I guess I run now

or I’m trying to anyway.


Rough day, no willpower

Had to work the door at a women’s studies film festival yesterday afternoon & while I made sure to eat both breakfast & lunch so I wouldn’t be hungry, I still munched. Damn it!

Had about 2 cups of chex mix…I actually made a conscious choice to both a). snack and b). ignore the healthy veggies that were also provided as snacks. Left after the first movie ended & the catering folks had already set up the next set of snacks, so of course, I had to have a lemon bar that was about 2 x 2 inches long. I don’t even want to think about how many empty calories I ate on a full stomac!

& of course, the sugar rush ended & I felt miserable & wanting more sugar. Not a good time to shop, but I had to get groceries in…tabouli, spinach, peas,  frozen blueberries, olives, lettuce, non-everything pudding, & fish (2 more stuffed sole & a single coconut-crusted talipia…so  the equivalent of 6 healthy entrees for the week). & at least I didn’t buy anything unhealthy as a reward for my unhealthy snacking!

& no exercise to speak of…I’d planned to take it easy yesterday anyway, but I barely got in 5,000 steps with only a walk around the dog park to show for myself.

So, yeah, I’m feeling a little guilt right now & I’m feeling a lot of guilt for feeling that guilt…make sense? I mean, I know that if I beat myself up everytime I falter, I’ll end up giving up the whole enterprise because I really prefer to feel good about myself. I don’t know if that makes any sense to anyone but me…why would you give up doing something that makes you healthier and stronger just cause on a few occasions you stumble & feel bad about stumbling? But I’ve given up trying to understand my own mind & am just happy now to know how it works.

Anyway, today is another day. Breakfast of cereal & blueberries; lunch will be a big salad; dinner of tabouli, spinach, and talipia; olives & pretzels as snacks; and I think I’ll forget making more chocolate pudding until tomorrow…it’s not a huge calorie savings, but it’ll make me feel better about the lemon bar.

& today is day 3 of week 3 of the couch to 5K program. I’m going to try to up my speed & even replace some of the final walking cool down with more running…next week’s is 5 minute runs & I want to be prepared to hit the ground running (so to speak) when I enter week 4.

Filed under : General
By bigprof
On March 30, 2008
At 8:38 am
Comments : 0

There will be bad weeks…

but this ain’t one of ’em! 2 pounds lost!

Slow & steady wins the race! I was preparing to be disappointed this week cause of TOM, but I’m so glad to have this as motivation for next week (and to get my butt out of the chair & run week 3 this morning).

Kiki: I use Wai Lana videos (she’s on PBS sometimes, so I used to record her show). The PBS episodes are only about 20 mins long, working different muscle groups each day. I also used her video for beginners (longer format), but the VCR got hungy and ate it a few weeks ago.

Brseay: I’m in Michigan, so I guess the snow cut a long path across the midwest…it’s been a pretty relentless winter here. & the links for the couch25K program are on my site, bottom right column. If you decide to try it, join our Yahoogroup for support…a few of us are running together, virtually anyway. 🙂

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By bigprof
On March 28, 2008
At 7:47 am
Comments : 0

Yup, snow.

Light & fluffy, but it’s coming down pretty quickly. Um, hello spring, I believe you’re late.

Worried about tomorrow’s weigh in, especially given TOM. But I’m not going to let a bad week get me down…there’s plenty of running left to do. Anyway, I’m wishing I’d chosen to stick with the yoga from week 1…least ways if I had, I could’ve crossed a lot more than just my fingers that I’ll drop another pound or two tomorrow.


Filed under : General
By bigprof
On March 27, 2008
At 5:30 pm
Comments : 2

so sorry Mr. Sole…

Went to the Y first thing (only a short walk with the dog first) and did 20 mins on the treadmill (taking it easy) and about 20 mins with the weight machines. Everything hurt this morning, but I’m feeling better now. I think maybe I didn’t drink enough water during and immediately after my workout on Monday & that caused all the terrible muscle pain yesterday.

Went to work & it was beautiful out. Met with a colleague to discuss the major, graded some, looked out the window and realized “43 & sunny” is the best weather we’ve had all winter. Then I remembered the flash on the TV at the Y this morning, “more snow in the forecast,” it said. So I headed home, piled the dog into the car & we hit the dog park.

