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Archive for October, 2010

Happy Halloween!

Week 2: Day 6: Construction

Happy Halloween everyone! And also, Happy End of the Month! Did you all make some goals today? I made my Halloween Challenge goal, and I’m quite proud of myself this month.

I weighed in at 210.4 today. Although it kinda sucks that I was .5 away from being in the aud’s, I am happy that I had such a good loss! My diet was good this weekend, but I definitely could have been a lot stronger on my exercise. This week I promise to kick off November awesome and end with a Jelbelle’s Power Workout on Saturday! HOLD ME TO THIS GUYS!

This week I also get my membership to the YMCA! Although the details really have to be worked out, because I currently don’t know what car I’m going to take to get there, and if I have to drive the big truck I’m going to be so scared. But I’ll manage somehow, because I really, REALLY want to start my Zumba classes, as well as get some water exercises. I think swimming would be an excellent addition to my list of workout. It would be a new variation, and really shake things up! Let’s make November rock on ice and complete our Thanksgiving goals!

Good luck everyone!

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It’s not enough, it never is

Week 2: Day 5: Construction

Let me tell you about a theory my best friend and I devised a while back after her parents went through a divorce, and she (my friend) went to live with her mother, and her mother’s 20 year old boyfriend. Since then, we have found only more convincing evidence to prove this theory, so christened the “Mother’s Regression Concept”. Granted, this concept is more like a disorder in the sense that not all mother’s go through this monumental life shift. But alas, believe you me, it exists.

I should have you all know that yes, my mother is on my blogroll. Yes, she can read this if she so chooses, as well as any comments I may receive. Don’t let that censor or hinder and replies, please and thanks.

To explain the background story would take far too many words, and way too much of your time. I’ll try to compact it without villainizing anyone. Firstly, I’m 18. I’ll be 19 December 1st. I graduated high school last spring, attended Monroe Community College for two semesters, and this past August I transferred to Wayne State University because of it’s absolutely amazing English program. WSU is in Detroit. I currently live 40 minutes away from Detroit, and I do not have a driver’s license, or my own car. These are all just facts. The actual “story” part comes from my life. I grew up with a single mother, and was only really close to the grandparents on her side. Recently my mother has started “dating”. Not that I’m gungho about it, but I don’t think it’s the dating part I dislike. It’s who she dates. A while ago, and the amount of time gets a little muddled, but I can safely say for the past 4ish years she hasn’t lived at home. She’s lived with her “boyfriend”. With the exception of stupid break ups, things like this, when she would spend a couple days a week to a month or so at home, but for the most part, she hasn’t lived here. So I’ll reiterate, 4ish years, and I’m 18.

Honestly, I have no problem living alone. I prefer it. I prefer it because we have a very small house and I like my space. I like being able to play my music loud at 3am. I like walking around naked in my living room. You get the idea. I’ve done absolutely fine on my own (despite the grandparents disagreement), and my NUMBER ONE PRIORITY has always been school. Why? I love school. I also love my career path. I love writing. I hated the community college. They treated me like some ten year old special education child. When I transferred to WSU it was like a dream come true. I’ve always wanted to be at a big university, and even though I don’t have the ideal “campus lifestyle”, I still love being there, and the classes. The 40 minute commute has been an absolute pain in the ass. One, I have to get up earlier than I would if I lived near school. Two, while at school, there are no breaks, I have to be there all day because I have no where else to go. Three, I don’t drive, so I rely on my mom to drop me off and pick me up. You can imagine the problems. It was much easier when I went to MCCC and only had a ten minute drive to school, and I could rely on my grandparents as well as my friends to give me rides when I needed. I can’t do that now.

