Super Quick Update, Possibly Updated Twice

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So my step father really irritated me and I asked my boyfriend if he would mind me going to his house and walking on the treadmill as I wanted to take my frustration out productively.

I walked for 41 minutes and managed a full mile and .250 of a mile. That’s amazing if you ask me. My head hurts a little and my legs are like jell-o but it was worth it. I do think that Im going to weigh in before the end of the day so that I can have some sort of idea as to how good this week has been, even if its a day early.

Im so excited that Im doing better with my life now. Eventually I will be doing much better and the weight will drop right off of me.

Everyone enjoy the rest of today.

Yours Truly,


Irrational Mood Swings

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I know I’ve written prior about being so angry that I just want to bust someone in the mouth but today, and more lately, I’ve had some really irrational mood swings. Im not sure what the heck they are from because nothing’s really been going on but Im beginning to worry.

I’ve gone from trying to do homework and just throwing my book across the room because it just pisses me off or something and then start bawling my eyes out. Then Ill be sitting talking to my boyfriend and just want to hurt him or scream at him until Im blue in the face.

It really is annoying and I just want to know why all of this is going on in my head.

I had started writing this yesterday. I had a really bad day and went from in a great mood to in a horrible mood in zero to sixty. It was terrible. So, today, Im writing in a different color because I don’t feel like BSing my way through yesterday’s blog or starting one today.

So, this morning my boyfriend had to take a test at my school (He’s home schooled) and brought me since when my day starts is when he had to take the test. He did really well, just to add. But he left before I could see him again.

Okay, so the mood swings are still happening. I want to rip this girls face off and shove it so far…I should shut up. She irritates me beyond belief and I want to whoop her ass so bad but Im a better person than that so Ill just rant it to my lovely blogger buddies.

Just a quick little congratulations to my lovely blogger buddy, E, on her losses this week and her triumphs along the way! Confetti filled text all right there ;]

My leg just fell asleep. :/ Lovely.

Anyway, Im too lazy to look back to see if I mentioned what I’ve eaten in the last week but lets just say four salads in two days accompanied by strawberry cake and angel food cake with fruit and whipped cream should make for an interesting weigh in tomorrow.

I got caught up with my online course work, started a new week this morning at midnight, and have been getting fairly caught up with all my other classes. My statistics class isn’t doing me any justice. I had to talk to my principal about possibly dropping it if I can’t get help. I am willing to do most anything to make up the missed work and since its all dismissed absences, she (my teacher) can’t say a damned thing.

Well, another teacher just offered to help me but when a family member of mine has taken five years of college level statistics and can’t help, I think that what my teacher is trying to teach us is not exactly what we should be learning. Although, my principal says this is easier leveled work than what was given before this year. I call BS.

I think that I am going to take full body photographs of my progress from here on out. That way I can see a difference. I also think Im going to research different kinds such as facial shots, hand shots, and so on so that I can see progress everywhere. Good idea? Bad?

I really wish that there was absolutely no snow on the ground and the weather was sort of nice so that I could walk the school’s track. Or I wish I could find a place to go for free to walk an inside track but I don’t think there are any. OH! I just remembered that there is a little camp ground near where I live that has a year round pool and hottub and exercise room for fairly cheap and everything is heated. Date night? Quite possibly!

Haven’t actually had a date night in forever. :[ I hope that I can find the information for the place online and suggest it to my boyfriend. I also have to figure something out for his birthday. :[ Where are you supposed to go when you have no money and the weather is in between winter and spring?

Alright, class is soon to be over and I have lots to look up now. Hopefully today passes by fast because I have my college intro to psych course to attend after two weeks of missing it. D: FML!

Everyone enjoy your day/night and keep up with your lives. Falling behind sucks!

Yours Truly,


Today’s Plan

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Today, I have a plan. I need to get homework done, clean, and exercise a little. Im hoping it doesn’t rain a ton before I can get out of the house and go for a walk.

Anyway, my day should fold out to be the following:

1st, I’m going to go back to sleep for a bit since my TOM woke me up

2nd, When Im awake again, I plan to eat breakfast

From there, 3rd, Im going to sit down and do my online course homework. ALL OF IT. And without complaint.

Afterwards, Im going to strap on some shoes and go for a walk. Probably just around the block.

From there, Ill come home and clean my bed room. I need to change my sheets, vacuum and put away clothes DESPERATELY. I’ve actually been needing to do this for the last week or so, maybe longer.

In addition to cleaning my room as stated, I plan to throw my pillows and blankets into the drier for a good amount of time to kill any germs from this stupid cold I have. I also want to disinfect my room’s basic surfaces, dust, and so on.