Got home starving, but I’d already prepped some tabouli for dinner…I make it with low-fat chicken stock, onions, garlic, grape tomatoes, and peas, and I had a lovely stuffed sole ready to go. Now the tabouli is my “salad” interpretation. Oh, I know, it isn’t leafy greens, but I made up for that with some frozen spinach. Delicious!

So I’m half-way through the sole when I realize I don’t need to go the whole way through it. Or do I? So I stop, munch a carrot, munch a raddish, munch another carrot, and in my head I address the sole, “okay, so we both know I could eat every last bit of you tonight without a second thought, but you have stuffing so you’ve got more calories than I really need right now, and if I save you, I can have the rest of you tomorrow night & your little friend the two nights after that.” Another carrot & I’m resolved. So I finish up the spinach & tabouli and wrap the sole up for dinner tomorrow night. Amazing what I can talk myself into when I stop to think about what I’m eating.

Then I wrestled the muddy dog into the tub, climbed into my jammies, & settled in for some more grading…& I’m done…just in time to get 20 paper drafts tomorrow that I’ll need to respond to, at length, by next Thursday. Arrrrggghh!

Filed under : General
By bigprof
On March 26, 2008
At 7:54 pm
Comments : 0

Really quite sleepy…

So I’ve been doing this exercise every day thing for about 3 weeks now, & I’m enjoying it, but come mid-day, I’m absolutely beat & ready for a nap. I was sort of hoping this part would be over by now, but I guess I need to get a bit stronger first & probably getting to bed before midnight would help. Anyone out there able to tell me when the mid-day sleep attacks might end?

Decided that instead of my usual Cheerios for breakfast, I’d have a slice of low-cal toast and a scrambled egg. My reasoning was that the extra protein would do my body good the day after my first strength training session in months. So that was breakfast, lunch was a salad & about a cup of the leftover Jasmin rice (no reason to throw that out with the korma) with a teaspoon of low-fat butter & some Molly McButter; snack was 6 olives (picked up the good kind at the olive bar yesterday & these suckers have about 15 calories each…but they’re worth it, very satisfying); dinner was 3 oz of talipia baked with a light dusting of breadcrumbs, crushed pecans, and non-stick spray, 1 1/2 cups rice (same prep as lunch) and a big salad. Snack tonight is the last of the 1/2 cup low-everything chocolate pudding with low-fat cool whip…one of the most fun and satisfying 120 calorie snacks I’ve found.

I’m going to try to squeeze in another strength-training workout tomorrow during the day. Otherwise I’ll have to fit it in before my classes on Thursday (not cool) & my run killed today largely, I think, because of yesterday’s trip to the Y. Every muscle I have was aching and screaming its discontent to the world, and I really want Friday’s run to be more enjoyable than today’s.

Filed under : General
By bigprof
On March 25, 2008
At 5:23 pm
Comments : 0

I have seen the enemy, and it is me…

Two posts in one day…wow, can you tell I have stacks of grading to do? I wish I was as clever about weight loss as I am about procrastination.

Anywho, I finished up that last post, turned off the computer & almost immediately lost my resolve. What was that? Go to the Y & do some strength training? Throw out the delicious but dangerous leftovers? Surely I can exercise just as well at home! Surely I can eat the korma in small portions & the calories will hardly count at all!

Okay, it was a battle with myself for about 20 minutes there & then I finally got real. I needed to go to the Y because the membership is bleeding me dry & I need to fit some strength training into my routine & because in two weeks I want to visit the hubby for a long weekend. & there’s nothing but snow there: no lovely treadmill, no comfy spaces for me to do yoga or mat work. So I’ll have to suck it up & hit the university’s rec center when I visit, which means I needed to go to the Y today to get back in the habit of exercising with skinny people all around me.

So I piled on the workout clothes (figured I’d avoid the hassle of changing from street clothes to workout clothes & back again) & headed out.

But first, I tossed the beautiful korma into the trash, knowing that it’d be too warm and truly deadly when I returned from the gym & that if I didn’t, I’d return from the gym having resolved to eat it in moderation. Cause eating in moderation is one of those things that comes so very naturally to me, don’t cha know! HA!

Maybe one of the things that comes with age is that I’m less likely to be able to fool myself, although clearly it’s still a daily struggle with and against my own better judgment.

