Hey everyone. Must be busy with Christmas stuff, sure has been quiet in here these past few days. I'm waiting on getting my Meridia. The insurance won't pay for it until the doctor fills out some forms. Likely it won't be the new year now until I get the forms, get them filled out by the doc and back to the insurance company. What a pain.
Just finished 3 night shifts over the weekend, have tonight and tomorrow off then back for 3 more nights. I feel dead tired already.
It's been crazy. I am overloaded and overwhelmed right now. I had a big long post whining about it all and what an A$$ my husband is, but I'm trying not to whine on here all the time. I'm at a breaking point. I get like this a couple times of year when I can't handle it all and I break down for a while. Maybe it's S.A.D. Maybe it's depression. Either way I don't know what to do with it, when I ask my dr for medication, DH gripes at me, when I ask him to fix the things that make me feels sad and depressed he gripes at me. SO whatever.
I am at an all time high 237. At 9 months pregnant with my son I was 235. I am trying so hard to get back on track. Emotional eating is killing me. I wish I could just shut down for a while, just walk away for a day or two and collect myself.
Sorry to hear things are so crappy Misty and that your husband is so unhelpful. Men really have got no clue about what we go through. You've got a job, 2 kids to look after 24/7 and trying to grocery shop, keep the house clean and laundry. It is enough to drive the sanest person off the deep end. Add in to the mix this time of the year when we are doing our best to make it a perfect Christmas for the kids especially. It is too much. Don't worry about your weight right now. Tackle it after Christmas when things are a bit more reasonable. I feel about the same as you, I'm just a few lbs away from my all time high and I could easily push it over that if I were to let myself go on the Christmas goodies that are always around.
Look up on the internet the clinical signs of depression and see if you fit them. There are a few key symptoms including change in appetite (eating more or less), change in sleep, feelings of hopelessness, suicidal ideation, inability to take pleasure in daily activities...these are a few I can think off of the top of my head. My SIL was in a similar spot last year and ended up on medication but also she and her husband went for therapy and now she is presently on a very low dose of medication and weaning off. But also in the fall she took off on her own for a 10 day trip because she was about to go postal. Don't know if you could get away on your own without the kids but what about therapy? Even if your husband doesn't want to go you could go by yourself if there is something available in your area. Just some things to think about.
hi all! I'm feeling a bit better. We had our work Christmas party last night, just the girls (I work with all women), so that was nice. I got a two hour break and when I came home everyone was happy and the kids were in the tub. I got a lovely gift from my secret santa.
I have struggled with what is probably depression since my early teens. My dad is on medication for it, my gramma on my dad's side is too. My step mom as well, so it's a nuture and nature kind of thing. If you grow up in that kind of environment it rubs off on you. I am not sure of the therapy options here. DH says I need to drink water and exercise and it will solve all of my problems.
So we'll see how the winter goes. In a month or so I am done babysitting, and that will be a huge help. I'll only be working then on M, W, F. I think I will use one day a week to take the kids to the library and run errands so I don't have to sit in this house. This house makes me angry and depressed.
As far as my weight I am kind of treading water, not over doing it, trying to fight off binge eating but not being super strict. I'm trying to stick to my points allowing myself days off for Christmas eve and Christmas day.
Well my kiddos are awake so I need to go get breakfast going. Have a great day everyone!
I'm on an upswing today. It's Friday, my neighbor's having her baby today, and I feel newly motivated. I sturggled with food yesterday. But had some interesting inspiration to put things in perspective over the last few days.
DS who is 2 (in August so a young 2), came up to me a few times over the past few days and pushed on my belly and said "OINK". Seriously!!!! Why I have no idea, but it was kind of grabbed my attention. If I were thinner would it have made me as uncomfortable as it did as he did it while I was at work in front of other teachers. He's also been yelling really loud at peole when he is mad and stomping his feet...hmmm wonder where he gets that! It's like looking in a mirror...or an episode on Dr Phil!
Then DD has been constantly asking for food between meals, but then not wanting to eat her meals. She's asking for candy, cereal, icecream...hmmm all my binge oriented foods!
Then she says to me last night pointing at my midsection, "Look Mommy you ate too much food". Sheesh they are KILLING me.
Plus things have been super stressfull here and DD has all of a sudden freaked out about throwing anything away..empty pudding cups, wads of hair a kid pulled out of her head, bandaids. Plus she is chewing her shirt and hair...both of which I did in response to the stress at home growing up and still do, but now I can choose to eat instead of chew my shirt.
