bits of string and sealing wax

my quest to achieve a balanced life

dress shopping madness March 31, 2011

Filed under: Life, The Universe, And Everything — didibuttonsley @ 6:01 pm

I am so done.  And by done I just mean tired.

I left my bookbag at school (an hour and a half away) Wednesday night, and I’m too shocked to even get upset about it.  I have to drag so much crap back and forth that I suppose it was bound to happen sometime.  Still, how does one forget a bag that weighs forty pounds?  I didn’t even realize it until this morning when I was on my way to Sarasota.

I did my own bonus challenge- the one where I said to go buy a new top or dress or something – only it got out of hand in a hurry.  I bought two dresses at Walmart (they were only 14 dollars a piece) and seven dresses from Target.  I repeat I bought seven dresses from Target. Holy shit.  The target dresses ranged in price from 20 to 25 dollars.  I had no idea that Target is now carrying my m-effin’ dress size. Since when did Target start carrying sizes for the huskier lass?  I love that place, but their clothes stopped fitting me once I got over a size twelve all those years back when.  I report that my dress size at Target is XXL (which is the largest size they had).

I’ve never worn many dresses for various reasons.  In the years since I gained weight I could never find any that fit me right, which is why I went on a frocking spending spree and purchased so many at one time.  Stuff was fitting me left and right, and it ALL LOOKED CUTE.  For reasons that I don’t quite understand, most of the clothing in plus sized stores like Lane Bryant and Torrid does not fit me in a flattering way.  The shoulders are always very boxy looking, and the cut of the clothing is somewhat loose and shapeless on me.  I gave up on dresses because of that.  But the Target dresses are all super adorable, and I have already worn two of them to school and was showered with complements.  I am officially addicted to dress wearing, and highly recommend it.

I think what kicked off the whole desire to wear dresses was my cousin’s wedding.  I wore the first dress pictured in my “Sultry Sexpot Challenge” to the wedding, and I just loved it.  (Pockets on a dress make my heart flutter with joy)  So then I wore the dress to school the next week, and after that decided that I needed to stock up on disgustingly adorable dresses.  Mission accomplished.

When I start dropping dress sizes I will simply take the dresses to a tailor and have them refitted.  The two from Walmart are just little summery dresses, and aren’t anything special, so I’ll probably just give them away.  I really love the other ones though.  Maybe I’ll try to take some pics of me wearing them tomorrow.  I am pretty bad at taking decent pictures of me though.


four weeks left four weeks left four weeks left March 30, 2011

Filed under: Life, The Universe, And Everything — didibuttonsley @ 9:22 am

I have an hour before my next class starts.  Why not write a blog?
Here are the things I must do, and I have Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday to do them: write an eight page research paper, write a five page book report, study three chapters extensively for a big A&P II exam, attempt to study for microbiology if I have time, pack up shit so that I can move, do the assignment for female sexuality that I neglected to turn in yesterday.  Four weeks left.  Four weeks left.  I repeat it over and over as a mantra.  Four weeks left.
There is a distinct possibility that I am going to fail microbiology.  Yeah.  It is my own wretched fault and all, and I really don’t know if I have the time to pull through, but I am going to try.  Maybe.  First I am going to figure out my exact grade, and then I will calculate just what score I need to achieve on my final to pass.  If this number is reasonable (like, eighty five or so) then I will write and turn in a lovely lovely book report.  If, however, this number is something like a ninety five I might just say to heck with it and not even turn the paper in.  I don’t want to write five pages if there is no way I’m going to pass the class anyhow. That’s the spirit, kiddo.
It is a good thing that I am not on call this Saturday and Sunday.  I am going to tell my midwife that I can’t do clinic this Monday, because I want to come to Gainseville to study in the lab for A&P.  Have I told you that I can’t wait until this bloody semester is over?  We only get two weeks off, but I am sooooo ready for those two weeks to happen.
Today I realized that I might need to change desks.  The girl who sits behind me (she moved behind me this semester) never shuts up, and I don’t think I can take it for another semester.  Her constant running commentary quite frequently grates on my nerves like fucking sandpaper.  She’s the youngest in the class, and also the dippiest.  I feel like since she is the only twenty year old in the room she should put forth more effort to NOT be such a walking cliche of the tactless trashiness of youth.  It’s ok to be kinda country, and kinda young, and kinda tacky.  I can support all of those things.  But please shut your fucking face hole for the first five hours of the day.  The guffawing, chortles, chuckles, snufflings, and idiotic musings of a young Floridian white trash princess have no place during the three hundred minute death race that is A&P followed by micro.
Ok.  I am being cruel and mean and I don’t really feel that way.  Thank god the poor thing won’t ever see this.  I don’t dislike her as a person, I just am frustrated with the level of noise that I’ve had to tolerate these past months.  I know, I know… I ought to have said something to her about it, but I can’t seem to think up the correct words or phrasing or whatever.  Is turning around and saying, “Shut your god damned mouth and tuck in that paunch!” appropriate?  Probably not.  It’s my fault that I am down to the wire and don’t exactly have it all together.  I know that.
Oh, fuck’s sake, my brain needs a shot of something right about now.
I may have to start carrying around a flask for occasions such as these.  I suspect that some sixteen year old Lagavulin would take the edge off of my current cuntiness.  Too bad that I am financially destitute or I’d make it happen.  Jeepers, I’d sell my pussy to the highest bidder for three fingers of that shit poured over a couple of cubes right about now.
I am typing a lot of things here.  Take that primo sentence back there and use it for my midwifery yearbook quote.  That’s right girls.  These is hard times indeed.