Filed under : General
By bigprof
On March 24, 2008
At 9:52 am
Comments : 0

oh, that delicious korma!

Got back from the dog park around 5:30 & was starving. But I played it smart: phoned in my order, munched on some carrots & drank some water, and got my salad & veggies on the table & ready to go. This way, when I got home, I wasn’t tempted to dig right into the warm food & put off making (and eating) the salad: it was already made!

That’s the good news. The bad news is I ate about 2 cups worth of lamb korma & rice, half a piece of naan, and the whole salad.  The lamb dish probably registered in at about 850 calories (eh gads, that much?!), about 200 in the naan bread, about 150 in the salad. So, for those of you playing along at home, that’s 1200 calories & I haven’t even counted dessert at 120. & here I was saving the leftovers for dinner tonight thinking that if I ate only 1 cup, it wouldn’t be so bad. I can see now that I gotta get this food OUT OF MY HOUSE!

So, that’s another rule: if I’m getting Indian takeout (and it’ll be a long time before that happens again, clearly), I gotta find something besides the richest dish on the menu to love.

Oh, I discovered another rule after my run yesterday: no eating (a meal) right after a big workout. I wasn’t starved & some carrots or a small piece of cheese would’ve controlled my slight hunger fine, but I plowed through the first half of lunch without even thinking about what I was eating (low-fat chix noodle soup, salad, & veggies). So I was letting the endorphins do the eating for me & that’s not cool cause what those endorphins are good for is a kind of trance-like state.

Anyway, my exercise yesterday didn’t make up for the food consumed, but I’m still happy with it: 40 min walk/run in the morning, 30 min slow walk around the dog park, and another 15 minute fast walk on the treadmill after dinner. & today I’m putting on one of the new workout outfits I bought last week & hitting the gym to do some strength training before I long day sitting on my @$$ grading. Yes, that’s what I’m doing today, so maybe I better get to it!

Filed under : General
By bigprof
At 6:53 am
Comments : 0

on chocolate Easter bunnies and loneliness…

I imagine quite a few of us are thinking of chocolate bunnies today…my goal is to convince myself that a random Sunday in March doesn’t justify indulging in candy.

On the surface that makes sense, but beneath the surface is the little girl who woke up disappointed this morning because there wasn’t a giant Easter basket waiting for me at the end of my bed…my mom always indulged us at Easter & not with those crappy drugstore or big-box store baskets filled with junk candy, no, I’m talking pure, solid milk chocolate everything from the best candy store in town.

She’s alone this Easter. My sister and bro-in-law are at his folks’ house. I wish I was there with her…we’d have a grand old time just the two of us. I miss her & my trip out there this summer can’t come soon enough!

Instead, she’s alone & I’m alone some 1,000 miles away. Sucks. Hubby’s back at school, but he’ll spend the day with friends. I used to have friends before I moved here…Chicks, please remember the new single women, the widows, the divorces, the long-distance marriage women who come into your life. Most people don’t…most people assume someone else has befriended us and made room for us at their holiday tables.

I remember when my dad died, all their friends basically dropped my mom. At the time I thought it was cause they felt awkward being happy around her, but I think I know different now.

Oh sure, my colleagues will ask me out for a quick cup of coffee, a single beer after work, and even the occasional lunch, but these, for me, “big social events” are few and far between, maybe once a month for one of them if I’m lucky. The only time they’ve asked me to their homes or out for dinner is with the disclaimer, “hey, if [hubby]’s in town this weekend, we should all get together.”

Great. The one time when I’m not guaranteed to be spending the whole weekend talking to the dog & that’s the only time they want to spend time together. Of course, even those invites have been few and far between over the last long and lonely 2 years.

Wow, listen to me. Someone break out the violins it’s time for a pity party at my place. Okay, so the Easter plan. I’m going to be good to myself, but this whole lonely thing has been a major contributor to my packing on 20 pounds in the last two years, so there’s no excuse for over-indulging. It’s Easter, so I’m going to order the lamb korma rather than the chicken when I get my Indian take out tonight. The takeout itself is a treat since I’ve been trying to stay away from restaurants where I can’t control the ingredients.

Okay, so it’s more calories than I usually allow at dinner, but the rules apply: salad and munchies must be consumed, 7-inch plate, small portion, and eating at the table. The entree is different, but everything else remains the same. Oh, maybe not everything…tonight I’m having dessert! Instead of dangerous chocolate bunnies, I made up some fat & sugar free instant chocolate pudding & will have one of those with some lovely fat free cool whip!

