I’ve Been here before

Well I thought it would happen and it did. I have no excuse I just lost interest and stopped. Luckily, I didn’t gain it all back. I started out at 183, I got down to 168 and now I am back up to 171. That isn’t huge. but I was doing so good there for a bit and jsut lost momentum. I did some work outs today. I did an hour worth of step, I need to start on my water. I so WANT to reach my goal, I jsut need to you k now stick with it. here is my goal for this month.

Go one week exercising EVERY day, and drinking my water. One week. I ca do that.

I want to Party all the Time!!!

WOOT!!!!!!!!

Okay I have lost four more pounds. I had that WHOOSH that everyone was talking about. sense January and joining the board. I have lost 15 pounds.  I am pretty pleased with it. I can’t really count it until Friday when it is my weigh in. But i don’t care !I am well into the 160’s! This week is pay day, so there is the temptation to splurge. But i won’t! Not after doing this good.

Seeing the ticker move is such a weird motivator, but it is.  I love my Ticker!!!

It’s all Greek To me.

Well not really, if it was in greek I would use bable fish to translate it. The forms to fill out for Financial aid are driving me up the wall. It is so  confusion, but every time I finish one, I am just a bit closer to going back to school.

Still not smoking and still watching what I eat. Unfortuately TOM decided to show up today. So while I had hoped I had lost, I have stayed the same.

Next two days are going to be hard for the diet and wight loss. I work all day until late at night.  So I will have to get my step in early and force myself to do the shred when I get home. I don’t want to fall down on my challenges.I didn’t think that the challenges would be that important. But they kind of are. It is weird for me. Well just another day of doing adverage and trying to do this school thing. A lot of changes, I just hope I didn’t bite off more than I can chew.

Hot for Teacher

Holy Crap! i have gotten farther than ever on this whole school thing!  I just emailed the guy back about my old transcrips. What the heck am i doing and I so want a cheese cake right now.  kind of nervous. Will i get help with tuition. Will I not get in. Guh. So much to think about it. And will I even make it once I am in.  The whole thing is stressing me out.

so for today I did my step, and the 30 day shred. So kicked my butt. I still have to do my yoga later so I am sore tomorrow.  i have had my water though I think I need to drink more. I am kind of hungry and ignoring that fact. It stinks but if I eat I am going to binge i just know it.

Joined another challenge. You all should join it looks fun. And Sense i live in Louisiana it works for me. Go check out Jelbelle’s page for the challenge!

Cosmic SMASH!

Okay I am angry again and All I want to do is eat. This time I am not angry wtih myself, I am angry at my husband. This year we both made some pretty big life style changes.  We were both working out, watching what we were eating, and quitting smoking. I don’t know i was really really proud of us. Even though I had to go through some pretty intense mood swings.

My husband didn’t seem to suffer them, I figured just like the weightloss he was handling things better than me. Turns out the big jerk wasn’t suffering the mood swings because he was dipping. I hate dipping he knows I hate dipping. So he hasn’t actualy quit, he just moved one habit for another!

I hate dipping so much. I would honestly rather him smoke than dip. Dipping is foul and discusting. I am just so mad! It is pretty much all I can say.

So I guess the o nly thing I can do is work on me.  He can do what he wants he is a grown man. So I eat better today. Got in actually SIX glasses of water, and did my step and the 30 day shred. God that shit kills me. I swear I feel like i am going to pass out. But it hurts, I like that, it actually lets me know I did something.

I also did something comptley crazy today. I applied to go back to school. On line and not quite the degree I want. But When you live in a tiny town and don’t have a lot of options. HEy, i’ll do what I can.

Discusted

But not fed up!

Okay I have been tracking what I eat, keeping it in range and I am still up almost two pounds. I am back up to just under 174. GUH!!!! I am thinking that it is because I haven’t been doing my water like I should or something. Really I am at a loss, well no I am not, that is the problem.

Still a month free with no cigarette, so that is exciting.  I still want one. Like This morning I really had a craving for one, but non were around. I am still finding TONS of lighters around the house, that is amuseing. Because When I smoked, I could never find one.  I have yet to  notice how much money we save with not smoking, but you know whatever. People tell me I save a lot of money and I’ll just have to take their word for it.

Okay. So now maybe I’ll do part of a Body Clutter assignment.

First Question. What is your image of beautiful?

Oh that is a hard one. Because to be honest when I think of beautiful I think of outward appearance.  So to me beautiful, Is clear skin. Something I have NEVER had in my life. Even when drinking water and trying tons of face cleansers. But clear, skin, wtih small pores. Color doesn’t matter, just not blotchy, and no bags under the eyes. I have those too.

Straight white teeth, and a beautiful smile.  Clean shinny hair, that is healthy. And as far as body weight goes. I do tend to think as far as women goes. I love a girl in a size ten. She still has hips, and curves.  I think what get called curvy these days is beautiful, but still proportioned and toned.

