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Old 08-15-2013, 11:38 PM   #1
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I've gained 70lbs back and have tried so many times to get back on track... I'm depressed and miserable. My mom passed away unexpectedly on Father's Day and I've been binge eating like crazy...

Don't know where to start...
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Old 08-16-2013, 12:08 AM   #2
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I'm so sorry to hear about your mother Kimberly. *hugs*
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Old 08-16-2013, 12:21 AM   #3
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So very sorry for what you have been going through!

I don't know if this will help (and perhaps you need hugs more than advice), but some ideas re: where to start:
-Give yourself time to grieve.
-Find one small change to make and just focus on that until you can add more.
-I feel like my brain functions better when I eat things like avocado, bananas, whole grains - stock up on nourishing foods that have nutritional value (replacing the simple carbs and fats which, for me anyway, contribute to binging)
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Old 08-16-2013, 12:40 AM   #4
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I am so terribly sorry for your loss. I also understand the effect that loss and stress can have on a person. I think Straightahead had really good comments. I have also found that sleep, deep breathing, or going for a walk in your favorite place can help.

Just be kind and gentle to yourself. I am sending you big hugs.

Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing. I will be thinking of you.
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Old 08-16-2013, 07:42 AM   #5
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I am so sorry to hear about your loss! I remember you and you have always been so kind and compassionate with people on this board. I hope you can be that way with yourself. I absolutely know what it's like to gain weight back. I've lost the same 50-70 lbs. more times than I can even remember. The last time, it was after we moved to a different house and a lot of things got really tough. First, the move, then my chronic daily migraines became MUCH worse, then my son with special needs began to have horrible issues and it was all too much. I stopped coming here and I turned to food for comfort and to numb my feelings. But, eventually it catches up with us. Life will always throw difficulties and curve balls our way but we need to find a way to deal with issues without turning to food. I'm losing weight again and I've lost a lot already but what you're going through now is still fresh in my mind and I can tell you that you can absolutely do it again and actually learn from this experience and have it make you stronger and wiser.

I saw a quote here that has really resonated with me: If food is not the problem, then food is not the solution.

Please put all the regretful feelings behind you and be kind to yourself. Start with one day. Just decide....no....commit to having one day on plan (which you have clearly been able to do in the past). It doesn't matter which day or how intense your cravings are...commit to sticking to it like crazy glue. Then rinse and repeat.

I send you so many hugs and hope you will continue to come here and post and get support because you deserve it. Again, I'm truly sorry for your loss. We must survive tragedies which are the most unfortunate part of life.
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Old 08-16-2013, 08:12 AM   #6
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I can't even imagine what you're going through.

You start by taking it one day at a time. One meal at a time. Every meal is a chance to start anew.

Forgive yourself and start fresh.

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Old 08-16-2013, 03:39 PM   #7
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Sending your way....I am so sorry for your loss.
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Old 08-17-2013, 06:46 AM   #8
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I just wanted to say Im really sorry for your loss. And if I were in your situation I know that my eating schedule and everything would completely change..and I may not even feel like eating or even caring about my weight.

The only advice I can give is to start small, take baby steps, focus on yourself right now, its ok, you have lost it once and you will again! Right now this time is for you, spend it with family and dont worry too much about your diet..it will come!

Take care chicky..
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Old 08-17-2013, 12:35 PM   #9
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I can't add anything to the good advice offered above, but I would like to add my condolences.And congratulate you for coming back. That's hard to do, and you've done it -- and that's a very good first step.
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Old 08-17-2013, 01:59 PM   #10
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Old 08-17-2013, 02:03 PM   #11
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Sweetie, take some time. Breathe and review. Losing a parent is a very big deal. However it does not need to mean that the weight gain increases and you become more miserable. Death is a great leveller, and the reason I began my journey in the first place was the death of my father in law. He helped me lose 145lbs. Don't let the death of your mother ruin what you've achieved. I am sure, as a mother myself , she would want you to take stock, get a grip, and show the woeld what you are capable of.
to you and feel free to vent away here. There will always be support and much love to help you through this very difficult time x
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Old 08-17-2013, 03:16 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KimberlyP View Post
I've gained 70lbs back and have tried so many times to get back on track... I'm depressed and miserable. My mom passed away unexpectedly on Father's Day and I've been binge eating like crazy...

Don't know where to start...
Kim,
I remember you. So sorry for your loss, moms are very special.

