bits of string and sealing wax

my quest to achieve a balanced life

trying to be motivated not mopey January 16, 2012

Filed under: Life, The Universe, And Everything — didibuttonsley @ 8:38 pm

I am totally in a rut and I know it.  I’ve been trying to deny the fact that I am feeling down, but it would probably be for the best if I’d stop lying to myself.  I knew something was amiss when I started crying over a comment that munchberry posted on one of my blogs.  I don’t know why I am still holding myself back, and keeping myself from moving forward.  My eating has been pretty lousy, I am not making any serious effort to find new clients, and I am over thinking little things and bogging myself down instead of taking small steps in the right direction.
How am I counteracting my own self sabotage?
– I forced myself to do Jane Fonda twice last week.  Twice was as good as it was going to get.
– I forced myself to hang out with my friend and visit the humane society to say hello to the critters instead of staying at home and brooding
– I took my cousin’s eldest to the three free (dinosaur museum, history museum, and public museum) museums on Saturday even though I don’t really like him.  I thought it would be a good “fun” deed for me to do to perk myself up.  It partially worked.
– Yesterday we went sledding on the golf course, and that was pretty dang fun even though snow kept blasting me in the face.
– I got a ficus lyrata (wanted one for years and years, but never got one cause they are usually too pricey) and a cordyline terminalis from Stein’s; their six inch potted plants (diameter of pot, not height of plant) and floor plants were fifty percent off, and I am kind of a plant nerd.  Two nice sized plants at five bucks each is a pretty good deal.  (Long ago I studied horticulture at Madison for a couple of years, and my interest in plants and permaculture and what not has never waned)  We then got the new plants home and proceeded to shine ALL of our plants’ leaves with leaf shine, and give them all nice new dirt and fertilizer.  Yep.  That kinda thing actually does make me feel better.
– Yesterday Sparks, Chris, and myself made crafts at her house and watched season four of The Office.  We made two new (and quite silly) pictures for our bedroom
– Sparks gave me some AWESOME scrapbook paper from this super cool little pack that she got.  She let me take any of the doubles that I wanted.  Seriously gang, it is such cool paper that it is pretty enough to hang all on its own.  And that is what I did.  I hung the little squares in a long line near the top of the ceiling today, and it looks pretty nifty.  I will try to get some pictures to show you all, but the lighting isn’t good enough in there to get any pics right now.
– The first book club meeting went really well.  We picked books for the next seven meetings and they all sound really cool.  I kinda wish we were going to meet up every Wednesday instead of every other.

Ok, so that is what I have been doing for the last week.  Here are some things that I want to do or improve on this week.

– Do Jane Fonda three times this week instead of two.  The eventual goal now is to switch between the upper body workout and the Jane Fonda each day.  I had planned on doing both of them back to back five days a week, but I decided to nix that idea.  I decided that one half an hour or under workout a morning is good enough.
– Drink NOTHING but water.  Ever since my cousin and her kids moved in I have been drinking soda and crappy juices and all kinds of sugary trash.  That stuff makes me bloat and feel yucky, and I just need to knock it off.  I stopped drinking those things years and years ago for a reason!!!  Just because they are around doesn’t mean I have to pour them down my fricken gullet.
– Switch over to a different affirmations cd.  I was doing the “weight loss” one, but I think my brain is kinda sick of it, so I am going to start doing the “self confidence” one tonight.  I also intend to place my own personal affirmations in a couple more places where I will see them each day, and I want to revise my list again.
– Spend time working on metaphysical healing every day, even if I don’t have a lot of clients right now.  If I choose to work on myself, Chris, and the people in my house each day, I believe that it will shift my focus in the right direction, and I will start getting more clients.  I feel like the problem is that my thoughts are all over the place instead of being committed to my goal.

Writing this made me feel a tad better.  I wish that I had more than two moods.  I am either really happy and everything is great, or I feel totally downtrodden and the world is horrible.  It’s pretty fricken dramatic, I know.


