Archive for April, 2017

Here we go again.

I feel like such a failure.

Instead of keeping at it and losing weight, I keep yo-yo-ing, gaining with each naughty swing towards indulgence.  Now here I am, at the heaviest I’ve ever been, and trying to muster up the motivation to do this AGAIN.  I know I can, I’ve done it before.  And I know that I will feel better when I’ve started losing again, I will feel less of a failure.  Less of a freak.

Yeah, I see how people look at me.  Oh my Gawd, they say inside their heads, look how fat that woman is.  She is freaking huge.  Some whisper that to their companion who turns to look at me – and of course I see this exchange.  Yep, take a good look, here’s the big fat monster stomping past.  Oh, don’t worry, it’s not catchy.

Back in 2009 or ’10 or whenever it was, I was sticking to low-carb because I wanted it to work for Kevin.  What I couldn’t do for me, I could do for him.  Now it’s Eric who needs my support.  He has managed to pack on 100 lbs since coming home from the Marines and now his doctor advised him to go on low-carb.  He is trying it, actually giving it a chance, for the first time.  He even ordered ketone test strips (and got them today and he and Louise both tested positive already).  So I placed an order with Netrition and I will share my LC goodies with them.  And I managed to stick to LC all day today.  In fact, I didn’t each much today, just enough to not feel hungry.  I’m going to try to do that every day and see if I can listen to my body instead of counting counting counting.

So here I go again.

Starting weight:  360
Current weight:  360

Loss so far:  0 lbs

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