I did IP in 2011 and lost 34 lbs & then gained back 40 lbs. I know it is always going to be a battle for me. I am back at it, I refuse to give up. I am like you, an emotional eater, when my mom died, I gained 20 lbs in a month. Some people drink, some people do drugs,some people smoke, my addiction and drug of choice has always been food and it is a one day at a time thing. Jump back into it.
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Old 08-18-2013, 07:40 PM   #13
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I just wanted to say I'm sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine. Hugs.
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Old 08-18-2013, 08:49 PM   #14
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Thankyou so much for all the wonderful replies, I really appreciate it and am so glad I am surrounded by people who care. I feel so alone and this weekend has been the worst, I've been crying on and off. Last night I cried during the entire service at Church and today I've felt more depressed than I ever have in my entire life. My husband has told me I can only keep myself busy for so long before I have to actually let myself grieve. It's been 8 weeks since my mom passed and I'm now starting to grieve.

Today I went out for a walk - I felt angry, depressed, sad and every other emotion possible. I managed to walk almost 7 miles, my feet were raw and I didn't think I could even make it home but the anger I was feeling pushed me to walk further when I just wanted to collapse. The walk didn't help, I went to McDonald's, grabbed a medium fry, 2 cheeseburgers, and an iced coffee. I ate in bed and went to sleep. I hadn't slept the night before and was exhausted so a long nap was in order. I don't want to be 'That' person who is so depressed they can't get out of bed and function normally. I'm used to going to the gym first thing in the morning and working out for a solid 2 hours. Caring about myself has been crossed off the list and because of that, the weight is piling on at a rapid rate.

The way my mom passed has haunted me, I'll NEVER be able to get the imagines of that night out of my head. She was found on the floor unresponsive by her boyfriend, he attempted CPR while waiting for EMS to show. It took them 10 minutes to get there and by that time, her brain was starting to shut down. The Paramedics worked on her until reaching the hospital, they were able to regain heart function but she has to be placed on a vent. I got to the hospital and I knew in my heart it wasn't going to turn out good. After an hour they let me back and she was having seizures every few seconds, that was the worst part, watching her eyes open and body convulse. The doctor prescribed a large amount of Ativan in hopes of controlling the seizures but it wasn't working. A few hours goes by and I asked each and every doctor and nurse what they thought, would she come out of it. They assured me she had absolutely no brain function and the seizures were due to having no oxygen for 20 minutes.

At 4:22am I made the difficult decision. I was asked to step out while the tubes were disconnected and sat there thinking, "Is this real? This can't be happening." The Chaplain was called in and we prayed while holding my moms hands. I don't know if she could hear me or felt my presence but I told her how much I loved her and how much I would miss her. I was instructed to make the sign of the cross on her head with oil and we recited the Lord's Prayer. I cried trying to speak each and every word.

She passed away 30 minutes later and I held her hand until she exhaled her last breath. Watching her so still, not breathing, reality hit me like a ton of bricks. That was it, my mom was gone.

Food has been my source of comfort as it always has, but more so than ever now. I can't seem to snap out of it, I try to forget but I can't. There is only so many things in a single day I can do to keep my mind and hands busy. Grieving is not something I'm comfortable with but it's inevitable, it's part of dealing with death.
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Old 08-19-2013, 07:40 AM   #15
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KimberlyP, I just wanted to belatedly reply and tell you how very very sorry I am to hear that you have lost your mom I am three and a half years out from losing my own mother completely unexpectedly and I only began to feel halfway normal about a year ago. You are still in early days of grief and my heart sincerely goes out to you. I can remember that merely getting through the day took a herculean effort - taking care of myself was the absolutely last thing on my mind. Here and there, weave good food choices into your day and week. You will need the quality fuel to get through heavy grieving. Stay hydrated. It will shock you how you will forget to do basic things like remember to drink water. Each day and each meal will be a new opportunity to take care of yourself. Keep trying. You will get through this.

Grief was very bewildering to me. There is no steady glidepath where I would get a little better every day; it waxed and waned. I would be functionally fine one minute and then inexplicably find myself crying in the middle of the grocery store, for example. Just know that those low moments are not setbacks; they really are part of the unpredictable grieving process. I have described it to my friends as splitting in two - the part of me that mentally realized I had lost my mom and was very practical about everything, and the other part that was so traumatized I could hardly function. As I moved through grief over time, those two parts merged back together as I healed. I also remember being hyper focused on my Mom's last hours and minutes for a long time. I can remember people telling me to just think of the good things and the good times, but for a while, I found that completely impossible Hugs to you! You and your family are in my thoughts.
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