Afterwards, I am going to take a nice long hot shower, shave my legs, treat my rough dry skin, paint all my nails (toes and fingers alike) and from there, I have no idea what I will do.

Just a cute little update, Im now down to 305 pounds! Thats another 2 pound loss from whenever I last weighed in. I’m really hoping that I lose the weight that I want to before prom and then some. Im also really hoping it doesn’t all just become flabby skin to a point that I can’t tone it up. I plan on, however exercising enough that I can tone up some portion of my flab. Even found the instructional videos that my boyfriend and I are going to start as soon as he’s done with his long stretch of work.

So on that note, its time for me to go back to bed for a bit. :]

Everyone enjoy your day/night, which every it may be!

Yours Truly,


P.S., I updated my Hungry Caterpillar page, thanks to E! So please check it out! Thanks!!! :]

Cough Drops and Hair Cuts :]

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I was about to cry a moment ago. I couldn’t figure out how to change my font because I lost my second tool bar! Crisis, I know!

Well, as my title says, cough drops and hair cuts will probably be what I go on about the most today. I’ve been pretty down in the dumps lately, rather bad actually. To a point where I, at one point, considered moving millions of miles away and changing everything about me and my entire life or just simply stopping breathing. Neither are a suitable answer! So, I decided that a hair cut and weight loss plan put into action would be the better choice. I broke down and had a pity party with my boyfriend who is fully supportive of my emotional roller coasters (thank the heavens), if he wasn’t, I don’t know who I’d turn to.

Well, anyway, he decided that because Im having such trouble with my lungs and can’t seem to get myself out of bed without wanting to grab a gun, that he and I would start walking or something, ANYTHING, to get me outside and feeling a little better. In the summer-ish time, when his parents have their garage cleaned out and fixed up and such, he mentioned doing the exercises that I had looked up (both instructional texts and videos) and taking walks. He’s much like me and prefers exercising in private versus where anyone can his fat jiggle. Yes, I am the exact same way. I hate being near anyone when I exercise. I always feel like, even if they’re bigger than me, they’re judging me, because my sister and I had multiple blow outs when we were younger of trying to lose weight or get in shape and she’d always judge me and say things and I was never fully comfortable around anyone afterwards. Although, I have found I have a lot of issues surrounding family. I have father issues, sister issues, and mother issues. My grand parents are grand parents. What else can I say on that?

Well, anyway, part of my feeling run down is due to a watery nasal congestion that has made its home in my lungs. Also a reason breathing hasn’t been too easy. Anyway, I feel like Im going to live off of cough drops for the rest of my life. Whats weird is that when my boyfriend was with me about two hours ago, I could talk somewhat normal. Now, I have a fluctuating voice pattern of manly to silent. Not really that fun but it tends to get people’s attention better.

Wow, I jump from topic to topic a lot.

I can’t afford anything right now, and I will be getting a guinea pig sometime within the next two months or so, so in desperate times of need, I asked my mother (who’s fairly good at what she does no matter what it is) to cut my hair. I wanted bangs again. BAD. So She started with that. She cut them a bit too short for my taste but I guess they look alright. Then she put layers into my hair. I will mention that I am trying to grow my hair out to a fairly decent length for prom this year and its on April 28th which isn’t too long from now and I have THE slowest growing hair ever.

Yes, I like my hair cut, but I don’t know how much I like it. Its alright and I can make it work until its grown back out, but I just feel that I really want something WAY longer. Long is hard for me. As stated prior, my hair takes FOREVER to grow out. Im not even really sure why because my eyebrows grow together every two days if I don’t maintain them well enough and my legs and armpits, well those are long lost relatives of my cat if not shaved every three-ish days, haha!

Anyway, Im really hoping that the hair cut and everything that’s about to begin helps me out because I sure could use it. I even painted my nails pink and orange. Pink is a GIGANTIC step for me because obviously I like purple but I tend to paint my nails in a chrome color to avoid bold colors. Blah, Im tired, its almost one AM. Good night everyone!

Enjoy the night/day. Im off to dream land.

Yours Truly,


Just A Fast Little Spout…

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So recently I’ve gotten nothing but spam comments from my “I’ve Missed Three Days?!” post. I go through and just click spam mindlessly and doing so means that I have passed over quite a few NORMAL comments.

I do apologize to anyone who’s comments I have skipped by accident and I haven’t actually read any of the comments marked spam which means they’re gone forever and have not been read at all. Which sucks.