I will catch up with the raindrops tally as soon as I can, gang.  Thanks for your patience!


Bonus Weekly Challenges March 27, 2011

Filed under: Life, The Universe, And Everything — didibuttonsley @ 4:03 pm

I might not have time to post for the next few days, so please post your results for the challenge here.  For the weekly challenges, you may repeat both of the visualization exercise and the facial if you would like to.  (I think those two things should be done once a week anyhow)

New weekly challenges:

*Go and see a movie either with a friend or by yourself.  Don’t do this challenge unless the movie is actually something that you WANT to see.

*Buy a pretty new top or a dress.  Just  because you aren’t the size that you want to be does not mean that you have to dress like a frumpy wallflower.  Your wardrobe is supposed to be an expression of who you are and how you want the world to see you.  We can’t makeover our lives completely overnight, and there is no sense in waiting to wear nice clothes until we are at the “right” weight.  One of the biggest mistakes I ever made after gaining weight was that I stopped getting clothing for myself.  I had such a sparse wardrobe for so long, because I kept telling myself that I could just hold off on clothing shopping until I fit into my old clothing again.  Dumb.  Having nothing cute to wear just made me feel shitty, and it has been five years since I could fit into my old clothing.  Not having a decent wardrobe didn’t motivate me to lose weight, it made me feel lousy.  If you don’t feel good about yourself it’s going to be a lot harder shedding those pounds.  So get out there and find something that makes you feel like a goddess!  Go crazy and buy a whole new outfit!

*Take a nice detox bath.  Add one to three cups of sea salt or epsom salts into a tub of steamy water.  If you like, you can add other bath oils or herbal tea bags.


ch-ch-changes March 24, 2011

Filed under: Life, The Universe, And Everything — didibuttonsley @ 9:08 pm

I had my first clinical review today, and I am happy with how it went.  In the beginning my preceptor was very unclear with her expectations, because she did not want to make an on-call schedule (she really wanted me to be on-call ALL the darned time, but that just wasn’t a reasonable request) but we have since worked that out.  I’m off call every other weekend, Monday nights, Tuesdays, and then I go back on call again at about 8:30 p.m. Wednesday.  Jeebus, they sure squeeze a lot of out of us gals.  Now that she knows I’m moving to Sarasota next week, she wants to know if I’ll do clinic on Mondays AND Thursdays.  Cripes.  My instinct was to respond with a hearty “Fuck no,” but instead I just said that I’d think about it.  I shall add that thought to the list of important things that I think about.

I might go on Thursdays for a while, because it would be nice to have some time to pick up more of the charting and office related components of the birth center, but I don’t want to commit all of my future Thursdays at this point.  I ain’t getting paid, you see.  On the one hand being there on Thursdays will speed the learning process, and on the other hand not being there on Thursdays will speed the sprawling on the beach and getting a mean tan process.

