SF syrup.  YUM.  I had that and two cups of coffee.  I didn’t get hungry again until 3.  I decided to have what I wanted which was a bacon, egg and cheese sandwich.  I try not to each much bread even though it is LC, but that sounded good so that is what I had.  Along with pickles and mayo!  LOL  So, you see, even when I’m not TRYING I end up fasting!  LOL  But I did have a root beer float late last night for a treat.  Breyer’s LC ice cream is SO good!  And I keep a few Diet Root Beers laying around for when I feel like something cold and crisp like that.  So, I think I only went 12hrs. and most of that was spent sleeping.  LOL  So, I don’t mean ‘fast’ as in going days.  I only mean that I am no longer going to force my body to eat if it isn’t actually hungry.  I am going to feed it when it asks and not try to follow ‘conventional’ eating plans.

Well, was this a whopper of a post or WHAT???  I guess I should bring this to an end now and get to doing something besides typing.  LOL  I did get my floors nice and clean!  I LOVE my steamer!  My Mom claims it’s too streaky, but the stuff I read online said it would do that until all the old chemical cleaners were removed.  Since this is only the second time I’ve gotten to use it, I’d say it will be at least two more times before the streaking stops.  But I LOVE cleaning with STEAM!  I even got to run it over my rug in the LR and it looked like new and smelled SO much better.  😀  Anyways, seriously take care and talk to you chickies later!

P.S.  I am VERY nervous about weigh-in tomorrow.  I seriously hope to have lost SOMETHING!!!  Honestly, I am praying to be under 200!


Day 2.. April 29, 2011

Filed under: April — jewlz280 @ 5:09 pm

Last night I had two of the new ‘Premium’ Oscar Meyer hot dogs — they tout no nitrates or nitrites which basically means they have no preservatives.  All I gotta say is YUM.  I’ve always liked hot dogs, but these are like, AWESOME.  Pretty good on cals and fat and even low on carbs.  Not something you want to eat ALL THE TIME, but good for something different.  I had those with some buttered brussel sprouts with coarse pepper.  I don’t know what has happened to me, but since I had my oldest, I can’t get enough pepper!  My husband says it’s how he knew we were pregnant — I put a ton of pepper on my salad when I normally never ate it!  LOL  And since then, well, I like it on almost everything!  Back to my point — no salad again.  And this AM, I’ve had two cups of coffee with no issues.  *sigh*  The signs aren’t looking good for my ‘easy’ salads.  So, tonight is going to be some sort of chicken.  I had wanted to have some baked pork chops with my leftover veggies from the last two nights plus a few tomatoes thrown in for extra flavor/color.  I hate wasting food!  And really, it’s fun throwing a bunch of stuff in a pan and seeing what happens!  However, I am out of pork chops or just can’t find them in the deep freezer.  I really need to get the dry board list updated for the freezer so I know what I have!

Last night, I stayed up a bit later than I had intended.  I was SO tired!  But after starting to read on how they ‘clean’ pre-washed salad, I’ve decided I will buy my own salad greens and clean them myself.  Turns out, they wash tons (literally) of salad greens in regular ol’ chlorinated water.  Big vats of it.  And many times, the water is dirty and contains contaminants after washing so many tons of greens.  Then after, they sometimes use ‘fruit wax’ to make the greens ‘look’ good.  For real?  NO THANKS.  I’ll buy fresh whole greens either in store or at the Farmer’s Market.  I sure hope I can make it to the Farmer’s Market tomorrow morning!  Love the fresh stuff and the prices!  😀  I’d rather take 15mins. or so to clean the greens, cut and bag them myself, than to eat ‘dirt’.  YUCK.  And who knows what’s in that dirt — I have a feeling THAT is what is making me sick!!!  So, going to have one more night of no salads and then have a salad that I prepared and see what happens.  If I don’t get sick, we’ll know it’s the process of cleaning the greens.  If I do, then it very well may be an allergy to salad.  But if I am allergic to salad, that is majorly messed up.  MAJORLY.  I guess if that turns out that I am allergic to them.  I will have to go through the process of finding some sort of leaf that I am NOT allergic to.  Please let it be the wash!  I am still contemplating food allergy testing.  I mean, what could it hurt?

Also wanted to mention that my husband said that after eating the salad for dinner last night, he had to poop… a LOT.  I’m sorry to give TMI, but I thought it was worth mentioning that he had the same reaction.  Twice.  He decided not to take it tonight.  I told him that I was going to wash it tonight and re-bag it in our bag.  He also said that it wasn’t painful and crampy like mine — but each person’s system is completely different.  So, it may just be aggravating to him for a bit, but it makes me downright miserable.  He agreed with buying the whole thing and just taking the time to wash it up.  I am also going to buy a new colander, a new salad spinner (I have the OLD one!), and a salad knife.  I’ve always heard that it’s better to use either a ceramic knife or a plastic.  I guess I should do some research on that, too!