Anyway onto weight loss/gain topic…its a new week and I have it off to get back on track with school and my life. I shaved my legs (FINALLY after about a month of blowing it off), showered (after about three days of doing nothing but laying in bed), and I got some of my late work in to my online teacher. MEGA PROGRESS!!! =D

Now I get to spend more time on homework, start another new week of online course work tomorrow night, and hopefully I get to go out sometime this week. I want to go to the beach even if it is winter time because my lungs and sinuses could use the fresh salt air.

Ah, well it’s about time that I go get to doing more. Enjoy the rest of your day everyone!

Yours Truly,


A Little Update Never Hurt Anybody!

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A quick response to my lovely blogging buddy, E…

The reason for my anger is that this girl at school continuously has some sort of problem with me. We were friends once upon a time in, like, seventh grade, but then something I said apparently while talking on the phone upset her parents as they listened in or something??? Im not entirely sure. After that she’s always had this undying hatred for me. Anyway, er and my boyfriend were friends before him and I even met and I was fine with that. I encouraged him to continue talking to his friends, and to spend more time with his family (even if that meant dragging me along). I didn’t want to be that controlling girlfriend to those who were outside looking in, because with my boyfriend, he stays mostly with me and talks to his friends every so often when I make him. Well, long story short this girl said that her and my boyfriend weren’t on speaking terms and I asked why and she said that was between them. When I talked to him, he had no idea anything had even gone down. Then, after asking her, she comes up with this whole “He’s neglecting his friends because he’s dating me” theory. Both of us thought it was a crock of B.S. and he went off on her.

Before all of that started, before my boyfriend and I had been together even a full month, she tried to tell him about my past and that he should watch out. Fortunately, I have no secrets with anyone I date from the start so that nothing ever comes up that I needed to hide. I am who I am and I don’t care if anyone accepts me or not. I do fear rejection, but not from too many people; mostly my friends and family, but who doesn’t? Anywho, my boyfriend shut her up before she could get any details out and told her he already knew and it wasn’t her place. What struck me as odd was that she told him not to say anything to me about it. That sounds like she was going to say something more than just “She’s had a rough past, be careful you don’t hurt her” but more like, “She’s a whore, be careful because, like me, you may catch STDs”. I’m evil for even talking about HER past but honestly, Im so infuriated right now, I couldn’t possibly not say anything.

So, in essence, I feel I have every damn right to beat the living day lights out of her! I mean, it is MY past she tried exposing to MY boyfriend before I would have even BEGAN to get comfortable with him if it wasn’t for how I am with people I let into my lives. She has no right in any situation to open up about my past when hers is floating in big bold lettering above her head. It would be so simple to tell my entire school about her issues and her past that she thinks I don’t know about, but I’m not THAT mean, fortunately for her.

Anyway, now for the little update!

After school,  I went to my boyfriends (wow, this post has a lot to do with him tonight!), so that we could spend time together but he could still babysit his little sister for his parents. I love his little sister and his three brothers (the two youngest {brother and sister} are foster children who have been or are in process of adoption). He doesn’t understand how I can love them like I do but I want kids so badly (am too young!) and I have no blood or adoption related younger siblings. My older siblings always treated me like dog poop growing up and thats how my boyfriend treats his siblings! Hard to believe him and I even get along!!!

Anyway, after getting to his house after school, we ended up being loud enough his sister woke up from her nap (or never properly fell asleep) and wanted to come down stairs. We let her and then we watched Olivia (some Nick Jr. show), played Wii, and when his parents got home with two of his brothers, I helped his youngest brother with homework because his parents were busy with things that needed to be done. Like I said, I absolutely LOVE his family (well all but his dad but thats another story). Makes me want to have or adopt kids…or both! I do know I am going to adopt at least one child, any age, before I die (hopefully). That only means that one more child who has had some sort of traumatic parting or will find out about their real parents in the future, is off the streets and opening up a place for the next child in need to have a chance at a good life.

While at my boyfriends, I always weigh myself towards the end of the week. Typically thursdays because my boyfriend and his brother have youth group and I always tag along. Tonight we didn’t stay overly long at youth group but left his brother to get a ride home with his father. I had a fairly good day but after getting into the car to leave for group, I had fallen to some sudden depression. I weighed in 3 pounds lighter, even though I’ve done nothing but eat constantly due to my stress levels, and school didn’t suck all that bad, but something caught me up in a trap and got me all upset and crazy like. I wanted to just cry my eyes out or hurt something. Weird combination for me it seems.

I’m not sure, but anyway, its about 1:30 AM here and I have to be up at 5:50 AM for school. The joys of still not having a permit or license and having a boyfriend who drives but is home schooled with very few work hours lately. Woohoo me!

Good night everyone, enjoy you day and night of the following.

