I will begin again…on New Year’s Day, 2010

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It’s night now, of the first day of the new year 2010.  I should report on how my holiday went.  Christmas week I indulged, eating wise, the most.  It wasn’t a free for all, but I let myself have treats.  Christmas dinner was way different this year, we had barbeque spare ribs, french fries and salad.  Weird, right?  No leftovers.  A piece of tiramisu that we shared for dessert.  I felt a little binge-ish that day and also ate a devil dog in the night too (unlike me and totally emotional).  I got back on track and going to the gym (missed one day), and last night had champagne, doritos and some ritz crackers (rest of the day on track).  For New Year’s dinner we had hot dogs with peppers and onions, beans, and chips (that actually is an old meal that we would occasionally have years ago).  That’s the last of the holiday meals.  I was up about 3 lbs on last Friday’s weigh in, which I know I’ll have off in no time.  I’ve had my indulgences.  This year less than probably any other year, amazingly enough.  I think when next year comes, I’ll be better equipped to do a better job.

Honestly, this holiday season felt bizarre and stressful and I have been all over the place emotionally.  I’m proud of myself for not turning to food more (I know, some people would say MORE??? ha), which I could easily have seen myself doing.  I really have made changes, that’s encouraging.  I’m a bit amazed at seeing the 230s this December.  Even with my slow weight loss, the number itself feels like such a new an weird place.  So I can tell myself I completely believe I can reach my weight loss goals, but something deep in my brain hasn’t really accepted that as a truth.  I know I’ll weigh less next year than now.  How much less is up to me.  I’m excited, when I really think about it.  I am a butterfly coming out of its cocoon.