& since I’m sticking with this eating at the table thing, yesterday I splurged and bought some fun new placemats to replace my 6-year-old ones that the dog gnawed on at one point. Makes dinner more festive, I think. But that doesn’t mean dinner is supposed to be this BIG EVENT…it’s just an occasion for getting some good nutrition & fuel into my body, nothing more and nothing less.

Happy Easter to all the chicks who celebrate it & happy weekend to everyone else!

Filed under : General
By bigprof
On March 23, 2008
At 11:34 am
Comments : 0

okay, I’m happy

with a 2-pound loss this week. That’s more than I lost most weeks on Weight Watchers, so I think the combo of healthy greens and munchie veggies and daily exercise, including the 3x a week couch to 5k, is working pretty well. No actual signs that I’ve lost yet: too early for clothes to fit better or differently, I think, but I feel a little stronger & much more in control of my eating.

Hey, there’s a light at the end of this tunnel that I dug for myself over the last three years. It might not be clear for a while, but eventually I’ll see that light & a total of 4.8 pounds gets me closer than I was just two short weeks ago :).

Meanwhile, AAAARRRGGGHHH! It’s 8:30 on Friday night & I’ve yet to run for the C25k program today. I’m supposed to move to week three tonight, but I think I need another day on this 2nd level before I progress. So now I’m off to visit the C25K yahoogroup for inspiration and motivation, then to start/finish today’s run, & then I can feel okay, even good, about planting my big butt back on the couch for the rest of the night.

Update: Phew! Got the run in and tacked on an additional 12 minute cool down at the end, so instead of wussing out, I managed to do 42 mins of walk/run on the treadmill.

Filed under : General
By bigprof
On March 21, 2008
At 6:30 pm
Comments : 0

too early for a milestone?

Yesterday I had my usual breakfast, lunch, & snacks. Then for dinner I planned to have a big salad with about 4oz of beef (200 cals) on top for some substance to the meal. The salad was excellent, but I spent the night hungry and could’ve easily overdone it on the snacks if I hadn’t been diligent & stayed out of the kitchen. By midnight I was starving & cursing myself for not realizing how little nourishment I’d given my body.

And all day today I was dragging, so when I went to make the same salad tonight, I realized I’d need some veggies or a starch to go with it. So I opened the freezer to see what I wanted & spotted a lean cuisine fettucini alfredo (280 cals). Then I got a brilliant idea. Olive Garden’s been advertising this steak and cheesey pasta meal that normally wouldn’t appeal to me at all, but it does now since I’m dieting. So I decided to do the low-cal version: my beef on top of the lean cuisine.

All is well as until, midway through making dinner I realize that I’m about to break a rule & have a dinner without a salad and raw veggies on the side. & it’s too early in this new routine to start breaking the rules, so I make up a dinner salad & pull last night’s bowl of leftover carrots, radishes, and olives from the fridge. Pour the lean cuisine onto a small plate (never done that before) and top it with the beef & it hits me: there’s a lot of food on that plate! Then I look around at the salad and veggies & realize that I have too much food all around.

So I ate the whole salad, polished off the veggies, ate half the lean cuisine creation, and packaged the rest up for lunch tomorrow. I’ve been noticing that the salad & veggies with dinner thing really helps me to cut down on the amount of other food I consume, and I guess tonight is proof of that cause normally I’d find the lean cuisine portions to be much too small.

Another rule I realized I’ve been following: all meals at the kitchen table & no TV, books, or internet to distract me into mindless munching. Of course, this was much more pleasant when hubby was home last week and I had company for dinner, but now I can really be conscious of what goes into my body & how much of it goes in.

Didn’t do any yoga/mat work today & only a 30-min walk with the dog so far, but I’ll do the mat work tomorrow (or hit the gym for some weight training) and get in at least 20 mins on the treadmill (so I can reach my 35 mile treadmill mark this month!).

Update: finally motivated myself to get on the treadmill around 8:30 with the promise I’d do only 20 mins at 3.4 mph. Ended up doing 30, so am going to bed feeling like today was a success.

Filed under : General
By bigprof
On March 17, 2008
At 5:44 pm
Comments : 0