Now list all the ways you have tried to get there over the years.

God that would take forever. Okay. When i was around ten. I reemmber my mother putting me on the Scarsdale diet. Which is pretty much the standard eating plan for most weight loss programs. Small protien for breakfast, withe grape fruit, green salad for lunch, chicken for dinner. you were suppose to lose 20 pounds in two weeks. I was ten.

After that, it was countless weight loss gimmicks. PhenFen, weight watchers, Jenny craig, bribery, all kinds of things and they just never stuck an d every time they failed, she would just sigh and say it would have worked if I would have just tried a little more.

i am said it before, but one thing that has stuck with me, was my mother telling me that i went on my first diet when i was six months old. The doctor told her I was too fat and need to drop some weight. A six month old baby.  I don’t know, so i guess i really have been fighting this my entire life.

So yes, my weight gain has discusted me, but i am not fed up. I’ll just do better today.  it will all be fine!

Time off?

Okay so I took a day off and I feel like I have been playing catch up for the past few days. Even when i ate and ate on Thrusday, i still worked out. but the day off. God. I woke up the next day sore, and i have gained two pounds sense my day off.

I like the work out and I know a day off is good for me,but i just do n’t want to. It seems like it is actually bad for me. That kind of just stinks.  But for the challenges it still isn’t bad. It is still the first week and I think I can still do it. Still over a month for the march challenge and three weeks to get down to 165.

I have some weight to go, but I can do it!

!73 to 165. It can been done. I hope so!

I want you to want me

Oh my god these Lindel truffle commercials are KILLING ME. I am doing okay with my other cravings. No burgers, or chips (though i think i can refrain from going over board if i were to have some chips). No Beef jerky, no wonderfully greasey American Chinese Food or Tex MEX. But god watching that melted milk chocolate fall across my screen is just doing me in. I know if I got any chocolate i would eat the whole bag. I have never beend good at eating one bite and then putting it up for the next day.

If sweets are in my house, i will eat them all!  To be honest, I don’t eat a lot of sweets. My thing is salty. I know. My parents always look at us funny when we say we don’g eat a lot of sweets, like the only way we can put on pounds is through tubs of ice cream.  But then again it doesn’t really matter. I don’t live iwth my dad. Haven’t for a long time so he can think what he wants, it doesn’t matter.

But oh my god, despite all that. I want a candy bar. Even though I know a candy bar would only be about 450, still it is in the “bad food” catagory.

So what can I eat instead of chocolate

banana

orange

yogart (they make these in chocolate flavor. Is that cheating?)

A glass of tea

A hand full of almonds

A hand full of Wasabi peas (new snack that I LOVE! I am the only one so it is even better, because I don’t have to share.”)

AHHHH the commercial is on again. Twice in ten minutes that is just WRONG. I should write a letter. Though I doubt they would be sympathetic. Sense the commercial is kind of doing what it is suppose to do.

Sticks and Stones

I think I am just over emotional today. A few things said in the forums, kind of hurt my feelings and made me leave thread and just not want to talk to people. I think that is the problem with internet, tone is hard to tell. But still I think they were being rude and uncalled for, but then again, I have been crying all day at the drop of a hat. I should go back and re-read in a few days and see if I still feel they were mean. not that I would actually do anything. But you know.

So Despite the drama I have been surrounded with today. i managed to get my water in, do my 60 minutes and celebrate that sense I have joined the site, I have lost my first ten pounds. I think that is a pretty big deal.  I promised myself That if i lost the pounds, the first ten, I would get myself a really cute sexy apron to wear around the house. for when i was doing chores. I told my husband he was proud of me, but when it got to the part about the apron. He said, “That is kind of dumb. Why would you want that?” hurt my feelings and i was pretty upset.  So now, Even though I have been looking at the apron for a few weeks now, i don’t want it anymore.

Stree at work is getting worse. Everyone there is fighting and back stabbing and everything. I know it is retail, we have to deal with customers all day, Why do the workers have to cause such problems. It makes me want to come home and eat, but I didn’t. I had a nice dinner and a smaller snack later. I am off tomorrow and reather pleased with that.

Good things about to day. (because in all honestly I need to list them)

I did my 60 minute step despite my mood

I lost my first 10 pounds

I got in more water than I normally drink.

I ate all three meals and one snack

I only had to work a short shift today

I am off tomorrow

P.S. I live in Louisiana, and it is suppose to snow. I don’t know how I feel about that. I wish it wouldn’t. I do not like the cold.

REALLY?

Holy Moly! I know Pretty much this entire blog has been me complaining and moaning the fact that I have to lose weight. but I was working out today and I finally got my ticker for the site.  I started this month,  At the end of this month..I have lost NINE POUNDS. I seriously don’t believe it.

But I have Worked out almost everyday, and paid a lot more attention to what I eat even if I did have days where I shoved my face full of food. I am well aware that that more than likely won’t happen every month, but suddenly it seems so doable. Ya know?