Yours Truly,



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I’m completely exhausted. It could be because I have over slept but I think that I really just need more sleep. Lately I have been stressed out and busy and last night I got home from school, helped my mother with fire wood and then went and slept until dinner time and slept again afterwards. I got up for about thirty minutes after that just so that my boyfriend could make it home by his curfew (sucks being teenagers!) and then went back to sleep again and didn’t get up until I had to get ready for school.

Today I plan to go home and try to stay awake as long as I can and then crash. Bad plan but whatever. I originally planned to stay after so that I could get help with my AP Statistics class but Im blowing everything off until after next week. From there, who knows what will really happen. I have to reorganize everything for my classes and do my homework for the last three weeks.

Has anyone ever been so annoyed by people that you just want to get up and slap them? Im having real bad anger issues today. Worse than I normally do. How does anyone handle such rage and hatred for certain people? I think that my irritation levels are going to cause such weight gain that I wont be able to pick up a laptop and blog because I will be so embarrassed!

Anyway, Im pretty distracted. I can’t seem to focus on anything but sleep. I haven’t even been able to blog lately. And thats one of my easy tasks. Oh well right?

Ugh, everyone go out and enjoy the day. Im going to go watch Law & Order SVU and try to focus on something.

Yours Truly,


One month and three days

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It doesn’t feel it but today is a month and three days on this site for me. Im super impressed with myself and think that I need to do more than what I am doing. I also need to weight in again.

I am currently in class but I have nothing going on at all today. Valentine’s day went a wry because my boyfriend planned on using his father’s debit card and paying him back with this weeks check (last weeks went to driving me back and forth to the medical center to see my dad) but his father decided to activate his new debit card while we were out and that deactivated the card we had with us which meant the money my mother gave us to go get groceries that went to gas is the only thing that saved our rear ends because my boyfriend had next to no gas in his car and we were nearly an hour away from home and had just enough gas to get back from our date.

Ahh!!! Run on sentences are my worst enemy! Im really tired and still super stressed out and plan to work on some of my online course homework after I get off here but will end up dodging my after school course because I am going to skip going to that today.

Oh my lord!!! I am not successful at all today. My lunch date is going to be spent making a list of what I need to get done and friday afternoon, my high school’s february vacation starts so I will have to strategize my time then to get things done.

Im so distracted so this is going to end soon. A quick update over my family, we are all starting to calm down but new stressors have come into play. Monday my dad came home from the hospital and things have been crazy trying to adjust to his needs. Last night we had an in-home nurse visit us and tell us that he cannot use our shower because it will be too difficult for him to get in and out safely. My mother’s friend broke the support beam under our floor by the steps into our kitchen which means the floor in that spot is incredibly weak and she never mentioned it to my mother which meant that we all found out on our own and my mom was seriously pissed off because of it. BUT, anyway, we have much to do at home and I have much to do at school and for myself. So I am going to go get something done.

Enjoy your day or night everyone.

Yours Truly,



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This will probably be one of the longest posts I’ve submitted. Or it might be one of the shortest. Depends on how I feel like explaining things to myself.

So to start off, Im going to give everyone the super bad news. Thursday and friday I attended a wake and funeral for a local teenage boy who committed suicide. As if that wasn’t enough of an emotional stressor, my step daddy had been having chest pains for a full on week and the entire family thought it might have been gurd or some other sort of acid reflux. My mother finally sent him to the hospital on saturday and come to find out, it was a heart attack or a series of. From there, he was brought to another hospital about an hour away that specializes in cardiac and respiratory procedures.

Monday we were informed that one of his arteries to his heart is 100% blocked, the other 99% and 75% blocked. Today, in fact, two hours from when I post this, he will be having triple bypass surgery. My entire family and everyone connected to us is frantic and not in the best of mood or frame of mind. My brothers are all upset and haven’t slept. One drove with his girlfriend straight through from Kentucky to Maine, the other hitched a ride to the hospital with me and my boyfriend. My aunts (both of my daddy’s sisters) are here and one of my cousins and her baby. My sister will be here later on today, and my mom, his mom, and my mom’s friend are all here.

Its been such a stressful and messed up week. I doubt that I will be updating this too frequent this week, next, or the week after. I have too much school work to complete, too many things to do, and so little time to do it all. Sleep? Well, thats been sort of out of the picture for the last week.

On a lighter note, and the last thing Im saying because I am going to go into my daddy’s room before they take him in for surgery, I’ve lost 2 pounds this week alone that I know of. Thats a total of six since January 11th! Yay!

Alright, everyone please send prayers and love and attempt to enjoy your day!

Yours Truly,