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Well I hadn’t written in a while. I kindof just fell apart let all the good cozy ideas about changing slip through my fingers and hid it away. I kept saying oh well let xyz come together first and then I will try again later. Eh but you cant just sit and wait for the perfect time to start, the best time to do it is now.

So Jan 9th I started getting an instense pain right in my pelvic area alittle bit after my DH left for work. It was so bad I couldnt move almost or do anything. I was really just one of the worst pains I have ever felt. A few hours go by and then I notice I am bleeding. Like I am on my period. Except umm I haven’t had a period for like 10 years almost! I am really a bit shocked and the pain continues aswell as the bleeding into saturday the 11th.

So that night (sat jan 11th) when my DH got home and saw how much pain I was in he took me to the ER.

The ER staff was so nice and helpful and it really eased my mind. They took blood (a ton of it lol) and urine samples and did a cat scan and a pap smear. Lots of tests lol. and gave me pain meds which made me all light headed lol

They couldnt find the exact cause of why I just started bleeding or being in pain. A woman’s body and hormones are a mystery lol. But felt strongly that I probably had diabetes (my blood sugar was over 300) and PCOS (Polycystic ovary syndrome) en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polycystic_ova

and that somehow everything was all related. The ER doctor gave me a prescription for Metformin 500mg twice a day. and that I had to make followup appointments with a doctor for the diabetes and an obgyn.

So the first week(ish) on Metformin was kindof rough. A bit of an upset stomach nauseua but nothing serious. And that is pretty much gone now. If I don’t eat a meal or something it kindof comes back bad.

Yesterday (Jan 27) I had my first doctors appointment. I was so nervous and out of my mind. I had no clue what to expect. Though it went by smoothly and the doctor is awesome & really nice. They gave me a blood testing kit and showed me how to use it. My blood sugar was 181 then. the doctor gave me new appointments for an eye doctor and I have to see a nutritionist. I had to go get more blood drawn today for more tests. I hate having blood drawn. It makes my arm so sore and it creeps me out with how much blood they take lol.

I did my own first blood test this morning. I had to fast for the tests so I didnt eat anything and it was 233! but it was aweful. I am such a baby lol. I freaked out and didnt think I could prick my finger. I knew it wasn’t really gonna hurt at all and that there was no reason to freak out but I did anyways. I even cried. But sigh I am sure after a while it will be easier and I will just get used to it.

I am also on a prescription for prozac for my depression and panic attacks. I am really hoping this helps alot. I have gotten really bad. I have panic attacks all the time at the very least once a week and usually everyday. I have begun to wonder if I am agoraphobic even. So *cross fingers* this should help.

All in all this is so many changes for me and it is overwhelming and alot to take on. But I think this will give me alot of strength to balance out my life. It feels like a good push forward for me. My life had no structure and it led me to just not take care of myself, my home, even my pets suffered. and it was killing me. Maybe now this can give me an added push to get a routine and get healthier and happier.

I feel this was a gift. I had been so so depressed and sick. I was beginning to doubt everything I believed in. maybe there was no point in life or anything. Either I was cursed and being punished or it didn’t matter if I was good because I would still get this? What did anything matter then? I prayed and prayed. nd the Goddess showed me the light out of the darkness. and it is so beautiful and fits in everything I believe. I never felt the gods granted wishes or made this better. But they can guide you. I got the push I needed to stop putting off seeing a doctor and getting healthy. I still have to walk this path to do the work, visit the doctors, take my medicine, eat healthy and exercise, but I know I have the strength and the Goddess with me.