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YOU: On a Diet - and other Oprah inspired diets Includes Dr Phil, Bob Greene, and YOU: On a Diet

Discussion 2: Dr Phil's Right Thinking

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Old 09-29-2003, 11:32 AM   #1
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Default Discussion 2: Dr Phil's- Key One: Right Thinking

I wanted to get this forum started. I havent got my stuff together yet to post but if others do feel free to have at it...
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1) Lose 20 Pounds by the January 9th (1st Cruise of the year)
2) Lose 10 Pounds by February 19th (Convention in New Orleans)
3) Lose 20 Pounds by May 9th (2nd Cruise of the year)
4) Lose 50 Pounds by Dec 12th (3rd Cruise of the year)



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Old 09-29-2003, 02:59 PM   #2
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Angel, you mentioned you were starting the 2nd discussion re: Key 1. We're not doing Chapter 2? Sorry, i'm confused, i know we discussed things in Chapter 2 and 3 but thought we were going Chapter by Chapter. I'll go read the outline again.
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Old 09-29-2003, 03:01 PM   #3
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I'm sorry, i misunderstood, i reread the outline and know where we are now.........so now i'm a little behind....so have to go read!
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Old 09-30-2003, 10:06 AM   #4
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Default Key One: Right Thinking

Change your thinking to change your weight. Get rid of self defeating thought patterns, believe that you will succeed, and you will have mastered the key necessary to overcome your struggles with your weight.

What is true about you in your mind, you will live.

Ok these words make me think. Do I live what I say??? I dont know... I know that I always start by thinking I can do this but once I get into it I loose my confidence in myself and what I can accomplish.... my depression kicks in and I lose myself in the quagmire of nexgative stuff.....

This also includes my work. I can tell others how great I am and sound like I really mean it.... but inside I feel like a failure. I dont want to go see customers anymore because I am afraid that I am not the "sexy girl" anymore.... big thing in my industry (I deal with construction workers all day) (I once went into a customers office.... someone that I had worked with for years and they were talking about this new girl in the industry.... he said to me "You used to be our eye candy..." DEVESTATION!! I know here that in my head all the time....

I do know that I have this mantra that I got from ZIG ZIGLAR years ago. It was something that you said to yourself in the mirror every morning and every night for 30 days..... it changed my world. It was business related.... I think I will find that and work on making one for weight issues.... I will post it once I get it if anyone else would like to use it.... I guess that would be a personal truth statement.


It whats inside the balloon that makes it go up real high!Isnt this exactly truth about us? Our inner thoughts, beliefs self-perceptions and emotions can give us a lift. Ohh! Light bulb moment for me.... I have never thought about it that way..... WOW!

I know that some of the things I say to myself I would NEVER say to someone else.... why would I say this to myself? Why would I except it from ANYONE.... including myself.

Whether you think you can or think you cant - YOU ARE RIGHT! We have always heard this but have we taken it to heart? Have we really stopped to think about what it is saying?????


All or Nothing Thinking
This is so me.... I am one of those gung ho going to change every little thing in my life right now.... How realistic is this? How do I think I am going to be comfortable doing this.... I have to understand that one positive change at a time is reasonable and attainalbe.... every step in the right direction is going to get you there.....

Pie Dreaming Another one I have a problem with.... I want to be that tiny girl in some part of my mind.... this is changing.... having a 15 year old daughter around that looks just like me is helping me to become realistic about where I want to be.... I used to want to weigh 110-115#.... now looking at my daughter I realize that it needs to be closer to 130-140#.... I still look at the weights of different modelsand actresses and think I want to weigh that.... but I personally am starting to think alot of them are lying are they have no muscle on there body at all...

Self Downing I yell at myself all the time.... something I use to do along time ago was I would actually beat the heck out of my head with a hair brush if it wasnt perfect.... all I did was vent the rage and give myself a HUGE headache.... but in thinking about this I realize that it was self abuse.... if I had done this to my kids or my husband had done this to me we would be in DFACS.... yet it was self inflicted.... I guess that was the way I punished myself.... the same way I was punished as a child.... I would say all the things to myself that my mother or other people had said to me.... OH MY GOD.... I cant believe I did this to myself! I just realized while writing this how awful that was... I am actually crying.... I hope this is healing!

Start Challenging your Self Talk I am going to stop several times a day to make sure that i am telling myself the truth.... not the negative stuff or the lies that I tell myself all the time. I am going to make sure that my internal dialogue does serve my best interests.

This is one step that will take time to get under my belt but I am going to keep working on it.... as the Loreal commercial says.... "I AM WORTH IT!"

SO what is everyone elses feedback.... what stuck out to you? Is this an issue for you?
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2) Lose 10 Pounds by February 19th (Convention in New Orleans)
3) Lose 20 Pounds by May 9th (2nd Cruise of the year)
4) Lose 50 Pounds by Dec 12th (3rd Cruise of the year)



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Old 09-30-2003, 05:15 PM   #5
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Default Some of my thoughts here

First I must say I am finding this book very good reading and very helpful.