Still didn’t weigh this AM.  Shocked?  LOL  I am!  I wanted to again this AM.  Mostly because I got some sleep and I am feeling perky!  HA!  I am also feeling pretty good — as in not all bloaty and gross and exhausted.  I am already making plans for this weekend and trying to decide if I want to do a high day soon or not.  I KNOW I am going to be exposed to yummy goodness Sunday AM — you see, today is the hubb’s b-day and I am surprising him when he comes off of night shift Sunday morning with his very own German chocolate birthday cake!  I plan on having it ready for him as soon as he walks through the door.  Candles and all!  I had wanted to get him a gift, but not sure what to get him.  I sorta got everything I could think of for Christmas, so now I am at a loss.  I had thought about getting a sitter for Monday and sneaking him up to the Outlets to go shopping.  He needs some new clothes, so I was thinking he might like to go somewhere that had lots of options for him.  See, he’s into clothes and looking good as much as a girl!  Don’t get me wrong, the hubbs can get dirty when he’s working, but otherwise he wants to look nice.  I think I mentioned before how into clothes and looking nice he is!  LOL

OH.  I had a funny thing happen yesterday.  Not funny ha ha, but funny weird.  I was thinking back to when I had felt the best and looked the best and that was the summer before I got married.  And all I did was occasional walking and ‘toning’ exercises.  Turns out I stumbled across some Pilates videos when I was looking for a video of how to do ‘scissors’.  Another poster on here is doing them and seems to be getting good results so I was curious as to what they were.  I have a pooch from having two babies, so anything that will help is GOOD!  Anyways… All that time, when I had GREAT results, I was doing Pilates!  :O  So, I have decided to make it a point to do that more.  I am hoping now that we’ve gotten some work done, the storms have passed, and other issues are clear that I can get back to walking and my Pilates.  FUN FUN!!!  I really do look forward to it!  I mean, I really did look good then and I was probably in the 150’s wearing a size 10… maybe an 8.  I HAVE been getting exercise, but not the concentrated kind I like to try to figure in.  And a week without planned exercise just sucks.  LOL  Especially for my mileage!  Not that I am getting anything major.

That’s the other thing.  I have decided that my goal weight is going to be 153.  I know I know… I said I wouldn’t pick one until I hit the first goal of 183.  But I feel I need a longer term goal that I can shoot for and look forward to in the long haul.  And I just think a low of 153 is where it’s at.  I figure that gives me a good 7lb. range up and then if I go lower by say 8lbs., that’s fine, too.  So, I am going to update my ticker.  Just really hoping to see a good number come Sunday!  Although, some part of me wonders if I should go lower.  Mostly because from some of the blogs/forums I read many of the posters are in the 150’s and talk about being fat all the time.  I know the 150’s isn’t fat for ME simply because of my height and build.  But still, kinda chaps my ass a bit, if ya know what I mean!  But I keep trying to tell myself to get over it and shut up!  Each person has a goal weight that works for THEM and for THEM they honestly DO feel fat.  But sometimes, my stupid brain has to say that about a hundred times to get the point that each person has to figure out not only what lifestyle works for them, but what size works and is maintainable.  I’ve never long term (even at my thinnest) been less than 150.  My smallest was 136 and I really, Really, REALLY had to work hours on end to get there.  And you know what?  I want to enjoy life and not live to be thin.  20lbs. over what a Dr. might consider my ideal is fine for me.  And who knows?  If I go lower, I go lower.  But I am NOT going to stress.  Just not worth it to me.  Not to mention, I don’t want that to be what my kids see.  I want to be healthy and happy and not always stressing over weight.

OK, well, I guess I’ve covered the gambit today!  I need to get up from here and attempt to get something done even though I said that I was going to take it easy.  I can’t really do laundry or clean the garage with younger up.  Nor can I do the Rec room and guest room downstairs.  So, I guess I should do as much up here as I can.  I sorta don’t want to, but I sorta need to.  Wish I felt more motivated!  I think the exhaustion still isn’t gone even though I got more sleep.  LOL  Maybe I can do a few things and then do the rest tomorrow.  I want to have enough energy to do a workout tonight.  Maybe I will feel better once I get up and get moving.  Although, I really should balance my checkbook and finish my budget before anything else.  Guess I’ll do that then get up and get going!  Have a great day, chickies!


