It has been a long time since I have posted, obviously. I wonder if anyone I started with is still around? So much has changed for me. Since the last post; a different boyfriend, a different apartment, three different jobs, and have grown in many ways. My weight has not gone up, but it certainly has not gone down either. Although I started on and off little diets and such (and even bought a treadmill), I have done very little about my weight. I want to start. After my employers closed down, I got a job that was a bit of a commute. It was right next to a Gold's Gym. I went in for tanning, but after much contemplation, finally decided to sign up. I figured it is such a big expense that it will be motivation for me to go there a lot. Problem is that day I "lost" that job (whole long story, of course), and so now it is terribly far away for just the gym and none closer. I want so badly to work on this and be fit and strong and weigh less. I am hoping by blogging a bit it will keep me in the mindset. It is weird how things work out so that when I can not do things I plot and plan and make lists, but when it comes time, I rarely follow through. Is so silly. Like right now I am kind of thinking and telling myself, "please please please do this" and very worried that my future self will not listen. It seems ridiculous, but I am worried because that future self never does. . . I know that I can work really hard when I am at the gym-it is just getting myself to go there.
I am very confused about a lot of things right now. I am sort of lost in life about loves and locations and jobs. I am hoping that at least this will give me something to focus on. I want a bit of meaning and something to work on to make myself feel good and a bit in control. There is so much that I am unhappy with that I can not change. This I can. I want to do it. I wish I knew some magic trick that would convince myself to go to the gym. I want to aim for 3 times a week for the first month and then go from there. One of the little motivations that I will have is that they have televisions on their equipment. It sounds so dumb and lazy, but if it gets me there, right? I know I exercise better to my ipod because of the beat, but it is a start. I know I can get addicted to television easily, so maybe I can use it to get myself addicted to going to the gym at set times. I hope so. I need to get a job with set hours so that I can do that.
It is really on my mind right now-the whole losing weight and getting into shape thing. Right now I am visiting my hometown (I signed up for the gym right before I left so that I would not forget about it or change my mind after getting back and have not used it yet). I keep avoiding going out because I do not want to see anyone I used to know, even though I have always been heavy. In another way, though, I am kind of glad for bad pictures that my family is taking and such, thinking what great "before" pictures they will make.
What I really should look into getting (also sounds dumb because here I am, unemployed, spending a fortune to have a "vacation" and all this money on a gym membership, yet I act like I should save up for) a little blue bracelet. I am not sure how it came about, but somehow I remember in the past that having a blue bracelet on my right wrist is a neat little motivational thing for me and also reminds me everytime I reach for food that I have been working hard (when I have ha) and not to spoil it. Funny how your mind can play such tricks. Or maybe it is just <u>my</u> mind.
It has been a very bad year for me electronically. I have not had a television, cell phone, or computer. The only reason I am on right now is because I am back "home". I hope to keep in touch, but can not make any guarantees. All depends on my next job.
HIPPOHIPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!! Girl, where have you been! We all worried so much when you left, we knew things were bad and your computer time was limited. I am so glad you are back!!!! when you say "home" do you mean your parents? Did you tell them everything?
Anyway so glad you are back!!! There are a few of us around and some new faces (great ladies). I hope you are able to come back oftena dn we can all get back on track together!!!
Well, here I am again. *Fingers crossed* This time, perhaps, to stay. After I moved it took quite some time to get Internet again. Then when I got it, my mouse quit. When I got a new mouse, my computer died completely. It has been so long, but I finally have a new computer and am hoping nothing else will break or stop me from using the Internet!
As for my last post, I was so scared that I would have this gym membership and never use it. I really lucked out, though, getting the job back near the gym. It is on my way home every night, so I have to go out of my way to avoid it. The only thing keeping me from going as regularly as I would like, is that I do not have a lot of time/effort/money to do laundry regularly-do not want to be working out in clothes that are sweaty before I start!
Anyway, just got my computer tonight and had to come back on. Unfortunately, my weight has gone up since I used to come here a lot, but I am looking forward to it going down with the help of you girls and the gym! Wish me luck!
Hello, I have just been lurking as of late. No motivation so I don't want to bring others down. But when I saw you resurface I had to say Howdy. We really were concerned about you. So glad you are back. Hope 2007 is a much better year for you. So glad you were able to return home!
Merry Christmas and big hug from me!
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