Page 51 quote:
What you tell yourself can make you feel stressed, anxious, worried, depressed - - and more apt to binge or overeat. Unless you eliminate self-defeating thoughts, they will actually gain momentum, becomeng more deeply lodged in the habitual patterns of your life and more unyielding to change. We must idenity and acknowledge them.

This got me thinking -- and I must say for me it is true.When things get tough, my self-defeating thoughts come and from there I get more stressed, anxious and so forth. I know for me I have some self-defeating thoughts, thoughts that I have picked up over many many years (from a very early age actually) and I internalized them I am one that is having to take those internal thoughts and validate them -- either as right or wrong -- and to go from there. I have begun this and I am finding it an uplifting exercise but also difficult as it brings out a lot of memories that I have surpressed. But I am seeing that these self-defeating thoughts need to be brought forward and dealt with -- and when I do this I know that a great life change will have taken place

The following quotes from the book I believe say it exactly as how I feel.

'Once you take control of your internal activity, you're going to be amazed at the power you have to get your weight under control. Losing weight and keepng it off is not just about food.' (page 53)

'For you to achieve permanent weight loss, change must come totally from WITHIN YOU. This is where the real power to create lasting results is found and what you are about to do here will give you that power.' (page 53)

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Old 10-01-2003, 01:56 PM   #6
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Default Discussion 2

Right thinking - Yes. For me this is what it's all about. I've read the chapter twice and and have taken notes. This is real work for me. All my thinking is so automatic that I'd never given it credence until now. I'm practicing better, more positive self-talk (I internalize everything) and quite frankly I'm finding it difficult. I've gone on to the next chapter, but then I think WHOA Girl... if you're going to do this right and follow the 7 keys in order, shouldn't you master the first one before attempting the next?

If anyone out there has any suggestions for me on positive self-talk, I'd welcome them. Something pops into my head that I know is demeaning or destructive so I "catch it", but then I'm truly stumped with something to replace that thought with. I've filled in the table in the book with more positive statements, but I'm finding it difficult to actually use those statements. Know what I mean? Anyone?

I want so much not to fail at this first most important (for me) step. I'm afraid I'll get road-blocked here and not move on.
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Old 10-01-2003, 02:10 PM   #7
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Actually, I do know what you mean about not really being able to use the good phrases we come up with (or are given). I guess they just don't feel natural - they don't always feel like they fit well in your mouth. What I do is I found a word I use a lot anyways, and then I turn it back on me. I find I tend to call things "amazing" or "awesome" (someone bought a new puppy - "wow, that's awesome!"; someone gets a great new job "cool - that's amazing!"; I find myself telling myself that I'm crap "shut up - you're awesome!"). It's short, it's easy, it's a term I use all the time anyways. I find it effective.
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Old 10-01-2003, 03:13 PM   #8
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Deb and the rest of you!

I am currently working on getting together a mantra for us to use.
As soon as I am done I will post it....
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2) Lose 10 Pounds by February 19th (Convention in New Orleans)
3) Lose 20 Pounds by May 9th (2nd Cruise of the year)
4) Lose 50 Pounds by Dec 12th (3rd Cruise of the year)


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Old 10-01-2003, 10:32 PM   #9
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Default Right thinking / internal dialogue

Hi Deb. I believe you mentioned difficulty replacing or working on this.

Somewhere in the book or maybe it was on Dr. Phil's show he has talked about this. In the book on page 77 he has an outline called 'Table 2: Right Thinking responses to negative self-talk'

I found this very helpful.

Example:
Type of self talk: internalizing

Self talk thinking: I have never accomplished anything else in my life why would I do this

Then on page 79 he includes in this same chart 'Validity'. So it would now look like this:

Self talk: I have never accomplished anything in my life so why should I accomplish this.

Validity: I have accomplished the following: I taught my children to walk, talk, to read, to write, I taught myself how to sew and to crochet. If I can do those I can reprogram my life to healthy choices.

Right thinking: Losing this weight is in my control. I can do it. I have all the tools I need before me. I will work on this 'project' UNTIL


In the book on page 63 he gives homework on this and then you finish the homework on page 79 -- do go over it -- it takes a while to rethink but it can be.

I know for myself I have always heard growing up 'Oh your sisters are such good cooks I am so sorry I never taught you better' I had to take this internal dialogue and I broke it down as follows:
a) My sisters are such good cooks: true or false = true
b) I never taught you: true or false = false
c) From hearing this internal dialogue I understood that I could not cook. Is this true or false: false

So now when I hear that little voice say that I am changing my internal thoughts to:
I am so fortunate to have to loving sisters that are such good cooks. How fortunate I am to come from a family with all of us girls being such good cooks.

That is just one example I have had to deal with -- but some of the real serious emotional trauma I have gone through I have been working on breaking it down the same way -- taking part of what ever it is and validating it as either true or false. If it is false replace it with the truth.