If you’ve read my blog a while, you might have seen me mention that I am trying to find a job in order to move to Detroit. Mykul and I have had this plan for a while now. He’ll be graduating and attending WSU next fall. I don’t want to have to go another year of commuting, so I thought it would just be a lot easier for us to move up there. But it’s not that simple. Neither Mykul or I have jobs, and we live in a small town. Monroe, MI has one of the country’s highest unemployment rates. What’s worse is that I have absolutely no work experience. I apply to a lot of places often, and nothing ever comes through. Even jobs that friends have referred to me haven’t come through. My only source of “income” is cleaning my grandma’s house, which merits me a whopping $30 a week. Really? That’s pocket change. Seeing as how if I want anything other than food, I have to buy it myself. You think I can buy an apartment in Detroit on $30 a week? Hahahaha.

Now the other side of the story? My mom worked at Ford. In a nutshell, Ford shut down, she’s out of a job. Not out of payment, exactly, she still gets a very small paycheck, but as you can imagine it doesn’t really do jack shit. I understand that. She is currently going to community college to get a business degree, but you know, till she actually has that, this is how crap is going down. We have no money. The only way I’m going to WSU is because of government grants.

My grandma did start a checking account for me, which has grown and shrunk over the months. I’ve used the money to buy books as well as random things that I want. I try my best to balance it with the money that I make from cleaning. In the fall, my computer’s Word program absolutely crashed. I had problems with it anyways, but that was the final straw. Mother promised she’d get me a new computer in October, but I needed it right then. I’m a writer. I need to effing write. So I bought the new computer myself, and told her she owed me for it when her financial aid check it. Some other things happened, she’s up to owing me $700. Yep. $700 out of my, what $3000 I had before? $3000 dwindled down to $900, I got a loan for $1700. So at least there’s that. But pretty much, right now, I’m cruising at maybe $1200 of my OWN money that I earned. I’m afraid to use the loan because I don’t want to not be able to pay it back.

Now the problem: the commuting. In the summer it was said that I could use my grandpa’s spare car as my school car. Well, that car died, so he bought a new Focus. The Focus was now my “school car”. But he was using a spare care because he has a big truck, and he didn’t want to drive it back and forth from work because of gas costs. The Focus was never “my” car. It was HIS car that I was supposed to borrow to take to school.

Since I still don’t have a license, I was practicing driving to and from school for a while. I don’t like driving my mom’s Explorer as much because it’s big. So on Monday we took the Explorer, on Wednesday we took the Focus. Then my mom would use the Focus to drive to her classes and such, I guess when she drove the Focus she didn’t have to pay for gas. Gradually I wouldn’t drive as much (because I plain don’t like it) so generally she would drive. The only reason Grandpa lent us the Focus is for me to drive, but as long as we didn’t tell them I wasn’t driving, no harm no foul.

Yeah well. Last Wednesday my mother decided to bring her stupid ass effing boyfriend to pick me up from school. I don’t know why, I don’t really give a crap. The one thing I asked is that he stay the hell away from me. But no, I had to sit 40 minutes in the Focus with him. And yeah. It pissed me off. I hate the hell out of him. So, like the bitch I am, I told my grandparents that I wasn’t driving the Focus. They, in turn, told my mom that we couldn’t drive the Focus to school because I wasn’t driving it. Apparently this ticked her off (that was the point, next time don’t bring that idiot with you, and yeah, you had a choice).

So, she was angry at the grandparents. Whatever. We could have avoided this if you didn ‘t bring him in the car with you. And fact of the matter is, the grandparents have every right to deny her use of the car. Now, if I ask to borrow the car, yes, they will give it to me. So technically I didn’t get screwed in the deal. Instead, I arranged a game night tonight, but my mom refused to come because she was mad at the grandparents (ugh, get over it already). So I called her today and she said she would come over for a little while at 8 because that was oh so convenient for her. On the phone she mentioned that she wasn’t thrilled about seeing the grandparents, to which I responded “Why? They didn’t do anything.” I don’t really think the Focus thing is family feud worthy. Well she gave me this whole stupid cry baby spiel, and mostly it boils down to now she has to pay for the gas on Wednesday. Oh big deal. Do your damn job. REGARDLESS of whether or not I have a driver’s license, one of us is getting screwed. If I had a license, I would have to pay $200 in parking fees PER SEMESTER (remember that $1200 I have in my bank account, oh boy! I can tell this is going to last me a long time, especially with that apartment I have to pay for and all) PLUS gas money. So once I exhaust my bank account, where do I turn then?

