The other day I got a message from a friend of mine who is pregnant, again. Seriously, she collects babies like a boring person collects postage stamps or dust. “We should hang out I need to get out,” she whined. Little did I know that this would mean going to the maternity store to go swimsuit shopping. This is the same girl who told me over the phone the other day. “I went to the gym even though I didn’t want to.” This was the day I didn’t want to go to the gym, and didn’t.

The maternity store is a curious place for someone who has never been pregnant or able to shop in a clothing store with “regular” person-sized clothing. I looked around the store and found that while all of these clothes were for pregnant women they were for skinny pregnant women. “Don’t fat chicks get maternity clothes?” I asked my friend. “Yeah, they got a few things here but this stuff is mostly for smaller women.”

“A few things” meant shitty clothes on a sale rack…except for one 3X dress that I considered buying but didn’t for fear of someone asking me where I had purchased it and then asking, “Are you pregnant?” This has happened before…What I was really waiting for was the sales lady at the maternity store to ask me if I was expecting so I could drop the, “Not pregnant, just fat” line on her skinny ass. That bitch.

The real kick in the stomach (proverbial in my case, of course) was the fact that my pregnant friend tried on a bikini. Ugh. So, I told her it made her tits look like shit. When my preggo friend was first looking at the bikinis she had said, “Maybe I need a two-piece to let it all hang out and show it off a little.” Maybe fat women should be able to do that too. Maybe fat women shouldn’t be cordoned off in the swimsuit realm to car cover-sized apparel with ruffles and shorts. Maybe we should get a chance to let it all hang out and show it off a little too, dammit. After all we big ladies got a lot more to show off! Here’s to a fat chick bikini revolution.