Correction April 28, 2011

Filed under: April — jewlz280 @ 10:41 pm

I said in my last post that the salad I had bought was Fresh Express — that’s not the name!  That’s actually the salad I use to get that I loved.  What I get now is Fresh Selection — I believe it’s Kroger’s brand.  Going to do some research on how those suckers are washed!  But first, I must hit the hay!  G’night!


Day 1 and we survived.

Filed under: April — jewlz280 @ 11:02 am

So, today is day one of eliminating foods.  Actually, I guess yesterday was.  Instead of having my usual salad at dinner, I had roasted zucchini with some mushrooms and onions drizzled with sunflower oil and then a sprinkle of kosher salt, coarse pepper, and a bit of garlic.  YUM.  Right now, I am sitting here drinking a cup of coffee and so far, not a single pain.  I am going to not have salad again tonight and see how tomorrow goes.  I am thinking I don’t need to go too many days because my reactions are pretty quick.  Oh!  And for Sue, yes I do the acidophilus, too!  That stuff is like a miracle in a capsule!  LOL  I’ve been taking acidophilus for a few years now, but so far, no change in this mess.  URGH.  So, I am going to go with the process of elimination and still possibly do food allergy testing as suggested by Pickles.

I just don’t get why it has to be salad!!!  I am REALLY hoping that it is the brand.  This is pre-packaged salad so that we can make quick meals.  Nothing fancy, just Italian blend which is mostly romaine.  And I don’t recall having this issue except for with this brand which is Fresh Express.  I use to get another brand, but the store I shop at most quit carrying it.  So, I’m wondering if its something in the wash they use.  I know at home to wash my other fruits and veg (salad is the only thing I buy pre-cut) I use a solution of vinegar and water mixed in a spray bottle.  I spray the different fruits and veg with the spray and let them stand for however long and then rinse and use.  The food has tasted SO much better since I started doing this!  But salad is the one thing I buy pre-cut and pre-washed.  It makes me wonder if this brand uses a funky solution to wash their lettuce.  I use to think I was allergic to iceburg lettuce, but I am starting to wonder if that, too was because of what they washed the lettuce in.  If that is the case, I’d rather go back to prepping my own lettuces and not have this issue.  I guess we will see over the next couple of days what happens without the salad.  Then I will have the salad I have and see what happens.  If I have issues, then I will eliminate it for a few days again.  Then I will try buying romaine heads and prepping them myself and seeing how that goes.  Pre-packaged isn’t very ‘convenient’ if it’s making me sick!!!

On another note, we survived last night!  The hubbs had to work, so it was just me and the boys.  But I tell you, that was one of the most terrifying nights of my life.  We ended up hiding out in our basement during the worst of the storms and waiting for the tornadoes to pass.  One came down close to us, but didn’t actually hit us.  But the yard is a mess.  Thankfully we live on an incline and the way the storm came in was to the back of our house.  We have a large bank of trees there clumped together, so we were somewhat buffered.  Our gutters are ripped off and I haven’t had the chance to check the back half of the roof, yet.  BUT, my SUV is beat half to death from the golf ball sized hail.  🙁  Unfortunately, I will just have to live with it.  I will replace the visors that go over the windows that shattered, but the dents will just have to stay.  I’m not willing to up my insurance for that and not only that, but it’s paid off so I’m not willing to take on a car payment right now.  When all is said and done, I’m just thankful it wasn’t worse and that we are all safe.  It was for sure a rough night.  I am too tired for words today!  LOL

Let’s see… anything else?  I really can’t think of anything else to cover.  Maybe it’s due to lack of sleep and the fact that my littlest is whining non-stop.  I think he didn’t get enough sleep.  We were all up late and then by the time I laid him down, the power was still off so every little noise woke him up.  I didn’t get into bed until around 2AM and then I was up again at 5:30 and then for the day a little after 8.  So, around 4hrs. of sleep.  UGH.  NOT GOOD.  At least I haven’t caved in and weighed myself!!!  I have no desire to today.  Nothing like yesterday where I was feeling all good and wanted to.  LOL  I still feel pretty good, but I just don’t want to.  I am somewhat terrified I won’t have a good result come Sunday.  Then it’s like, if I don’t, I don’t have any idea what to do other than stick it out and maybe go to monthly weigh-ins?  And hope that the numbers move in a month?  Especially since one month is only two cycles for me.  I read one guy’s blog who’s cycle is a whole month!  That’s a LONG cycle!  But he does 2 weeks low, and then he has a cheat day where he has whatever, then he goes back and then high again.  Then the process starts all over.  I guess that’s really closer to 2 weeks than a month!  But whatever works for him — he’s lost 75lbs.!!!