I get that money is an issue. But what do you think I am? I have no job. I have no way of getting a job. She still owes me $700. If gas in that big of a freaking problem, man up and ask the grandparents to effing pay for it before you bankrupt us both. INSTEAD of throwing a tantrum at 30 something years old.

That wonderful phone call ended with me telling her to come over for game night at 8, like she effing said she would, and her telling me to forget it and then hanging up on me.

Damn, I see that 13-year rearing her ugly head.

This is just one episode. I’m tiring myself out dealing with her childish attitude. About everything. It’s one thing, or it’s another. At this point, I’m ready to find a good therapist for her. I’m sure I could probably use one for my anger issues, or straight up betchiness, but these are actually qualities I pride myself on having.

Believe me, I wish I could support myself too. I wish I had a job so that paying $200 in parking plus gas money each semester wouldn’t scare the hell out of me. I wish I had my own freaking car. I wish I had an apartment so I could avoid the situation entirely. I wish. I wish. I wish. Well until your wishes come true, you have to work around them and make do, and hope it all pays off in the end.

No, this is just adding on to all the other bullcrap. Just one more shed of proof for the Mother’s Regression Concept. I love when parents stomp their feet and throw tantrums because life is hard. Get a damn helmet.

It’s funny. I actually used to look up to her.

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This Girl’s in Love

Week 2: Day 2: Construction

…with her English-1700 professor. Today in my first hour, my professor pulled me aside and told me she’d recommended me for WSU’s English Honor’s Program, which is like big time, I hadn’t even considered doing it! But you can’t do it without all this approval and junk, and she’s going to write me up a whole letter of recommendation, all this out of the blue… just… wow. I was like wide eyed and amazed as she’s telling me, because I hadn’t expected it. She told me she had this “gut feeling” about me, and it’s like all so crazy, but I can’t even explain how happy I am about it! Told the mother, husband, and grandparents, and they’re all really proud of me, I feel elated, like I’ve hit my first big break or something. It’s totally cinematic.

In addition to that, in Play Writing today I had the first cold reading of my script. We have to write a one act play overall for the class, and a 10 minute monologue. But the best part is the workshop; we get to pick people in the class to play the roles of our characters, and they read it as actors would. It’s amazing to hear your work being read like that, it’s a feeling I can’t really convey, but it’s just awesome! Can’t wait to do more with it, and to think I was nervous, ack, I love it!

So today was pretty progressive in the world of English =3 I guess with all of that, I can’t really have a bad day!

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Storms really grind my gears

Week 2: Day 1: Construction

Storms rampage across the midwest (me) and I find it quite rude. Number one, Tuesday’s are doomed from that start anyways. No sense making them worse. But no, the weather can’t have my outstanding logic. Instead tornado sirens woke me up when I could have slept for at least another two hours. Then, you know, I had to do the whole “storm” thing. Shut off the computer (lame), hide crap in the garage, call family and make sure no one is dead yet, watch news.

All the while this is totally ruining any chance of having a productive day. Inevitably the storms missed us, all but some rain and winds, but we’re okay. More hype than needed to be. But here is what I don’t like: People who ask for more than they can handle.

I love storms as much as the next person, but I don’t ASK for tornados to come flying at my face. Why? 1) I like living. 2) I like having a house. 3) I bet you a million bucks that even if all my crap got blown away, I would still have school tomorrow, and I need to do my homework. 4) If the power goes out I will not be able to do said homework, have fun, or do any of my workout DVD’s and I will not be a happy person. Normal storms? Cool. Whatever. Come and go, don’t blow anything away. “Severe storms with sirens, tornado watches/warnings, lots of threatening situations, possible death” I don’t see that as entertainment.