6 Responses to “trying to be motivated not mopey”

  1. blondie1 Says:

    I know how you are feeling when it comes to feeling only two emotions/extremes in your life. You’re either doing awesome and life is pretty good or you’re miserable, feeling lazy and in a very “I don’t give a crap” kind of life attitude. It sucks and it is very hard to get yourself out of those moods once you are in them because sometimes you just have to let them run there course and get it all out of your system. And there is nothing wrong with that but when it messes with your day to day life and job that is when you know this isn’t normal life! These slumps and bad moods happen because your body is lacking serotonin and dopamine aka mood boosters and elevators which is usually satisfied and solved for some people by turning to sugary/fatty/ carbo loaded foods which is not a good choice. You need to fill your life with activities and even foods to help boosts those levels and get your mind and body in sync once again. EVen something as simple as a glass of wine and good book can help with that. Anything simple to make you feel good and smile will raise those levels and have you not feeling so crummy anymore. I hope this helps! Good luck with everything!

  2. lilblueticket Says:

    The fact that you feel really happy or completely shitty seems totally normal to me. I get like that when life is kicking me in the ass, and it sounds like you have a lot going on right now. Hang in there, be kind to yourself and feel what you feel — I truly believe that the universe’s juju will turn around and point you in the right direction. Poof. Just like that.

    Keep writing if it helps. Even if it doesn’t help, keep writing just because I love to read you, k? And seriously, the line about taking the kid to museums even though you don’t really like him literally made me laugh out loud. The honesty, she is refreshing.

    Sending good mojo your way xo

  3. felesi Says:

    For someone who isn’t motivated, you’re the best “not motivated” person I’ve ever seen. Seriously, your “not motivated” looks like me on 12 cups of coffee. When I’m mopey, it takes a heavy piece of machinery to drag my ass off the couch. I agree with little blue. You’re under no obligation to feel anything other than what you’re feeling and you fake the funk better than most of us could dream. You’ve had a lot of changes in the last year and while some things are good stress, they can still suck the life out of you. Make sure to get lots of just YOU time to decompress so everyone isn’t driving you crazy. You’ve got such an awesome positive energy, I’m sure everything will right itself again. (And don’t know if it helps, but I use crystal light to trick myself into drinking loads of water. Generic brand of course, $2 makes three gallons…much cheaper than soda or juice and I don’t even like soda now.)

  4. munchberry Says:

    My mind immediately went to thinking I had said something hurtful so I went and looked and am glad it was something not mean, but very true. I think you cried because there are those lingering feelings. I wonder why you have been so hard on yourself lately. I do. Back in Florida there was this girl who basked in the shallow warm waters of the Gulf, appreciated nature and the wonders she discovered in them, dyed her hair and wore pretty dresses with much self admiration that made me smile. You did Jane and was proud of it. And here we are… you doing Jane and it not being quite enough. Going out and enjoying life but refusing yourself the pleasures of it.

    Cut the crap Didi. You need a mind change up. You need to actively promise yourself to take to heart the kind things people say to you and maybe repeat them back to yourself along with a few positive thoughts you know about yourself. You have picked a direction for your life. You now have to get it in gear and make a plan to make it successful right? What is it going to take to build a clientele? Make a list, order them and then attack it with such ferocity that you can barely recognize yourself! You need to find a way to break this spell you are under and I think your getting out and changing things up is a great way.

    When I find myself in the mental shitter I have to radically change things up, get some order, break up the daily routine and change my mind. All those things SOUND easy, but they are hard. But YOU, my bubbly, friendly, interesting, thoughtful, smart blogfriend can do it.

  5. goodnuff Says:

    I love how proactive you are, doing things that usually make you feel good in hopes that they will help. How inspiring! And what I love best is that you have those things. You know what you enjoy, you are a bazillions light years ahead of me when it comes to that subject.
    I’m sure I’ve told you before that there aren’t many women younger than me that I admire and learn from, you are one of the very few.give yourself a break, you are exactly where you should be in life. Sometimes you need to hold yourself back so that you can shoot forward like a cannon.
    Hugs girlfriend.

  6. didibuttonsley Says:

    Thanks everybody for all the kind and motivating words!!!!

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