Ok, well, going to get off of here for now.  Not that I have anything pressing to do.  I am just tired and need to get on with trying to get awake.  Almost done with my first cup ‘o joe and still no stomach cramps!  Yay!  Really hoping it isn’t coffee but will be super bummed if it is salad.  Really hope it’s just that brand….


But I wanna! April 27, 2011

Filed under: April — jewlz280 @ 2:15 pm

Ohhh… I SO wanna weigh!  I do I do I do!  Especially today.  I got up feeling so good and so skinny!  My sides have gone WAY down.  I use to have this roll over the top of my underwear that just bulged out.  It’s gone!  And the crease that use to be on my back that was so deep it actually touched is smoothing out, too!  So, something is going on!  And I want to get on the scale!!!!  But I’m not gonna.  I refuse to do it!  I made myself get out here and drink some water to keep me off of it.  LOL

The only bad thing is, I have a sore stomach today.  I’m not sure what I ate, but man am I not feeling great.  I finally made a yogurt based smoothie and that seems to be helping.  I’ve had this for a couple of years now off and on.  I thought it was an ulcer or IBS or even Crohn’s, but it’s so random.  I’ve even thought it was caffeine and tried to cut that out with no change.  So, I’m not sure WHAT it is.  Although, one thing I’ve sorta seen recently is that it seems to happen the mornings after I have salad.  I’m wondering if it’s the salad.  But I’m not sure.  It’s just too random.  I wish I had thought to mark my food journal so I could go back and check it.  I just wish I could figure it out and stop having these episodes where my stomach feels like it’s burning and I can’t stop going to the bathroom!  URGH.

Other than that, things are moving right along.  I am TRYING to take today off, but things keep getting added to my ‘To Do’ list.  Some of it I know I can put off, but some of it really needs to be done.  Like bills, dishes, and cleaning downstairs.  That’s only because the cat box is down there and she is making a HUGE mess!  I can’t wait to move her box out to the garage.  She sure is messy!  Why does she have to throw litter EVERYWHERE and make such a huge ordeal out of it?  I just wish that the rest of the house didn’t bug me so much.  But it DOES.  And right now, the kitchen is a wreck….AGAIN.  I got it cleaned up for one day and then BAM.  Dirty dishes everywhere!  Believe it or not, I think it all stems from the fact that when I cleaned up from the weekend, I washed everything but maybe two pans.  And those two pans somehow multiplied!  LOL  I should’ve just sucked it up and washed them because now the two of them plus the other dishes makes it look like there is a ton to be done.  I’ll get to it later when I am feeling more up to par.

Not much else to write about.  I had a ton of ideas yesterday, but today they have just floated out of my mind and I can’t think of them.  Probably because my ‘To Do’ list is taking up most of my brain.  And really, the other part of my brain just wants to be lazy.  LOL  So, that is all for now.  Hope all you chickies are having a good day!


Exhaustion… but not yet! April 25, 2011

Filed under: April — jewlz280 @ 11:28 am

Aargh!  I feel like if I were to sit still for very long and not do anything, that exhaustion would set in!  LOL  For anyone that cares, we got the mess cleaned up, the holes from the insulation plugged, AND the house wrap up.  I also mowed the front yard and did all the trimming.  Then I came in and did a bunch of cleaning.  Between family being here, working on the house, and just the regular day to day stuff, the house was TRASHED.  I cleaned the dining room, kitchen, and bathroom.  And the kitchen was a pretty intense cleaning.  Some insulation had blown in through a hole we had forgotten about.  Thankfully it’s green fiber so it was just paper dust, but still.  So, cleaned all that, washed up the dishes, put stuff away and even cleaned out the fridge.  You’d think after all that I would take today off!  But I can’t — I need to take my oldest to swim and then I have to go to the grocery store.  OY.  I hope I make it through today without dropping!

Now, on to the good stuff!  Even with doing all that stuff, I stayed on plan.  😀  I’ve been doing LC for so long, I know what I can eat to stay pretty low.  I have decided for right now not to track everything so much, so I am letting the food journal go.  If I know I will be going out or eating something more than normal, I am going to write it down, though.  At home, I know most of the time my meals are around 5g of carbs and that’s from veggies and some fruit and occasionally some dairy.  And right now, I feel good with that.  Heck, I overall feel good!  I am hoping some of my annoyance and aggravation was from hormones.  Gotta love hormones!  LOL  Because I am feeling much calmer and in a better place today.  PMS always makes me crazy.  It’s true.  It does!  It’s been much better over the last few years since I’ve been watching sugar and processed foods, but I still get a bit looney and emotional.