In four more weeks this grueling semester is over.  Jesus, Allah, Buddha, Flying Spaghetti Monster, and anybody else with a hand in, thank you from the bottom of my heart.  Last semester was rough, but this semester was agony.  At one point I seriously considered chopping off a finger “accidentally” just so that I could go to the hospital and avoid class for the week.  I am a natural born slackass, and here I am having to accomplish wayyyyyy more than one or two things at a time.  It’s pretty hilarious, really.

I stopped by my soon-to-be new house to drop off a check for the deposit and next months rent.  I already really like the gals that I’ll be setting up shop with, and I am grateful to have found such an arrangement.  I honestly believe that these will be the best roommates yet (though I have had good ones) because we all have a lot of common ground.  I’ve never had an opportunity to live with people who are into juicing, composting, and permaculture.  It’s going to be beautiful.


pieces of flair March 23, 2011

Filed under: Life, The Universe, And Everything — didibuttonsley @ 6:40 pm

Is it just me, or has my blog been lacking spunk lately?  It seems to me that I used to post comical musings and lengthy narratives, but lately my creativity level has gone to the dogs what with all the distractions school, clinic, and looking for a place to live have caused.  The pieces of flair are dropping off of my vest left and right.  Maybe I really have been fussing about weigh ins and challenges and school and whatnot a tad too much.  I haven’t even bothered keeping my blogger up to date, because now I know of family and friends from back home reading it, and I don’t want them to think that all I do is obsess about how I look and wig out about homework.

I mean… I do spend a lot of time doing that and all, but I also spend plenty of time thinking about terribly important things.   You know, like, sex, homework, getting it on, studying, where I left my car keys, making out, writing papers, doing my research project, doing the nasty, more homework, selling crystals, changing the world, babies falling out of vaginas, and la dee da dee dum and so on and so forth.  I think about all that stuff, guys.  I swear that I’m deeper than a puddle.  I’m at least as deep as a bucket of beach sand.  I thought about thinking about political issues the other day.  That’s pretty substantial right there, wouldn’t you agree?

Maybe not.

I believe that the world is in for a real treat when I move to Sarasota though.  Once I’m five minutes away from the beach I am certain that my blog will improve tenfold.  I’ll be telling you all about how I lie around on the sandy shore tanning all the time.  Shoot.  That’s almost as impressive as joining Greenpeace or the Peacecorps or some other happy horseshit like that.  Developing an even tan takes commitment and dedication, not to mention expensive and exotic smelling lotions and oils.  I don’t just obsess about fitness, school, sex, and weight loss, guys.  I also want my skin to look deliberately beachy.  Oh, and I now have become quite interested in tailor made clothing.  Put that shit in your pipe and smoke it.

So even though I’m in midwifery school, and I believe in service, and spend too much time treating people with metaphysical healing for free, I’m still pretty much a self absorbed sponge cake head on the inside.  I like making crystals, and fiddling with metaphysical energy, and I also like sleeping until eleven, and I really don’t give a damn about hard work.  Everything must balance itself out somehow.

I made my first etsy sale today.  Can I get a “Fuck Yeah!” from my loyal supporters?  Thankee.

And now I am going to leave you with some pictures of women in racey lingerie.  Consider them replacements for all those pieces of flair I’ve been lacking these days.


tweaking, i’m always tweaking (challenge results here) March 21, 2011

Filed under: Life, The Universe, And Everything — didibuttonsley @ 9:14 pm

Some updates for the Queen Of April Showers Springtime Challenge- First off, I am removing the number of workouts a week bonus thing, because I realize just how much adding I’m doing for this challenge.  You still get points and bonus points for daily workouts, but forget about the end of the week bonus thing.  I decided that I didn’t really want to keep track of who is working out on what days and so on and so on…  That section will be removed from the challenge link up at the top of my blog, and from the original post for the challenge.  I hope that everybody is ok with this change.  I guess I didn’t realize how time consuming updating everybody’s information can be! 🙂

Second- you do not have to send me your information everyday, and you don’t have to add up your raindrops yourself if you do not want to.  When you send me your info- just give me the dates and what you ate/ drank/ did, and please comment it on MY MOST RECENT blog post.  Thanks, guys!  There are likely going to be days when I can’t blog, but I’ll update as often as I can.

