Archive for March 7th, 2009

Saturday and I am posting sorta weird but a good weird!!!

Yesterday was a hard day…..

I got the water stopped in the basement for now yeah me…lol

I didnt have any customers yesterday but I do have two in a couple of hours..

I didnt get any scrapbooking yesterday done I cleaned up the kitchen took out a ham for today . Made a chili sat with my oldest at lunch time and just chatted. I went out and got a movie for me and the girls Beverly Hills Chihuahua and a bag of chips and made some homeade dip . I watched ghost whisper with my oldest and i knit one of those homade dishclothes I am not one for sitting down I cant sit cause i thinkthat I could be doing something better I have never been able to sit so in 18 months I have 15

Then excuse my language ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE….

My oldest daughter which will be 18 in October and my youngest daughter which will be 10 on the 24th of this month. This am it was about cereal I buy them each there own kind and the oldest wanted some of the youngest cereal and there was a tiff. Then the oldest says the youngest shouldnt b crawling into bed with me she is a baby and then there was a tiff then the oldest says she is a whine baby and that she will never grow up I try to make her understand at that age it is hard especailly on girls with all their hormones changing that she was the same way at that age and about 12 she grew out of it…

Then my oldest is hanging onto ALOT of anger issues She talks to me all the time but I am in fear that I am not helping her she wont go and talk to anyone else..

I met her dad when I was 16 and 1/2 and we had my oldest when we were 18 I married him when I was 21 and we divoced when I was 26 then we got back together and then stayed separated since 2002 . He was mentally and physically abusive to both myself and my oldest but not our youngest because he left when she was 6-8 months we did get back together but he never lived in the house when we tried to work things out. She is angry because she was abused and my youngest wasnt she is angry because she has almost been gone from ns for a year (in June) and her father has only called her a handful of times she is angry that he gave her a car for her 16th b-day and said he would get it too her and he is now driving it . She is angry that her grampa (my ex dad died of cancer ) and she has never dealt with it she is angry that my father died three years ago and she has never dealt with it she is angry at Jamie because he is in the military and we got posted here and she wants to go home but knows nothing will be the same and her and her dad dont have the greatest relationship. but nova scotia is a security / She is angry that she lost some of her child hood years and had to grow up so fast. She is angry because I am now trying to treat her like an adult and I havent structured her to be an adult as I have always sheltered her. She is angry because she wants to go and be a teacher next year after grade 12 but doesnt want to have the debt load. She feels she doesnt belong anywheres she is mouthy well wait not mouthy just ignorant not to me but to Jamie I think because he is a male and with everything that has happened in life she doesnt have the time of day for men…

We have talked about these issues everyday or every few days and I think that she is getting better about things.. and then when she get angry at someone or something it is all blown up again. She is scared I understand that she is scared to grow up she is scared to face the scary world but I wont make her do it on her own I will be there every step of the way.. I told her I hate it here where we are I wish I could snap my fingers and go back but I cant at this time in my life. I have to make the best of it Like she said in nova scotia there is nothing for us now and nothing would be the same if we moved back today… But it is familair surroundings.. Maybe she is just going through normal teenagers stuff where she hates everyone I just havent dealt with this before last night we were up till 12:oo midnight talking trying to help her but in my heart I will know it will be the same yet again today. I had chest pains all night trying to think of a way to help I didnt sleep and was up to stay at 6am . Has anyone else ever went through stuff like this??

Well I didnt weigh in this am

i didnt have any chips last night but I did end up watching the movie with my youngest dd

while my oldest went to her bedroom and just didnt want to deal with the world I did tell her to call her dad onthat issue and tell him how she felt and she did say he wouldnt care or say he didnt know and not doing anything about it. Which I know that is exactly what he would do but never told her this..

he dad is remarried now with one step child and two more biological children and I see from the outside that he treats his boys 100 percent better than he had ever treated our girls or spend the time with them etc when we had our second daughter he was like oh man not another girl…

I really dont know what to do if I call him and tell him to call her more to talk to her she will know I have done that because i have to call and remind him about alot of things. I feel in my heart that I should just let him fly on his own I have stuck up for him soo much in the last years to try and make my children see he is a hero but maybe it is time for his true colors to shine through

thanks for listening 🙂

off to shower and get ready for my morning clients

have a great day gals