I am just going to keep sticking it out and I think that maybe carb cycling will work better for me.  Although, if I am honest with myself, I guess that may have been what I was doing years ago because staying 100% low carb all the time wasn’t feasible.  I sometimes had ‘cheat’ days, but they were always a part of my plan to keep me sane.  So, I guess I was carb cycling then and just didn’t know the name.  But I feel for me it is something more permanent.  I will never be a full time carb eater again.  I know my body doesn’t process them well and with the PCOS, it never will.  But I do like the option to once in a while have something that I normally wouldn’t touch like a piece of cake at a birthday party.  Otherwise, I want to have a normal balanced diet of healthy whole foods and not just a crash diet.  Which is why I think some people fail on low carb.  They never learn how to incorporate the foods back in.  And if you’ve ever read Atkins, that’s a must.  You have to learn your limits, and learn to re-incorporate all foods in moderation.  Even junk food!  LOL  Every now and then a bit of junk food is ok once you’ve hit maintenance.  It just can’t be all the time.  And let’s face it, we’ve become a society of junk food.

This touches on what incontrol2day just posted that everywhere you look, there are these ‘get skinny quick’ things and people tend to get sucked into those.  And she’s right — it IS everywhere!  And people ARE suckered into it.  And I get it — people get so tired of fighting themselves and so tired of feeling like crap that they put their faith into a pill or laser surgery or some other gimmick.  And all it takes is stepping away from the junk food and getting off of our butts.  And I’m not saying it’s not hard — I’m struggling with my weight daily.  I’m fighting to get this off.  But I know that no pill, herb, surgery, or any of it will get this off of me.  I have to eat healthy, whole foods and stay away from the processed crap.  But for those out there who fall for these gimmicks, I truly do feel bad.  They just want some kind of change and not have to feel like they are giving up everything.  But like incontrol2day said, what does a quick fix actually DO if you lose all the weight but never learned anything along the way?

This got me to thinking about myself.  I may be struggling and I may be losing slowly, but I am LEARNING.  Even if I am not always getting an ‘A’, I am basically working my way through my own weight-loss class!  And even if it’s going slow, it’s going!  And it’s better than being at what was my highest weight.  Which is why I am going to try to be more positive.  The food journal and the weighing all the time was driving me somewhat crazy and I was too focused on that.  I pretty well know what I should be eating and I know what I should be doing.  So instead of obsessing on it and tracking every little detail, I am just going to DO it and stop frying my brain out!  I know that tracking can be a great tool, and I know that I will probably do it off and on just to make sure I am staying on course, but I am not going to go crazy over every little number.  And starting it off was the carb cycling and not weighing until next Sunday.  I’m not sure what this will bring, but I am hoping good things.  😀

Well, it’s after 11 where I am and I need to get up off of here and get going.  I’ve already done some stuff this AM but I need to do a few more things and then get going on swim and groceries.  Later chickies and hope you enjoyed the shout out Incontrol!  😀


Oh so very tired… and yummy steak! April 24, 2011

Filed under: April — jewlz280 @ 11:46 am

First, Happy Easter to those that celebrate!

Wow.  It has been a BUSY weekend so far and today is our small family celebration.  The ‘rents were up yesterday and the day before, but we were so busy working on the house that we didn’t get to do much.  Which isn’t a big deal… We don’t do a LOT for Easter.  It’s just always been more about being together than doing a huge party or anything.  I do miss the days of going to my Granny’s house to have a big dinner and visit, though.  I really should’ve done a dinner this year.  I just have SO much going on that I didn’t think to.  URGH.  Maybe next year we will have our crap together.  LOL

I am very tired today.  All the work we’ve gotten done in the last two days has WORN ME OUT!  And we have a bit to do today, but not much.  We just want to get the house wrap up and do some clean-up so that the yard and driveway aren’t such a mess and hazard.  Just in case you’re curious, we ripped off an old nasty deck that was about 900sq. ft at one time.  We only had about 100-200 to take off now because the rest had been reduced and removed last year.  So, we took that off and then ripped off the old masonite siding off of the back of the house.  The front and sides had been done last year.  We then took out an old sliding door and discovered major water damage — some structural.  All that has been repaired and we have framed in two windows instead of the door since it was in our bedroom.  Not a fan of outside doors in bedrooms!  LOL  THEN, we blew in green fiber insulation since there was only alumi-foil in the walls.  So, today is just about house wrap and clean up.  The siding will have to go up the next time the hubbs has some time off.  We also have to order the windows now that the rough framework is in.  I cannot WAIT to be done with this house!