Third- please go and nag Jel and make her not quit the challenge.  Nag her real good, just for me.  🙂  I don’t want her to miss out on the fun bonus challenges.

Way to go Pepa and Jitterfish for already completing a bonus challenge!!!  I am glad you enjoyed them, and I guess I need to get cracking and complete some of them myself.  Those 500 drops really boost your score, and make me look like a slack ass.



Filed under: Life, The Universe, And Everything — didibuttonsley @ 10:30 am

Is April Showers too complicated of a challenge?  I don’t want to break everybody’s brains.  I thought it would be fun, but perhaps it’s overwhelming.


Week One Bonus Challenges March 20, 2011

Filed under: Life, The Universe, And Everything — didibuttonsley @ 7:41 pm


#1 Someday I am going to have an ample supply of benjamins and I will be able to afford trips to day spas. Today is not that day, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t pamper myself. For this challenge we are going to pamper ourselves with simple items found in the kitchen. Get ready to put on your best face.

Step one – Sugar Scrub – this is the simplest stuff to make, and it works great on your whole body-although if you are slathering it all over yourself you may want to do it in the shower so as not to make a complete mess. All you need is an oil, honey (or aloe vera) and some sugar (not powdered, of course). I have used olive oil, avocado oil, sesame oil, and almond oil, and all of them are good. You must use EXTRA VIRGIN olive oil, and don’t use corn oil, or canola. Take three tablespoons of oil and two tablespoons of honey and mix it with half a cup of granulated sugar. The mixture should not be too grainy or too liquidy. You want it to be mushy. You apply it to your face and exfoliate for a couple of minutes, and then rinse. If your skin feels slippery or oily you have put in too much oil into your mixture. If there is some leftover you can put a lid on the container that you were using and store it in a cupboard. (refrigeration will cause the oil to solidify) You might want to try this out on your feet and hands if you need some extra self care.

Step two –Mask and eye treatment – You need ¼ cup of plain yogurt, 3 tbsp honey, and 3 tbsp of EITHER pureed carrots or pumpkin. Use canned (with nothing added) carrots/ pumpkin or stuff that has already been cooked because it needs to be soft so that you can smoosh it up. You can put the ingredients in a blender, a food processor, or use a hand mixer. Apply to the face and leave on for fifteen to twenty minutes. As soon as you have applied your mask, place one slice of cucumber over each eye (close ‘em first, of course). Turn on some soothing music or listen to your favorite movie.

#2 Visualization exercise to bring out the inner goddess. You need some sort of paper for this, and whatever art supplies you have. USE A LOT OF COLOR. Chalk pastels are good because you can blend the colors all nice and softish. I like to use crayola markers, but really, anything with color will do. Don’t use a regular pen or pencil, because color is important for this one. This exercise isn’t about being a good artist. It’s about learning to project happy and positive vibes so that we can deliberately create our lives the way that we want them to be. You may want to have a larger sheet of paper, or you can even use notebook paper. If your paper isn’t large, have an extra piece handy for if you run out of room. Take your supplies to a quiet spot. No tv. No distractions. Think about yourself as a beautiful and powerful woman. FEEL yourself as being balanced, happy, healthy, and full of love. Close your eyes and picture your life without fear and hesitation. THIS IS YOUR LIFE RIGHT NOW. You are a part of creation. Your life force is strong and you are responsible for it. Imagine strong women that you admire, and think of all the amazing women that have lived before you and will live after you. All of their strength is available to guide you. All of women’s wisdom can assist and support you. You are whole and there is enough love in the universe for you. Imagine who you will soon be as a person. See all the details. The clothing you are wearing, the house that you will be living in, the partner that you have. Now start drawing. It doesn’t have to be a masterpiece- use color to represent things like love, empowerment and prosperity. Draw the sort of house you want, draw yourself dancing near the ocean, put in green rectangles to symbolize your super awesome income… draw whatever the heck you want. Just keep it all positive and really feel like you have already attained all of these things. Continue drawing for as long as you feel like, and stop when you feel as if you are finished.

