bits of string and sealing wax

my quest to achieve a balanced life

the three r’s September 20, 2010

Filed under: Life, The Universe, And Everything — didibuttonsley @ 7:13 pm

reading, riting, and ridding myself of excess flub.

What did I do today?  Homework and working out filled up my day.  I fear that in the coming months my social life is going to suffer, because it seems all my brain has time to fixate on is school and exercise.  I did not expect such an immense workload at school, and I admit to not being fully adjusted yet.  It has only been three weeks, and I am certain that I am still in an integration process.  I’m not always the quickest to fall into a routine, but once I get going I reach sloth cheetah speeds.

I am proud of the progress I have made since my big move.  My eating habits are oodles better, and I’ve fallen into a pretty kick-ass work out routine.  I have surpassed my weekly exercise goal already, and there are still two more days to add onto the chart.  That pleases me immensely.  It’s been a while since I’ve had an impressive work-out schedule.  And by a while I mean wayyyyyyyyy over a month or so.  Like, somewheres around severals upon severals of years.  By the looks of things my baby steps are turning into big girl strides.  Yay me!

There are still things I am worried about.  I like to make lists, so here is a list of shit I worry about when I have a mind to worry:

#1. What the fuck will I think about when I’m not overweight anymore?

#2. What happens if I reach my goals, and still feel unsatisfied with myself?

#3. Am I ever really going to be at ease with who I am?

#4. Will being in shape turn me into a vain asshole?

#5. Will I be able to maintain my level of fitness during clinicals?

#6. Does any of this matter at all?

#7. Can I learn to not expect myself to be flawless?

My biggest concern is that I am too hard on myself, and expect too much from myself all at once.  I get into this mindset sometimes and end up feeling as though nothing can be good and satisfying until EVERYTHING is taken care of.  I’m going to need a few sets of volunteer hands to tie up all these loose ends.

The best thing I did today was take a bike ride with my cousin on the very scenic bike trail that runs near our house.  There are some killer hills lurking on that trail, but it is awfully purdy.  I hope my legs don’t feel like achy jello tomorrow.  I might have pushed myself a bit too hard with all the exercise today.


2 Responses to “the three r’s”

  1. jelbelle Says:

    I have to admit, reading this post was like reading something I said myself, except the part about wondering if I’ll be a vain asshole if I am ever thin. I think I’m already a vain asshole. But I think what’s better than your appearance, is that you will be overall in better health and good shape, and that’s what’s important. Weight loss is like an added bonus =)

  2. skinnyk10 Says:

    hi – just got back in town and checking in. You are doing so great. I have all the same fears. A life free of excess fat is no guarantee that you will be happier, more successful or more loved. But our bodies will be stronger, and healthier and like you said, wellness is so important. Yes, some of my friends have become a little ‘vain’ – I suppose they’ve earned it – it probably takes awhile for the rush of looking at your new sleek body all the time to wear off! So I wouldn’t worry about that – let’s not stay fat to help other people feel more comfortable.

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