See what I mean by busy weekend?  I am REALLY glad with all of that going on I had made the decision to go to carb cycling.  I had 3 or 4 days of moderate carbs, then a 24hr. period of high and then last night went back to low.  Still on low this AM.  But I tell you, I needed those carbs with all the work we did!  I think I would’ve been hurting without them.  We worked ALL day for two days.  I just don’t think I could’ve done it!  I haven’t weighed, though.  I decided to take some of your advice and step away from the scale for a bit.  I think it’s the only way I can stop stressing and give this cycling a fair shot.  And hopefully break my horrid stall.  I think that if I stress over the numbers too much, I will just make everything backfire.  I really do hope this kick-starts something for me.  I know I feel a bit more relaxed already because I ate a couple of days of moderate carbs and then I let myself have a couple of things I had been wanting really bad for my 24hrs. of carbs.  Like, pizza.  Granted, it was thin crust and was grilled chicken, but still!  It’s my fave.  😀  But before, I was in such a mindset that I was like I’m not going to eat that for a LONG time.  Now I feel like I can kinda relax and say, eh, we’ll have that in a week or so whenever I decide to cycle.  It really is sorta nice!

But when to weigh is the real question?  My cycle FINALLY started and I’m not sure why it was a week late.  I’ve been pretty regular since I had my second child.  That could have something to do with my weight stalling out, too.  So, not only have I just got the carb cycling going, but I have my cycle, too.  Another reason not to weigh, yet.  LOL  But I need to weigh pretty regularly to see if anything is going on.  Maybe I am over-thinking it?  OK, let’s just say for now that I will weigh myself next Sunday.  If I weigh before then, I will make a note of it but not focus on it or count it.  Just the Sunday weigh-in.  But I am going to try really hard not to weigh until Sunday.  On that note, I made an adjustment to my weigh-in page.  I think I’ve been subtracting wrong.  I was doing it from the first weigh-in of the month to the last week instead of going from the first week to the first week for my monthly subtraction.  I think doing it the the way I was, I was only actually calculating for 3 weeks at times.  So, I am doing from the first weigh-in of the month to the first weigh in of the next month for my monthly totals.  UGH.  Hope I’m not messing everything up by changing it now!

YUMMY!  My steak this AM was so good!  I had steak and salad for dinner last night and leftover steak for breakfast with eggs.  Yessir, YUM.  Overall, feeling pretty good and ready to get going now that my belly is full.  One thing I wanted to mention, though is that sometimes people really irk me and flat out piss me off.  A member of my hubby’s family made a snippy remark to a young female member of the family so I shot one right back at him.  And basically because he had no retort, he made a comment about my weight.  I brushed it off (to him) and just was like, that’s right I’m bigger than you and I can throw you around like a rag doll!  HA!  So much for you thinking you can make a fat comment and hurt me you dillhole.  He did hurt me, but he’s not going to get the joy of knowing it.  I just HATE when people don’t have a valid argument or can’t think quick enough on their feet they resort to the fat comments.  Glad to know that’s all you can think of — you’re one smart cookie.  NOT.

Ok, going to get off of here now and get some things done.  The driveway won’t clean itself nor will the house wrap itself!  LOL  Later, chickies!


So So April 21, 2011

Filed under: April — jewlz280 @ 9:17 pm

So… I am still doing my higher carb days.  I won’t lie — I’m finding it somewhat hard!  I KNOW I can have a few more carbs, but I am finding it difficult to do simply because I am SO use to not eating them!  I find myself having to rationalize eating the carbs saying it’s what I need right now and that something has to give.  I’ve done pretty well.  I’m not going crazy, but I am allowing myself much more freedom.  It’s just strange and I really do have to work at it!  LOL  And so far, my weight is staying the same.  I even had a cupcake last night!  OK, I had a low dinner and the cupcake was carrot cake, but still.  That was a big treat for me!  And I really enjoyed it.  And want to know what’s even crazier than the fact that I am not gaining?  I’m not really having cravings and I am on day 4 I think?   I REALLY thought that going from 40g or less a day would make my cravings go through the roof.  But so far, really manageable.  Nothing crazy, nothing strong.  STRANGE.  So, as of right now, I don’t know how I feel about this!  Not sure when I will go back to lowered carbs — we have a lot going on the next few days but I am thinking that it will be after this weekend.  Either Sunday or Monday.  I may do today… I don’t know.  I was going to do the other day, but the hubby said it was too soon and that I should wait a couple more days.  I just don’t want to get TOO in the habit of higher carbs.