Hope this helps.
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Old 10-01-2003, 11:25 PM   #10
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I have been wanting to post here, but still haven't finished the reading for this week, I've had a lot to do
Still, I wanted to acknowledge what Sillymonkey said, your subconscious does respond positively to words that it relates to and can identify easily. So, to speak plainly to yourself is generally the best way to get the message across to yourself.

Also, I would like to add something that I've read else where, but can't give the person credit for (because I don't know who it's from. It could be the words to a song for all I know. ) I think it's good positive self talk.

You are a child of the universe...no less than the trees and the stars, you have a right to be here. And whether or not, it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

The second comment is sort of a mantra as Angel is refering to. Before going to sleep at night, as your breathing in and out, begin to focus on your breathing. Then say to yourself--when I wake, I will feel refreshed, energized and ready to face the day. Feeling great, twice as motivated as the day before to make myself healthy and happy. I will easily follow my healthy eating plan and be free from any and all negative thoughts, beliefs and ideas about myself. --Before we go to sleep, we are more open to suggestions because we are more relaxed. We can actually speak to our subconscious without as much worry of being interrupted.

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Old 10-02-2003, 01:09 AM   #11
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Hi guys, i'm finally here. i only got my book yesterday but i have caught up on reading it. i haven't caught up on all of your posts, however.

so...key 1. belive it or not, while it all was very, very true, i am proud to say that i have changed my thinking and feel i have at least 70% mastery of what he is saying! somehow i learned the ways of right thinking from these here boards, people in my life, and the ups and downs of losing 56 pounds in this last year.

when i filled out the chart, i found that i only used 1 self-downer statement, and one semi-dramatized statement. the rest was actually already right thinking!

the part i am taking with me the most is the 4 questions you are supposed to ask yourself... most importantly "is it true?" i know i will be using that one a lot.
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Old 10-02-2003, 04:44 PM   #12
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Default I would like to join in.

I just posted in the profile thread explaining I was all confused this morning thinking this thread was more of an analysis of the book than putting it to practical use. So, I posted in the general diet section. Well, having more time this afternoon to read these threads more closely, I realized how wrong I was, so edited the other thread and here I am in need of support. I am just starting Key One, so hopefully I can post more soon.

P.S. Is there a thread that shares some of the goals and the readiness checks or are people not sharing the info because it is too personal, just curious because I would love to share mine, I think it will help me with my accountability.
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Old 10-03-2003, 12:09 AM   #13
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FindingMe, you can post a bio and read others at this page:

Dr Phil's Book Club Introductions
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Old 10-03-2003, 04:25 AM   #14
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Quote:
You are a child of the universe...no less than the trees and the stars, you have a right to be here. And whether or not, it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Nikki: This is the beautiful, "Desiderata ," by Max Ehrmann. My very favorite poem!

Now on to Key #1...

I knew this key would be a very important one, and I thought it was going to be very tough for me. While I "got it" on paper when reading the book, I struggled to "get it" in practical application for a week. But then suddenly, two days ago, I felt a change in my attitude, and consequently my appetite, that I can only attribute to the "right thinking" work I've been doing.

Accepting your role in your weight problem, acknowledging that you are accountable, means that you get it. It means that you understand that the solutions lie within you. This gives you a tremendous head start toward permanent weight loss. (page 53)

Of the ten self-defeating messages he outlines the one I do most is #9: self-downing. For years and years I've been playing the "negative tapes" in my head. While I've known this for a long time, I never really knew how to go about changing it. The excercises in this section were VERY helpful!

If you passively accept the messages of your internal dialogue, if you let it speak to you unchallenged, you have just stonewalled your changes of getting your weight under lasting control. (page 71)

The internal audits were interesting. My Internal WLOC score is very high, and I recognized the following behaviors in myself:

You tend to internalize your failures and dwell on them. You must work on how you interpret your failures, become aware of your negative internal dialogue, and work to change it. (page 59)

I also recognize the need to treat myself as I would anyone else I encountered in the same situation--with love and support. By focusing on myself as an outsider would this week I've been able to be very gentle on myself.

You mustn't be duped by your own self-talk, any more than if someone else told you that you can't lose weight or get your life under control. (page 51)

The elephant analogy he uses on page 52 really struck a chord with me! I realized that I've been tied down by my own thoughts without realizing that I can "pull up the stakes" any time I want!

I don't know about you all, but I find that affirmations really help me. I chose the seven below for this week as I thought they would help me with Key #1:
  • I am not a victim when I remember I have power over my own thoughts and actions.
  • I cannot control all the events in my life, but I can control how I react to them.
  • My body, mind and spirit deserve to be at peace.
  • I believe my capacity to cope exceeds my perceptions.
  • If I can accept who I am, and love me for who I am, I can accept the changes of life.
  • Any situation can become a journey and we grow a little more from it.
  • With persistance, my possibilities are limitless.
I really think UWS is working, and I'm so excited! You all have helped to inspire me, keep me focused, and "in the game" this week. Thank you!

Jo
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Old 10-03-2003, 11:06 AM   #15
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JoPointer, Thank you so much for the link. Maybe I was right in that it is music for the soul
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