Trust and Chaos

What do you think plays one of the most pivotal roles in our success or failure, not only in weight management, but in life? Self-esteem? Willpower? Perseverance? Motivation? All important, sure, but you know I gave the answer away in the title 😉


This was my Big Insight of the Day. Over the past few weeks, I have experienced worse depression than usual. I couldn’t think of any factors that had changed, other than my getting really embedded in the Intuitive Eating way of life. I have lost 11lbs since I began this journey on 10th December 2012. This is a success! So, why so sad?

What I realised today is that since I started losing weight, I’ve been thinking in a different way. I trust myself to know when I’m hungry, and what I’m hungry for. I trust myself to know when I’m satisfied, and that I will want to exercise in a way that makes me feel good. So, what’s the problem? Goals + success = unicorns farting rainbows, right? Well, partly, but also: it equals a re-examination of the other parts of my life, in which I feel little or no trust in myself.

Do I trust that I have enough money to get through the week, let alone the month? Not even remotely. Do I trust that I will instinctively know that hard work will pay off when I start uni for the third time in October? I’m really not sure. Do I trust that my boyfriend loves me no matter what, after nearly 4 years together? Not so much. I have a trust problem, and quite a big one. If it can go wrong, it will. Right? Is that not normal? Finding my weight loss efforts to be the exception that proves the rule has been unsettling. What if I fall off the tightrope again, with Intuitive Eating, and with everything else as well? What if it always is how it always was? What if I always veer toward the negative in the face of uncertainty?

Uncertainty + Mistrust = Failure.

Uncertainty + Trust = ?

Let’s now apply a sound piece of investment advice to our equation: past performance is no guarantee of future performance. Uncertainty is present in all your endeavours. Nothing is predictable to the nth degree. The element of chaos is in everything. You can “what if” until you’re blue in the face, but you still WILL NOT KNOW what is next. Therefore, if uncertainty is constant, and mistrust leads to failure, you are left with only one alternative:


The outcome, as you can see from our calculations, will be ?. And for me, as I begin to strip away the layers of fat I’ve hidden behind for so long, my fear of failure has become glaringly obvious. The way out, as they say, is through. To continue, try to shed your mistrust and embrace the unknown. I know I must. The answer to your question may not yet be certain, but at least it will no longer equal certain failure. Be the element of chaos in the equation, the one who instigates progress through trust in yourself. Let go of the comforting anonymity of being inadequate, and embrace the fact that you may be powerful beyond measure.

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