On another note, I finally got the clean out and organization of my closet done yesterday.  I even got the guestroom closet and my oldest’s closet done!  The littler’s had been done already.  Then, I did a little clean-up on my laundry area.  Not to mention all the housework!  WHEW!  We did a LOT yesterday.  And then we had date night and we went shopping for the hubby.  I swear, that man is harder to shop for than any woman.  He is SO picky about his clothes!  Especially T’s.  He’s the opposite of most men… most days he will get a polo or a button down on before a T.  But he is REALLY low on nice T’s and I told him it was time he did some shopping for himself.  He also needs some new sandals.  So, we went out looking for him.  He DID get 5 shirts, but three were polos!  Thankfully, one I LOVE because the style has the pockets on the front and well, he looks yummy in those!  The other two he got so that he could get rid of the two he had because between regular wear and occasionally golf, they were getting yucky.  Plus, one was really too heavy to wear for golf.  He would sweat so bad!  So, he got two golf polos that are much better.  No shoes or sandals, though.  URGH.  That man is living in his Sketchers or Nike’s.  He needs other shoe options.

So, one day into his time off and we’ve already been pretty productive.  We even got some prep done for other projects around here!  I wouldn’t even be writing NOW except he had to take a load off to the dump and it’s in the next county.  Then I have a hair appt. and a Dentist appt. and then we will be going to HD to try to get the stuff we need for our projects.  I am HOPING my family is coming in tonight so that we can get up and get to it in the AM.  AND, I hope the weather holds out.  If the weather isn’t good, we’re in trouble no matter what.

****OK, it is now after 9PM and I am just NOW getting back to finishing this post!  Several things… Had an NSV!  Got my size 16 jeans on!  Woot!  So, something is happening!  Hair appt. went GREAT!  I LOVE it!  Dentist appt. is good — my tooth is fine and the cleaning felt good, too!  Last but not least, the Home Depot run is done.  WOOT WOOT!  Good day.  Only disappointing thing is that we went out for Mexican food because everyone wanted it.  I ordered what I thought was a cheese enchilada and a plain taco.  What came out was a tamale and beef enchilada.  *sigh*  I ate the tamale, a few beans, a couple of bites of rice, and the beef out of the enchilada.  Just wasn’t satisfying.  AT ALL.  Not what I wanted either.  Glad I ate darn good all day or I’d feel worse about dinner.  I am SO ready to eat lower and think I will tomorrow.  Surely 4 days is good?  I know I have a lot to do so I will listen to my body, but we will see.  I know the hubbs will say I should do another few days.  LOL

Well, I guess that is all for now.  I need to end this hugely long post and move on to other things!  If I don’t post for the next few days, don’t worry — going to be doing the back of our house!  WISH ME LUCK!


Overkill April 19, 2011

Filed under: April — jewlz280 @ 12:33 pm

I feel like I am writing non-stop lately.  I’m afraid I’m going to overkill ya’ll by posting so much!  But I feel like I’m at a crossroads and I need to ‘talk this stuff out’ in order to keep from going mad.  None of my friends here really get it.  Skinny heifers!  LOL  J/K, but seriously, I just don’t think they get it.  No one else seems to have the issues with carbs and they can just sorta watch what they eat and drop weight like it’s something they carry in their hands.  Talking to to them doesn’t do anything but make me feel worse at times.  So, I’ve gotten to where I just don’t really talk about it at all to anyone other than one close friend who lives out of state who also fights the wacky weight battle; and then there is the hubbs.  Poor guy hears about it so much I’m sure he is sick of it.  I’ve gotten to where I don’t talk to him about it as much, either.  It’s a bit hard right now, though, because I feel like I’m hanging on a ledge trying to make some much needed decisions.

I am somewhat second guessing myself from what I wrote last night.  I know it’s only a temporary trial, but I am really worried that I will gain a ton!  And I’m not sure if I should watch my cals or not to go along with it?  I’m just worried!  I don’t think that I could emotionally handle gaining a LOT of weight.  I’ve had two fairly high carb days and the scale hasn’t moved (up or down).  Not sure what to think of that.  Shouldn’t I have gained, in theory?  I mean, it’s not like I pigged out, but I did have my LC bread, some extra fruit, and even breading on my fish.  All of that brought me up over 60g of carbs.  So, shouldn’t I have seen a gain???  UGH.  Just not sure what to think at this point.  Thinking of having a ‘low’ day today.  I’m worried about doing the long term high’s and then lows.  Thinking I need a low day to not feel so wacky.  I’m worried I’m becoming obsessive!  I’m not typically an obsessive person.  OK, that’s a fib, I am always a bit OCD.  But this is driving me nuts.  I guess it is the result of dieting for so long and feeling like I’m not making much progress lately.  In 7 days, I will have been dieting for 4mos.  2 of those under 40g.  And month one and two, I spent losing the same weight.  So, here I am just one week from starting month 5 and I’ve only lost a smidgeon of weight.  LE SIGH.  Fudgety fudge.  Doing the numbers, that’s less than 3lbs. a month.  BLAH.