So here’s where things go majorly south (or further south technically, because at this point, I’m already pissed). My friend Reionna text me like. She. Does. Every. Freaking. Storm. and is all excited. I find this VERY annoying. If it’s a normal storm, I’m like god just shut the eff up. Having a storm is like seeing a squirrel. They’re all over the place and they’re no big deal. I don’t need you to update me and tell me that there’s a storm, thanks, I have ears and eyes just like you. But thanks for treating me like I’m blind, deaf, and dumb. Strike one. She proceeds to tell me just how badly she wants to see a tornado, and I’m like …Well you have fun with that. I don’t want to see a tornado because that very likely means A) I’m about to get hurt or killed, or B) something of mine may face some destruction (house, car, etc), or C) a family member or friend might be hurt. I’m not okay with any of those scenarios. I don’t know about you, but if a tornado came through and blew the roof off of my house, I would be unhappy. Nor do I want to face the trouble of getting that crap repaired. So. Strike two.

To further anger me she asks “Don’t you want to see a storm?” (dumb question), to which I answer  “I’ve seen a lot of storms. They happen often”. This evidently makes her angry (like I care, because she’s already insisting on annoying me) and so this leads to her not speaking to me.

Sorry, but if you’re asking for mother nature to have it out on you, then be my guest, but I don’t want that. I don’t bite off more than I can chew. You know what I would like better? Living a normal and happy life where I am fine, my family is fine, my friends are fine, my house and property are fine, and generally, my neighborhood is fine. I really don’t think anyone is in the position to say “Hey tornado, come here and wreak havoc”.

Like I said, storms are cool. Even bad storms can be potentially cool. WHEN THEY HAPPEN TO SOMEONE ELSE. I actually wouldn’t wish that on someone.

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It’s All Coming Back to me now…to bite me in the ass

Week 1: Day 7: Construction

First on the list: I had an awesome day at Cedar Point! (I forgive you guys for not liking roller coasters, since you weren’t with me and all =P). OM and I did manage to get Mykul on the Raptor though, it was the only thing he would try, and he sang Alesana the whole time we were on (at least I raised him right). OM rode with me on all the coasters though since my mommy couldn’t fit, so it made my time great! And it’s like, the first time I’ve ever gone to Cedar Point and had a big group of “friends”. Usually it’s just me and my best friend Reionna walking around by ourselves, not as fun as having more people. It started raining at night, but we went out to the car to eat and when we came back in it had stopped, so I rode the Raptor a second time, the line was only 20mins long! BUT! most importantly, I resisted all temptation. No nasty CP food! We had some strawberries in the car I chowed on, I only drank water, and I had one cracker and some Laughing Cow cheese from OM. Then my mom and I had Subway in the park, we each got 6 inches with Sun Chips and it cost $20!!! Fricken CP is ungodly greedy.

Anyways, so that was my one good day. I got home…and the trouble started. First off, I got a message from Jackie (the artist designing my KH shoes) and she told me the shoes I ordered were the wrong fabric, so now I have to buy ANOTHER pair, and hope that I can resell the FIRST pair for as much as I bought them for. And then this morning I went to get my copy of Everyman for Eng-1700, and I realized…I didn’t have it. Why don’t I have it? Because I never actually received it… I ordered it on Amazon TWO MONTHS ago and I didn’t get it. I guess with everything going on I totally forgot to keep track. I doubt I’ll be able to get a refund out of that, and also, now I have to wing my quiz Wednesday because I don’t have a copy of the book to read. Ugh.

Oh yeah, and I missed the first weigh-in for The Biggest Loser. But on the brightside? I weigh 212lbs =)

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