So now what?

Posted by gum232 on September 16th, 2013 |Filed Under ME | Leave a Comment

Don’t you just hate stress and drama?  Sometimes it’s hard to focus on yourself and what you need instead of trying to “feed” the aggravation or emotional pain.  It gets to most people that I know and for sure it gets me.  Life was never guaranteed to be easy. Things aren’t always going to work out how we want them to either.  Compacted by weight issues and possible health concerns makes it that much harder on our bodies when we stress eat (when I stress eat).  


So what do you do? Really. What do you do when faced with stressful situations that lead you into a spiral or in the edge of nutritional failure? Do you exercise and what kind of exercise do you prefer? Do you vent to friends? Do you write?  For me writing makes it real.  I can write it out and talk to myself, and anyone else that wants to read what I write and possibly relate.  In this whole wide world, if I am feeling weak or strong, I am the only one that is always going to be there for myself with God right beside me.  It’s a hard concept to have to be your own support system. Again, I like the comparison of the oxygen mask dropping down in the plane. The main point is that you have to take care of yourself before helping others.  You cannot always rely on others to help you in your time of need so you have to learn to be your strongest support.


For me I have come a long way and gone through many changes the last couple of years physically, emotionally and mentally.  There are those that have “issues” with my weight loss success, having lost friends over it and I seem to be experiencing more negative attitudes, or jealousy, now. I have worked hard on myself and have value.  I am worthy. It bothers me that there are those that have that animosity towards me, assumingly because of my weight-loss, possibly because of my confidence level that has sky-rocketed compared to where it used to be. My attitude and outlook is to be joyful and celebrate others’ good fortune thus I would like to think that I would show that to my friends, family and loved ones in such cases.


So now what? The “newness” has worn off of that initial shock I experience when people see me and when I meet new people they have no idea what my journey or weight loss experience has been.  A new friend mentioned that after losing a lot of weight that she’s just like everyone else walking down the street that there’s nothing to make her different now.  That’s an interesting perspective but now I get it.  At this point for me it’s still quite unbelievable that I’ve accomplished the “impossible” by losing 170 pounds.  I don’t feel out of place any more or as if I draw any attention to me for being “different”, even though being overweight is becoming the norm. 


Fortunately I don’t see myself as still big.  I know some individuals that lose weight have self-image issues based on what they looked like before losing weight and that they see themselves as being that way even afterwards. I didn’t like what I saw in the mirror for decades so I would try not to look, or see, the reflection. Perhaps that has helped me as a way for self-preservation.  I thank God that I don’t have that concern on top of all my others.  Also, things in my life work out better when I can relinquish the control that I want to have and give my concerns to God to deal with instead of trying to handle situations, worries, stresses, etc.


It is hard to maintain a weight loss, I would expect of any amount, especially of so much.  After having “yo-yo” dieted for so long it’s difficult to not slip back into habits that have been broken.  When you go “on” a diet it implies that at some point that you can get “off” or “stop” your diet.  I have learned that it is a way of life and that I will always try my best to eat nutritionally for my health and longevity.  I have two beautiful daughters that I pray to see mature into wonderful woman, wives and mothers eventually, not to mention wanting to try to be an example for them to want to emulate.  I can’t let the stresses of today determine who I am today or effect my health for years to come.  Everything happens for a reason.  A verse in a poem I wrote years ago says: He may answer quick, He may answer slow, but He promises to answer yes or no.  Today I give my worries to God.  I am Doing it for Me.


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