I just don’t know what to do.  I wish I just knew what would work.  URGH.  I’ve never been successful with cal counting in the past but did great with low carb.  So, now that I am having issues with low carb maybe I need to go to mostly cal counting? And just watching the type of carbs I eat?  Making sure to get the majority of my cals from protein and fat?  Do I even know how to do that?  I think I do.  I mean, that’s sorta what I do right now.  I guess I could allow myself a certain amount of cals a day, like 1700.  Divide that into 3 meals and 2 snacks which would be 400 for each meal and then two snacks at 250 each.  Base each meal/snack on protein and then add some fat and carbs.  Like for a snack, if I wanted to have an apple with PB and maybe a small glass of milk(almond or regular) to get me to my cals.  Would be higher in carbs, but but they would be the good carbs.  *sigh*  I am just as confused as Willy Wonka would be in the real world.

I know that I should probably just pick something and stick with it.  I just don’t know which one to pick.  I feel like a big fish flopping around on the ground gasping to get back in the water but having no idea how to do that.


Thinking about cycling… April 18, 2011

Filed under: April — jewlz280 @ 10:12 pm

And no, not of the bike variety.  More, of the carb variety.  The hubbs and I have been talking about it over the last couple of days. The diet, that is.  Because I don’t remember a lot from then… too much sleep deprivation!  LOL  Anyways, he remembers that I took time off, had girl’s nights, and basically let myself eat more at certain times.  Now that I’ve sat and thought on it, he’s right.  I most definitely did do that.  So, that got me to thinking if I should have ‘cheat’ days.  But here’s the thing — I hate the idea of cheat days.  Mostly because saying ‘cheat’ sounds like you’re doing something wrong and I didn’t really view it as that.  I just had more lax days where I didn’t count so much and just really tried to enjoy the day and the food without charting every ounce of everything.  So, after reading some other people’s experiences with it, how the plan works and that it is easily tweakable, I want to give it a go and see if it helps me.  I guess the worst that could happen is that I gain some and don’t lose any.  And if that is the case after 30 days, I’m not sure what I will do.  I mean, I will be at a complete stop and will have to completely re-evaluate what I am doing and what my options are.  UGH.

Anyways, so yesterday I had moderate cals at around 1600 and my carbs were at 56.  My weight was 204.5.  Down half a pound.  But that doesn’t mean much since weight can fluctuate so much during the day.  Heck, during the week!  So, I guess I am going to try a few days of higher carb and then drop down to under 40 again.  And then maybe 2 times a month have a day of whatever.  Maybe eat well, but have a couple of the things I very rarely eat.  And no, I am NOT going to go whole hog.  By upping my carbs, I mean some LC bread, nuts, and maybe a few other fruits.  I am not going to start eating crap.  That would be nuts.  Just going to try what one of the women I saw on one of the other forums did and up the carbs with healthy things. The only time I may have something completely off plan will be the 2 times per month.  And I may only do one.  I’m not sure.  I’m just going to start and go from there to see how it goes.

As strange as this may sound, I am actually thinking of following my husbands shift schedule.  I feel like my eating habits change somewhat based on what he is doing anyways, so maybe that would feel the most ‘natural’ to my body to do that.  I eat way less when he is on nights.  I’m not sure why.  Then when he’s on day’s, I eat fairly normal.  But when he’s off, well, I do tend to eat more.  Not bad stuff, really, but just more in general.  And considering he’s on rotating shift work, it changes every few days.  So, if I were to follow it as far as my diet goes, it would be a good amount of ‘up and down’ with some moderate thrown in there for god measure.  LOL

I guess this is it then!  ANOTHER new start.  Or is this a tweak?  I’m not sure.  But I guess I will just have to wait and see where this part of the journey takes me and see if this is the right route for me.  Worst case scenario, I start all over at the end of this 30 day trial.  I’m not going to change any of my tickers or anything, but I may add one.  Just because it can be annoying trying to figure out what is going on with them if you take them off and start all over.  Besides, my goal is still the same.  But I guess a lot depends on if I see any changes with this.  I won’t know for sure if anything changes until I do at least a few cycles.  So, we will see.  Going to go now and spend some time with the hubbs.  He is anxiously awaiting for me to finish this blog so we can watch ‘Reaper’.  LOL  FUNNY STUFF!


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