It gives me some insight to how what I am doing is effecting my kids, not just with eating, exercise but my terrible mood and obvious depression. I have known all along it does effect them but it really threw it in my face.
So today is a new day. I have alot to handle right now, but my focus will be on being a positive role model. Then after this whole CHirstma sthing I'll go gung ho to los ethis weight. Until then reasonable points and trying not to binge.
Hi Misty. Boy what a wake up call! Never once has my ds said anything to me about my weight but I'm sure the time is coming. Just the thing to get jerked back into the real world.
Not much new with me. Had another 3 nights working, normally I only work Wed and Thurs then off for the weekend but I have some days off after Xmas and I only have 4 paid shifts so I got thrown in for an extra this pay. I understand the rationale but boy it does suck to work 3 nights in a row when I just worked it this past weekend. I need those 3 days off to recuperate!
Nights would be so hard, especially when they change your days like that. But at least you'll have a few days off for the holiday.
I did very well yesterday. DH had to pick up his brother from the airport in Philly, so the kids and I were on our own for dinner. We grabbed chinese takeout. I had an egg roll a few bites of chicken, two dumplings and a bit of rice. Not even close to a cup of rice and chicken combined, so I did MUCH better than normal. Then we played a couple of rounds of High-Ho-Cherry-O, and snuggled in to watch some Christmas cartoons. It was a nice evening. I think I do better when DH is away from home, then I am not angry that I am on my own. I get angry when he is off in the shed or the barn or in his mom's house and I am left alone. But when I know he's not available and that he's actually doing something of importance instead of slacking off anywhere but in the house I can handle it much better. Also, I can run my own agenda without him coming in and interuppting things. Last night I had the kids in pajamas in 2 minutes instead of 30 b/c he didn't barge in right in the middle of it and get them all wound up. I wasn't a big battle with them whining that they want to see Daddy. He does that in the morning too. He comes down stairs and sits and cuddles with them, which is very nice and I know they need it but instead of getting himself up 20 minutes early to allow time for that he does it when I am trying to get them dressed and out the door.
I found out the sandwhich I like at Sheetz is only 3 points without cheese and 5 points with cheese! They finally got thier new website up and it offers lots of nutrion info. So I had that for lunch, which left me plenty of points for the chinese I ate.
Well my house is a disaster. Josh's Uncle hasn't come back to finish the heat system...hmmm guess you can tell that he and my husband are closley realted as neither can finish a project in a timely manner.
So I better get rocking, I may end up at my mom's tomarrow finishing these calendars. Have a great day everyone and a wonderful weekend.
Elana-I hope you and your family are enjoying a wonderful Hanukkah!!!!!
DS fianlly ahd his eye exam. He is far sighted and has an astigmatism, so most likley needs glasses. Still not sure about the eye crossing, have to get some pics to teh dr.
Hey everyone. Been very quiet around here, everyone busy getting ready for the holidays. Me too. This kind of year is too hectic for me. My husband sprang on me the other day that he wanted to get gifts for 3 of his co workers but of course he's got no idea what to get. I said why don't I make a few cookies, square etc and make up a gift bag. So that's what I did yesterday plus I had to make 2 things for his office Xmas lunch today. Literally I was on my feet all afternoon and in the evening. It took a lot longer than I thought it would and even then I got about half of what I wanted to make but it was enough so I left it. I don't think anyone will be disapointed, everything turned out good. Actually I didn't even eat all that much while I was making it. I tried one very small square and 2 ginger cookies.
anyway I have mucho presents to wrap so take care all and I"ll see you later!
Hi all!
Don't cha love men and last minute ideas? Well glad you got it all done Jen!
I have most stuff wrapped, I have a handful of stuff to finish, but still need to make cookies, fudge and a cheese cake, plus clean the house and the van before the influx of stuff, may family goes WAY opver board for Christmas. We have x-mas with the inlaws tomarrow, x-mas with my family on Saturday, x-mas at home Sunday AM and x-mas with my MIL's extended family on Sunday PM. Then the 30th we have x-mas with DH's extended family on his birth mother's side (she died when he was 2). But thankfully this year we aren't traveling a whole lot. It sounds like a lot but much of it is local, no two hour drive to NY or 6 hour drives down state PA. So I am NOT complaining.
Well I better be off. Dh had the day off already but then got the flu, so needless to say I am on my own to finish this stuff....men are babies!
Week of December 11, 2006