#3 – lingerie wishlist – go to and check out the ultra foxy shit that you will one day be able to wear. Make a wishlist of five items. Spend a little time looking through the site, and really find things that you love. Post a picture of your favorite item on your 3fc blog. You are one hot mama, and you deserve to be a little risqué.


day one of april showers

Filed under: Life, The Universe, And Everything — didibuttonsley @ 5:01 pm

Hey gals, sorry that I couldn’t post this sooner, but I just got back from my cousin’s wedding.  The weekend has been busy, but tomorrow I will post the weekly bonus challenges and get a little chart together to chart our scores. Please try to send me your info daily if you can, AT LEAST EVERY THREE DAYS.  I am not going to chase after anybody to get info.


hola, chicas March 15, 2011

Filed under: Life, The Universe, And Everything — didibuttonsley @ 10:02 pm

signups for the Queen of April Showers springtime challenge (so far) : Pepa, Jelbelle, Goodnuff, Jitterfish, Garnetrising, (ahhhh, my lady gangstas), Fatnomo, and smsdreamer2007.  It’s nice to have some new blood in the challenge! Yay!

I’ve had several births and all kinds of things going on, so I apologize if I haven’t been updating about the new challenge and all that goodstuff.

The nifty chicks in Sarasota decided that I was good people, SO I HAVE A PLACE TO MOVE TO!!!  YAY YAY YAY!!  I can’t believe that I found such a cool place that is so damned cheap!  They have been there for many years and are on awesome terms with the landlord, so their rent is cheaper than anywhere else in the whole area.  300 dollars a month, plus utilities.  Un-flippin’-believable.  I can move on the first, but I think I will wait until the seventh, because I have TONS of things due on the fifth (a couple of research papers…). Words cannot express how thrilled I am that I won’t have to be making a two hour and fifteen minute commute back and forth to clinic and births.  Living in one city, going to school an hour and a half away in another city, and then working and attending births over two hours away in a third city is NUTS.  Ladies, don’t try this at home.

About the challenge- I have decided to nix the “no eating” thing completely, because we all have very different schedules and I want the competition to be fair for everybody who wants to do it.  We’ll just focus on the fruits, veggies, water, workouts, and fun stuff.  Sound good?  Also, I was going to have the challenge last for three weeks, buuuuuuut if people are into it and enjoying themselves we could do an extension week or whatever.  You all can let me know when the time comes.

TO JELBELLE, GARNETRISING, AND JITTERFISH : YOU THREE HAVE DONE GREAT AT KEEPING ON TRACK FOR THE ST. PATRICK’S DAY CHALLENGE!!! Final weigh in is Thursday, but as far as I am concerned you all get big fat shamrocks pinned on your lapels.

The rest of us kinda had scale issues, and poor Goodnuff had surgery…  so we bow our heads to you.

Oh, and I weighed myself on the scale at the birth center.  Remember how my scale kept reading 208 over and over and over until I thought I was gonna fuckin’ scream?  Well, I’m not 208.  I am (drumroll please) 203.  Not under that dang deuce mark yet, but I’LL TAKE IT!  I still am not entirely sure what was going on with my scale or if it was just from low batteries because I haven’t replaced the batteries yet (for reals, I actually HAVE been too busy to purchase batteries) so hopefully I can solve that mystery tomorrow.  My goal for St. Pat’s was 198, and I am a little disappointed that I didn’t make it, but at least I’m not still stranded at 208.

And about the juice detox- I had three births in a row (was up for two days straight) so I was at the birth center the whole time, and did not have access to my juicer.   I also didn’t have two days worth of bottled juice available, and couldn’t leave to get any.  I suppose I should have anticipated such an occurrence, but I sure as heck didn’t.  There are about ten babies that are still due this month, which makes me realize that such a schedule makes fresh juice detoxing pretty tricky.  Le sigh.

What I am going to do instead of the seven day detox is this: I already wanted to have raw juice for breakfast pretty much every day for the rest of my life, so I’m just going to go with that and forget about a full fledged detox for now.  My schedule is too crazy.  I can make my breakfast juice with carrots, a beet, greens, and a piece of fruit every morning, and then stock a few bottles extra in the fridge for when I’m in school or at the birth center.  I’ll be starting the day off very well, and then for lunch and dinner I’ll just make sure to stick to the “balanced nutrition” guidelines that I have been following.  The upcoming challenge is certainly going to help me to do that!

Hope you guys are having a good week so far!


Next Page »